is it a parent's responsibility

[catmother]

to make sure that their children do not get overweight? i was shopping yesterday when a saw a mother and her 2 children -- one was about 10 the other 11 -- they were both overweight (so was the mother). i felt like telling her that she should nip this problem in the bud. we have so many overweight, unhealthy children. it's so easy to gain weight and so hard to take it off.

[WeRQ4U]

1. I'm sure there is a combination of factors that contribute....

But I tend to agree. A parent should have to take better care of their children instead of purchasing all processed food devoid of any nutritional value and allowing them to remain sedintary all the time. Like I said though, there may be factors other than bad parenting and simple laziness.

[Ladyhawk]

2. It is hard to take it off; however, there are some genetic components.

:shrug:

Only a doctor would know for sure what the cause of obesity is for these children. A lay person isn't in a position to judge.

For years, my aunt ate less than anyone I know and was still obese. She had to practically kill herself to finally lose the weight. She has lost over 100 pounds, but I doubt many people could fight her metabolism the way she has. Her daughter is, on the other hand, very thin, almost anorexically so. So, you can't judge by outward appearances.

:shrug:

[catmother]

4. overweight

i completely understand. sometimes there's a thyroid problem. of course it should be checked by a doctor. years ago there were a few children who were overweight -- now in the age of fast food it's hard. i've read that there are children out there with dangerously high cholestrol.

i have a sister who tends to gain weight easily and she has 2 children. one has the tendency that she does, the other is thin as a rail. she's been extremely careful of monitoring what the heavier one eats.

[Heidi]

3. Yes, but you can't wait until they're pre-teens or teens to

understand it. Kids need a healthy, nutritionally-balanced diet from birth. Start giving them crap when they're old enough to chew and park 'em in front of video games, DVDs and TV, and you've got the recipe for an overweight (and health-compromised) kid, and no amount of parental nagging will ever un-do habits established early on.

[catmother]

5. overweight

i totally agree.

[northzax]

6. it is a parent's responsibility

to do whatever they can to protect their childrens' health. You wouldn't let your children smoke, or drink alcohol, or shoot heroin, why would you let them eat and laze themselves into an early grave?

and yes, this means that if there is a thyroid problem, or another biological reason that moderate exercise and healthy eating does not keep a child from obesity, then, as a society, we need to ensure that the children get the medical care they need to remain healthy.

[Name removed]

10. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[northzax]

14. if you think it's a minority problem

then you are missing the huge segment of good, god fearing white folk with the same problem. it's not economic, racial or anything, it's a cultural issue, the entire culture. There are rich fat latinos and poor fat whites. it's not that simple.

[redqueen]

7. Wait for it...

:popcorn:






oh yeah, and welcome to du. enjoy your stay.

[XemaSab]

24. Can I have some?

:popcorn:

[redqueen]

28. Help yourself!

Something tells me we may be here a while. :evilgrin:

[auntAgonist]

41. I LOVE

popcorn w/butter. I can still eat it too, thankfully.

hope you don't mind if I join in hehe

aA

[redqueen]

54. 'Course not!

I always bring enough to share. :D

[XemaSab]

79. DU.... where the popcorn's always on

:toast:

[MissMillie]

8. I don't think the responsibility is to keep your kids to a certain size

I think the responsibility is to teach the children how to care for their bodies by teaching them to make smart food choices and to exercise regularly.

My son is not fat, but he makes lousy food choices. No one would look at us in the store and think that I had done him a disservice, yet I have, because he really doesn't eat very well. I've tried to teach him, but he is so addicted to carbs and processed food.

Getting him to eat anything green is like pulling teeth.

[catmother]

15. overweight

my husband is overweight. when i met him 35 years ago he was too thin. then as he got older his metabolism slowed down (everyone's does) and he really got big.

he was in the hospital last year for an unrelated problem and he lost weight because of hospital food and when he came home he tried to eat better. but then, little by little he started eating the same junk again and he's going back up. i've been into health for about 25 years and i keep trying to educate him, but he can take something healthy like a whole grain bread and then put cheese on it. so i can only imagine how hard it is with a child.

[MissMillie]

20. cheese isn't the end of the world

unless you put it on everything.

People need to learn that there are foods that you should eat often, and there are foods that you should have only once in a while.

Moderation is EVERYTHING. Variety is important too.

I have bacon once a week (with my breakfast on Friday after my workout). I have sushi a couple of times a week. I don't eat cheese every day. I focus on lean proteins. When I eat carbs, I try to make them whole grain or vegetables. I could probably stand to eat more fruit, but given the size of my tummy (I'm a WLS surgery patient) there usually isn't a lot of room for it.

My total cholesterol last month was 166, with my HDL being 64. And that's w/ me having bacon once a week.

[redqueen]

26. Good point! LOTS of thin, unhealthy people out there.

But since they look good, it's OK! :sarcasm:

[Left Is Write]

53. Regarding the slowing of metabolism...

The reason people's metabolisms slow down as they age is that the people themselves slow down with age. Less activity leads to a slower metabolism.

It isn't written in stone that you have to submit to a slower metabolism. I am 39 years old and more active than I ever have been in my life. Lots of physical activity and lean muscle mass will speed one's metabolism. My body burns more calories now than it did ten years ago.

[GirlinContempt]

104. I was

a super-healthy eater, got plenty of exercise, didn't drink pop or eat junk food, and I was pudgy. My little sister ate nothing but shit, no veggies, and sat in front of the TV all day and is thin as a rail. I don't care what anyone says. SHE was unhealthy and I was not. I hated the assumption that she was healthier than I was based just on which side of the family we took after.

You've got the right idea :)

[Scout]

112. thank you

seems like as long as you're not fat, people don't much care what you eat

at least if you don't look fat, they don't think they have a right to butt in and rag on you for being unhealthy ... but if you offend their sensibilities by actually being/looking fat, then oh boy look out 'cuz so many of them feel they just MUST educate you about your poor choices...

[MsKandice01]

9. Definitely, BUT

There's a fine line between monitoring your child's food consumption and being too restrictive. My parents were very restrictive when I was a kid because they were worried about me becoming overweight. I was borderline chubby as a kid, but never fat. As a result, I would sneak snacks and sweets when I could, and then binge on them so I could get rid of them as fast as I could. Once I got old enough to eat what I wanted, I went nuts with it. I eventually ended up at 388 pounds at the age of 25. I ended up having gastric bypass surgery and have lost 210 pounds, but it has been a very hard road.

