what has your significant other asked you to give up?

[yurbud]

My girlfriend freaked out because she saw a nude picture I had left open in a browser window, and has demanded that I NEVER look at porn again.

I'm wondering if other people have gotten ultimatums like that--especially guys giving any to girls.

[RetroLounge]

1. Nothing.

RL

[riderinthestorm]

2. Doritos

My husband can't stand Dorito-breath.

[swimboy]

3. No ultimatums.

We talk about "active issues" but it's negotiation, not "my way or the highway" stuff.

[RetroLounge]

42. No ultimatums.

Exactly...

RL

[Fox Mulder]

4. If I had a girlfriend that said that to me...

I'd break it off with her.

But that's just me.

[arwalden]

5. My thoughts exactly.

I know that everyone's relationship is unique... but this just sounds like someone who's too insecure. I see trouble ahead. Here's what's going to happen: the OP will "sneak around" and look at porn anyway... she'll find out and a big fight ensues. Or... he'll give in to her demand, but he'll resent the hell out of it and that resentment will build up and will manifest itself in other ways. If he EVER gets caught admiring a buxom waitress or a short-skirted leggy co-worker... LOOK OUT!

This is just the first sign of things to come. I'd be very wary.

I wonder how long they been together. I also wonder how old she is... or more accurately: how mature is she?

[LynzM]

9. Same thoughts here, dude

Actually just discussed this with my husband... unless you're choosing pixels on a screen over spending time, etc. ;) with me, it's not an issue. For me, it's like most things, moderation is the key. Ultimatums and demands rarely work, especially when trying to motivate someone to change a behavior. Either they won't, and then you have to act out whatever threat is behind the demand, and usually that makes everyone unhappy, or as you said, they will do it, but resent the hell out of it, generally. I'd be wary, as well.

[khashka]

20. Wow! There are women who get this?

You struck the nail right on the head.... wanna masturbate to porn? Go for it! Spend your time with pixellated women with double D breats? Great! But not at the expense of our life together. That's the key... Men are always gonna be horndogs. Women have to accept it if they want men in their lives.... what they do not have to accept? Being replaced by an image.



Khash.

[LynzM]

34. Believe it or not, we're out here... :)

In fact, several of us show up on this thread :) Seriously, I know some women are really bothered by it, and that's entirely their right to be bothered. But for me, yeah, guys are horndogs, and there are definitely times when I'm not interested. If you want to play with pixellated women, go for it. Actually, the openness of our relationship goes beyond that, but that's the gist - Don't replace me.

[av8rdave]

39. Sheesh....my wife even points out the leggy watresses to me...

No THAT'S someone with no insecurity issues :)

Got lucky this time around...10 great years so far

av8rdave

[LynzM]

55. Yeah, that's fun....

Checking out other women with your spouse, seeing where your tastes intersect ;)

[grace0418]

119. My husband and I always point out people we know the other will

find attractive. I'm not going to claim I completely secure in my looks, but I trust my husband to know the difference between looking and touching.

[TimeChaser]

56. You've gotta come to an understanding...

He gets his porn, I get my erotic stories involving two men :)

[Chovexani]

104. You got it

Even better when both of you are into the same stuff, and you can share. *loves her SO*

Only bad thing is he's always demanding yaoi from me, hehe. I'm only one woman for crying out loud, I can't write 24/7! :P

[thinkingwoman]

70. another woman here who gets it

I could not care less about the porn my hubby views. He knows where the bedroom is. ;-)

I am 40 and I have never understood the anti-porn nonsense by women. I just don't get it. Then again, I have real issues with guys in my history -- like sexual assault and spousal abuse. Pictures just aren't a big deal for me I guess.

Besides, I have my own things I like to look at from time to time. :evilgrin:

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

83. My ex was sooo strange.... I would stare at the ground when we would

go to the mall to try and avoid a "Why were you looking at her!" moment. She was really strange in that respect.

