the best thing I've ever written:

[CanuckAmok]

A couple of years ago, for Jump the Shark.

I rediscovered it while cleaning up my hard-drive.

Where's my fuckin' Booker Prize?

"Yes, it's universally accepted that Gazoo was a loathsome character, introduced for lack of any real imaginaive ideas (but Deus ex Machinae as a plot device is as old as storytelling itself). What WAS cool about Gazoo wat the reason he was sent to Prehistoric Earth in the first place; he was being punished for inventing a weapon capable of destroying EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE!!! That RULES! Imagine what would have happened if he somehow was nearly killed in one episode and had F&B save his life. Naturally, he'd owe them his life, and anything they wanted. Now imagine Fred (or Barney, what the hell!) saying that they want one of those DESTROY EVERYTHING devices. Gazoo would be morally compelled to decline them, but ethically obligated to grant their wish. I mean, they know he has the knowhow--he told them! So, for the sake of argument, let's say he grants them the wish and gives them "The Button". Fuck!! Fred Flintsone with the ability to DESTROY EVERYTHING!! Now that's cool. I've been reading all your posts since stumbling across this site an hour ago (I was looking for an image of Topo Giggio--I want to get a tattoo of him), but nothing---NOTHING--compares to the thought of F&B with the fate of the universe in their hands. First of all, we'd all be dead if they pushed the button, as they lived millions of years before us. Not just dead, we simply wouldn't have existed at all--take that, Michaelangelo! Take that, Orson Wells! So, by extrapolating, it's plain to see that Blossom's nose, the live episode of ER, and the many Darrens of Bewitched wouldn't fucking matter. Nothing would. It's awesome. Think Colonel Kurtz is the embodyment of concious will? Think again! Imagine how different everything would be, even if the button was only used as a deterrant: just for starters, we'd be able to shave off about 21 minutes of any Flintstones episode, and replace the original dialogue of the remaining minute with something like: Fred-"Hello, Boss Slate? I can't come into work today, I, er...have a button which can destroy the universe. So, I'm goin' bowlin." Barney--"I watched a snail...crawl along the edge... of a straight razor...". Granted, it's not as funny, but it's very efficient, and allows room for more commercials. They wouldn't ever have to actually USE the button, just carry it around with them. Then, the next time Wilma wants to sleepteach Fred to get her a mink coat, Fred could just go into the mink warehouse and come out with armfulls of the stuff, without fear of prosecution. Alternately, he could just tell her that he doesn't want her to have a mink, and if she protests, he can just remind her about the button he has. A classic game of "rock versus scissors", but with a "rolling-pin versus weapon of unimaginable violence" twist! I really think Hanna Barbera missed the boat on this one--a perfect opportunity to express the logic of the Cold War in human terms, while still resorting to slapstick and funny voices. On Prime Time, yet! Also, i like the elongated rooms (Fred running through 10x living rooms, etc.). Maybe their home was like the Tardis. The same scientific principles apply to Snoopy's doghouse. I've tried capering from one end of my living room to the other, and, trust me, it's not that funny. You NEED the distance and time to deliver the gag. I really think you critics need to grow up. People who live in short houses shouldn't throw stones. And, honestly, the continuity sucked, but it didn't matter. Convertible/hardtop. Mr. Slate/Mr. Boulder. Pelican Garbage Can/Warthog Garbage can. Who cares? If you want continuity, try watching 60 Minutes or The Price is Right. It's a cartoon, for god's sake! Stop being so picky. AND, if you ask me, the introduction of Pebbles and BamBam were the Shark moments long before the Gazoo moment. Because by the time Gazoo came along, any shred of intellect the sho had had been stripped away in a tide of puerile babytalk and product placement. It's not that I don't like kids, but I don't like P & BB. On the other hand, I like Arnold the Paper Boy. I do like Dino, too, but I was not happy when he went from talking Snorkasaurus to plain ol' yappy, non-verbal dinosaur. Another opportunity lost by a lack of vision in the Studio Offices. C'mon, a wisecracking dinosaur?! Who wouldn't like that?! Maybe they were afraid of what he might say in an unguarded moment. You think that introducing an all-powerful new character would have would enabled the army of writers for that show to get away from recycled storylines such as Fred being replicated/doubled/impersonated, or such as Fred being konked over the head and having a resulting complete change of personality, but NOOOO! Not even Gazoo could save us from the kind of plots that Mark Twain would have scribbled after losing a drunken bet. I mean, COME ON!! All you had to do as a Flintstones writer was come up with a few somewhat original stories, try to date Lana Turner, and lay on the beach. It's not like you're being forced at gunpoint to use your bare hands to dig the scripts out of a poisoned mineshaft!! So, in a nutshell, for me, LIKES are: talking Dino, long rooms, the dynamic of two childless couples, doomsday weapons, no product placement, and the sound effects and GREAT incidental music (hey, Riot Grrls, the composer of the Flintstones theme and incidental music later arranged the music for Lydia Lunch's first solo album, "The Queen of Siam".), general F&B nuttiness. DISLIKES: tacked-on guest stars, cutsey kids, Gazoo, trendy or unoriginal storylines. For the record, when Mel Blanc was nearly killed in that car crash, he was driving his Aston Martin--even that's cool. Oh, and there's no point in comparing the various attributes of Wilma and Betty. They're both hot, but there's no need to choose between them, if you follow me. You know what I'm talking' about... "