[MissMillie]

11. way to go Kandice

from another WLS patient.

You look great, by the way. I'll bet you feel wonderful.

I still have some weight to lose (I had my surgery last September) but I am religious about exercise, and I have never felt better in my life.

[MsKandice01]

16. Thanks!

I DO feel wonderful, for the most part. I was really neglectful about taking my vitamins though and five years later, I'm paying for it. I'm getting my levels back up now though. Even though it's a HUGE pain in the ass, take it from me, TAKE YOUR VITAMINS!

Good luck on getting the rest of your weight off. I haven't gained back a pound yet. :)

[Dora]

69. Off-topic: I hope you're monitoring your B-12 levels.

The medical establishment has found that persons with gastric bypass surgery began showing a deficiency several years after the procedure. It is quite important that you know (if you don't already) that your stomach is no longer able to absorb B-12 from your diet like it could before, and you must now take B-12 either sublingually or via injection.

You may already know about this, but just in case you didn't, I felt it important enough to bring to your attention. It typically appears in the elderly, which is why it's overlooked in younger populations. B-12 deficiency symptoms include faintness, shortness of breath, weakness and fatigue, clumsiness, depression, numbness/tingling of extremities, bleeding of the gums, and/or a burning tongue. I'm B-12 deficient, and since it was diagnosed I've done a lot of reading on the subject. My deficiency is unexplained, and not due to stomach surgery.

:hi:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

128. Wow...I'd never heard of that!

Do you take supplements, or eat a high B12 diet?

[northzax]

12. you are correct

it shouldn't be simply restrictive, as it was in your case, the way to deal with it, from my perspective, is to simply teach, and live, a healthy lifestyle. not exercise for the sake of exercising, but simply an active, healthy lifestyle. I know, easier said than done.

[hfojvt]

13. easy to gain weight?

not for me. At 76 pounds in the 7th grade, I was the 2nd smallest person in my PE class. Combine that with the fact that I was one of the taller people in my class, and that is a bad combination for a male. So I have sympathy with people who cannot control their weight. Some people probably have just as hard a time losing weight, as I did gaining it.

[catmother]

22. easy to gain

i had a similar problem. i was 97 lbs when i graduated high school. when i went to work i would eat 2 breakfasts and at lunch i would eat a hamburger, mashed potatoes and a thick shake. finally i got up to 100 lbs.

now that i'm older and my metabolism has slowed down, i have to really watch what i eat. i weight myself everyday and if i gain a pound or 2 i cut back. it's not easy and because i have chronic fatigue syndrome i can't exercise as much as i'd like to, but i do pilates.

[redqueen]

29. "i weight myself everyday and if i gain a pound or 2 i cut back"

Sounds kinda obsessive to me.

Wait, not kinda.

[catmother]

32. weight

that's the same thing that i said. i heard a report last week that it's good to do that. when you see a pound or 2 it's easier to take it off than when it's 8 or 10.

[redqueen]

36. With good habits and regular exercise, you don't even need a scale.

I still say that's obsessive.

[Left Is Write]

43. I agree. Weighing every day is not a good idea.

Everyone has natural fluctuations of a pound or two or three depending on hydration level, time of month, and other factors.

I don't think anyone should weigh more than once a week, and some say to weigh only once a month to get an accurate picture.

[redqueen]

55. You could fluctuate that much just from constipation.

Really... weighing yourself that often is nuts.

[Scout]

113. I easily gain/lose 4 lbs a day! n/t

[GreenPartyVoter]

46. Even while bulimic I couldn't get under 120. Now I would be glad to get

under 200.

[Rich Hunt]

17. well...

I mean, my brother was slim and athletic, and then later he got fat.

I'm not sure what it was my 'awful' mother did wrong, but I'm sure she deserves to have to answer for it after all this time.

It's not as if my brother was justifiably depressed or anything - it's not as if he were being bullied by jealous kids who were prompted by their jealous, gossiping mothers or anything.

Whatever, she's an invalid now.

But then again, he stopped eating in high school and became drastically thin. So maybe she was a good mother.

Oh but wait - then my sister got fat. The verdict: bad mom.

And I suppose I should just accept that it is everyone's business. She should have been locked up a long time ago for being such a bad mom.

[catmother]

18. well

i hope your joking.

[redqueen]

50. Your OP makes me think you wouldn't care anyway.

Am I wrong?

I mean, a child fat was involved, so ... the mom is bad. Case closed. Right?

[friesianrider]

147. Would you believe her if she told you *were* wrong?

[Fox Mulder]

19. Do you see all the crap parents are buying their kids?

I have younger cousins that eat at a fast-food restaurant three times a week. Hell, they have all these high fat snacks (combined with pop) around the house that they can eat all the time. It's no wonder why they're overweight.

When I was young, my parents didn't have any money so I didn't go out to eat and I had no snacks around the house. I was skinny.

So yes, it is a parent's responsibility to make sure their kids don't get overweight.

[MissMillie]

23. One can get fat on good food too

I did.

We didn't have processed snacks or soda when I was growing up because my parents couldn't afford it. We did have big dinners every night that included meat, potato and veggie. Healthy stuff.

Trouble w/ me was that I used all the good food for more than just physical nurishment. I ate to cure stress, boredom, loneliness, anxiety... you name it.

[catmother]

30. good food

hey i'm no saint. i can get depressed and pig out on healthy food.

i also allow myself to eat unhealthy food as a treat. i love the fried chicken tenders at the cracker barrel. to me that's comfort food.

it's like i try to tell my husband. you can have bacon and eggs, but only once a month.

[Left Is Write]

27. I was skinny too, and we had all kinds of homemade comfort meals

and we had snacks and desserts (afternoon snacks were often homemade cookies, brownies, popcorn, or crackers and cheese).

There were five of us children and none of us has ever been overweight, though as often as my mom cooked and baked you might think we'd have been fat.

It's not as simple as just "it is a parent's responsibility to make sure their kids don't get overweight."

I think parents should offer healthy foods, treats in moderation, and encourage physical activity. But if parents turn themselves into food police, they will set themselves up for what could be a major battle (as one person illustrated above with her personal anecdote about restrictive parents).

