secrets of a happy marriage ~

[bridgit]

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..."

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge
beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise...OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.

"But my sweet honey...at the bar...you know, there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."

"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP DICKHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR FRIGGING HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A FRIGGING BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER...GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"

and, they lived happily ever after. isn't that a sweet story?

[u4ic]

1. I thought these were the secrets to a

happy marriage?


1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, cooks and cleans, and helps care for the kids, and who makes money.

2. It is important to find a man who loves to spend money on you, and show you a good time.

3. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.

4. It is important that these three men never meet.

:shrug:

[Left Is Write]

4. *snort*

Now that's funny!

[bridgit]

5. too true...

:rofl:

[JohnnyBoots]

26. As a toast, "Cheers to our wives and girlfriends.....let's hope they never

meet."

[latebloomer]

32. or, as the old blues song goes--

"You can have my husband, but please don't take my man!"

[NNadir]

2. That is funny. Thanx.

[bridgit]

6. my pleasure, a friend of mine sends me all manner of those...

:D

[In_The_Wind]

3. never go to bed angry with your spouse

[bridgit]

7. possibly the best advise of all...

:hi:

[In_The_Wind]

12. it takes a mutual desire to make a marriage work ...

It's rarely 50/50, sometimes you give a little on issues sometimes you don't. Life, love, relationships are all fluid and ever-changing. Complacency within a relationship strikes the death knoll. When my spouse or lover is looking through me rather than at me - it's over.

:hi:

[petronius]

18. Actually, it's never go to SLEEP angry

going to bed angry can work out pretty well...

[In_The_Wind]

19. interesting point

But I don't want to be in bed with someone that I'm angry with! However - I'm no expert in these matters.

[petronius]

20. Well it's not an appropriate tack for every fight

but for the more meaningless spats it can certainly help...

[In_The_Wind]

21. I'll keep that in mind when there is an occupant on the passenger side ...

of my queen sized bed again ...

I'm sure that's bound to happen ...

[greblc]

8. That's not funny.

Put up or shut up.....and live happily ever after.

[bridgit]

9. no pop-tarts for you in the morning craphead...

:nopity:

[greblc]

28. Pop Tarts? Not funny and a bad cook? What a catch!

[bridgit]

30. no, you're selling yourself way too short, i think that one day...

you will find that magic pixie willing to eat the peanuts out of your shit with a popsicle stick i just thank the goddess that it will not be me

:thumbsup:

[greblc]

31. LOL, Now that's funny.

I think I'll toast myself a poptart.

[khashka]

10. The true secret to a happy marriage

is courtesy and politeness.


Khash.

[bridgit]

11. thank you, Khash...

:hi:

[Graf Orlok]

13. I don't get that about married couples...

why to they have to ask each other for permission to go somewhere? Aren't they both grown adults? Why can't they just say "Hey honey. I'm going to (insert place here). Be back later."?

:shrug:

[bridgit]

14. sure i got'cha like, "i'm going over to my favorite hooker...

"i'll be back in 5min, honey" :rofl: makes sense to me :thumbsup:

[Graf Orlok]

15. I'm not talking about that...

More like "I'm going out to play poker with my buddies" or "I'm going to the football game"...something like that. Not "I'm going over to my favorite hooker."

[bridgit]

25. then you have just confirmed, i am way too spoiled...

when not at work, in dentist chairs, in certain & various gender specific rest rooms, or sleeping, we by & large spend time together :shrug: which really isn't even that much time now that i think about it

[WCGreen]

16. As long as there is a condom involved......

What's your beef... Huh, what's the beef.....

As long as you don't pay wih a check....

[CaliforniaPeggy]

17. There are people who would have a problem with that, my dear WC...

It's not the fact that a condom is being used......

But the fact that sexual activity outside the marriage is happening...

There's the problem.....

Marriage is supposed to provide all the pleasures that a couple can enjoy......

Of course it doesn't always......Nothing is black and white .......


:shrug:

[WCGreen]

23. Ah Peg....

I was just being an instgator

[CaliforniaPeggy]

24. Good grief....

I should have realized this....and you do it so well.......sorry...


:blush:

[NNadir]

22. Because we have shared responsibilities.

We have to know what we are each doing.

I don't mind that at all. I'm very happy with it, actually. It's nice that someone cares where I am.

[bridgit]

37. yup...

:hi:

[Nikia]

29. I wish that my husband gave me more freedom that way

I always feel like I have to be with him. He is unemployed so he goes and does whatever he wants (not going to a hooker or having extra marital) while I am asleep or at work. It doesn't seem quite fair.

[Rising Phoenix]

27. giggle

:9

[SOteric]

33. My parents used to say

that only Adam and Eve had a perfectly happy marriage. Because she couldn't talk about all the men she could've married; and he could talk about the way his mother used to cook it.

[bridgit]

36. grand observations both...

:thumbsup:

[Dervill Crow]

34. Never both get mad at the same time

unless it's at a third party, and that should not be one of your children.

[Throckmorton]

35. Die First

Dying second sucks eggs.