How do you feel about women changing their names after marriage?

[prolesunited]

Do you take husband's last name? Hyphenate? Keep yours? What factors weigh into the decision?

[Strong Atheist]

1. Whatever you

and your husband can live with each other with ...:shrug:

[Beware the Beast Man]

2. prolesjay doesn't roll off the tongue.

:D

[prolesunited]

8. At least you know

who to list first. :P

[Blue-Jay]

12. That should be decided by arm wrestling.

The winner gets to list their name first.

[prolesunited]

14. OK

But you have to use your bad arm.

[LeftyMom]

3. I wish I hadn't

:(

[Redstone]

45. Why?

Redstone

[LeftyMom]

48. Changing it back is going to be a pain in the ass

and I've been putting it off.

[Redstone]

55. Aha, a change is in the wind. I didn't know that. Yes, I supposed it

can be a whole bunch of rigamarole to get the driver's license and all that changed over.

Mrs R told me that if I ever leave her, she'll keep my last name, because that will make it easier for her to ruin my credit rating. I'm not going anywhere, not me!

Redstone

[LeftyMom]

57. The ex and I split years ago

I just didn't feel like going to the DMV even to get my own name back. Then I lost my ID a week ago, so I'm going to get the ball rolling since I have to get new everything anyhow.

[Redstone]

65. You referred to him as "The ex," rather than "My ex." How many people,

do you suppose, do that?

I NEVER refer to the woman to whome I was once married as anything other than "(my older son's name)'s mother."

Not "my ex." She's not my anything, and the fact that she's my son's mother is the only thing that ever connected her life to mine in any way.

But fortunately I don't have to deal with her at all. Since my son disinvited her from his high-school graduation three years ago (how's that for a kid exhibiting some guts?), it's like she never existed.

As divorces go, mine was ugly at first, but I'm damn lucky that the aggro has dwindled to nothing. Most people don't get off that easy.

Redstone

[Radio_Lady]

78. I've been married three times -- to my "current" husband for 32 years.

So, technically, I've had about five names bounced around on credit cards, licenses, etc. etc.

However, I've managed to keep my "maiden" name (Dad's name) in most of my professional radio work.

My husband hated both his first name and last name, so we changed them both after we married in 1973.

My former husband, the father of my two children, married one week after we were divorced. I got used to being called "Mrs. Former-husband's name" when I was with the kids in his Vermont town (they both lived with him for eight years and I payed child support).

All in all, keeping my maiden name as a middle name after marriage worked pretty well for me.

[Misunderestimator]

69. See... that's what I was thinking...

This whole name changing thing... why is it always the man's name??? The WOMAN has the children after all. Makes no sense to me.

[Radio_Lady]

79. Don't Spanish women use their names as hyphenates at the end of

the two names? So it would be Maria Rodriquez married to Jose Quintera, the child would be Baby Girl Quintera-Rodriguez, at least until she marries. That's always seemed like a good custom to me, that is, if I understand it correctly.

[July]

96. The hyphen is used in English-speaking countries to eliminate confusion.

In a Spanish-speaking country, the name you use as an example would be Baby Girl Quintera Rodriguez (no hyphen), and everyone would understand that the "first last name" comes from the father and the "second last name" comes from the mother. On official forms, one would be asked to provide both. In casual situations, people often use just the first last name. When Baby Girl Quintera Rodriguez grows up and marries Alfonso Sanchez Martinez, their child will get the father's first last name and the mother's first last name, to become Baby Boy Sanchez Quintera.

Here, that baby boy might be listed on school or medical records as "Quintera" even though his "main" last name is Sanchez. So, many Hispanics use the hyphen.

[WindRavenX]

4. I am refusing to change mine

Sorry. I see it as a symbolic act of me becomming someone's "property"

[Redstone]

50. As you may have read downthread, it doesn't matter to me, but

if a woman just want to take her husband's name, it's not necessarily because she considers herself to be her husband's "property." Mrs R certainly doesn't.

But the one thing that used to make me nuts, even when I was a kid, was seeing a woman (like my mother) signing her name "Mrs John Smith." (Not that my father's name was John smith, but you get the idea.) Now, that format reeks of property. If a woman wants to sign her name "Mrs (hey, I'm married) Mary Smith," well fine and dandy (as far as I'm concerned). But the "Mrs John Smith" formats basically says "My identity is that I am John Smith's wife, and that's all I am."

I sure hope that form is dying out, because it makes me queasy. Not that I identify myself as a feminist or anything (boy, did I get beat up for saying that a while back), but damn, women need to treated (and to treat themselves) with respect and to have some dignity and individual identity.

Mrs R likes being Mrs (her first name) R, but damn if she'd sign anything "Mrs (my first name) Redstone." And if she did, I'd be having a little talk with her to get her to understand why she shouldn't.

Redstone

[Kali]

81. I hate using titles

I try to always get away with just being "My-first-name
His-last-name" I don't like divulging gender OR marital status to strangers. I did take his last name but I am still me and if you don't know me what more info do you need than my name?

[Redstone]

86. Of course, you're still you. And no amount of name-changing can

change that.