[zanne]

99. Um. I'm a woman and I look at porn.

Not often, but every once in a while, I like to go to a soft porn website or two. My only complaint is that you see alot more naked women than naked men.

[thinkingwoman]

110. I hear ya

I have the same complaint. :hi:

[zanne]

115. My husband recently asked me to give up my cats.

I have three cats and I adore them. My husband says we can't afford to buy the cat food anymore. They were all strays and I worked with each one of them for a long time before they felt comfortable and trusting enough to come indoors. They're wonderful cats. They're my furbabies. I just hope he doesn't give me an ultimatum because I'd be lonely without him.

[thinkingwoman]

131. oh yeah, because there's no way

I would ever give up my furbabies either!

We have 3 dogs and 3 cats in a 3br house with 2 adults and 2 teens. It's a full but happy place.

[grace0418]

120. I actually think women are more attractive naked than men are, even though

I'm more into men sexually. Maybe part of my fantasy is picturing myself as the beautiful woman in the picture. ;)

[leftofthedial]

125. that's because women are beautiful

and men look, well, sort of absurd.

[fudge stripe cookays]

71. I'm one too.

I know reprehensor is completely utterly devoted to me. He treats me like a queen. We have a wonderful life together.

I know men are visual creatures, and I like looking at it too. I don't see what the big deal is- it's a naked human body. Big deal. I could never issue an ultimatum; unless it's something like "No sleeping around."

fsc

[grace0418]

118. I totally get it, and it's not just men who are horn dogs.

Once in awhile is just fine. I think the people who get obsessed are more likely to be the ones that have to hide it from their SO.

[khashka]

133. True....

There are women who get it and women who enjoy porn. Lots of 'em. Women might "get it" more easily if there was porn that was made for them. Right now it's mostly made by men for men. We need more and better porn made to appeal to women....

Khash.

[Kathryn STone]

135. "men are always going to be horndogs"? lol

so that means that Alan Greenspan, Stephen Hawking, Elie Wiesel, etc are horndogs because "all" men are? That is hilarious.

[MissMillie]

111. I don't think that's a very fair statement

about her age or maturity.

Even at my age, I find that the ideal relationship is one where I'm the only fantasy my parter will ever have.

Insecure... maybe. Immature... not necessarily.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

137. I would be uncomfortable looking at porn if I had an SO

I tend to agree with you MissMillie. I'm male and my own personal view is that, if I were in a relationship, it would be inappropriate to view porn because my sexual desires and fantasies should be reserved for one woman. And to me, it would devalue the woman who I loved for me to be looking at other women in such a way

Please note that this is MY OWN PERSONAL VIEW and applies only to my situation. I’m not condemning people with SO’s who do look at porn –each to their own and I respect and value their personal prerogative –but it’s just in my personal situation

[Left Is Write]

6. Not a thing.

[mtowngman]

7. skoal

before we got married, said she wouldn't marry me if I didn't stop chewing skoal smokeless tobacco. I quit and it's a good thing. Now she doesn't ask me to give things up, but she gives me a hard time about not eating right.

[distantearlywarning]

8. Asked me to work on anger issues several years ago.

I did so, and it improved our relationship (and I feel better too).

I don't think I asked him to give up anything. I made the choice to put a lot of work into finding a person with traits and habits and hobbies I could live with rather than putting work into trying to change somebody else. So far it's working out great. I'm very happily married and I think he is too. :-)

On edit: my husband sometimes looks at porn on the computer. It doesn't bother me at all. I don't know why it doesn't, but it doesn't. It's not really a conscious choice to feel that way, it just never bugged me for some unknown reason. Sometimes I think I'm weird for not caring about that stuff (other women seem to care a lot about it). Also, I got him a subscription to Playboy several years ago, and now it's MY favorite magazine! I read it every month before he gets to look at the pictures. Their political and social views are extremely similar to mine - I always say I'm a member of the "Playboy Party". Anyway, I think if I asked him to stop looking at porn he would just want to look at it more. Since I don't care, it's not really a big deal to him.

