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Is It Rapture Yet?

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Skink Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-22-05 10:01 PM
Original message
Is It Rapture Yet?
c'mon folks what do you need locusts?
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Tom Kitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-22-05 10:14 PM
Response to Original message
1. The Rapture God came by already...
His name is Mammon and his worshippers adore him. They willingly give their souls to him thinking the Rapture is for them but in reality it is for him.
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Deja Q Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-22-05 10:48 PM
Response to Reply #1
4. 'Mammon', is that Pig Latin for "big boobie"?
:rofl:
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Tom Kitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-22-05 11:01 PM
Response to Reply #4
6. no...
ammon-may is!
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marzipanni Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-22-05 11:31 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. "nuh-uhhhh..."
ammoth-may ammary-may is!
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Dave Reynolds Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-22-05 10:44 PM
Response to Original message
2. If it is,
I'm gonna look for an empty house to move into.

And a better car, too.
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Tom Kitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-22-05 10:59 PM
Response to Reply #2
5. preferably a car that isn't...
going eighty miles on the interstate! Remember the bumperstickers?
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marzipanni Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-22-05 10:47 PM
Response to Original message
3. Dorothy thought so, but only her time had come...
Our story begins with two workers who are busy filling up inflatable sex dolls with helium, so that they can be used for a display at an adult film awards show. After clowning around with inhaled helium, the two gents begin to transport the inflatable dolls, secured under a net in the back of their pick-up truck. Preoccupied for a moment with an X-rated adult magazine, they stop short to avoid hitting a skateboarder. The sudden stop, however, loosens the net; unbeknownst to the workers, the dolls start floating upward toward the sky.

Coming from another direction, Dorothy Sheedy is driving her car, with its "I Brake for the Rapture" bumper sticker. She’s listening to a Christian radio broadcast on marital relations, uttering "Praise the Lord," as she nods her head in agreement with the talk-show host. Suddenly, Sheedy stops her car. She can hardly believe the sight before her eyes.
Seeing the dolls floating toward the heavens, she mistakes them for actual angelic human beings, heaven-bound, as part of the foretold Rapture, when Christ removes all the right-believing Christians from the Earth to spare them the onslaught of the End of Days. It’s a little piece of religious eschatology, justified by certain Protestant sects with references to books of the Old and New Testament.

"Oh My Lord, Sweet Jesus," Sheedy exclaims. She cannot contain her joy as a witness to the heavenly vanishing. Moving toward the imagined Rapture, her arms outstretched toward the clouds, she walks into the road, and gets hit—and killed—by an oncoming car.

At the funeral home of the Fishers, her widower husband appears to fully accept his wife’s death as the Will of God. Clearly, her time had come.
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