Are any of you here really shy?

[Fox Mulder]

I mean offline.

I am. I'm very shy. I don't like going places unless it's with a buddy or two. I just have a really hard time talking to people I don't know. I find that this major personality flaw of mine has really hurt my college years and my dating life.

Are any of you the same way?

[nickgutierrez]

1. I am, kind of.

I open up quickly, to a point, but I'm painfully shy when it comes to actually starting conversations.

[deadparrot]

2. When I'm around people I don't know, yes.

If I'm comfortable, though, you can't shut me up.

[MissHoneychurch]

19. sounds like me

:)

[sendero]

3. No...

.... nobody here is. Or they wouldn't be here.

On a more serious note - I think most people are "shy". It takes a certain kind of guts to initiate a conversation, to put yourself on the line, etc.

The best way to develop those guts is to force yourself to do it, to realize that when it doesn't work it is not the end of the world, and in so doing become inured to the failures and bouyed by the successes.

Just like every other social interaction, including the most physical ones. :)

On edit: I realize this post could be construed as harsh. It is not meant to be. Sometimes I am the opposite of shy when perhaps I should be shy. I apologize :)

[Fox Mulder]

4. Easier said than done, my friend.

"The best way to develop those guts is to force yourself to do it"

I just cannot force myself to do anything. Maybe I should go on something...

[hfojvt]

17. I hate the idea of chemical solutions

but if you think about it, the drug most people use to loosen up in social situations is alcohol. Cigarettes help too, they give you something to do in conversational pauses and bumming a cigarette or a light is a conversation starter.

It reminds me of the time I was swimming when I was 22. I decided to dive into the pool for some reason and discovered that I was scared to do so, although I had done so in the past. It took me four or five minutes to work up the nerve for the first dive, and at that point I decided that I would keep doing dives, frequently, until I was not afraid any more. It took me a couple of weeks, but it got easier as I kept at it.

If you have friends that you usually hang out with, that is normal as far as I can see. When I was in college it seemed to me that humanity was an animal that you only saw in pairs or packs. It was rare for people to be like me, going almost everywhere alone. It is not a big deal if you always go places with friends. Nor is it objectively a flaw, even if it was not the norm, which I believe it is. Also I think it is preferable than being on the other end of the spectrum - those who are pushy, attention seeking and shameless.

[gmoney]

5. I am, and I'm miserable about it at this minute...

...long, vague story. :cry:

[Trigger Hippie]

39. *sigh*

I know what you're talking about. It's a horrible thing to be afflicted with. I'm sorry. :hug:

[pitohui]

6. i used to be

when i was little i did not speak

if you force yrself then after awhile you will not be shy any more

it's like any other phobia, if you force yrself to drive over the bridge or get on the airplane, the fear disappears, if you humor the fear by not talking driving or flying it grows & takes over everything

nowadays there are drugs a doctor can prescribe for this if you can't get over it thru brute force

life is just too short

go talk someone's ear off, the first time is hard, the tenth time you don't even realize yr doing it

[huskerlaw]

7. I used to be

but I'm working on it. I still hate going places alone though.

[GOPisEvil]

8. That's my answer, too.

:)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

57. Well, my dear huskerlaw..I think you just might have gotten over it.....

Since you are moving to LA by yourself......

Of course, you do have friends here, waiting for you...

Still it is a big move...and you will survive it, and it will be very good for you...

Trust me on this one...you will grow up in ways you have not imagined just yet.....

WELCOME TO LOS ANGELES!

:applause: :applause: :applause: :applause:

[AlCzervik]

9. It really depends, if i'm around a group of new people my first

inclination is to run but i make a point of introducing myself and trying to remember everyones name, it's not that easy but once you can break the ice and shake someone's hand you can usually find something to talk about with them. I was in real estate full time until about 2 months ago and you have to either be a people person or pretend to be so i tried to comport myself as one and it's something i use in my non-work life now.

[crispini]

10. I am shy. But I have learned to fake it pretty well.

It never gets easier. But I have learned that when I act like I am outgoing and fun, it becomes true, and I do have fun. When I am in one of those situations especially where I really want to go out to a show or something and I don't want to be alone, I just tell myself to be like an actress and I pretend like I am in a movie or something. That usually works pretty well for me and after awhile my self consiousness wears off.

I also tell myself that "nobody is looking at you, nobody really cares that you're here by yourself, etc." I tell myself that it's kind of egotistical to be shy like that, like why do you think you're so great that everybody is looking at me-- they don't care, so why should I? :D

Also I tell myself that mostly other people want to talk, so if you make THEM the center of attention then they will be really happy to talk to you.