[yurbud]

10. I'm being more flexible on this cuz a lot of guys say women freak about it

[I Have A Dream]

50. It would bother me if my husband looked at porn.

I wouldn't find it acceptable either. I understand your not understanding it, but it would be something that I couldn't handle.

Part of it might be the fact that this is the ideal that we "normal" women are expected to live up to, even if our partner says that they don't expect us to be perfect. It's difficult for some women not to feel "less than" when society is ALWAYS judging us based upon our looks.

Many women in pornographic images are air-brushed/Photoshopped to appear to be perfect, and it's difficult to compete with this.

In reference to the maturity question that at least one other poster mentioned, anyone who knows me would say that I'm an extremely mature person in terms of my psychological maturity.

I wish that I didn't feel this way, but I do.

(On edit: Interestingly, pornographic movies don't bother me the same way that pornographic pictures do. I don't feel that I'm compared against them in the same way that I would be with a photo. By the way, my husband is not interested in pornographic images, so we're both lucky that this isn't an issue.)

[Dude_CalmDown]

11. Seeing her.

Talking to her, just about everything that has her in the picture really.

[mtowngman]

14. Are you bummed, did this just happen?

[Dude_CalmDown]

15. Not really recent.

Not even really serious - I just miss her more than anyone before. But I'm not too bummed anymore - just drunk so I've been thinking about her all night.

[mtowngman]

16. A long talk

with uncle Jack always helps.

[EFerrari]

12. He used to, every five minutes.

And, I'm just so not the kind of person that will hang with ultimatums.

But, I finally figured out that he didn't have the skill to say, "This bothers me and I need to let you know" and he gained the skill to do that.

:)

[jane_pippin]

13. Nothing.

Well, on second thought, he has asked that I be less messy, but I haven't quite followed through on that request yet. I'm sure I will as soon as he complies with my request that he stop being so damned neat. ;)

[Blue-Jay]

17. Other women.

OK. She really didn't ask me to give up other women, but I kinda figured that was part of the deal. That's cool. I don't miss that sort of thing, to be honest.

[Scoots]

18. Her sister.

Just kidding.

By the way, in my opinion a little porn never hurt anyone.

[johnnie]

19. All she asks is that I change her strings every now and again

Keep the dust off of her and play her when I can.

[Madrone]

21. Lots -

But my attitude is - Don't like it? Don't want to deal? Door!

It's not like there's anything I'm doing wrong - and HE pursued ME. I'm perfectly happy being alone and single - and going back to that would not be emotionally devastating in the least.

I'm 33 years old. He's 44. I don't have the time, energy, or interest in playing games or being "told" what I can or can not do, or who I can talk to. I'm a grown woman that can take care of myself, and doesn't need a relationship to feel complete. And I don't put up with any bullshit.

His communication skills are getting better - so he's slowly learning to voice his concerns and/or discomfort in a way that can be discussed.

We'll see.

[Ellen Forradalom]

22. No

My husband really has no discernable interest in porn. Not that that would bother me much. Just be tidy about it. Put the tapes away and clear the browser history, so it doesn't linger around like so many overflowing ashtrays.

[yurbud]

23. that was my suggestion--she didn't like it.

[obxhead]

24. wow... I couldn't handle that fight.

Why do we (amerikans) need to fear human phys? Porn is a thing to share.

[MissMillie]

112. No need to share it w/ me thanks

And no, I'm not a prude. I just prefer the real thing.

[NNadir]

25. Sex with other women, getting drunk or otherwise high, staying out late,

overeating, wanton spending, indebtedness, worthless friends, and a few other things.

It was a small sacrifice. I would do anything she asked of me, something that's been true for over twenty years. She's worth it.

[BamaGirl]

26. Umm, well I did insist

he get off active duty a few years ago. Course he stayed in the Guard and what the hell's the difference these days. :shrug: It didn't have an adverse effect on our relationship at any rate.

