derby378
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Fri Sep-23-05 02:49 PM
Original message |
"Post ONLY the punchline to a joke" thread |
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I'll start with an example:
At that point, Bush turned around and dropped his trousers, and Karl Rove's head popped out of Bush's backside and yelled, "THE ARISTOCRATS!"
OK, your turn - just don't piss off the moderators, please. :evilgrin:
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kmla
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Fri Sep-23-05 02:50 PM
Response to Original message |
1. "Crushed Nuts? Nope - broke my leg!" |
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Edited on Fri Sep-23-05 02:51 PM by kmla
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AllegroRondo
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Fri Sep-23-05 02:51 PM
Response to Original message |
2. "the viola burns longer" |
bertha katzenengel
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:00 PM
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Lisa
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:16 PM
Response to Reply #2 |
109. or another possibility: "the viola holds more beer" |
CanuckAmok
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Fri Sep-23-05 02:52 PM
Response to Original message |
3. Forget that, help me find my car keys and we can *drive* out of here! |
atomic-fly
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Fri Sep-23-05 02:53 PM
Response to Reply #3 |
4. "because they're so darned stupid!" |
KyndCulture
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Fri Sep-23-05 02:55 PM
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5. Jesus George put the fucking cornflakes back in the box. |
CanuckAmok
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Fri Sep-23-05 02:55 PM
Response to Original message |
6. Really? I'd feel sorrier for the elephant! |
CanuckAmok
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Fri Sep-23-05 02:56 PM
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Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:02 PM
Response to Reply #7 |
37. HA! Someone else knows that joke! |
Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:03 PM
Response to Reply #37 |
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Edited on Fri Sep-23-05 04:03 PM by Az
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bertha katzenengel
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:00 PM
Response to Original message |
8. Good! Got any duck food? |
Patiod
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:00 PM
Response to Original message |
9. "No talk to sheep! Sheep no talk!!!" |
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My all-time favorite joke.
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DS1
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:00 PM
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Arkansas Granny
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:01 PM
Response to Original message |
12. And the next day the headline read: |
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Edited on Fri Sep-23-05 03:02 PM by Arkansas Granny
Naked man killed in train tunnel.
(Edited for spelling)
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KFC
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:04 PM
Response to Original message |
13. Rectum? It nearly killed him! |
Egalitariat
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Fri Sep-23-05 08:36 PM
Response to Reply #13 |
87. I always laugh at that one**** |
Egalitariat
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Fri Sep-23-05 08:36 PM
Response to Reply #13 |
88. I always laugh at that one**** |
arwalden
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:08 PM
Response to Original message |
14. So the 1-legged jockey says, don't worry about me lady, I ride SIDESADDLE! |
toey
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:17 PM
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regularguy
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:21 PM
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CBGLuthier
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:24 PM
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Beausoir
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:26 PM
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18. He passed his brother on the velt. |
ContraBass Black
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:27 PM
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A HERETIC I AM
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:29 PM
Response to Original message |
20. "Ya think they'd remember me as McTavish the breakwater builder?" |
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Naay.....But ya bugger ONE goat"
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Book Lover
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:41 PM
Response to Original message |
21. "Not with my viola di gamba you don't!" |
Canadian Socialist
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:43 PM
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22. Mum's on the roof, and we can't get her down /nt |
Gormy Cuss
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:46 PM
Response to Original message |
23. People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones. |
many a good man
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:47 PM
Response to Original message |
24. You think YOU'VE got it bad??? |
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Every night he stuffs me in a black plastic gargage bag, buries me in a deep dark moist hole, and makes me do push-ups till I throw up!
