You might be a Republican if...

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

Note: This is probably old, but it's the first time I've seen it. Feel free to add your own -- and tell Jeff Foxworthy's lawyer to stop calling me.


You Might Be A Republican If...

You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend."

You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."

You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Honey."

You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit...

You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.

You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."

You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.

You've ever said, "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch" while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.

You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."

You've ever called education a luxury.

You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.

You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.

You're afraid of the "liberal media."

You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."

You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.

You think all artists are gay.

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.

[Initech]

1. Your idea of fun is to get drunk and blow shit up!

[anarch]

3. awww, c'mon...every red-blooded American loves that!

[Initech]

4. Maybe I should rephrase that:

You might be a Republican if you like to get drunk and shoot things with about 10 different varieties of rifles just to watch it blow up!

[ghostsofgiants]

6. Didn't Hunter S. Thompson do that?

[Initech]

7. I was thinking more along the lines of Ted Nugent

[ghostsofgiants]

9. Just goes to show that explosion loving maniacs...

Can be good or bad.

[Initech]

11. Exactly.

[Ganja Ninja]

2. You might be a Republican if:

You’ve ever doctor shopped for Oxycontin prescriptions, gotten caught and got off scott free with no repercussions what so ever.

You’ve left a dead girl on your office floor and gotten off scott free with no repercussions what so ever.

You’ve screwed up your job royally and gotten a promotion.

You’ve screwed up your job royally and received a medal from the President.

You receive a government check to write propaganda for the GOP.

You pose as a conservative journalist by day and pimp yourself as a military escort by night.

[meow2u3]

8. You might be a Republican if:

You screwed up your job royally and was appointed President.

You excuse torture and end up Attorney General.

[Debi]

13. There were repercussions...

You’ve ever doctor shopped for Oxycontin prescriptions, gotten caught and got off scott free with no repercussions what so ever.

++++++++++

Hey, he lost his housekeeper, and good help is hard to find...that's a HUGH problem looser!

[Initech]

5. You think the White House Press Corp has real journalists...

...as opposed to gay male prostitutes.

[KamaAina]

10. You might be a Republican if...

you expect everyone else to support your pet cause wholeheartedly, but when they ask for your support in return, you whine and moan about "special interests".

[Yavin4]

12. You Preach A Moral Code That You Don't Follow Yourself

"Drug users should be jailed." - Rush Limbaugh

"We're impeaching Clinton because he lied about an affair." - Henry Hyde

"We're investigating the Clintons because of WhiteWater." -Tom DeLay

"I wrote a book on how to raise kids with moral values." - Bill Bennett

[NewJeffCT]

14. You've uttered the phrase

"Nuke their ass & take their gas"

Or:
Think things would have been better if the South had won the Civil War.

Point to Colin Powell & Condi Rice as reasons minorities should prefer the GOP.

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

15. If you think Ann Coulter is a righteous babe...

nt