U.S. Blowjobless Rate At All-Time High

[matcom]

<snip>

WASHINGTON, DC—In the wake of a recent drop in the sexual-interest rate, Labor Secretary Elaine Chao announced Tuesday that blowjoblessness in America has reached a record high.

According to Labor Department statistics, the overall blowjobless rate swelled to 37.4 percent in July, causing widespread deflation of egos.

"Cutbacks in oral services have left 55 million Americans unsatisfied," Chao said. "Although June saw a promising jump in the age 15-19 demographic, with many teenagers finding summer blowjobs, almost 82 percent of married men are completely blowjobless."

The historically fluid blowjob market reached its climax in 1996, when millions of wives and girlfriends vigorously stimulated the privates sector. But while demand has remained extremely high, supply could not, or would not, keep up. As a result, the blowjobless rate has climbed steadily, and today's limp market shows few signs of immediate expansion.

According to Chao, long-term relationships are responsible for the loss of many of this year's blowjobs.

"Over time, traditional blowjob providers prioritize other services, eventually eliminating those blowjobs that they deem unnecessary," Chao said.

"Blowjobs are not as plentiful as some Internet sites would lead you to believe," said blowjob-market analyst Tom Cochran. "Overall, it's an extremely dry market. I myself haven't had a blowjob in years."

"And it's not from a lack of trying," Cochran added.

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http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39680

[Blue-Jay]

1. nooooooo!

:cry:

[redqueen]

2. That chart is to DIE for

I wanted to post this last week, but figured it'd get locked. x(

[Fenris]

3. These figures show a disturbing trend.

Why hasn't Bush addressed this?

[BlueIris]

4. Hah ha, Onion assholes.

'Cause we all know it's men, especially married men, who are hurting for the quality--or any--oral sex. Yes, yes, puns, so funny. Except--well, it isn't.

[Moderator]

5. Locking.

No Sex Threads.