is this good advice?

[bertha katzenengel]

A friend at work is dealing with a neurotic -- hell, unstable, IMO -- boss who is forever digging for validation and won't quit harping -- obliquely -- about how my friend forgot her birthday. !!! This is a boss!!! There's a lot more too it but this is the current issue.

I gave my friend, who is struggling, this advice:

if you speak only your true feelings, and act only from your true motives, and don't tell her what you think she wants to hear but what say only what you need to say, who gives a crap what she does with what you say? If she wants to take apart your honesty and tear into you, but you are not playing games, she only looks like an idiot for trying to see what isn't there.

Example: If I say to you, "Carrie, I'm sorry but I have to cancel our weekend plan to see a movie; I just don't feel like going out." And that would be the truth, because I don't play games or say things I think someone would want to hear. Imagine you saying in response, "oh, my god, she doesn't want to be my friend. and she never DID want to see a movie with me, and she had me over only that once just to make me feel like she liked me. well, screw her." That would be a *name omitted* response. But an honest, non-game playing response -- the one you would actually give -- would be, "okay, you introvert, i understand. let's reschedule in a few days."

So be completely, utterly straight with the woman. If you don't want to go out to lunch, just say "I don't feel like going out to lunch, and this is no reflection on any birthday celebrations. I just don't want to go out to lunch." Leave it at that. If she wants to act like an utter a$$ afterwards, it's her fricking problem. It won't be fun for you, granted, but at least you've been honest and you can't get sucked in again once you've stood up like that.

??? good advice?