BOOK: "How to be a Lady: Useful hints on formation of a woman's character"

[Bluebear]

by...HARVEY Newcomb

Yes, ladies, even in 1850 men thought they knew what is best for you. Now in reprint by the Vision Forum: "My constant prayer is that the Lord will continue to affirm them as women of God."

http://www.visionforum.com/

[Captain Hilts]

1. I LOVE reading stuff like this! nt

[BattyDem]

2. Would taking the book and ...

shoving it up Harvey Newcomb's ass be a "lady-like" thing to do?

[walldude]

11. LOL.. it would in 2005!

:toast:

[longship]

3. New!!! Fourteenth Edition!!!

Forward to the new 14th edition by Kaye Bailey Hutchison

New audio version -- read by Jimmy Swaggert
Tongues translation version by Robert Tilton

[arewenotdemo]

6. Is Tilton still shoveling his unique brand of bullshit?

That man was more artificial than the plants in the studio behind him.

[longship]

21. Yes, same old routine.

Yes, I tune past him once in a while on my way to MSNBC. I drop in for a few minutes to--naimalanker flablanda--hear him babble in tongues, which he seems to do at--holomofic stukara--any moment. Great entertainment for a few minutes at least.

[mongo]

43. LOL - read by Jimmy Swaggert

Now there's a man that knows how to treat a lady....

[hopeisaplace]

4. Must really be "Harviette Newcomb"

just sayin'

[DesEtoiles]

5. Fuck that! BUUUUUUURRRPPP!

[Jim Sagle]

7. How unladylike! I'm shocked and revolted!

:toast:

[Captain Hilts]

15. I think I'm going to have the vapors....

[hopeisaplace]

16. you're suppose to be a lady!

that would be the "toots" :)

[Captain Hilts]

18. Not THOSE vapors! I think I'm going to faint....nt

[hopeisaplace]

20. oh Fargin' pardon frick-frack'en me

:rofl:

[neebob]

26. *Emits a loud, admiring fart in Norma's direction* n/t

[mcscajun]

8. The sign on the door read "Ladies" but I went in anyway.

:rofl:

Ladies...HA!

[lonestarnot]

14. And the sign on the red door with the red porch said Ladies too...

and I'm not going in there.

[Kurovski]

9. Harvey Newcomb must have been quite the lady himself

to have written with such authority on the subject.

[proud patriot]

10. hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Where's Skittles

[applegrove]

12. Please. With the invention of technology - the printing press became

as available to every tom, dick & nancy as the internet is to us today. Everyone published from 1850 t0 1910. It is like that with new technology.

[devilgrrl]

13. F*** that shit! I'm a broad baby!

What's that saying? "A well behaved woman rarely makes history?"

[lonestarnot]

17. How to be a lady?

Be a patriot, carry a flag!
<>

be a raging granny and wear a hat while doing so
<>

[hopeisaplace]

19. that Fargin' Bastach

that does it..next 'March on Washington' all women are to wear the dress on the cover of this book :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: with slogans all over the damn dress...oh yah.

[amitten]

22. How To Be A GENTLEMAN

Useful Hints on the Formation of Manly Character

Written by: Random Broad

Do you think such a book would ever, ever see the light of day?:puke:

[hopeisaplace]

23. 1st rule on being a gentleman

don't write a book on how to be a lady :rofl:

[TahitiNut]

31. ... as taught by Amy Vanderbilt or Emily Post???

So, all of a sudden cross-gender guidance isn't acceptable ... at least on one direction. :eyes: :eyes: :eyes:

[amitten]

32. Those guides are not directed at a particular SEX.

Not the same thing. At all.

[GirlinContempt]

46. The rules for men were just as stringent as the rules for women

http://www.oldmapsbooks.com/Book_Pages/B11xx/B1117etiq.htm

http://www.worldcatlibraries.org/wcpa/top3mset/2ed46e94fd76f73da19afeb4da09e526.html

[spuddonna]

24. "Remember ladies! Never leave your dildo on the kitchen table!"

Damn! I always forget that one! :evilgrin:

As my hubby sez, "That ain't no lady, that's my wife!"

[hopeisaplace]

25. it is acceptable if you are using it to mix a cake.

[spuddonna]

28. LOL That's true! But you have to keep it on a Dildo Doily...

... and those things are such a pain to clean! :evilgrin: Little lacy pieces of crap...

BTW, if I haven't said it yet, welcome to DU! :D

[Horse with no Name]

29. Luckily they make them in plastic

YOu can just rinse them off....

