Need some relationship advise!

[Meldread]

Alright, I need a sorta "what would you do if you were in my shoes" type advise.

My best friend is a Canadian. He lives a good ways away. Unfortunately, all I feel for him is friendship, and he (when drunk) confessed that he feels much more toward me. Now, that set off red lights, but thankfully I was easily able to divert him somewhere else without actually saying anything in return. Now certain things he says and does are obvious not-so-subtle ploys to get into a relationship with me.

Now, I believe this is a crush he has on me and nothing more than that. I don't want him upset or hurt and I think these feelings will pass. I don't want to lead him on, but I don't want to make him feel like shit either. He's even offered to "rescue" me from America by marrying me and getting me into Canada. He knows I want to move from where I am currently living and has offered for me to become "roommates" with him. He's been pushing for me to come live in Canada for a long time, but I've always been somewhat against the idea. However, I must admit it certainly has its appeal and a large part of me would like to leave the United States behind. (Although, I don't think I'd actually do that but I wouldn't mind having duel citizenship.)

Anyway... I'm not sure what I should do. Should I be honest and tell him I don't have feelings for him beyond (very close) friendship or keep avoiding and evading awkward ploys he seems to be tossing out until he gets over his crush and moves on?

I've known the guy for years and years, and we have tons and tons in common. Ironically, I think if I were to enter a relationship with him it would last... but unfortunately I just don't feel THAT WAY (you know what I mean if you've ever had that feeling about someone else) about him, which unfortunately sucks because I wish I did.

[Skittles]

1. here is what I would do Meldread

if you really value this guy's friendship and you want to keep being friends with him, you must get it out in the open that a romantic relationship simply is not in the cards. The way it is now you've got tension going that is going to detract from any respect you feel for him - you've got to get it out in the open and put it to rest lest this tension ruin your friendship.

[tjdee]

2. Well, you could be oversensitive now that you know he likes you....

For instance, if my best friend wanted to move out, I'd tell her to come stay with me too, especially if she's been not too happy with her neighborhood.

I don't know, obviously, but it might be that he's not laying it on as thick as you think--you might just be seeing everything through 'HE LIKES ME!' glasses.

If you sit him down (over the phone, LOL) and go "I know you like me but I don't like you that way", he may go "No shit...why are we having this conversation?"

If you've known him for a long time, he should be able to see that you don't return his feelings. If you're sick of him asking you to go to Canada, tell him to stop telling you to come to Canada. I wouldn't necessarily make this a 'he's pushing for more' issue.

[Meldread]

3. I'm 99.9% sure that I'm not...

When I said he was doing things in a "not-so-subtle" way. I meant that literally. He isn't being very subtle about it, at all. :P

I think he knows how I feel, in fact I'm 90% sure he does. It's just knowing and actually HEARING IT are two different things.

I'm sure we've all been at a point in our lives when we've had a super crush on someone and then realized that they didn't return the feelings. I care for him (as a very good friend) and I don't want to hurt him in that way.

I mean, I think of him like the brother I never had but always wanted! That's my feelings toward him. I know I should be upfront and honest, but what I really want to know is if I should wait it out on the basis that it is just a crush and it will pass or hurt him by being honest?

[tjdee]

4. I don't think honesty is ever bad.

If he's as blatant as you say, and you'd know, LOL, it's probably better to just come out and say it. Because if you wait it out, how long are you going to be waiting?

It may hurt his pride a little, but in the long run you're not leading him on or encouraging his actions by not saying anything.

I know, the situation can be kind of fragile.

[Onlooker]

5. I had a similar situation with my closest friend

When I frist started going out with my partner (23 years ago), my closest friend really wanted me to be his partner. I said to him, something like, "You and I are so much alike, we wouldn't stimulate each other and we'd probably destroy each other. I really need to be with someone who is different from me." There was some truth to what I said, and at any rate he took the hint, and we're still the closest of friends.

[Meldread]

6. That's exactly what it's like!

We have so much in common that there is no spark. You need some friction for a spark. I don't feel challenged or encouraged to be stronger or better. I am just... me. And yeah, I know that sounds like a GOOD thing, and it is but it's also not something I'd be happy with in a relationship. I don't feel stimulated, challenged, or all that inspired.

I think I'm going to try a two fold approach. My first tactic will be to try and "encourage" him to look for someone to date that is currently near him. He is a loyal guy and if he finds someone then he won't be thinking about me. If that fails I'll try something more direct. Hopefully he'll catch the hint the first go 'round and I won't have to hurt him. I really like him, he's a great and wonderful person, and I want to avoid doing anything that would make him feel like crap.

I also can't help but feel somewhat responsible because in private with friends I am somewhat flirtatious -- but I'm that way with everyone men and women. It's mostly done in good humor, not in a sexual way or because I'm interested. I don't think it's gone without notice that I've significantly (read: all together) pulled back my flirtation with him. I was hoping that would be some what obvious that I wasn't interested, and I wanted to make certain that I wasn't leading him on. (However, it has certainly left some awkward situations.)

[Pithlet]

7. Edited

I reread your post and see that I missed something. Yeah, you definitely need to talk to him if he keeps sending those not so sublte signals. It's a tough situation to be in. I feel for you.