Sometimes the best way is to lead by example: if parents choose healthy foods for themselves and take part in physical activity themselves, chances are the kids will do the same.

There will always be variables, though, and parents can't control all of them.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

90. Well said, Left Is Write!

My in-laws were hyper-anxious about my older stepson's weight at around age 12. I felt certain that he just needed to get out on his bike (or some similar activity) more often, because his time spent playing video games was usually accompanied by consumption of a nutritionally vacant snack. But being a mere step-mom, I couldn't possibly have had any wisdom on the subject; so my in-laws and my husband's ex put him on a Slim-Fast diet. He's now a 30 year old
yo-yo dieter, and every time he gains weight, he's a little heavier than the last time.

About the time my son turned 12, they tried to persuade him to drink that liquid sawdust crap, too; but I put my foot down. I convinced him to ride his bike more and get involved in the local Boys and Girls Club baseball team. The kids on the team teased him about his weight until he had a sudden growth spurt and lost his baby fat. He turned 18 last summer, and looks fabulous.

[friesianrider]

97. That's true...

I remember vividly in elementary school you weren't "cool" if you didn't have the fruit roll-ups and "Gushers" candies in your lunch. That shit is like pure...well, shit. I'm sure a lot of parents feel guilty if they send their kid to school with an "uncool" lunch with fruits, veggies, and water or something.

[youthere]

21. hoo boy did you ever hit a hot button for me...

My husband's niece (his sister's daughter) and my oldest are the same age (3 weeks apart- both are 10 going on 11. His niece is grotesquely overweight. She is not overweight because of a thyroid problem or any other health factor, she is obese because her mother allows her whatever she wants. Last Christmas the little girl didn't want to eat what we were having for our family meal so the mother packed her in the car, drove her 25 miles into the city to get her Taco Bell. The mother is also morbidly obes- in fact she (half) jokes and calls her daughter her "pastry pal" (They share KrispyKremes every morning).She doesn't think that there is anything wrong with how her kid behaves, or the food that she is eating. A ten year old child should not weigh over 200 lbs! The girl's last visit to the doctor showed the girl to have high blood pressure, and an elevated cholesterol level, and still the mother continues. The school called both parents in for a conference because of their concern about this kid-still nothing. Our family has tried over and over to talk to her about this issue and we are told to back off and that it's none of our business. Personally I believe that this child should be taken away from her. I believe this mother is poisoning her child with food, but CPS doesn't consider extreme obesity to be abuse. So what do you do? It is absolutely a parent's responsibility to keep a child as healthy as possible. My sister in law is killing her daughter, and no one seems to want to do anything to stop it. Does the kid have to have a heart attack at 10 years old for this to matter? I consider this to be no different than if she were beating this child.If this child were underweight and starving it would be labeled neglect...so why are obese children treated differently? Isn't that neglect too?

[catmother]

25. hoo

i think places like mcdonalds should be held accountable too. they have their ronald mcdonald house for sick children and the parents and they are part of the problem. just look at the shit they sell.

by the way did anyone see the movie "supersize me"?

[GreenPartyVoter]

48. I love your sig image. *g*

[friesianrider]

102. That is a sin...and think of the psychological effects!

That poor girl at 10 may not comprehend the nicknames, but when she gets to be 14 or 15 she'll know all too well. I said earlier on this thread that I knew a girl in HS who was very obese. She absolutely HATED her parents for allowing her to get to that weight before she was able to control and choose her own foods for herself. A 10 year old just isn't capable of understanding what she's doing to her body. She worked so hard to lose the weight and become healthy again, but she struggled a lot and got teased A LOT.

If for no other reason, I wouldn't want to subject my kids to anything that would *increase* the chance they'd be bullied or picked on in school. The HS I went to was very, very clique-y and they've had three kids in the last few years commit suicide because of bullying (and all of them were also overweight). Anyway...aside from that factor, the main thing is of course health. A child that young should not have problems with her cholesterol and such. It is such a shame, I really feel sorry for kids whose parents do that to them. It must be twice as difficult for you and your family to watch it all and not be able to do much about it.

[youthere]

114. It's heartbreaking..

I know she gets picked on at school, and her brother (who is in the normal range weight-wise, but has other issus) is merciless. I can't believe that a loving parent would knowingly do this to their child. My SIL uses her daughter as an excuse for her own food issues and that is reprehensible as far as I'm concerned. She doesn't have to accept responsibility for eating half a dozen donuts because "K----- was the one who wanted to get them." It's sick. Absolutely sick.:grr: :grr:

[Deja Q]

31. A child won't know what to eat until you train it to.

So, yeah, a parent should have some guidance early on.

A diet of french fries and big macs does very little good, I'm afraid.

I recall seeing a 7 year old girl who had a gut the size of MINE. And I'm 33. It was the saddest thing I'd ever seen.

No wonder the "pro-life" fundies have their undies twisted in a knot. We need people to breed so that the kids who die of artery blockage at age 12 will be readily replaced for when we need them in our latest McWar. :crazy:

[youthere]

33. Good point HypnoToad...

Where the hell are the anti-choice fundie nutbags when it comes to these kids? Aren't THEIR lives precious too?

[GreenPartyVoter]

51. I fed mine just great until they were two, then they stopped wanting a

veriety of foods. It was all cheerios all the time. Now they are 5 and 7 and we are still struggling to get these kids to get some variety in their diet.

I honestly dunno what happened. They loved fruit and veggies when they were still in their high chair. *sigh*

[Left Is Write]

59. Take heart.

It's not unusual for kids that age to go through a picky stage, even those who were previously good eaters.

Thankfully, my five-year-old has outgrown her picky stage and will eat almost anything she is served. My son, age three, is still very picky.

[GreenPartyVoter]

63. I think we are making a small amount of progress. It's really slow, though

and frustrating. On the plus side, there are worse things to eat as snacks than cheerios and Life cereal, so I am glad they will at least choose those over say ding-dongs and ho-hos

[TallahasseeGrannie]

76. My daughter is going through that now

her little guy is about to turn 2. He used to eat everything she spooned into him. Now: french fries. period.

She takes it very personally and is about to go nuts!