Porn has never been an issue for us. I don't care one way or the other, and it's not something he's ever been particularly into.

[Broken_Hero]

28. Yeah...

I got the NO PORN ban a long time ago, but my wife has come around with it, and is more secure about it. With her, it made her feel self concious which, is understandable, but she has come around and is a whole lot more comfortable with it, as a matter of fact, i'm catching her watching/reading it now, which is surprising...:)

I haven't handed down any ultimatems, at least i don't think so...I love her just the way she is, faults and all, i wouldn't want to change much of anything about her...:)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

29. smoking (not really an ultimatum..just a request) to give it up

[flvegan]

30. Ass.

My last SO was so demanding. She wanted it all the time. Just like, "give me some ass, dammit! you have got to give up the ass!".

[La Lioness Priyanka]

27. rofl

:rofl:

[flvegan]

31. Speaking of

wanting someone to give up the ass...

How you doing tonight? You've been a little down the past couple...

[La Lioness Priyanka]

46. i am doing much much better

than i have in the last couple of weeks...


how this is related to giving up ass i do not understand?

[sleipnir]

32. Sex.

Wow, I can't believe it, but it's not really true.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

33. Yes I got that kind of ultimatum

(not with porn)

Being given an ultimatum is a sign that that person loves their power over you - not you.

[yurbud]

48. ouch

[KitchenWitch]

35. Sex with other people

[billyskank]

105. Oh man!!

:rofl:

[av8rdave]

36. Wow....mine didn't ask me to give up anything...

In fact, she encouraged me to take up some things I had given up years ago, as well as a few new things. I've tried to do the same for her.

It's rather nice to be in a relationship that actually adds, instead of taking away.

av8rdave

ok, ok....she'd really rather I stop rooting for the Cowboys when they're playing the Seahawks. We may have to seek counseling over that!

[DS1]

37. Nothing at all

Which is yet another reason why she so thoroughly rocks :hi:

[SOteric]

59. Likewise.

And ditto. :hi:

[Scout]

38. my name.

well, he didn't INSIST but it was very clear he'd be pretty unhappy if I chose not to change my name when we married.

[yurbud]

49. was this a lefty guy?

[just a girl]

40. My family

Guess that's why he's now an ex.

[I Have A Dream]

51. Wow - that would be difficult to take. Glad that you don't have...

to deal with THAT anymore.

[swimboy]

58. Welcome to DU, just a girl!

:hi:

[Midlodemocrat]

41. Nothing.

Neither one of us asked the other to give up anything. I guess we didn't have any habits that bothered the other.

He is an absolute neat freak, I'm not. He is really organized, I'm not. But so far, things are ebbing and flowing pretty well.

[Deja Q]

43. Nothing. He preferred to give up on me.

:D

[Mutley]

44. I have never asked my SO to give up porn...

In fact, I like porn myself sometimes. But some women are insecure about that sort of thing. They seem to think that because their SO watches porn that they are not satisfied with their sex life.

I did ask my SO to stop bringing chocolate in the house, because I'm trying to eat healthy and there is no way I can stop myself from eating chocolate if it's staring me in the face. But that doesn't mean I wanted him to give it up entirely -- just not have it in the house.

[leftofthedial]

45. her

turns out she was doing me a big favor

[swimboy]

57. It's nice it worked out that way.

:toast:

[leftofthedial]

84. yep! a new start is a good thing!

Wish me luck. It's hard to "start over" in one's advanced decrepitude.

[swimboy]

123. I wish you all the best!

You gave up the "current" thing so you can find the "right" thing. :hug::loveya::hug:

[leftofthedial]

124. stop doing the old thing

start doing the new things

[JackDragna]

47. Happyness, independence, free-thought, self-respect..

..and all the other things sig others expect of you in modern America. :)

[AngryAmish]

52. Get used to rolling over

I hope you like your leash.

[tigereye]

53. buying more mugs!

there's no more room for them in the cupboard. ;)

Otherwise, nothing.