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flowomo
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:47 PM
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25. "Duh, can you SEE Florida?" |
flowomo
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:48 PM
Response to Original message |
26. And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the tree.... |
Kire
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:49 PM
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seemunkee
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:50 PM
Response to Original message |
28. spit it out, its a piece of ass |
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from a joke posted here a few days ago
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Crazy Guggenheim
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:50 PM
Response to Original message |
29. Hey. I'm not going through 67 more of these. |
jane_pippin
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:51 PM
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El Fuego
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:59 PM
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31. And the Invisible Man says, "I don't know, but my ass sure hurts." |
WeRQ4U
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:59 PM
Response to Original message |
32. "RECTUM?? Damn near KILLED 'em.!!!" |
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I love that punchline. I don't even KNOW the joke.
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AllegroRondo
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Fri Sep-23-05 03:59 PM
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33. "I don't care what you pack for, as long as you're gone when I get home!" |
wallwriter
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Fri Sep-23-05 05:32 PM
Response to Reply #33 |
71. I heard it as "I don't care, just get the f*** out!" |
wallwriter
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Fri Sep-23-05 05:34 PM
Response to Reply #71 |
73. Iceberg, Goldberg. Same thing. |
WeRQ4U
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:01 PM
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34. "I'm not going to garlge with that water after she puts her butt in it." |
Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:02 PM
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35. Thats a niknak paddy whack! Give the frog a lone! |
Tafiti
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:02 PM
Response to Original message |
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...just give us some more of that delicious corn!
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Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:04 PM
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Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:04 PM
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40. Last thing I remember was I was naked and hiding in a refrigerator |
derby378
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:07 PM
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41. But when he bent over, the other two bells went off. |
Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:10 PM
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42. You wear shoes to jump on a viola |
Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:11 PM
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43. Same as in town, 4 bucks. |
democracyindanger
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:12 PM
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44. ...and that's how a chimp became President. |
Doctor_J
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:12 PM
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45. No, but the guy before you was |
Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:24 PM
Response to Reply #45 |
Doctor_J
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:26 PM
Response to Reply #55 |
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thank you very much. I won't be posting the joke that goes with it.
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Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:12 PM
Response to Original message |
46. Two cats stuck in a tree (possibly the first joke I ever heard) |
A HERETIC I AM
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:13 PM
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47. "I'ma figure, if he can-a fuck, he can-a fly!" |
taterguy
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:14 PM
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48. What's this "we" shit white man? n/t |
gmoney
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:20 PM
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gmoney
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:21 PM
Response to Reply #49 |
50. "Hey Tiger, what's par on this hole anyway?" |
gmoney
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:22 PM
Response to Original message |
51. "...he only THINKS he's Bono." |
mitchum
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:23 PM
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52. "No! No! It's ice cream!" |
gmoney
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:23 PM
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53. "Are you here to golf, or to screw around?" |
Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:23 PM
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54. Him riding my bicycle. |
ZombieNixon
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:24 PM
Response to Original message |
56. ...and the pilot says "I could toss those three out the window right now |
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and make a hundred million people shit their pants in joy!"
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mainegreen
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:25 PM
Original message |
Magic dildo my ass! Ouch! |
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Its a dirty joke. :evilgrin:
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Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:25 PM
Response to Original message |
57. Not screaming like his passnegers were. |
Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:25 PM
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58. Hey! My brother could be coming the other way. |
Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:26 PM
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59. The other three are imaginary. |
Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:27 PM
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61. Well by definition half the people are dumber than that. |
Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:27 PM
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62. Last thing I saw was this monkey trying to put the cork back in. |
Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:28 PM
Response to Original message |
63. With all this horse manuer there has to be a horse around here somewhere! |
Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:28 PM
Response to Original message |
64. If you are happy in a steaming pile of manure, keep your mouth shut. |
Sub Atomic
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:28 PM
Response to Original message |
65. I'm got my bike outside. |
Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 04:38 PM
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derby378
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Fri Sep-23-05 05:04 PM
Response to Original message |
67. "DEATH BY BONGA-BONGA!!" |
Hand
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Fri Sep-23-05 05:13 PM
Response to Reply #67 |
69. Dang! Ya beat me to it! |
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Except I remember it as "DEATH BY WONGA WONGA!!!" :hi:
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derby378
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Fri Sep-23-05 08:28 PM
Response to Reply #69 |
84. "Bonga-Bonga" is the way I first heard the joke... |
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...some 20 years ago on a Dallas FM station.