[GreenPartyVoter]

131. Oh, I do too! Since I have a weight issue I dread them having one too and

really wish they would eat better. And it's not a case of them doing what I say not what I do in some respects because other than granola bars, some candy, and chips, they don't like junk food. They hate pizza and tacos and cheeseburgers. Frankly, it's a miracle that they do since their dad and I love that stuff.

[MissB]

115. Well said, Hypno. To add....

the crap they serve in school is horrifying. Of course, if the habits aren't set by the time the kids are in school then one would just be piling on another problem.

The large school district in our area (not mine) serves a free breakfast to all. The choices are a breakfast burrito, a cinnamon roll or a breakfast sandwich (hamburger bun with processed ham and processed cheese). It's all just crap.

One of my kids will eat carrots for breakfast. Raw. :shrug: I cook a lot of stuff from scratch, so our processed food are minimized. We still have the occaisonal crappy mac and cheese, but it is in moderation.

I have problems finding slim enough pants for my kids. Many manufacturers now make husky sizes but not slim sizes.

[pitohui]

34. mothers who nag abt weight create anorexics

we don't understand the causes of the current obesity epidemic nor do we seem to have a good safe means for helping many of the victims lose weight but we do know how to create eating disordered/anorexics and making children self-conscious abt their bodies is step one

the anorexic dies in her twenties, the obesity victim dies in her fifties

the first step is DO NO HARM, shaming fat mothers & shaming children does great harm

i'd say MYOB, the mother is prob. doing the best she can, if she knew how to lose weight safely, duh, she wouldn't be fat herself, & putting children on weight loss programs is exponentially more difficult to do w.out creating an immediate threat to health

[redqueen]

37. Brilliant!

Thanks for your thoughtful, intelligent post. :hug:

[GreenPartyVoter]

56. My 7 yo got a bit of a pot belly this summer. So we determined 3 things:

cut back on the chicken nuggets, encourage him to exercise, and attribute some of it to a pre-growth spurt horading of calories.

Looks like we were right on all counts because he's lost some tummy since eating fewer chicken nuggets and spending a half hour in the evening running around playing catch or what-have-you. And he grew again.

He came up to me recently and told me he only wants chicken nuggets one day a week now because he doesn't want to get 'fat' (which he really wasn't) again. I didn't want him obsessing over his size so I just said that he made a good decision because he needs more variety in his diet.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

58. Mothers who nag about weight also create

fat kids.

My mother put me on my first diet when I was 17. I weighed about 130 and was 5' 6". She took me to a doctor who gave me amphetemines. Made me talk alot, I remember. I lost seven pounds. I realize now that my mother had sexual issues related to past abuse and when I got curvey she freaked and thought she could diet me out of it.

Long story short, I weigh 330 lbs today. And when my mother recently died I was not unduly upset, shall we say.

There are so many issues relating to weight today. One big issue is the suburban lifestyle where many of us drive everywhere. I never saw a school bus until I got into high school. Parents are also loathe to let their kids play outside unsupervised, and who has time to supervise them outside? We are all afraid they will be snatched. Lots of kids are key chain kids and come home alone to lock the door, watch TV and play video games until the parents come home. Junk food is comfort in an empty house. Junk food helps a parent with the guilt of not being there. Schools are so focused on standardized tests that recess is a thing of the past, and PE classes are being cancelled all over the country. Can any of you remember having to take PE classes every year in HS or you didn't graduate? No more. Same in college. I had to take two years of PE. No more. Also, the Internet has provided so many of us with wonderful online fun that we hate to push back from the monitor. Add to that portion dementia. I recently got a bowl of pasta in a restaurant that was at least 16 inches in diamter. It was a serving bowl. Then look into corn syrup. It is in everything. Literally. Some theorize that THAT, in itself, has led to our national obesity and diabetes epidemic. We weren't made to eat corn syrup. We weren't made to each chocolate, either, but they don't add it to 90% of our food.

And take it from me: once you start freaking about your weight the whole thing becomes (for many of us) self-actualizing, self-fulfilling prophesy.

[friesianrider]

107. Excellent point, TG.

[friesianrider]

106. While it's hard to judge just by seeing some one in a store...

I don't think the goal is to "nag" kids about weight, but make it a point to encourage healthy habits in kids such as eating well, everything in moderation, and exercising regularly. My Mom would always encourage me as a kid "it's a beautiful day! Let's go for a walk together" or something like that. She got involved, too. It was time we could spend together and we could exercise as well.

You're right though - the goal isn't to nag about weight. Some people are healthy at what may physically appear to be "overweight" whole some people are thin as a rail but are eating nothing but processed garbage. I think though as this generation of kids grows up, we'll see many more problems with kids in their 20s having major health problems because of what they've ate. While I suppose it is "better" to die in your 50s from obesity than it is to die in your 20s as an anorexic, obviously it shouldn't be one extreme or the other.

I think parents should encourage their kids to eat right, eat a balanced diet, eat everything in moderation, and exercise regularly - but unfortunately it doesn't seem like many parents today actually do this.

[auntAgonist]

35. A parent's responsibility begins with EDUCATION

on good nutrition. Healthy eating habits should be started early. Having said that, there are many families who THINK they have good eating habits. Some equate good habits to simply being able to feed themselves. In this country where there is so much poverty, good food isn't always available. A parents responsibility continues with monitoring their child's health. IF a weight issue is seen in a child the child should be examined by a health care professional and it should be determined as to whether or not the childs intake is the cause of the weight problem, either under or overweight. My Mother was an excellent cook, she taught me to be an excellent cook, unfortunately excellent meant lots of meat and potatoes, some veggies cooked to death at times, gravy .. dessert and snacks during the day. We always ended our days with a bedtime snack. As a result of following these ingrained habits and attitudes I became a yo yo dieter. Up a few pounds, lose a few pounds, spend money on a gym membership .. you get the idea. At 48 years of age I opted for Weight Loss surgery, specifically a Biliopancreatic diversion with a duodenal switch. I've lost 116lbs so far and my health is reaping the benefits.
enough about me.
It is a parents responsibility to nurture and care for their children. It's up to the child to either continue with good healthy eating habits or take their own route and vice versa.
On another point, WHY blame the restaurants like McDonalds and Burger King for OUR yes OUR inability to take responsibility for OUR lives. I don't get it. Are we THAT weak that advertising can dictate our lives?

WE need to be responsible for our lives and health.