[yurbud]

54. more mugs?

[blue neen]

60. No ultimatums, but

he doesn't like it when I wear nail polish. :shrug:
I usually don't wear it, but sometimes I do indulge!

[yurbud]

61. expressing a preference and even mild nagging are okay

the nagging can almost be like a ritual.

[LeftyMom]

62. My principles

They're inconvenient, you know.

LeftyMom, I love that you're not like other girls, but could you be a bit less different? I love that you're so idealistic, but can't we go get a cheeseburger once in a while?

It never really got spelled out as such, but that was definitely the idea sometimes. That's part of why we split up. Not the only reason, of course. These things are complicated.

[Nevernose]

63. Are you a vegan, or just have something about cheeseburgers?

I'm scrolling down the thread, and the cheeseburger thing is the only thing that really caught my attnetion. What does that say about me?

[LeftyMom]

65. Yeah, I am.

I have no idea what that says about you. I'm flattered that the post that caught your attention was mine. I'd have hung up on the "My so asked me to give up porn" posts, but I have a one track mind. :shrug:

[Guy Fawkes]

64. They want me to give up cheese!

Darn cats! They want all of my cheese to themselves!

[riderinthestorm]

66. So I made a flip answer last night, but I have a serious porn question

As a proud and blatent feminist, my big issues with porn center on the exploitation of women and the issues of the women who participate in porn.

These women are usually manipulated by drugs and alcohol. They are frequently ill-educated and often abused.

My guy isn't into porn so it's never even come up, but am I missing something? How can so many otherwise enlightened guys buy into this whole sexualizing women thang? I'm not sure I could watch it without that tape playing over and over.

Please note: I am not trying to be judgemental. Perhaps there is some kind of new spin on the whole thing I've missed.... (freely admitting I am an old feminist).

[LeftyMom]

67. Well, I think you're erring in thinking most porn consumers are guys

I seem to recall that the majority are women, but I may be wrong. Now I don't doubt that there are some porn outfits that mistreat women, but they are hardly the majority. As in anything else, it's a good idea to be an educated consumer and buy stuff that's on the up-and-up (and my personal opinion is that it's too hard to be sure of that on the internet so I'd rather buy my stuff at a reputable local shop.)

-LM proud feminist and rather fond of naked people goin' at it.

[riderinthestorm]

68. Actually, I don't care if they are men or women porn purveyors

Really. And I wonder how you would know which porn is PC and which is not and how do you know that the majority of porn outfits aren't nasty.

My husband and I made our own porn movies starring our own naked selves so I'm not adverse to naked bodies either, I just wonder if the OP's girlfriend is principled and perhaps that is what drove the ultimatum?

Porn is funky that way... there really IS a dark side, and there really ARE legitimate reasons that some people are freaky about commercial porn.

[MissMillie]

113. This is so dead wrong I can begin to know where to start

First of all, most porn is made by men and sold to men. Overwhelmingly.

Secondly, for every reputable porn manufacturer, there are dozens of guys in their basement w/ a camera thinking they can be the next big porn producer and yes, they prey on women who are looking for a drug fix, or who have run away from home or an abusive relationship. These women are often sexually assaulted (outside of their on-camera performances).

The entire industry smacks of exploitation.

[nashbridges]

76. Your guy is lying

If he likes seeing you naked, then he likes seeing other women naked, too. That's the way it works.

The context that the photos were taken in rarely, if ever, comes into our minds while we're viewing. Maybe after, maybe before, but hardly ever during.

That said, porn really doesn't work for some guys, and they shy away. I don't like porno movies at all, they don't do anything for me. Playboy, internet porn, random nudity at a bar - sometimes. My wife? Pretty much any time she will let me.

[riderinthestorm]

77. I guess anything's possible

But he's married to his work and since we work and live together 24/24 hours in a day, I'm not sure where and when he'd sneak it in (we're farmers). I mean, it's not like we have computers on the tractors to access porn sites via online (we have one computer in our bedroom) or cable/satellite to get it on tv. He goes to bed before I do, and gets up after me.

