How manufactured is love?

[HEyHEY]

If we were in the wild and acting on our instincts....would humans mate for life?

Or should it be that the men and women are separated except once a year when they get together to get it on and send the young men back up the road to live with the older men?

Because I know that there are tons of people (men and women) that I repsect and enjoy being around. But only a select few girls do I get crushes on (One of which just popped up on messenger, foul Mexican temptress leave me be!). But is all that makes it a "crush" is that there is a possiblilty of sex? Making you lust a bit more for them? Because I sometimes fall for girls that I have not nearly as much respect for as some of my girl friends, but the friends are out of reach for whatever reason so I don't seem to have a crush on them.

So I'm wondering if love is just about oppurtunity. Is that a crush...is that "love"

Or is it all made up?

[short bus president]

1. Uh...

I thought yer subject line was Engrish for "how does one have sex?"

;-)

[HEyHEY]

2. No I'm not looking for a manual

;-)

[short bus president]

3. That's a good thing...

Wouldn't want this to be misterpreted as one of those "S-word" threads.

;-)

[THUNDER HANDS]

4. a crush is lust

Lust is what we'd feel if we were still animals. That's the chemical signal from your brain to your you-know-what telling you it's time to make da babies.

Love is holding your girlfriend in your arms, watching the sun come up over the Brooklyn Bridge, as you wander aimlessly through NYC looking for a descent bagel shop.

[HEyHEY]

5. ah yes the eternal quest

I figure that love is what you said....but I just don't see how someone can LOVE someone and simply LIKE another

[markbark]

6. "Descent" Bagel shop?

Don't tell me that bagel shops are falling out of the sky on the lower east side!

<ducking now....> :P



--MAB

[THUNDER HANDS]

7. oy

good....good bagel shops.

:D

[smirkymonkey]

14. Not always, but lust is a powerful

draw. I have all kinds of crushes, there are people that I am really attracted to, but not in a sexual way. There are people who make my heartbeat faster, but in whom I have no interest in pursuing a relationship.

There are people I have crushes on simply because I think they are wonderful human beings and I think their company is intoxicating.

There are people I am attracted to in strange ways - like I would go for it if we were stranded on a desert island, but for some reason, in reality, it just doesn't seem worth it.

All in all, crushes are fun, keep me motivated and add some excitement to life. I wish I had more of them!!

[Blue_Chill]

8. For life or die trying

Jealousy is a human trait, so is violence. These traits exist in both males and females. So if we were simpley animals I think the strongest would either mate for life, or die trying.

Among the weak I'd imagine they would gian and lose mates depending on availability.

[FunBobbyMucha]

9. It's all pheremones and how much they remind you of your mommy...

I don't think we can reasonable dissect a crush. All the things that developed you, your emotional, sexual, and social selves, all intersect and overlap at some point. I have no doubt that part of my attraction to my wife is that she reminds me of Gwen Stacy from the Spider-Man comics, one of my first crushes, back when sex and even being three-dimensional weren't yet concerns.

As for the other women I get crushes on (I don't act on them, but I do get them, and my wife even knows about them and just sorta rolls her eyes), they range from sorta like my wife to nothing at all like her. Sex isn't the main reason for these crushes: I have a crush on my 53-year-old Texan penpal Debbie and I've never even laid eyes on her. It's about digging the way they see and react to me as much as anything else.

As for the "in the wild" part, I'd interject that once upon a time we WERE in the wild following our instincts, and those instincts led the human race...here, to a society that mostly couples for life. Maybe I'm wishful thinking because I've been married a long time, but IMHO a generation or two of changing (sometimes for good, sometimes for bad) sexual mores, a culture of divorce as too easy an out, and a media-driven over-emphasis at portraying any relationship that isn't overflowing with non-stop passion as a failure has a lot to do with skepticism like yours. I'd still rather be with the one I love than love the one I'm with, though.

[felonious thunk]

10. My wife is...

my best friend
my partner
my confidant
my biggest supporter
my strongest ally
my favorite comedian
my favorite intellectual
and damned hot too.

Yes, there is such a thing as love.

[glarius]

13. I'd say your wife is also very lucky, judging by your appreciation of her!

All wives (and husbands) aren't always appreciated in that way....Not speaking for myself...My hubby thinks I'm kind of nifty so I have no complaints...:D

[BiggJawn]

11. Once a year????

You get your hormones from the same place as my GF?

[HEyHEY]

12. I don't know I'm going on the rest of the animal kingdom

[tigereye]

16. great book about this very subject

Dr. Tatiana's Sex Guide to All Creation, by Olivia Judson, an evolutionary biologist. I heard her on Terri Gross one time. It is very funny and written in a Dear Abby format to a variety of creatures, bugs, birds, etc asking for advice about their love lives and sexuality. Actually, we humans come off as quite staid in our practices... at least compared to other species. Then there are all the biological and genetic questions. One study she cited noted that human males and females with imcompatible genetic structures ( that would produce birth defects if they mated, I think) actually preferred the pheronomes of those not having the genetic compatibility.

[Nikia]

15. Depends on what you consider love to be

Having a crush on someone that you don't really know is not love. That is attraction that could lead to love but it is not really love. Some people have crushes more often on people who are out of reach, while you fall for people closer to you. There is that intense "in love" feeling that most people get early in their relationships. I think that feeling must be somewhat instinctive because I don't know why else it is so emotionally intense. I don't think it is just cultural If you have a successful long term relationship though, you have to more together than just that. The intensity will fade and if you stay togther it is because you genuinely like and respect each other. I love my husband but I've had and continue to have feelings for others that might be considered love, not "in love". These feelings of love are not sexual in the way "in love" is. They are genuine liking, respect, comfort, and being willing to do almost anything for the other person.