And a note regarding the Original Post

"i felt like telling her that she should nip this problem in the bud. we have so many overweight, unhealthy children. it's so easy to gain weight and so hard to take it off."

It's not your place to approach anyone about their weight or the weight of their children. I doubt they would listen.

[redqueen]

38. Well put.

Blaming restaurants is idiotic.

Having McDonald's once in a while (i.e. RESPONSIBLY) as you would any potentially unhealthy treat will do no harm.

[catmother]

44. mcdonalds

actually you can even make some healthy choices at mcdonalds. i just heard about a woman who ate nothing but mcdonalds and lost weight.

they have a grilled chicken sandwich and if you tell them to hold the honey-mustard or give it to you on the side it's not bad. i've also heard that their ice cream is not really ice cream that it's ice milk. they do have a list of their items and the associated calories and fats.

[auntAgonist]

57. sorry, you don't get it...

it IS about healthy choices, yes. BUT. If I want healthy food I don't go to McDonalds or any fast food places. I still regard eating out as a treat. I cannot believe that parents would take their kids to McD's for 'healthy salads and hold the mustard stuff'

[redqueen]

62. Thanks. That's it exactly.

Choosing to drink diet soda and eat low-cal fast food is not having a healthy diet.

[Celeborn Skywalker]

65. It wouldn't be a healthy diet,

but it sure is healthier than ordering a big mac, fry and coke. There's nothing wrong with trying to eat healthy when you can. When I'm on the road and can't buy groceries I go to McDonald's and get the grilled chicken and a side salad. And yes, that is relatively healthy, at least compared to the other shit on their menu.

[redqueen]

66. Well sure if you have no other choice.

However I know junk-food junkies and that's all they want.

Actually cooking anything is anathema to these people. Not good.

[catmother]

39. weight

i know it's not my place. she probably would have smacked me and it would have deserved it. LOL

[auntAgonist]

139. don't know if

she'd have slapped you that's quite an assumption. But truthfully, saying anything about the situation would not serve any good purpose at all. I TRY very hard to not judge people by looks alone. Gods only know that I've been judged many a time for being super morbidly obese (according to Dr's BMI charts, that was 'my' classification). You have NO idea about a family's situation by just passing them in the supermarket.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

40. Do you feel she hadn't noticed they were overweight

and that you should point it out to her?

[catmother]

47. overweight

i'm sure that she knew that they were overweight and it is not my place to point it out to her.

[Name removed]

52. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Democrats_win]

42. NM. case: girl would die if diet not changed: gov't took custody.

http://www.nvo.com/hypoism/parentsofoverweightgirlwillsuenewmexico/

[Celeborn Skywalker]

45. I wouldn't put the emphasis on weight

It is a parent's responsibility to make sure their child is eating healthy food, though. There's nothing wrong with an occasional treat but junk food should not be consumed daily. I'm talking about preteens, of course, because I realize how hard it is to regulate anything when you have teenagers.

[bertha katzenengel]

49. I think so but it has to start EARLY

I didn't have a good model, but I was thin as a rail until my mother* died. I don't understand it, but my factors are 1. genetics 2. environment 3. mindfuck from birth until i got help at age 23. :shrug:

* I don't weigh as much as she did when she died. I'm holding steady at about 50 lbs below that weight. :eyes:

[GreenPartyVoter]

61. *hugs* I climbed into the fridge when mom died last year and haven't

gotten back out yet. I think I've put on at least 40 pounds in 9 months. *sigh*

[bertha katzenengel]

67. oh, dear, GPV...

Don't despair. That's common with grief. It'll even out, it really will.

And I'm sorry you've lost your mom. In a lot of ways I was very lucky that she died when I was eleven. :hug:

[GreenPartyVoter]

71. Yeah, I remember some of your posts about your mom *hugs* I miss

mine so bad. She wasn't just my mom but also my best girlfriend. I don't have either one now....

[bertha katzenengel]

78. sigh

:hug:

[DanCa]

60. Yes it is i was an overweight child

A child is not the one bringing food in the house, setting limits, or making time for exercise. There are rare exceptions with metabolism or a contributing factors (medication) but soneones lifestyle should be the first suspect. Note I have no right to raise anyones kid i just dont want to see anyonses kid picked on like i was.
I was so heavy that when i sat down in shop class the whole class jumped up. Being fat and in high school is in a hell all by itself.

[catmother]

68. healthy eating

well shit. it looks like i set off a whole set of emotions. i'd like to tell you a story about a very close friend of mine. we actually met at work -- we were wearing headphones and realized we were listening to the same person who was talking about nutrition. to make a long story short we became very close friends. now let me tell you this man was absolutely gorgeous. tall, light brown hair, blue eyes, beautiful skin. looked like an actor. (actually that was his ambition). well he told me that when he was in the 7th grade he was fat -- that he actually paid someone to invite him to a party. he finally went to his mother and asked her to help him lose weight which she did. if only those cruel kids could see him in later life. by the way he was not only beautiful in looks, but in his soul.

i hope that the overweight children out there are not going through what my friend went through.

[redqueen]

70. God, that's annoying. The subject line is actually used, on this site.

:rofl:

[Sugar Smack]

73. It's so ROBOTIC,

don't you think?

:rofl:

[redqueen]

74. Yes, it seems as if thinking is a chore.

You know, thinking up something to put in that little box.

:rofl:

[skygazer]

119. I'm so glad you said that

It was driving me crazy - I kept wondering why there was such repetition.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

64. Scuse me, but how do you know they aren't on a healthy living program?

It really galls me when people automatically assume that some complete stranger who happens to be overweight is a binge-eating sedentary fuck-up. The second or third day of a healthy diet and exercise program is not going to present a huge change in a person's looks. For that matter, the folks you noticed may have already lost 10 pounds each.

Give people the benefit of the doubt. If they aren't currently involved in trying to make their lifestyle healthier, they most likely will be at some point or other...it's none of your business anyway.

[auntAgonist]

72. well said GoG

After surgery I STILL looked morbidly obese, then gradually the weight came off. I'm SURE people still looked at me with that disdainful look they always did. They had NO idea of who I was/am, no idea of what I'd gone through, NO clue as to how I'd lived my life.

aA

[redqueen]

75. Well you know... making snap judgments about people we don't know

anything about... just based on appearance... that's what all we liberals do, right?