Anyway, those are my tricks. They work for me. Hope they help! :)

[RevCheesehead]

56. Honey, you've won the Oscar for that performance!

I promise I won't tell Botany. :)

[ghostsofgiants]

11. Sounds about the same for me

It sucks.

[leftofthedial]

12. that'd be me

[Deja Q]

13. Honey, I REDEFINE shy.

:D

[trackfan]

14. I am EMBARRASSED to go anywhere, like the store, work, the dentist,

out to eat, etc.

I'm really shy. So is my wife. We function very poorly in society. You may ask how I ever got a wife....well, regit omnia Fortuna victrix...

[SarahB]

15. I can be reserved at first.

But I'm not shy. Basically, I know if I get going I don't shut up and I tend to stick my foot in my mouth letting out too much of myself. I like to feel the vibe of the person I'm around before I let myself open up too much.

[enigmatic]

21. That's me, too

I'm more a Loner than anything else, but being in the biz that I'm in and being a musician for many years have made me be "on" when I've had to.

I'm much more relaxed one-on-one that in a crowd..

[u4ic]

45. That pretty much sums it up for me

[Wapsie B]

16. Yes in breaking the ice with people I don't know

especially if I happen to be interested in them beyond being casual acquaintances. I also have a hard time crossing from polite conversation to asking a woman if she thinks there's interest on her part to be more than friends. It might be easier if I were the type of guy that women threw themselves at. But it's been me being the hunter, never the hunted.

[LSK]

18. I used to be

I am overcoming it somewhat. In some ways I still am.

[fleabert]

20. I am extremely shy...

here i am at a party, being a wallflower...



and that is me sober.

sometimes I really wish, and so does my dh, that I was more shy. It has gotten me in trouble.

the only time I am shy is if I am REALLY out of my element. It takes that and wearing an outfit I don't like to make me sit on the sidelines.

I was never shy, even when I was the biggest dork in school, with no friends. I would walk over to the popular kids and sit at their table, no shame. They made awful fun of me, but I just wanted so badly to be with them, that I put up with it, made fun of myself with them, and pretended they were laughing with me.

[billyskank]

26. Fleabert

You are le merde. ;)

[MissHoneychurch]

29. ....

:rofl:

[billyskank]

33. Oh, just the person

You can tell me. Is shiße der, die oder das? :evilgrin:

[MissHoneychurch]

37. here is your answer

die Scheiße

But "you are THE SHIT" you can't translate to "Du bist die Scheiße". "Du bist scheiße" is an offense. Means you are shitty.

[billyskank]

38. Oh, important safety tip.

Thanks MissH!

[Tafiti]

32. No, no.

La Mierda, LA MIERDA!





Or....the shit.
:yoiks:

[gmoney]

31. Shyness, thy name is Fleabert

You are such a shrinking violet, I could tell... but I REALLY doubt you were a dork in school. I'm sure you were universally adored by cool kids and dorks alike...

:loveya:

[Tom Kitten]

22. with the opposite sex I am...

that's why I like flirting with all my girlfriends here!
:rofl:

[Omphaloskepsis]

23. Not me..

I can go up to people at the bar and start talking. And I can crash parties too. It took a really long time to get this skill.

[Fox Mulder]

27. I can do that too...but...

If I'm really, really drunk.

[Heidi]

24. I'm more "private" than shy, I'd say. (nt)

[Starbucks Anarchist]

25. Extremely shy.

It really sucks, too. And I'm just horrible with even small crowds.

[Kickin_Donkey]

28. Don't I know it ...

I was so shy that I hadn't been able to make enough friends to even go anywhere with. So I decided to start going to things like movies alone, which felt funny at first. But now I prefer it that way.

This personality "flaw" has definitely hurt my social life, but I realized I was never going to be the life of the party. I've dealt with it partly by learning to fake it in situations when I have to (even non-shy people do that). More importantly, I've learned to accept myself to a certain degree.

Everybody is different. Some people may have to look into anxiety and depression issues.

[WCGreen]

30. Dude ya just gotta do it...

Get out there and mingle...

there is so much to talk about to other people, just let the process start....

Adn most people are so in need of someone who will listen, just ask questions....

If you don;t like the answers, go on to the next person that catches you fancy....

[Crazy Guggenheim]

34. More private than shy.

[Trigger Hippie]

35. Yes, I have been shy for as long as I can remember.

Sometimes I get into a panic when talking to new people. Social phobia is awful. :(

[annonymous]

36. I have always been shy.

I am not good at dealing with unfamiliar people, especially job interviews. I have never been an especially talkative person.