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Hand
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:33 PM
Response to Reply #84 |
115. Bonga-bonga, wonga-wonga... |
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Iceberg, Goldberg... :rofl:
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DarienComp
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Fri Sep-23-05 05:10 PM
Response to Original message |
68. So, the Indian sayeth "That was no antelope, but rather my squaw!" |
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Nay, but seriously, brethren...
(apologies to B. Kliban)
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KitchenWitch
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Fri Sep-23-05 05:14 PM
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70. "It's useless to argue with Ole when he's been drinking." |
KyndCulture
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Fri Sep-23-05 05:35 PM
Response to Reply #70 |
74. I knew Ole and Lena would show up sooner or later .... LOL |
KitchenWitch
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Fri Sep-23-05 07:41 PM
Response to Reply #74 |
77. Yah shure, You betcha! |
no name no slogan
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Fri Sep-23-05 09:28 PM
Response to Reply #77 |
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Somebody had the courage to post an Ole and Lena joke! :woohoo:
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KitchenWitch
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Sun Sep-25-05 05:00 AM
Response to Reply #91 |
127. Being in Minnesota, those are the only jokes I remember! |
KyndCulture
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Fri Sep-23-05 05:33 PM
Response to Original message |
72. Hey Peter I can see your house from here.. |
Lilyhoney
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Fri Sep-23-05 05:36 PM
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75. ...because they always look for the little black box. |
BlueJazz
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Fri Sep-23-05 05:42 PM
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76. Well..you could eat a bowling-ball if you had to... |
Bombero1956
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Fri Sep-23-05 07:46 PM
Response to Reply #76 |
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your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables."
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Kire
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Fri Sep-23-05 07:43 PM
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ContraBass Black
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Fri Sep-23-05 07:48 PM
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80. Those that know binary, and those that don't. |
TroubleMan
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Fri Sep-23-05 08:01 PM
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81. You think I asked for a 12 inch PIANIST?? |
nickgutierrez
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Fri Sep-23-05 08:02 PM
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82. Dammit, you beat me to the Aristocrats joke. |
CaliforniaPeggy
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Fri Sep-23-05 08:19 PM
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83. Diddle I say kiddley? nt |
blockhead
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Fri Sep-23-05 08:28 PM
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85. "why do you ask , Two Dogs Fucking" ? |
TroubleMan
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:08 PM
Response to Reply #85 |
104. or the alternate, "Why do you ask Squirrel Taking A Shit?" |
derby378
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Fri Sep-23-05 08:30 PM
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86. "Well, uh...you got an orange?" |
C_eh_N_eh_D_eh
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Fri Sep-23-05 09:22 PM
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89. No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask? |
RetroLounge
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Fri Sep-23-05 09:26 PM
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90. Well, if I'm gonna be impotent, I'm gonna look impotent |
no name no slogan
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Fri Sep-23-05 09:29 PM
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92. No, it says "Welcome To Jamaica Mon, Have A Nice Day" |
C_eh_N_eh_D_eh
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Fri Sep-23-05 09:35 PM
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93. Yeah, and you never told me your dad was a pharmacist! |
C_eh_N_eh_D_eh
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Fri Sep-23-05 09:37 PM
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94. We're not too welcome at the grocery store, either. |
Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 09:53 PM
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95. Shutup or you'll wake your father up |
TroubleMan
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:05 PM
Response to Reply #95 |
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Edited on Fri Sep-23-05 10:06 PM by TroubleMan
LOL...I forgot all about those jokes. I haven't heard them since grade school.