:rofl:

[TallahasseeGrannie]

80. I think I love you

You said: "It really galls me when people automatically assume that some complete stranger who happens to be overweight is a binge-eating sedentary fuck-up."


Thank you.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

127. Awww...

I love you too, Grannie! :hug:

[friesianrider]

109. I don't think the OP was accusing the mother...

It probably just got her thinking about whether parents have a responsibility to their kids regarding weight and health.

Hopefully, the mother had taken some steps to help herself and her kids, if she was really that obese.

[redqueen]

116. Oh no, she was assuming for sure. Re-read the OP.

"i felt like telling her that she should nip this problem in the bud."

[friesianrider]

118. Well, I think that is a prefectly natural reaction...

I would likely have the same reaction. Wrong as it may be, I don't really know if it's fair to make someone feel like they are being an evil person for assuming what the OP did. We all judge people on appearances when we first see them. Since so many parents do neglect problems like this, I think it is fair for someone to have a knee-jerk assumption about it. I think it's hard to believe that many of the people here today wouldn't (even for a moment) judge or assume anything about a morbidly obese family they saw. I just hate with people on here act as if they would *never* even for a moment judge someone from appearances alone or make assumptions about another or stereotype someone based on appearances alone at first. We all do, it's human nature.

Anyway, JMHO, of course :)

[redqueen]

124. Yeah, MHO is that snap judgments are bad.

Unless made to protect your own safety, I don't see any defense for them.

Sure they're natural. So is going to the restroom. We must learn to use discretion with both. :)

[friesianrider]

137. Okay. I just didn't think it was that big of a deal.

We all do it, even you, I'm sure :) The OP is new, and I'm sure felt sort of ganged up on by some on here.

It just doesn't bother me that much so...but whatevs :hi:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

126. Those who have negative knee-jerk reactions to overweight people

should focus on doing something about that problem rather than freaking out about some total stranger's body.

"Human nature" includes a wide variety of unhealthy attitudes and habits. There are still people in this country who have knee-jerk reactions to people of a race different from their own, transvestites, and the sight of two men or women with their arms around each other.

It was certainly not my intent to make anyone feel like an evil person in this instance; but tell me please, why is it acceptable to make overweight people feel like shit with demeaning assumptions yet unacceptable to take a stand against such prejudicial thinking?

[friesianrider]

138. Well, what should she have "done about the problem"?

Should she have gone up to the mother and asked to speak with her privately?

I don't really think she "freaked out" she had a natural reaction to seeing an obese person - and the same reaction I suspect most of the people on here would have too. Of course I have reactions to people outside of the norm. Do I think they're weird or strange or not as good as me? Of course not. But I would be lying if I said I didn't notice a person was morbidly obese and wonder what is going on in their life, or notice a transvestite, or couple making out in public or whatever. It's just observation.

"why is it acceptable to make overweight people feel like shit with demeaning assumptions yet unacceptable to take a stand against such prejudicial thinking?"

I think you're absolutely right in taking a stand against prejudicial standing - you're absolutely, 100% right and I certainly don't think it's "unacceptable" to say making automatic assumptions is wrong. I guess I just noticed the OP was sort of new and I know for a fact that she felt sort of ganged up on and made to feel like she's some kind of bad person for reacting the way she did - a way that I think is pretty natural for most people. We see a morbidly obese person and think "my God, what is wrong with them? Are they sick? Are they just not eating well?" Add to that when there's two morbidly obese children, and I think it's natural for strangers to worry about the health of the kids, and if their condition is not a true medical one, but one of just poor diet or whatever. Certainly is it wrong to assume it is just poor diet, but I just thought some of the comments condemning her reactions were a little rude, that's all (not necessarily yours or anything, just some people's were).

Anyway, I do completely agree with you that it is wrong to make assumptions about people based on appearance. But I can guarantee that at some point in all our lives, we've all done it. I just didn't want the OP to feel like she was being ganged up on or being put down for something we have *all* done at one point in our lives or another.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

145. Why should she speak with her about her children's weight at all?

That was none of her business.

"The problem" I was speaking of was not the woman's weight issue, or her children's. I was speaking of the poster's problem with prejudice, or as you put it, making "assumptions about people based on appearance", which is precisely what prejudice is.

There's a big difference between wondering what's going on in someone's life due to their appearance and making arrogant assumptions about that person based on stereotypes that have been passed down from one ignorant generation to the next. Prejudice exists in each of us, myself included. Believe me, I'm not attempting to take a holier-than-thou stance in this.

My experience has been that it's at least as difficult to relinquish bigotry as it is to shed unwanted pounds. But as humiliating as it might be, I would certainly rather have people point out how I've offended people than to have them silently simmer about what an ass I am. We're fortunate to have a forum such as this, where people will speak their minds openly in a way they rarely would in a face-to-face confrontation.

The downside is that people will sometimes respond to what they interpret as a rude comment with more rude comments. One of the more admirable qualities of human nature is our ability to "get over it".

[friesianrider]

146. Well, because the welfare of children is a public concern...

I think it was reasonable to be concerned if a child looks extremely obese. If you saw a child who looked like they were abused, I'm sure you may think that child abuse may be a possibility. Does that make you a prejudicial person, and if so, is it wrong?

But I'll say again that I see your side completely, and DO agree with you. I guess I just think the difference I see is that I believe the OP's initial reaction wasn't one out of malicious or ignorant prejudice, but out of concern for the children's wellbeing, hence her original question. I guess I see a difference between seeing a poorly dressed minority family with several kids and assuming "those lazy asses must be on welfare" and seeing a morbidly obese family and thinking "Wow I feel so bad for her kids - does she know what she's doing to them?" And of course, I see your viewpoint that technically it isn't anyone's business at all and it is wrong to assume that the mother is being careless in her parenting...but I just didn't see a need for a few people on here to act like the OP was some kind of asshole for pointing out a perfectly understandable reaction. The OP certainly didn't deserve the way certain posts were phrased.