[spuddonna]

38. Oooh! I hadn't seen the plastic ones! They must sell them at Walmart n/t

[Kurovski]

40. Thanks for the kitchen hints, gals!

I'm off to hang mine on the pot rack right now!

[Callalily]

51. Oh no, silicone

is the way to go. More environmentally friendly. Oh, but what do I know

[Athame]

27. Great! I collect pre-feminist literature

this will be a great addition to:
Mrs. Norman Vincent Peale's THE ADVENTURE OF BEING A WIFE O8)

Amy Vanderbilt's COMPLETE BOOK OF ETIQUETTE
including the 40=booklet series of Amy Vanderbilt's Success Program For Women, with titles such as,
"How to Help Your Husband Get Ahead," and
"How to Arrange Flowers."

Barbara Taylor Bradford's HOW TO BE THE PERFECT WIFE: DECORATING TO PLEASE HIM

Helen B. Andelin's FASCINATING WOMANHOOD

and of course, Marabel Morgan's THE TOTAL WOMAN (which is the origin of the suggestion to greet him at the door wrapped in saran wrap)

Not to mention the complete series of THE CHARMING W0MAN: A Course In Charm, Beauty and Successful Living For Women...Planned to Help You Get More Out of Life--More Happiness, More Success, More Buoyant Joy, and the Complete Fulfillment of Your Every Aspiration in Social and Business Life, in Love and Marriage! (actual subtitle of series)

As far as I know, there is no comparable collection of advice for men. :evilgrin:

[Horse with no Name]

30. Here is a jewel for your collection

http://staff.gps.edu/montgomery/English%2012/courses/Writing%20well/GH_1955_%20article.htm

Article: The Good Wife's Guide

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife always knows her place.

[knitter4democracy]

37. That sounds like how to be a geisha.

Seriously--no noise; low, soothing voice; no questions; fire in the fireplace. Sounds like how to be a geisha to me.

[nickinSTL]

47. oh, please...

if my wife (not married, yet...but still) ever greeted me like this after work, I'd be sure that either:

1. She's having an affair
2. I'm dying, and she took the call from the doctor
3. She just spent our savings on a shopping spree

Or, make up your own...

[Athame]

49. Classic!

My shelves are filled with exactly this kind of stuff. My daughter and her friends can't believe it, but my mother actually lived it. I remember her "going around the house with a dust cloth" just before my father came home. She would put us upstairs in the "rumpus room" with orders to be quiet, and then make him a "highball." And he never missed a chance to remind her (and us) that he was "the master of the house" and king of his castle.

The whole thing makes me :puke:

[Kurovski]

52. Now we know how homosexual men were able to remain married

during that era. Note the following:

"Don't ask him questions about his actions..." "You have no right to question him." "Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night."

And this, "Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him."

Yes, be sure to discuss Judy Garlands latest album, or make plans to visit New York to see "Call Me Madam". Be sure to allow him final say on the Barkcloth pattern for the sun-room furnishings.

He will be drained from his afternoon "tea room" visits, so do not request intimacy on days other than your wedding anniversary and Valentines Day. A wife will do well to remember that Nymphomania is a serious mental disorder.

To be a lesbian must have been somewhat more problematic.

[knitter4democracy]

36. Have you checked out the Grace Livingston Hill novels?

They obviously based on all that and show "model" women in rough situations and then getting out of them by following the rules (usually with the help of a strong Christian man, too, of course). They're a hoot!

[Athame]

48. No, I don't have fiction in my collection

though there are many that would qualify. I will check out Grace Livingston Hill. Thanks.


:hi: Everybody. I don't know how I ended up down here in the Lounge, but it's a lot of fun to poke around.

[GirlinContempt]

50. "comparable collection of advice for men"

There was pre-1900.

[undeterred]

33. really, shouldn't she be keeping her legs closer together?

[dxstone]

34. Those aren't HER legs...

Not in my older edition:

[Bluebear]

35. ROAR!!!!!!!!! hahahahahaha nt

[Kurovski]

39. Oh, BEAUTIFUL laughter!

I love the word "whilst"! It's so "bullshitty". :thumbsup:

[kliljedahl]

41. You're a lunatic

& kinda crazy too, that's hilarious.

[katinmn]

42. LOL! That's perfect!

:rofl:

[lonestarnot]

44. I prefer leprechauns over dwarfs...

[GirlinContempt]

45. even in 1850?

This is supposed to be surprising?