Hell, I'll be the first to admit anything's possible but after 20+ years together I can't figure how/where it would be coming from.

And look, I'm not even condemning those that get into porn. I just know from my own experiences that some (most, any, all? what percentage is pc?) porn isn't about empowering women over their bodies but is exploitative.

And perhaps the OP's girlfriend is being principled.

[yurbud]

78. it's like an itch you have to scratch--you don't think about that aspect

We don't make an intellectual analysis and then decide it's okay to look at it. On the other hand, I am morally repulsed by stuff that has underage women or S & M stuff (it often looks like people are really being hurt).

Also, while I'm sure there are women coerced into porn just as there are into prostitution, I'm not sure if it's most or even a majority.

If you want to say women are economically coerced into porn, that's something else.

A good looking but otherwise not too bright girl sees that she can make ten times the money in a day of porn work than she can in a week of McDonald's or Walmart, and it's probably hard to pass up or think about the risks.

[taterguy]

108. my take

You asked:
How can so many otherwise enlightened guys buy into this whole sexualizing women thang?

The same way that so-called environmentalists drive cars. They know it's not good but the pleasure (convenience?) it brings them personally outweighs the damage it does to society at large; even though I'm not ready to concede the point that porn is inherently unhealthy.

[riderinthestorm]

134. That's fine

But his SO may be one of those who IS principled enough to ride her bike and be an environmentalist.

And she may be one of those who IS principled enough to say porn is degrading and exploitative of women so stop subsidizing it.

And this guy needs to understand that there are women out there like that.

Bottom line: she may not be the woman for him. And he may be pining for her but then he will grow up a bit and figure out what he wants from his women, his life, his priorities.

My point: this former SO may not be the bitch he wants (needs?) to paint her as.

I don't know. None of us do. And basically he'll figure it out.

Good luck to him, I say. I just offered a different perspective - my perspective on porn: that the dark side would be a tape that plays in my mind when I watch it (that tape DOES play LOUDLY the few times I've taken it in). That I'm not sure I could/would be okay with a guy who was "into" it (freely admitting that I don't have any experience with a guy who WAS into it), especially knowing that most of these women are participating for some pretty terrible reasons (again, stipulating that we don't have good documentation for that assumption).

[Clintmax]

69. Watching Football and the WWF

He can't stand them to be on the TV and yells at me to turn it off if I'm flipping through channels and pause on one of those for too long.

[ScreamingMeemie]

72. Nothing. He has never asked me or demanded that I give up anything.

He will be honest when some habits of mine bother him, but he doesn't make me quit. :hi:

[yellowdogintexas]

73. stuff. stuff that I have had for years and don't want to get rid of

some are things which belonged to or were given to me by people in my past, some are things I have purchased and kept.

He just thinks we have too much stuff in the house.

And he admits he needs to get rid of things too.

I have panic attacks when I think about parting with some of the things though.

Does that make me a pack rat?

[yurbud]

79. yes--but ebay was made for people like you (to sell NOT buy)

[nashbridges]

74. The real question is...

Exactly how dumb are you? Leaving it open? You might as well announce she doesn't do it for you.

Really.

[yurbud]

86. ironically, I forgot because I did think of it as porn--it was wikipedia

the article on nudism, and she saw a pic of a bare ass on the beach.

[Lilith Velkor]

75. His significance

No ultimatums, he just wouldn't stop being a dick.

I love porn and don't require fidelity, but most guys seem to require a woman who freaks out about that shit. Eh, whatcanyado? :shrug:

[JVS]

80. You might as well break it off now, because sooner or later you'll look

[bigwillq]

81. Nothing.

Of course, we each make sacrifices for each other but I would never be in a relationship if someone asked me to "give up" something. Nor would I expect my SO to give up something for me.

