Now the cat's out of the bag. Who here is in an "open" relationship?

[CanuckAmok]

Thanks to jeter's "threesome" post, all out dirty laundry is out there for you prudes to see ;) .

So, yes, Mrs. Amok and I are in an 'open' marriage. We don't practice monogamy.

We've been together for about eight years, and legally married since 2000.

We sleep with other people. Not very often, mind you, but we do, from time to time. Sometimes as a couple, sometimes apart. However, we have rules, and here they are:

100% disclosure. If one of us gets lucky, that person has to tell the other one right away, and include 'how far' things went. If at all possible, we check in *before8 anything goes down, just to make sure it's okay with the other one of us.

100% safe sex. That means no intercourse without a condom. Mrs. Amok also prefers to give oral to to other men when they are wearing condoms--that's her perogative.

No overnighters (although if we're together, the 'third wheel' can stay overnight with us).

If one of us is uncomfortable with an arrangement the other is making/has made, we have the right to say 'no', and put a stop to it, no questions asked.

Occasional monogamous moratoria, in which we agree not to see other people. That time frame can run anywhere between a few days to a year or more.

Regular STD tests, when we're active with other people.


So, that's how we do it. It works for us, so far.

Who else walks on the wild side? How do you do it? how often? Have any marital problems come of it?

Of those of you who are open, how many are m/f couples, m/m couples, of f/f couples?

And, in the spirit of countless previous threads..."ask me anything"!

[jeter]

1. You're a dirty dog

Oh Ya, blame it on me.

I knew a couple like yours. I never participated in their "fun." But my best friend did once.

Is it me or has today's lounge chats been dirtier than usual?

[Droopy]

2. How would you say this has affected your marriage?

Conventional wisdom says the odds are against you having a happy, sustainable relationship.

Personally, I don't see how you're hurting anybody, but I would want my relationship to be monogamous.

[CanuckAmok]

3. Well...

..our current rules are based on testing the waters up to now. We have occasionally strained our relationship with our other interests, but not permanently. And, it's that kind of envelope pushing which has helped us mature in this arrangement, and helped us respect eachothers' comfort levels.

We're pretty solid, and very much in love. As much fun as this is, we'd both give it up to preserve our partnership if we had to, and I guess even that knowledge makes it easier to let the other go play.

[politicat]

4. Well, here goes my Presidential electability, but....

Mr. Politicat and I MET because of open relationships....

His ex-wife fell in love with my ex significant other. We all four considered ourselves polyamorous at the time, but Mr. Politicat and I were much more the "quiet" halves of the couples. We were willing to go along, but not be the leaders.

Over time, the intensity of the exes' love was too much for everyone involved and it fell apart. By then Mr. Politicat and I were VERY good friends and relied on each other for emotional support (though pretty damn chaste, if you ask me.)

After his marriage broke up and I left the ex BF (for related, but other reasons - PA and open is NOT an excuse to sleep around without permission) we stayed friends, and will celebrate our 2nd anniversary at the end of December.

At this point in time we are monogamous and have been and will probably stay so. Not to run down your relationship, Canuck, but neither of us have the time or energy or motivation to go looking around and do all the negotiations that come along with PA. We like each other, love each other, have a very fulfilling life together and realize that "other interests" - my politics, his gaming, my activism, his robotics - are just as important to our well roundedness as our relationship. Mixing in more chaos in the forms of other people, casual or otherwise, would necessarily take up too much time and energy.

If it came up and came up as something really priority A, I think we could survive it and go back, but for now, there's just too much else going on.

Politicat.

[Yavin4]

5. I Have A Question

I can somewhat see casual sex in a open marriage. A one-nighter or a swinger's party, maybe, but a long-term relationship with another couple or another person outside of marriage sounds kind of tricky to me. I could live with my partner engaging in casual sex with another man, but I couldn't deal with my partner engaging in a deep relationship, which included sex, with another man.

[CanuckAmok]

7. Ok, but that's not a question.

What do you want to ask?

[Dookus]

6. my LAST relationship was open...

until my partner left me for one of his tricks.

[patdem]

8. I live with my sig other and his ex-girlfriend...ask me anything!

And she came AFTER ME...ask me anything!!! Oh and he had a girlfriend here before his ex-girlfriend...ask me anything!

[Noordam]

9. Being single all my life this

never came up with me ... ;)

BUT a lady I knew had an Open Marriage. Their only rule was "No Seconds".......... That worked for them....

[Padraig18]

10. M/M couple here.

And it pretty much works just like you have outlined it with you and Mrs. Amok.