Nicolas Cage naming his fucking kid Kal-el Coppola Cage

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

Nicolas Cage ruins his son's life
Tuesday - October 04, 2005

http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2005/10/04/nicolas_cage_ruins_his_sons_li.html



Things are great if you're Nic Cage. All your movies are well-received, nobody remembers that you were in Con Air, and you get to be married to a girl literally half your age - so young, in fact, that she was still living with her parents when you met. Even better, she doesn't seem to mind that you knocked her up and decided to name the fruit of her loins Kal-el Coppola Cage, after Superman's Kryptonian birth name.

Because Clark, or Lex, or Man-Lois would have been too subtle. Because Gwyneth Paltrow's kid is going to need a friend in the nurse's office every recess. And because Bizarro Superman Copola Cage is just too many letters to monogram on tiny feety pajamas.

[democracyindanger]

1. Anybody remember when Cage hosted SNL?

One sketch was Cage playing an expectant father, discussing possible names for the kid. Every name the wife brought up, Cage would find something wrong with it, that kids would make fun of their baby at school. Average names, like Brian or Chris.

There's a knock at the door, and it's a deliveryman. He says, "Delivery for Mr. Asswipe."

Cage yells, "It's AZ-WEE-PAY! AZ-WEE-PAY!"

[Fenris]

2. Jor-el would have been much better.

[Elidor]

6. Agreed! Jor-el has character and warmth.

As always, your taste is impeccable, Fenris. So is mine, come to think of it.

[Politically_Wrong]

17. self-delete

Goldie says sorry about this.

[Callalily]

18. You're absolutely right about

Jor-el. Most certainly a better name! The name of a true leader, right Jor (Sszark)?

[Politically_Wrong]

28. Yes, Goldie!

A recent study...by me...says that 10 out of 10 people prefer Jor-El cough *Sszark* cough over Kal-El cough *Matt* cough...Jor-El is a symbol of power and LEADERSHIP! He knows what is right for the people and damn it he cares about them...now let me hear a "Woo Ha Two Times Tuesday!" :woohoo:

[Callalily]

29. Yes Jor,

we should all should before you, and Kal-el needs to do a little now that you're the leader. Guess I too should do a little before you or I'll get the
Don't worry, I'll be practicing or I fear I'll get the boot.

typo-edit ugh!

[Politically_Wrong]

3. Kal-El...I'm so jealous...

I would kill to have the name "Kal-El"...If having a rich and famous dad wasn't enough, he's named after Superman! I don't think he'll ever get his ass kicked (but thats just because his dad Nicolas Cage)...of course if anybody else named their kid Kal-El...then I would predict a daily ass whipping!

[Callalily]

20. Don't let the other

Kal-El know about this. He already thinks he's the better shot, well . . . of course he's better than me, but then I suspect even my cat would be.

[Politically_Wrong]

23. Ah nonsense!

Everybody is better than Kal-El err I mean Matt...I honestly would rather have the name Jor-El...but thats just me...

[Redstone]

4. He should be stripped of his parental rights,

and castrated so he won't breed again.

I'm serious. Giving a kid a name like that is child abuse, pure and simple.

Redstone

[Left Is Write]

13. Maybe they plan to call him just Kal for short?

I hope?

[SCDem]

21. That's what I was thinking

I have friends named Khaled and Khalel and they go by Kal why can't Kal-el go by Kal? :shrug: I don't think anything is wrong with naming him that. There are 50 billion Garrison, Mason, Dylan and so many other names that end with an n. Let him be Kal-el and be original from his classmates.

[philosophie_en_rose]

5. Kal-el Cage????

It sounds like something mutant lab monkeys are kept in.

[DerekG]

7. I was tempted to name a future son after Alyosha (Karamozov)

But I don't want him mocked for a moniker that could be perceived as effete. I'll just raise him to be gentle and godly, and hope for the best.

[sendero]

8. I love Nick Cage..

... and if he wants to name his kid Krypton, that's his business :)

[Democrats_win]

27. PBS show on mustangs asks who wouldn't want to be Nick Cage

in "Gone in 60 seconds" driving his Shelby Mustang down the streets of Long Beach.

I'm a big fan of Nick Cage. He was also in a great movie, "It Could Happen to You" a true story about a NY cop who shares his winnings with a waitress after he promised it to her since he didn't have any money for a tip.

[Dude_CalmDown]

9. Wow, the worst actor to ever live gives his kid some stupid fucking name.

Who would have ever thought?

[Floogeldy]

10. Um . . . People can name their kids anything they want.

And we are having this discussion because . . . . WHY?

:eyes:

[terrya]

25. But the nice thing is that kids can go to court to change their names.

Which I suspect little Kal-el Cage will be doing as soon as is possible.

[Blue_Tires]

11. words cannot describe

i'd like to think the kid would get his regular ass-whuppins on the ballfield, but knowing hollywood, this kid will have private tutors all his life, and grow up with a huge superiority complex...

maybe as a teen, he'll think he can fly and jump out a window

i wonder if cage (or at least his subconscious) is trying to tell us something here---remember that time in the mid-90s when they were going to use him for the big-budget "Superman" movie remakes that never made if off the ground?

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

12. That was my initial reaction..."He never got to be Superman"...

This guy (Brandon Routh, starring in 2006's "Superman Returns"):



or THIS guy:



...hmmm...

Tough choice.

:evilgrin:

[ribrepin]

14. Now we know why Lisa Marie ran for her life after marrying Cage

"Honey, I'm home. Let's name our future kid after Superman."

Lisa Marie packing furiously and revving the car up in an attempt to put as much distance as possible between her and Cage.

[AntiCoup2K4]

15. With Lisa Marie, he probably would have named the kid "Kal-Elvis"!!

Thankya Thankyaverymuch....

[Heidi]

16. I think you give Lisa Marie too much credit.

She was also married to Michael Jackson.

[Left Is Write]

24. I was just thinking that.

Besides, I can't help myself. I like Nicholas Cage.

[ribrepin]

33. Good point

Makes you wonder how bad Cage is if Lisa Marie hung in longer with Michael Jackson than Cage. Or how nuts Lisa Marie is?

Actually, I like Nicholas Cage the actor. It's fun to make fun of celebrities. The situation in this country is sure no laughing matter.

[LynneSin]

19. He should have stuck with Ass-Wi-Pe Johnson

:shrug:

[Divameow77]

22. Most of you are acting happy

at the thought of a kid getting his ass kicked daily, he didn't choose the name.
I think Nic Cage is a good actor, there are far worse out there.

[Ilsa]

26. Why does Nick Cage hate his kid? eom

[NorthernSpy]

30. Kal-el? Sounds like one of those cattle feed supplements...

Boost yields with Kal-el!

[afdip]

31. i'll bet l. ron hubbard sent him a vibe from beyond

personally okaying the new name. scientologists everywhere rejoiced.

[DanCa]

32. Can I call my kid god and be done with it?

[AlienGirl]

34. People will just think it's a misspelling of Khalil. nt

[roguevalley]

35. Kal el crapola canola in a cage. great name. right up there with banjo and

apple.

[Dr Fate]

36. I love it. I'll bet he will be "Kal" for short.

What better mythological role model is there than Superman?