[alittlelark]

82. The only pair of shoes I wore during my last 2 months of pregnancy

I had no problem w/ it. They STUNK. For some odd reason my normally clean smelling footsies REEKED during the last 4 or so months of pregnancy.

I only wore 1 pair of shoes towards the end - they were sooooo comfortable!! They are now sloughing their post-partum toxins into a landfill somewhere in the Bay Area.

[Seabiscuit]

85. Lent

[yurbud]

87. she dumped me...I miss her

[chknltl]

88. Her....and I did!

My next great milestone was when I gave up smoking. This was much easier with my ex out of the picture. (I hated ducking those flying ashtrays anyway).

[entanglement]

89. Ask her why she thinks the picture of a nude woman equals porn?

Is Botticelli's 'The Birth of Venus' porn? Certainly not! Fundies are responsible for this nude woman = erotica = porn = bestiality = child porn = OMG-its time-for-fire-and-brimstone! confusion.

[yurbud]

90. she is not exactly in platonic dialogue mode

[Trigger Hippie]

91. Whatever.

I'm a woman and I love porn. I wouldn't give a shit if my boyfriend wanted to look at porn. I'd be pissed if my man gave me some ultimatum like that.

My former boyfriends never gave me any ultimatums. We both do what we want because we're grown adults, not children who need all these rules forced upon us. No one tells me what to do, no one. I'd rather be single than deal with shit like that. :grr:

[Chovexani]

107. Amen!!

I'm a woman and I love porn too. We are grown ass people and we should be able to do what we both want, and we do.

I wonder about these women that constantly give ultimatums that their SOs give stuff up. I mean, if your SO is into stuff so abhorrent to you that you feel the need to give an ultimatum to make them give it up, maybe y'all don't need to be together and you need to find someone whose interests and worldviews are closer to your own.

[Trigger Hippie]

109. Yes!!!

I agree 100%!!!

I just don't understand why women have a problem with this. It's not like the guys are actually having sex with these women. It's just some damn pictures!!!!

[philosophie_en_rose]

92. Love a guy. Tolerate his porn.

On the one hand, I think that ultimatums are counterproductive. And, in the grand scheme of things, it shouldn't mean anything that a person looks at naked pictures.

On the other, if someone is really offended, maybe they both have worldviews that are too different to be compatible.

:shrug:

[eyesroll]

93. Not a damn thing.

And while I am open to a "Stacie you know I love you but I'm not comfortable with X" discussion, any "you may NEVER do X again" (where X is not a dangerous drug, illegal activity, or his ex-wife or something) will, at best, get a nasty rebuttal from me.

[Deep13]

94. Nope, wife is neither insecure nor puritanical.

There is nothing immoral or embarrassing about sex.

[yurbud]

95. unless it's with puritans

[bertha katzenengel]

96. sleeping with my arm(s) above my head

As if. Kidding - she hasn't asked me to give it up. She just can't sleep when I have my arm(s) above my head. Because my snoring is worse. She'll ask me to put my arms down in the middle of the night but it does not good. She'll try to move my arms but either she can't or they go right back up again. :(

[RedCloud]

97. My boycott of her!

Hasn't happened though.

[Shell Beau]

98. Nothing!!

He would like me to quit smoking, but he has never EVER given me any kind of ultimatum.

[Taverner]

100. Wifey and I have had the "Great Porn War" before

I kind of won - tho we're at a stalemate on that one.

[Bullwinkle925]

101. Pets

My S.O. has demanded "No Cats, No Dogs" and I have complied for over 30 yrs. But, I have to say I'm getting tired of it. Would LOVE to have a Shiba Inu!!

:cry:

[taterguy]

102. drunken bicycle rides

She was never too keen on them but it became an ultimatum when she got a 4:00 AM call from the ER

[Chovexani]

103. Nothing

And I haven't made him give anything up, either. That's not how my SO and I operate--I think that's assy behavior and he agrees. We have a lot of the same hobbies, but there are things he's into that I'm not really into and vice-versa, we don't give each other hell over it, we try to support one another's interests and participate when we can if so and if not give each other space to enjoy it.

