Announcing the formation of the Tom DeLay Legal Defense Fund

[gratuitous]

Okay, it's going to take me a little while to put together all the formal documents and filings, but in the meantime, send your generous checks to help support the House Majority Leader to:

gratuitous
123 Fat Chance Lane
Suckerville USA

Since the funds donated will be put to a political purpose, they will not be tax deductible in any way, shape or form. However, I will be sure to post updates on a WIFLI* basis, detailing all of my personal efforts to be sure that poor Mr. DeLay beats this bogus rap.

Rumors that these efforts will be limited to reading about Mr. DeLay's legal troubles and chuckling to myself are just that, rumors. You don't know for a fact that I'm doing anything different, so you shouldn't draw any conclusions.

Give today. Give generously. Give to me.

*whenever I feel like it

[gratuitous]

1. Aww, c'mon you bunch of heartless cheapskates!

I mean, er, you big-hearted liberals! Help a guy out when he's down, and there's nobody lower than Tom DeLay! I personally guarantee* that all funds received will be put to substantial efforts to help poor Mr. DeLay.

Anyone? Bueller? Boudelang?

*DISCLAIMER: Not a guarantee.

[gmoney]

2. Reminds me of the self-immolation joke that went around...

I'll contribute 25 gallons of unleaded if Tom will soak himself in it and light a match.

[youthere]

3. *crickets chirping*

[Bassic]

4. Yeah, like that fucker needs financial help....

[Orsino]

5. I can contribute...

...three bellylaughs, a thimbleful of compassionate conservatism (the entire world's supply), and the empty shell of representative democracy (all DeLay has left us).

[gratuitous]

7. Thank you!

Mr. DeLay appreciates your sacrifice. I would appreciate cold, hard cash. I mean, Mr. DeLay would. Because I'm doing this all for him. You know, against a partisan Democrat prosecutor. And like that.

[Blue-Jay]

6. I'll donate a bowel movement!

Where do I mail it?

[gratuitous]

8. And just when I thought nobody gave a shit

Thank you very much.