And I also hope that the "I would certainly rather have people point out how I've offended people than to have them silently simmer about what an ass I am" comment isn't a cheap shot at me. Number one, I truly could not give a flying fuck what anyone on an internet message board thinks or doesn't think of me. No one on here knows a flipping thing about me other than my online persona and if they don't like it well, that's just a crying shame I won't shed a tear over. :shrug: They'll have to suck it up and deal with it. I can think several people who are royal assholes (and who many other people think are royal assholes), but I highly doubt they care what I think about them either. Number two, I've been pretty civil and stated my feelings here (for heaven's sake I agree with you), so hope that that wasn't intended to be as underhanded and snarky as it sounded.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

148. If I saw an extremely obese child,

I'd see an extremely obese child, and not read potential abuse or neglect into it unless I knew the parents and had witnessed such behavior. This is not to say that I wouldn't feel badly for the child, and wonder what circumstances led to their being obese, or feel concern for their health, or even speculate certain possibilities. But with a little reasoning, I'd be able to let such speculations go, since I would not have enough information to know.

The original poster did not specify that these were extremely obese people. They were described as "overweight". Having suffered with
in-laws who were horrified by the preteen pudginess of both a son and a stepson of mine to the point of insisting that they go on Slim-Fast diets (see post #90 above), I acknowledge a degree of hyper-sensitivity toward those who would haphazardly slap the label of obesity on a child.

Please rest assured that I have not written anything here that was intended to insult you in any way. When I said, "I would certainly rather have people point out how I've offended people than to have them silently simmer about what an ass I am," that's precisely what I meant...not because I care what people think of me; but because I do not wish to offend them.

[Beware the Beast Man]

77. Not completely.

Perhaps the parent is the one introducing unhealthy eating habits in the first place, but kids have a choice just as much as adults when it comes to willpower and activity level.

[Rabrrrrrr]

81. Absolutely. Just as much as taking them to the dentist and doctor

and generally providing for their health, yes, it's also their responsiblity to keep their weight in check by providing proper, healthful foods. (and also making sure they don't get too thin, of course).

I think that telling an overweight mother that she should nip things in the bud is a bad option, though. Much as it would be nice to take the kids away and give them to a parent who cares, more than likely since the mother is obese she probably sees no problem with obese kids.

Someone else said above that CPS sees refusing food as a form of abuse that one can take kids away; I agree with that poster that it is sad that CPS will not see feeding kids piles of shit every day as abuse as well.

[auntAgonist]

82. Wait a second !!

You say ..
"Much as it would be nice to take the kids away and give them to a parent who cares, more than likely since the mother is obese she probably sees no problem with obese kids"

You WERE kidding right?



you think taking kids away and ruining their lives is a good option? Whatever happened to education? What makes you think the parent doens't CARE?
What are the reasons for the mother's obesity? What does the general public think 'being obese' is?
Models in hollywood who weigh in at 92lbs soaking wet may think that someone is MO at 120lbs.

NO taking kids away ins't the answer, judging the parent isn't the answer, EDUCATION is.

[redqueen]

84. Kids aren't hurt by tearing their families apart.

Whatever gave you that idea?

:sarcasm:

[Rabrrrrrr]

87. Wow, you really read a lot into that.

Stuff I didn't even say!

[auntAgonist]

93. Not really , I just quoted what you said ..

and then asked some questions. I also asked if you were kidding or not.

[Rabrrrrrr]

98. You said

that I think taking kids away and ruining their lives is a good option.

Of course, I never think that ruining the life of a child is a good option. Even freeper children, even freeper children being raised to be freepers, don't deserve to have their lives ruined.

And I neither kidding nor not-kidding - if a parent isn't taking care of their children's health, that's abuse. Whether it's letting them eat all the shit they want; or giving them only shit to eat; or starving them; or verbally abusing them into anorexia or bulemia.

It's all abuse.

In a perfect world, abused kids would be removed from their parents and given to parents who will treat them properly and take care of them. I think that would be very 'nice', which was a shitty word for me to use since I hate it - let's say "fill me with joy" instead.

However, we don't live in a perfect world, and no parent is perfectly bad, nor any parent perfectly good, and thus and therefore, drawing those lines of disctinction are a pain in the ass. And, of course, finding sufficient surrogate parents.

So, it would fill me with joy if we could take the kids away, but I know that in most circumstances we cannot because it's difficult, it's an extreme option, and also because there often aren't any good places to take the children to anyway.

[redqueen]

100. Actually, she asked... she didn't say.

Just sayin. :)

[auntAgonist]

105. yup what you said LOL

:hi:

[auntAgonist]

103. thanks for

clarifying. I just wanted to be sure of what you're saying that's all, I needed to understand what you meant.

I still think however that it's wrong to think that a parent doens't care when they have kids that are overweight and they themselves are overweight. I know I'm going around in circles here, and I'm sorry. I really did just want clarification.
Fat is a very sensitive issue with me. I've taken control of my life and I so wish many other's could too. I don't blame my mother at all for my obesity (former obesity). I had to take responsibility. My folks did the best they could, we were always housed, clothed warmly and fed well. I would never think my mother didn't care about me because she 'let me get fat' (my words. Nope it was my doing, and my undoing.

:)
aA

[catmother]

83. some people's feathers get ruffled easily

is that better? i'm going to leave now. i have house cleaning and exercise to do.

[Rabrrrrrr]

85. Is what better?

You seem like you are angry with something I said, when I was in agreement with you.

:shrug:

[redqueen]

88. She's mad 'cause I gave her guff for not seeming to understand

how subject lines are used.

Makes me suspicious.

[Rabrrrrrr]

91. I see, so she was likely responding to your post above,

but hit the wrong reply button.

I hate when people do that (including myself).

[Sugar Smack]

92. LOL!

:rofl:

Funniest Thread Ever! Bookmarking! Accolades & Fanfare!

[redqueen]

95. Hmmmm

Maybe

Could be just laziness... and maybe that goals were accomplished, so no need to stick around.

[catmother]

94. how subject lines are used

i'm not mad. but you still haven't answered my question. suspicious of what?

[redqueen]

96. I can't say.

:hi:

[catmother]

99. you can't say

well if you can't say it makes me suspicious. LOL

[redqueen]

101. Okay!

:D

[Bridget Burke]

86. Parents are responsible for keeping their children healthy.

And for keeping themselves healthy, as well. A sane diet at home, wise choices when eating out & exercise are all good ideas. (Duh.) But obsessing on size can go too far; anorexia & bulimia are also health problems. Since you don't know the lady's situation, a comment from a stranger would probably not be helpful.

(Reminding myself to take a long walk this weekend. At least my cats don't need diet catfood!)