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Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 09:54 PM
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96. Shutup or I'll nail your other foot to the floor |
Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 09:54 PM
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97. Shutup and comb your face |
Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 09:55 PM
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98. Orange you glad I didn't say banana? |
GreatCaesarsGhost
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:00 PM
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99. shut up! and keep digging.. |
UrbScotty
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:03 PM
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100. "Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States" (nt) |
neuvocat
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:04 PM
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101. Oh yeah? How about I take you out to lunch sometime? |
lutefisk
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:05 PM
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103. Don't put all your Basques in one exit. n/t |
TroubleMan
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:11 PM
Response to Original message |
105. Your daughter's pregnant, your wife's got aids, your dog's dying, and if.. |
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you don't stop jacking off, that elbow's never gonna get better.
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TroubleMan
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:14 PM
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106. "Rosy, go to room 14 - the dead one's full again." |
Malikshah
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:14 PM
Response to Original message |
107. My country tis of thee... or.... If the foo shits, wear it. |
Lisa
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:15 PM
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108. "Twenty gallons, and some people are still siphoning." |
RPM
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:19 PM
Response to Original message |
110. stick a 2x4 up your ass and you can go as a fudgcicle |
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:evilgrin: not a nice joke...
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Az
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:21 PM
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111. Strap a 2x4 to your ass so you don't fall in |
Ksec
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:22 PM
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112. Dont laugh, this is your girlfreinds pink shirt Im wearing |
rateyes
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:23 PM
Response to Original message |
113. Then the flea said, "no, I'm not there anymore... |
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I'm back in Willie Nelson's beard.
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TroubleMan
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:28 PM
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114. "No, but I am old enough to have cancer" |
Hand
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:38 PM
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116. "Okay. You're ugly, too." nt |
TroubleMan
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:39 PM
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117. Because Reagan's always fucking up. |
Jeff In Milwaukee
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:43 PM
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TroubleMan
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:46 PM
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119. "You feed the dog; I'll feed the fish." |
TroubleMan
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Fri Sep-23-05 10:46 PM
Response to Original message |
120. One "blue" this way, the other "blue" that way. |
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Edited on Fri Sep-23-05 10:46 PM by TroubleMan
nt.
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derby378
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Sat Sep-24-05 11:57 AM
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121. "...and it looked so good, I ATE IT MYSELF!" |
Scout1071
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Sat Sep-24-05 12:30 PM
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122. I call it "the Aristocrats!" |
derby378
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Sat Sep-24-05 12:41 PM
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123. "There were two all-beef Pattys, Special Ross, Lester G... |
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...picking bunions on the Sesame Street bus!!"
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alarcojon
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Sat Sep-24-05 01:50 PM
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124. How many people is a brazillion? |
MrBenchley
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Sat Sep-24-05 01:56 PM
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125. Holy shit! They stole my girlfriend too! |
ironflange
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Sat Sep-24-05 05:56 PM
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"This is the first time I had any money!"
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laylah
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Sun Sep-25-05 05:27 AM
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Peter's house, not a peter pull at Taffy's house! :rofl:
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laylah
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Sun Sep-25-05 05:27 AM
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laylah
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Sun Sep-25-05 05:28 AM
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This one's barefoot also!
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SpiralHawk
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Sun Sep-25-05 06:24 AM
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131. "That's the beer that made Mel Famie walk us." |
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as if you couldn't guess...
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Liberalynn
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Sun Sep-25-05 12:12 PM
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132. "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" |
Onlooker
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Sun Sep-25-05 12:14 PM
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Gormy Cuss
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Sun Sep-25-05 12:41 PM
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Evergreen Emerald
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Sun Sep-25-05 01:26 PM
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135. And when I woke up my pillow was gone! |
bbernardini
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Sun Sep-25-05 01:31 PM
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136. "Arrrrr, and it's drivin' me nuts!" |
bbernardini
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Sun Sep-25-05 01:32 PM
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137. "No, it's a hickory daquiri, Doc." |
texas1928
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Sun Sep-25-05 01:44 PM
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138. I raised it's tail and said "honey, this looks like yours" |
DU
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Tue May 07th 2024, 02:11 PM
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