[Heidi]

106. Nothing. Ever. He married a human, not a martyr. (nt)

[Lisa]

114. not me, but my boss, was made to stop seeing her old friends from work

... even the women!

She had her own income and her own place. She married a guy when she was in her 50s, and he made her take early retirement, and sell her little house which she was very fond of. The guy even called up our office and told them to stop sending her courtesy invitations for our get-togethers at Christmas, etc. When one of the other supervisors called her at home, she was very distressed and asked that people not phone her anymore, "because it makes him unhappy".

It was a strange and puzzling situation. I moved away not long after this, and I haven't heard any updates. An older professional woman with a career, and now she's dependent on her husband.

[Rising Phoenix]

116. nothing....they have only added to my life

[bicentennial_baby]

136. awwwww

you... :loveya:

and the same goes for me too :)

:hug:

[flamingyouth]

117. Nothing.

[tonkatoy57]

121. Ah, been there, done that

As another poster put it, I've been through the "Porn Wars". I still don't understand it. One has nothing to to with the other. Just because I look at porn doesn't mean I don't think my wife is sexy, alluring, and good fantasy material. I just.like.porn. But, the added attraction is now when I look at porn on the web I get extra sensations. Now it's not just sexual arousal, it's guilt and shame too. What a deal. Wait, there's more. Since I looked at porn that obviously meant that I didn't love her or find her desirable, so we don't have sex any more. All around, this was just a winner of an issue.

Also dogs. No more dogs in my life. I miss my beagles.

And red meat.

And a few of my friends.

And did I mention no TV anymore? My wife hates TV.

[yurbud]

130. now I feel better by comparison

[redqueen]

122. Friends.

:(

[VOX]

126. Nothing. Only requests for "temporary modifications," such as...

"Honey, it's after 2:00 o'clock in the morning, maybe you should play your harmonica tomorrow during the day?" Or, "Honey, would you mind napping on the couch in the den? I have to change the sheets." Or, "Honey, would you mind driving tonight?"

I'm all too happy to oblige and then some. Great lady, and we're in our 12th year together.

As for porn (better termed "erotica," to describe that which suits my tastes), she likes to see what I'm seeing! :thumbsup:

[geniph]

127. Buying books and bringing home more pets

We just don't have any more room for me to keep buying books or adopting critters!

On the porn wars thing - jeepers, what a tempest in a teapot. My husband looks at nekkid ladies all the time, on a website he subscribes to where the ladies themselves send in their pictures. He doesn't like the pro websites, because the women all look alike, all airbrushed and Barbie. He likes the infinite variety of real women. So do I. Women are beautiful. He did ask me not to tease him about looking at pictures of nekkid ladies, because it makes him very self-conscious.

Oh, and we both check out short-skirted hotties when they walk past. ;-)

[trof]

128. My virginity.

I complied.
;-)

[SIU_Blue]

132. ROTFLMAO!!!!!

Best.Reply.In.This.Thread.

:rofl:

[skygazer]

129. Hitchhiking

I've hitched all over the country and habitually stick out my thumb if I'm stuck somewhere. It gives him the heebie-jeebies so he asked me to promise that I won't hitchhike - that I'll call him instead and he in turn has promised that wherever he is, he will rescue me. ~sigh~ I hate giving up any of my independence but I do understand where he was coming from so I agreed.

I did however stipulate that I would still stop and pick up hitchhikers (I'm selective but I have a hard time passing someone by - I know too well what that feels like). He knew he'd already gotten pretty lucky to get me to agree to his conditions so he agreed to mine.

As for me to him, I did ask him to stop posting singles ads - I don't care if he looks at porn but the ads make me uncomfortable. Not that I really think he'd follow up on them but it bothers me to have him put them out there. :shrug: He agreed.

[sakabatou]

138. I have yet to hold on to a SO for so long

So I can't say.