[terrya]

40. I'm still somewhat shy.

If I were to go into a room full of people and would see a couple of people I knew, I would immediately gravitate towards those people I knew. And would be reluctant to go up and talk to the people I didn't know. I'm still shy and awkward around people I don't know.

[Shell Beau]

41. I can be if I am around a lot of people.

When I got married, I wasn't nervous about the actual wedding part. I was petrified to walk down the aisle in front of all those people. Even though I knew all of them!

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

42. I was shy until I got contacts at age 18

For some reason that really changed my life - I developed a lot more confidence. Now I'll talk to anyone about anything!

[Fox Mulder]

43. .

:kick:

[Shine]

44. Nope, not me. I am very gregarious and social by nature.

Both online and offline. I make friends easily b/c I believe we are All connected and there's only ONE of us here. Does that make any sense? Hard to explain, but the bottom line is, there are MANY MANY manifestations of Life and Living. You are GREAT, just as you are, my friend! :hi:

Being "shy" is only a "flaw" if you think it is. There is nothing wrong with you and nothing to "fix".

Blessings to you,
~Shine

[Dastard Stepchild]

46. yes... even online...

:cry:

It's true... I am always nervous starting a conversation with people, be it online or in real life. I'm always afraid of being a meddlesome intrusion. Thanks, early childhood teasing!

I warm up pretty quickly, but I am absolutely mortified about making the first (ok... first 100) moves. Is mortified even a strong enough word?

Ironically, I love people. One on one I am ok. In groups, though, it's more of a "deer, meet headlight" type scenario. And if I am even remotely digging the person I'd like to talk to, I just about want to cry.

:)

[NYC Liberal]

47. Sort of...

If it's just me and another person, I'll be very talkative and stuff. But if I'm in a group I usually shyer.

[Elidor]

48. I used to be. Then I drove a cab for 18 months.

Cured me of being shy real damn quick.

[mainegreen]

49. Nope. I grew up with loud people.

If you wanted to convey a point, you just said the same thing again louder! I'm perhaps too friendly sometimes.

I'm only shy in rare circumstances, however when I am shy, its super-silent, can we go now please, corner boy shy.

[scarlet_owl]

50. I am very shy.

[Maestro]

51. I was only shy around women that I had a crush on.

Now that I am married with kids and all I am a freakin' extrovert all over. I try my hardest to tone it down, but I can't.

[Politically_Wrong]

52. Very Shy....

[AirmensMom]

53. Yep.

Took me most of a year to get up the nerve to post here. Once I get started, it's a little easier.

[Blue_Tires]

54. i am n/t

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

55. I used to be downright introverted

but I eventually discovered it was in reality nothing more than a basic fear of making an ass out of myself (unfounded, as it turned out). When I conquered the fear, the shyness disappeared and now I can look anybody in the eye with a smile on my face, shake their hand, and say "Howdy!".

It's just a matter of conquering yourself, and believing in yourself. It's NOT impossible. Actually, once you find your self-confidence, life can be damned fun!

[shanti]

58. used to be terribly shy

but i grew out of it.

[maveric]

59. Yes. And my Stuttering doesnt help it any.

I suspect that I may have Asperger's Disease/Syndrome.
Some times I really hate being me.

[njdemocrat106]

60. Ooh boy, I am

I went to public school from Kindergarten to 2nd grade, and I actually had friends. My parents putting me in a Catholic school from 3-8 took away all my friends, and I never made friends again (I suspect that the timing of my parents switching schools on me was probably at one of the worst stages of child development. I was still at the stage where I only knew and was familiar with the kids I went to public school with.) Trust me, I could never go right up to a person and start a conversation with them, for fear that I would proabably embarrass myself. And besides, if anybody (even someone in my own family) starts a conversation with me, my responses are usually mono-syllabic grunts (Yep. Nope. Uh-huh. OK.) It's not that I'm trying on purpose to be unfriendly; it's just that I don't know what to say in response to some people without embarrassing myself (and I feel that I embarass myself easily). I've been known to write out what I plan to say, word for word, in a phone conversation before I called whomever (usually a business or some government entity; I don't do this with any family member or anyone else I'm familiar with). I once jokingly said that I make George W. Bush look eloquent, but that's probably a gross exaggeration. :)

Edit: I'm also far from being attractive, which I find a hindrance. (And I'm not 100% straight either, so I'm kind of afraid of anybody discovering that, though I feel comfortable admitting here at DU.)

[6000eliot]

61. I'm even shy online.