NEW ORLEANS RECOVERING FASTER THAN ANDERSON COOPER

[underpants]

http://www.borowitzreport.com/default.asp



Newsman Still Sobbing One Month After Katrina, Federal Officials Say

Government officials supervising the rebuilding of New Orleans after the devastation of Hurricane Katrina last month said today that the city is beginning to recover, but that the same could not be said about CNN anchor Anderson Cooper.

“He began sobbing uncontrollably weeks ago and he has not let up,” said Harley Trestman, an official with the Federal Emergency Management Agency. “We regard the situation with Anderson Cooper as still very, very serious.”

If the government were to take the step of declaring Mr. Cooper a disaster area, however, it would give FEMA the ability to send an emergency shipment of tissues to the lachrymose anchor, as well as a “Feel Better Bear” from 1-800-FLOWERS.


“The Anderson Cooper situation has been extraordinary in the annals of sobbing,” he said. “We really haven’t seen anything like this since Halle Berry won the Academy Award.”

[Midlodemocrat]

1. Should we have a telethon for him?

Get some major stars to sing and all that?