Where in the heck did I go?

[AlienGirl]

A piece of paper fell out of a notebook today, and I found myself face-to-face with me at thirteen: There I was, a raw nerve alive with teenage surety, so convinced that I would make a difference, full of idealism and energy, off to save the world.

Where did I go? Why don't I know what I see when I look in the mirror anymore? :beer: Allow me a moment of maudlin indulgence, while I try to figure out where the heck I went...

Tucker

[Floogeldy]

1. Hey, now.

You didn't go anywhere.

:)

[AlienGirl]

2. But--where's that kid? nt

[Floogeldy]

3. With you.

Always.

:)

[hfojvt]

4. allow me to quote Schindler's list

If you save one human life, you have saved the world

Did you really expect to save the world at 13? I was 13 in 1975 so I cannot remember what I thought so long ago. A seventh grader I was just trying to get A's and make the honor society, or the junior honor society. I thought I would be rich, that I would goto college (already having been promised a daddy scholarship) and get a good job and help to solve problems like over-population and poverty.

I am sure if I met that kid, he might yell "so I grow up to be a loser!" He would not be impressed by my current job, nor by my accomplishments either professionally or socially, although he would have to be impressed with the family history I have compiled. He would also probably be too arrogant and optimistic to listen to any advice I might offer.

What can I say kid? I tried. I like to think that the world is, at least in some small ways, a better place because of what I have done in the last 30 years even if I never will win a Nobel Prize or even a lesser award such as "stupid a$$ jerk of the day". Time keeps on slipping into the future, but I have done at least a good deed for the day.

[AlienGirl]

5. Have I saved a life? I may have...

I know darn well I've saved many non-human lives; there are more birds in the sky (and more opposums in the woods, and rabbits, and...) because of me.

But humans? I dunno. Assuming my blood was used, yes. Or assuming the guy I caught actually intended to kill someone that January, yes. But there's no way to be sure...

So I make a pile of all my accomplishments; is it high enough to see anything from?

On edit: Is this midlife?

Tucker

[hfojvt]

6. one guy I talked to said my rescue of 3 baby possums

was a mark against me, and that the game warden who took them from me, probably drowned them.

Perhaps the pile is not high enough to satisfy an ambitious 13 year old. Perhaps you just need better record keeping or PR for the work you are doing. I joke that my life accomplishment is going to be that I cleaned over 10,000 toilets. But I have also baked many batches of cookies (mostly eaten by me), biked about 25,000 miles, recycled a few thousand cans, and so on, even to the trash I picked up today. I created an email file of all the thank yous I have received, including one from Bob Herbert, from people I have helped with information, encouragement, and family research. I do what I can with where I am. We can't all write the Declaration of Independence.