Whats the best way to handle a rabid freeper?

[romantico]

Should I look it directly in the eyes?
Should I slowly back up?
Should I call animal control?
What does it mean when they start foaming at the mouth?
If I get bitten by one, do I need shots?
Should I feed them?
Can they smell fear?

Anyone?Is there a book on how to handle freepers?Reason I ask, I was goona get a freeper to guard the house, but I hear they can turn on you without ANY warnings + they're not very smart. One good thing is people will stay away & I have some exspensive stero equipment.Maybe I'll just get a dog. Yeah, that'll work. Okay, never mind!

[La_Serpiente]

1. Tell him to shut up

Seriously. I would do that. They don't like being told no.

[neuvocat]

2. Get a dog instead.

The freeper would be way too lazy to even think, much less guard your house.

[MnFats]

3. Ever read/see "To Kill a Mockingbird?"

Think of Gregory Peck in that scene, out in the hot street, with the dog coming toward him, flipping and flopping around and howling, clearly mad with rabies.
He takes off his glasses (must be far-sighted) to take better aim. He lowers the barrel of his old hunting rifle......

There ya go!

[JohnLocke]

6. He-heh-heh.

[romantico]

8. I was thinking more of that scene in

"Night of the Hunter" where Lilian Gish is on the porch w/her shotgun waiting for Robert Mitchum to return.

[kcwayne]

4. Point off to the horizon

and say... Look, there's Richard Petty!

[mourningdove92]

5. Hand the freeper Hillary's book

Step back
watch freepers head explode

[MisterP]

7. although freepers make more sound,

guinea pigs are more effective at guarding your possessions, if that's what you're looking for.

[guitar man]

9. Ihad to handle one the other night

I was at a bar where I like to hang out after work. I had on a T-shirt made for me by a screen printing friend that says "Buck Fush" on the front and "3,000,000 lost jobs,way to go Asshole" on the back.

This wormy little shit in a 3 piece with a tie obviously from the Rush collection started in on me.I told him to get over it,but he wouldn't let it go.

Finally,as I was coming out of the restroom,he was coming in.He jumped up in my face and started in again.I dragged him into the can by his tie with one hand and locked the door with the other,then I proceeded to slam him up against the wall by the tie with his feet dangling and did a little explaining to him about how you can't believe everything Rush tells you,especially the part about how Libs and Democrats are weak and spinless. I told him he was now fucking with a real,live "rugged individual" and if he didn't knock it off he was going to the hospital.Then I let him go and he lit out of there and I never saw him again,I think he pissed his pants.

Maybe I shouldn't have done waht I did,but I had already had a few beers and a couple or 3 shots of booze by then and that isn't the best time to get in my face,so fuck the bastard!

[TrogL]

10. Wave a Bible in their face

Read them the Ten Commandments.

Accuse them of lying and not loving their neighbour.

[Semi_subversive]

11. Kick the crap out of them

Then all that's left is teeth and eyeballs.

[guitar man]

12. Amen

eom

[salinen]

13. drive

a wooden stake through the spot where there heart was removed.

[MercutioATC]

14. Shoot it, cut off its head and put it in the freezer for the vet to test..

No wait...that's a rabid dog....

[Philostopher]

15. Well, attempt to domesticate whatever you like, but ...

I'd look into a good, lightweight ketamine dart gun like zookeepers use. That way, if the freep turns on you when you're not expecting it, you can take it down harmlessly, without damaging your initial investment.

You can usually bring them around from the dart with a can of Red, White and Blue beer (or, failing that, a can of lukewarm Mello Yello) and a Kool filter cigarette, from what I understand. That is, of course, if you want to bring them around. I'd have to think the temptation to just continue firing darts into their pasty asses until they melt would be terribly tempting.