"Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing - A Primer on Parent Cruelty"

[eleny]

A funny site. The owner culled postings from baby-naming forums on the web and posted their own comments.

"Anyone ever thought about Sierra Joy? I love the name, but husband is less than thrilled with it.
But he'll love the pine-fresh scent!"

http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/index.html

[GreenPartyVoter]

1. Aryan Justice.. worst baby name ever.. And a real one at that,

[Kire]

2. Brinley and Sharmonica

I wonder if they'll get to play together at school.

[eleny]

4. Sharmonica!!!!!!!!!!

Comments defy me.

[Kerrytravelers]

3. I use to be a regular on the message board.

Diana, who runs it, isn't a * fan. Most people there aren't. There is a couple who ruined the fun for everyone else.

This oine lady claims to have voted Gore in 2000, but felt in 2004 * would make us safer. She couldn't handle any criticism of the idiot boy king at all. You would link news reports and everything, but nothing mattered. Then one poster on there thought we were committing copyright nifringement by using the title, one paragraph and a link. Not necessarily the birhgtest group of individuals, to say the least. Diana is hysterical, though. Finally, I'd had enough of the idiot * lover and quit even going there. (it sure was addictive, though) ... but thankfully, I soon after found you guys here at Du and I"m a much happier person now.

[eleny]

5. My first time at the site

Thanks for the heads up. DU is better, for sure.

[TimeChaser]

6. Eh

Some of the names they diss are actually real names :shrug:

[Kerrytravelers]

8. They hated the names Mr. kt and I like.

Emily Ann
Ashley Marie
Marissa Renee

Joshua David
Andrew ----
Liam -----

They thought they were boring. Call me boring, I guess. You really can't please some people... but then I thought... why would I want to please some annonymous strangers? :shrug:

[newscott]

7. Funny stuff

Just glad my two kid's names aren't on there.

But why isn't Brie or Brianna on there?

I mean come on, naming your kid after a cheese is grounds for execution where I come from.

[Ilsa]

9. A couple of years ago, NBC or someone did a news report on

the politics of naming a baby. What they discovered was that typically blue states used older, traditional names more (like Emily, David, Abigail, etc) whereas red states' most popular names were trendy names like "Madison", which was probably taken from the movie with Daryl Hannah and Tom Hanks.

[deadparrot]

10. I've loved this site for a long time. :D nt

[Ilsa]

11. I'm dying over this one:

Sadly this is a true story. A young (very young) girl had a baby in the hospital where a friend of mine works as a nurse. The nurse asked the young girl for the baby's name for the birth certificate. The girl replied that the baby's name would be (pronounced) Ah-shol-ee. The nurse wasn't sure how to spell it so of course she asked the young mom to spell it for her. A-S-S-H-O-L-E. Asholey is how she's saying it but that's how she wanted it spelled. My friend turned to this young girl's mom, showed her the paper and said "this is how your daughter wants to spell the baby's name." The mom said it was fine. They would not change their mind. Apparently there is a little girl living in Connecticut named Asshole.

[Dogmudgeon]

12. Like another such story

There have actually supposedly been several people given the following names suggested by ob-gyns when their grateful patients asked them:

Positive Wasserman

Nosmo King

Bardex Cath

Ringer Sol

--p!
Swear to God!

[grace0418]

26. My sister-in-law cared for a new mom who named her baby Sha-thay-ed

spelled of course S-H-I-T-H-E-A-D. I'm not making that up. She's a nurse in Kentucky.

[TlalocW]

13. God, I hate trendy baby names

People who do that think that they're somehow making their kid more special by naming their kid Gynn'ipher instead of Jennifer (don't laugh - I've seen worse), but all they're doing is dooming the kid to have to spell his or her name for people the rest of his life.

TlalocW

[Ilsa]

15. I was surprised at the occasional reaction I get to pronouncing

"Stephen", which is a very old name, and the modern name is Steven, and the former is pronounced the same way as the latter with a slight "f" instead of a "v". People sometimes say "Steh-fen". Oh well.

Some guy named "Sean" on MSNBC weather pronounces his name "Seen" instead of "Shawn", which freaked me out.

[eleny]

16. Sean/Seen

I saw that! And it freaked me out, too. I was like - NO, that can't be right. But I guess it is.

[Midlodemocrat]

24. I saw that yesterday and wondered what in God's name

his parents were thinking? Talk about condemning a person into having to pronounce his name for everyone his entire life.

[njdemocrat106]

18. Yep, that guy's name is Sean McLaughlin

And it's pronounced "Seen". You know why? Because he has a brother named Shawn. The mother must have been a little cuckoo, IMO.

[Gormy Cuss]

21. Does he have sisters?

Shevawn and Siobhan (pronounced See-o-ba-han)?
Here I had guessed his parents didn't know any better.
I hope Sean doesn't have a successful TV career or we'll see a new generation of "Seens" you know, like that guy on TV.

Back when more newspapers routinely published the names of the kids, I used to read them to spot new trendy names and then ask my soap opera watching friends if they knew of a character with the same name. Sadly, this was the case quite frequently.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

22. Or as Ms. Goodman noted on her site, some of the more recent

names come from video games. :crazy:

[calico1]

33. I did not know that. I too thought

it odd for him to pronounce it that way.

[skygazer]

31. I know a woman with a sister named Theresa

Only the family pronounces it Thuh-ree-sah rather than Ta-ree-sa. I think that's how they thought it was said when they saw it written. :shrug:

[friesianrider]

14. "I am having quadruplets! I am having 4 girls and 1 boy."

Ummm...?

[WeRQ4U]

17. A name in the local birth announcements last year... "Squirrelisha"

Not shitting you.

ANother one = E-Moni.

