My daughter is an AIM junkie. Any suggestions?

[bif]

She would spend all day Instant Messaging if we let her. And everytime we tell her she needs to get off, it turns into a fight.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

1. I am a DU junkie. Any suggestions?

[bif]

8. At least...

There are some intelligent conversations here. The IM conversations she has are totally inane.

[henslee]

14. My friends daughter is l4 going on 22. I pity you.

[malta blue]

2. Can you limit computer time in general?

That way if she chooses to AIM the entire time, it is her responsibility.

[bif]

3. We're trying that.

But she pulls the old "I'm working on some pictures in Photoshop" trick. She hides IM when we walk into the room. Then she clears "Recent Items" so there's no trace.

[MissMillie]

6. whether or not she's working in photoshop

she only has a certain amount of time every day to work on them.

[malta blue]

7. But you see a time limit is a time limit

No exceptions. I am a pretty strict mom, and mine is only 6, so I really can't say I have experience with the situation, per se, however, we limit tv time, and that is the way I work it.

Is the computer in her room? If so, how about moving it to a general area so that it can be monitored in an easier way?

[bif]

10. It's upstairs

In our library. She's a smart kid. So shel'll get on for a while. Then go on an hour later and say she was only on for a few minutes the last time. We'd need a stopwatch and have to spend the entire evening in the library with her to limitt the time.

[malta blue]

11. I would just lay down a rule that says you can use it from

x time to y time, that is it. No matter how long you stayed on during that interval, those are the times that it is allowed. Heck, good luck, I am not looking forward to any of that.

[Devra]

9. well if you have another computer in the house

You can im her to tell her that to get off. this would be proof that she is logged on too.

[bif]

15. She creates new screen names all the time

Plus we only have one computer. And I'm currently unemployed. But when I gert a job. I'm thinking of getting a laptop for the kitchen. And it'll be the only computer with IM on it.

[MissMillie]

22. You can fix it so that she CAN'T create screennames

The principal account screenname can set it up so that no one else can create screennames.

[MissMillie]

4. Limit her computer time in general

Just as you would limit her TV time.

[gmoney]

5. Let me know if you find an answer...

I'm hooked, too (well, more Yahoo IM, but same difference) :argh:

The good news/bad news is that it's cutting into my TV watching!

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

12. I think just about every kid goes through it these days.

I don't think there's much you're going to do to effectively stop it without putting software locks on the computer.

[BigMcLargehuge]

13. what version of what OS are you using

both Windows XP and Mac OS offer Fast User Switching. You could, theoretically, set her up with an account and password, and have her account stripped of AOLIM. Create an administrator account for you, with a good password that she can't crack.

You could also lock out the sites that host it for download (and it's variants, Jabber, Fire, etc...). You could also disable the ports that AOLIM uses to communicate out to the Internet via a software or hardware router/firewall.

[bif]

16. I'm using OS10.3.1 I believe

10.3.9. Just checked.

[BigMcLargehuge]

17. then you have fast user switching

create an admin account for yourself, and an account for her. You can pick and choose which aps she has access to. Just make sure to log off when you are done with the computer.

[BigMcLargehuge]

18. Try here

http://docs.info.apple.com/article.html?artnum=107180

[bif]

19. Question

I looked into Accounts in Preferences and she's set up an account for herself. Technically, I'm the Administer. When the tech guy where I used to work set it up the password as blank so there isn't a master password. What should I do at tiis point?

[BigMcLargehuge]

20. check the link on the post above

Apple's tech writers can explain it much more clearly than I can.

[bif]

21. Thanks.

[cally]

23. The bigger question is she's lying to you

and hiding something from you. I've moved computers to a central location or my room when my kids were on too long. I've also grabbed the hard drive when I thought my kids were being deceptive about computer use. There is no way for most of us to block what our kids do and see on the internet. I never tried becuase I didn't want to get into a challenge with them over who was better at figuring out the computer. I figured my kids had more time and would figure out any block I tried to install. Instead, I've tried openness and time limits. I enforce it by taking away the computer.

My 15 year old went through a year or two where she was constantly IMimg. She's not as interested in that now. She did learn to type very well during that time. I think the bigger problem is total time on computers and not just IMing. How old is your child?

[bif]

24. She's 14

We pretty much let her do what she wanted this summer, thinking she'd realize what a waste of time IM was. But that didn't help. So now we're back to trying to limit her time. You're right about getting into a pissing contest abopput who knows more about the computer. I'm fairrly tech savvy, but in the long run, she'd win.

[JVS]

25. BOOT CAMP!

As Maury Povich can testify, it's the only solution.

[seaglass]

26. My daughter is too, but I don't think it's a bad thing. Why is

it a problem?

Would you feel any differently if she spent hours on the telephone?

How about hours watching TV?

I remember feeling as you do but then I remembered how much time I spent time talking on the phone when I was a teen and it really seems like just a change in technology.

I know, because of an ugly experience, that there are dangers in IMing but I think to guard against that what is needed is some level of monitoring and open communication between the two of you.

Limiting time on IM in itself doesn't make the dangers go away.

[JVS]

27. BOOT CAMP!

[bif]

28. Well...

Here's the problem. She used to make videos, do sports, read. Now her whole life is devoted to doing IM. We went to France this summer and she shot 8 hours of video. So far she's made exactly two 2 minute videos and has no desire to even transfer the footage. I guess it's really more my problem than hers. I need to realize that she has little ambition to do anything.

[seaglass]

30. Of course she's definitely at an age where her interests

change - the social factor is getting much more important, the intrigue in teenagers' lives is just too damn exciting to miss a minute of it. :-)

Your daughter is making decisions about what is of value to her and it sounds like you don't agree. I have to say if I thought the choice for my daughter was reading or IMing I would have tried to figure out some way to keep her engaged in reading without turning it into a chore or a punishment.

You could say what you've said here - that you want her to be a well-rounded person and it seems like IMing is taking away all of her other interests. Then make a deal - a generous deal for her - X amount of time IMing for X amount of time pursuing another interest. I wouldn't even say what the other interest must be, let her decide. Or maybe you could do something that you both like together. Change the dynamic.

Good luck to you, I know it's not easy.

[Caution]

29. Sounds an awful lot like "my teenager won't get off the phone"

Put a strict limit on computer time if it bothers you all that much (though if she is not hogging a computer and is getting chores/homework done I don't see why there would be any harm in it).

"Computer time from 7pm to 9pm"

[miss_kitty]

31. Disable IM

She can use the phone. Or switch off the internet or make her use a computer in the same room as an adult.

I do realise that taking AIM away from her completely takes away her ability to socialise with her circle of frieds (I was the only girl without a Barbie doll, I know how that feels) but have you IM'd the parents of the other kids? If you have some of the same concerns, maybe you all could work as a regulatory unit-setting time limits and times of day when they can wallow in AIM chat...

[samdogmom]

32. If she wasn't on IM, she'd be tying up your phone line all day.

In the olden days many teen girls spent hours on the phone each day with their friends. Isn't this just the new way of doing an ancient teen activity? I'm guessing it's a phase and she'll grow out of it. There are only so many "LOL"s and "BRB"s you can type in a day. When she finds a more interesting activity, she'll move on. Especially if she has so many other interests. I'd be patient and not try to make a big deal out of it. My daughter was addicted to IM for about 6 months, but now she only uses it when she is really bored and has absolutely nothing else to do. There are weeks that go by when she hasn't used it once. All by herself she figured out the conversations were inane.