[friesianrider]

89. I think so.

I had a very good friend in high school who was very overweight. Her parents basically let her have anything and everything she wanted to eat, and didn't ever encourage her to exercise or anything. She HATED her parents for it. By the time college came around she managed to get down to a semi-healthy weight, but she blamed her parents for not taking the problem more seriously when she was younger (as obviously, she didn't know when she was 7 or 8 what the consequences of eating that crap and being lazy was).

Aside from the health problems, I remember how fat kids in high school were teased relentlessly. It isn't fair to the child, IMHO, to allow your kids to be so overweight.

[Scout]

108. it may be her responsibility to keep her children's weight down...

but I 'm glad you didn't say anything because it certainly is not YOUR responsibility to do so.

I've found that generally, we fat people are perfectly aware that we, or our children, are fat.

it's so easy to gain weight and so hard to take it off.
Yes, it is. So what makes you think they don't know that too? Maybe they've all been on a diet and have lost weight, and were much fatter last winter.

Fat people don't need your help or your opinions people, keep them to yourself.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

129. ...

For you:

[Scout]

135. thank you. n/t

[Omphaloskepsis]

110. So people derive pleasure from eating...?

I find this odd. This is a general question. Do most people obtain pleasure from eating? I don't, it is a pain in the ass for me. I never finish what I make, I never eat unless I'm hungry.


Should this be a poll? Would I get stabbed electronically if I posted such a poll? Maybe I should work on reading my book.


-edit- I should clarify.. Some things taste good. But, I don't crave them. Not in the same way as a line of coke sounds good. I hope that made sense.

[redqueen]

117. You must be kidding.

Have you noticed that there's a channel devoted to food? You know... a whole network? It's called the Food Network.

Maybe you should check it out sometime.

So... um... yeah. People enjoy eating. Amazing, huh?

[Name removed]

120. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Left Is Write]

121. Well, you see...

A line of coke doesn't sound good to me at all.

A slice of homemade pumpkin pie or a bowl of shredded wheat does sound good to me.

Surely you were not unaware that most people derive pleasure from eating. People are biologically programmed to enjoy food, because, like sex, it's necessary for survival. Getting pleasure from eating is not odd.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

122. Dear God

you are kidding. And I'll bet you are slim as a blade of grass.

Hell yes, some people derive pleasure from eating!

Some of us live to eat.

Some of us eat to live.

I'm in the former group and I'm paying for it.

[Omphaloskepsis]

130. I'm not joking..

And blade of grass would be an accurate description. I know people love to eat. That was my weird way of asking if others feel the same way as me. I can be obtuse sometimes.

[pitohui]

132. this is a symptom of clinical depression

not to scare you but it is healthy & normal to derive pleasure from eating, when i have to deal w. an animal who finds eating "a pain in the ass," i am sad, because i know that animal will die soon

i hope you are leg pulling but if not, you are prob. in much more severe and immediate danger than the fat mother discussed in the original post

obesity takes decades to kill

i've lost good friends to depression in their teens & twenties, this disease is a killer

yr doctor needs to be aware that you find eating to be a "pain in the ass," when the simple pleasures of life are just trouble & pain, it is a warning sign

i halfway think you are kidding but if you are serious...PLEASE look into this

life can be enjoyed not just endured

[Omphaloskepsis]

134. It might be healthy and normal..

Just not for me.. Honestly.. I have always been this way. Was I depressed when I was four? I can see eating everything on the plate if you don't know what will be on the next one.

I know, I have money, I can eat when my body tells me it is time.

And.. Eating has been a pain in the ass for 28 long years. I'm still typing. Smoking will kill me first. And I am actually eating a slice of pizza right now. I was hungry.

[pitohui]

136. yes, people can be depressed when they are four

i've known people who were never NOT depressed, although now that i'm older all of those people have either killed themselves or gotten treatment, the ones who resisted treatment when they were younger aren't usually happy that they waited until they were 30 or 40 to find out that life is actually supposed to feel good, there is a feeling of how much time was wasted

the smoking prob. doesn't help either, it harms your ability to taste, but this wouldn't explain the anhedonia at age 4 when presumably you were not a smoker

my advice stands, you should tell yr doctor that eating is "pain in the ass," it sounds like you are so used to being down you don't know there is an up

you can enjoy your food & not be fat just fine, i'm not overweight, don't let a fear of losing control or what-the-eff-ever make you lose out on one of life's great pleasures

we are animals, we are meant to enjoy our food

[Omphaloskepsis]

140. Do you realize that you sound like a prick? Sorry... You do.

I enjoy things. I love sex. Fuck, The hunt for sex keeps me moving.

The hunt for food.. Fuck, I'm off to Safeway.

[GirlinContempt]

111. Maybe you should become a Dr

or a nurse. I'd think it'd be a good way to get into the system in a position of knowledge about individual cases in which you could do some good.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

123. Your sig lines

brings out the animal in me!

[GirlinContempt]

125. hahaha

nice

[cwydro]

133. yes

even if your genetics predispose you to being heavy, you can make sure your kids exercise. Not everyone has to be skinny, but being fit is important and parents can inculcate a love of exercise. NO TV!

[cmd]

141. I think I was that mom

My whole family is overweight. We have been working on the problem for the last year. Personally, I think we have been doing very well. My doctor is pleased with our progress. Don't worry so much about us, catmother. I'm so glad you didn't interfere an embarrasss us in a public place. Thank you.

[auntAgonist]

142. I come from a family

of 'large' people. My sister has to work at keeping her weight down and does it very well. I never could. My mother had diabetes and was able to shed a lot of extra weight by strictly adhering to her dr's instruction on how to and what to eat.
It is commendable that you and your family are working on the betterment of your health. I wish you ALL the best in that endeavour. You'll all be so much better off for it, and may even become a closer knit family because of the struggle.

:applause:

[hippywife]

143. I hope that if you had

she would have told you to mind your own fucking business.

[LisaL]

144. Did somebody appoint you a weight police? It's not your place

to tell anyone they are fat. I imagine most fat people realize they are fat without you telling them that they are.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

149. LOL

[southlandshari]

150. Locking

It seems the children - of ALL shapes and sizes - have been playing with the Lounge's firewood. And that needs to last us all winter. So all adults in the room - please back away from the thread.



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