My personal favorite, however, was Jason Lee. He named his son Pilot Inspektor.

Uh...ok.

[Blue_Tires]

19. Dick Assman is still the greatest name

remember when Letterman used to do jokes about him?

[grace0418]

27. My brother's wife's dad is named Richard Everhard and naturally

goes by Dick. Thinks nothing of it, either. Why wouldn't you just go by Rick or Richard?

[short bus president]

35. Vaya Con Dios, Dick Assman!

;-)

[Pool Hall Ace]

20. I recently joined that board, but for some reason I can't get in anymore.

I didn't have that many posts, so I don't know why I've been banished. Oh well. It is a funny site, though!

[RubyDuby in GA]

23. This is without a doubt the greatest one of all and goes well with Panda

Week:

I have a cousin named Carrianne in Minnesota. She married a man named Baird that is a Canadian citizen. They named their two daughters Koala Baird and Panda Baird.
This one made me go a little berzerk. Not because the first names are bad names. They're very nice (though increasingly trendy) names. Or even that Koala and Panda are much too cuddly to be used as middle names. Or even that they're paired with Baird, to up the cuddly factor 100 fold and make the kids sound like characters in a children's book (with accompanying line of plush toys.) Or the prospect that the girls are going to grow up into dark, petulent teenagers/young adults who smoke cloves, listen to German industrial and read the Tibetan Book of the Dead. Oh no.

It's that koalas aren't bears. They're freaking marsupials.

That's how high my bad baby name tolerance has gotten.


Update! In the last few days I have been deluged with e-mails about how pandas aren't bears either - they're closer to raccoons. Obviously, this required me to put on my safari hat and do lots of unnecessary research into panda physiology and behavior. Because...um...yeah.

After reading a lot of looooong articles, one entirely about panda penises - the things I do for my readers! - it appears (drum roll) they are bears. Sort of. If they are, they're not very good at it.

Scientists are still debating what the heck is with the panda, seeing as they look like bears, are built like bears, and are genetically close to bears but do almost no bear things at all.

The eat their veggies, they're really slow, don't hibernate, don't like caves, and have a mini-thumb and a nose like a kitten. Plus, red pandas look exactly like raccoons after a day at the beauty parlor.

(I know, I know, red pandas and giant pandas aren't closely related. But I love red pandas and couldn't leave them out.)

What does this mean for the world of bad baby names? I'm not sure. I'm still confused from all the bear dick articles.

[Debbi801]

28. LOL. My sister's married name is Thorn. When she was pregnant...

If it had been a girl, they decided on Rose. So, the poor child's name would have been Rose Thorn. They thought it was so so cute. :puke: Luckily, they had 2 boys.

[RubyDuby in GA]

36. I'm inclined to write in about my grandmother and her sister's names

My grandmother is Lulumae and her sisters were Ruby, Rosalie (pronouned rosa-lee) and Luella (lou-ella). My grandmother is the baby and she was born in 1919, so I'm hoping those names were fashionable in the early 1900s.

The boys were named Robert and John. How'd they get off with normal names?

[MN ChimpH8R]

25. If that site is any indication

there will be a lot of parents getting killed by their kids in about 15 years.

I will likely never have kids, but what on earth is wrong with names like Robert or Veronica (two of my favorites)?

[Rob H.]

29. I like the name Robert, too

:silly:

I also like my dad's name, which he says he doesn't care for: Lance. Talk about an old-school name!

[calico1]

34. And if I am on any of those juries I will

vot to acquit! What are some of these parents thinking? Being a kid is tough enough especially once you start school. That's just what these kids need--a name like "asshole" or "shithead." And you know these parents will claim they have no idea why the child is ridiculed or beat up or whatever.

[redqueen]

30. !

Recent Immigrants to Canada find that fine and proper names in their home land do not go over so well in Canada.
A teacher friend of mine always brings up her favourite, a lovely little girl from South Asia, who will likely be changing her name, or entering a post-traumatic stress disorder clinic, from all the teasing she'll get in about grade 5 or so.

The poor things name: Rammit Deep.

A. Quinn, Toronto



:o

[rbnyc]

32. My baby's name is on that site!

What interests me is that the new round of names (at least among the 30/40-somethings I know naming babies now) have an incredible number of syllables and the sound of a family name, where no family name may exist-- Not Henry (that was so 1995!), but Harrison, not Gary (who would name a kid "Gary"?), but Garrison. There is Jackson, Jefferson, Jamison, Jerrison...WHEN WILL IT END???

Well, I love the name.

[Frozen Hamster]

37. A few years ago a family in Iceland wanted to name their daughter Satania

Thankfully they weren't allowed to.

My maternal grandmother was named Ljótunn, which loosely translates into 'ugly'. She made her daughters promise her to never name a child after her, witch my sister is probably very grateful for.

[fudge stripe cookays]

38. My mom's OB-GYN years ago...

who told her about a woman who was one of his patients...

And heard two terms in the office that she lied so much she named her daughters the re-worked versions:

Se-Phyllis and Gonorra

FSC

[fudge stripe cookays]

39. I have always loved the name Miles for a little boy.

Then, I married a guy named Giles. So much for that name. We just decided to never have kids.

FSC

[youthere]

40. I love this site...

I cannot stand this designer baby name crap. I know this couple named their girls some really awful names (Defawnelle Prairie, and Cleopatra Dawn), and the oldest just wrote a story at school about how much she hated her name. Of course they were beside themselves that Defawnelle didn't just LOOOOOOOVE her unique and original name!:eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes:
What I really hate is when these people are actually thinking up baby names and they spring this crap on their family and friends they stand back and expect you to "ooh" and "aaah" over how incredibly clever they are to think up such awful AWFUL names.