American Indians know that one's name can, and frequently does, change over the course of a lifetime. But the changing name does not change who you are. The people who count, those who love you, will always know you.

Redstone

[WritingIsMyReligion]

125. OMG I SO agree.

That drives me foolish.

You sound like a good guy, Redstone.

:hug:

[TallahasseeGrannie]

5. I did it, my daughter did, too

as a teacher I don't care too much for hyphenated names because they really mess up my rollbook! They never fit!

I feel sometimes that a woman doesn't have her own name, which is why my writing name is my first and middle name. My married name is my husband's and my maiden name was my father's.

On the other hand, as a genealogist, the old system of maiden/married name makes research easier.

[Akoto]

6. I'm an unmarried guy, but ...

One of my old teachers married and added her husband's family name to her own, so she was Williams-Johnson instead of just Williams. I think that's how I'd do it. :)

[prolesunited]

11. So, you'll be adding your future wife's last name

to yours if I understand correctly.

[Akoto]

13. I'm not planning to marry for quite a long time ...

I'm only twenty, and I don't feel like I'm anywhere near ready for that kind of thing. However, when I do, I'd like to think that I'm marrying a woman whose last name I'd be proud to mingle with my own. It shall be a romantic union of family surname bliss. Or something. :)

[Redstone]

I've been married twice, and told both women: You can do whatever you

want to do, keep your last name, take my last name, or use yours and mine both in a row, but PLEASE, no hyphens!

I find them to be an irritating affectation.


Redstone

[Bunny]

17. Thank you! I don't like hyphenated names either.

Keep yours, take your husband's - I don't care. Just PICK one!

[Redstone]

24. Or pick both, as I said. But without the hyphen. Besides, what happens

when Suzy Smith-Jones marries Johnny Black-Brown? What the hell are their kids supposed to call themselves?

Redstone

[Bunny]

30. Tommy Smith-Jones-Black-Brown?

:)

[uppityperson]

39. Tommy Smijoblabro

can claim he is an martian

[Bunny]

44. Oh I like that!

:thumbsup:

[Redstone]

41. Who marries Jane Black-Jones- Smith-Stone, who becomes

Jane BlackSmith-JonesJones-BlackSmith-BrownStone, what with the current preference for InterCaps.

This one could go on for a LONG time, yes?

Redstone

[Bunny]

46. Ad nauseum, I fear.

[Redstone]

53. Unless we stop it now. I will if you will.

Redstone

[Bunny]

58. It's a deal!

[Redstone]

62. Done and done. I think we've saved the Lounge from a great deal

of unnecessary silliness.

Redstone

[Bunny]

64. Never let it be said that we didn't do all we could.

[Redstone]

66. Maybe some day, they'll remember us for our sacrifice in the interest

of the greater good. Maybe we'll get a bridge named after us, or something.

Redstone

[Bunny]

68. The Bunny Redstone Memorial Bridge.

Or, the Redstone Bunny Memorial Bridge. Either way, it's all good, so long as there is no hyphen.

[Redstone]

73. Oh, thank you. You just made me laugh out loud, and I like to do that.

Yup. You can go first, as long as there's no hyphen. Actually, "Bunny Redstone" does sound better.

I'm still chuckling.

Redstone

[Bunny]

74. Glad to be of service.

And on that light note, I am going to bed. Good night Redstone!

[Redstone]

80. Good night to you, too. Sleep well, my friend.

Redstone

[mitchum]

29. I told my my current (and only wife) the same things...

for the same reason. It IS a ridiculous and irritating affectation.

[prolesunited]

33. So, did she take your last name

or simply keep hers?

[mitchum]

40. She took mine because she says that she has never liked the sound of hers

Mine does sound pretty cool :), but I also thought that hers sounded just as fine

[July]

99. See my post above about Spanish surnames.

For some people, the hyphen allows them to follow their families' practice of using two surnames. It's awkward sometimes, but so what? It's up to them.

[mitchum]

119. It certainly makes sense when it's a cultural tradition...

I just find it pretentious when US WASP suburbanites engage in it

[tjdee]

7. You all should have the same last name--whoever changes it.

I don't know why some people are so attached to their last name. Kind of ridiculous, IMO, unless it has special significance or you're part of a Kennedy caliber family.

I don't care who changes their name, as long as everyone has the same last name. If you're all Jones-Smiths, fine. Kind of irks me otherwise--one family, one name. Now, if Baby Jones-Smith grows up and marrys a Smith--Jones....that gets kind of weird.

[July]

98. If we're okay with having different last names, what's it to you?

Why "should" we all have the same last name?

If your name is Charles and you go by Charlie, would you like people calling you Chuck? Isn't it up to you to call yourself whatever you like and to expect others to respect that?

[tjdee]

114. Yes, but again, I don't see the big deal.

Obviously people can do what they like, and others can just adjust. I do find it irritating, but I can cope, LOL.

If I went by Charlie and people called me Chuck....don't know that it's the same thing, because that's one person. I just think it's kind of strange to put such emphasis on your last name, and it's less confusing (for others--and granted, who cares what others think) when everyone has the same name. And like I said, in my head, having the same last name says "family". Other things say family too, obviously... :shrug: just my opinion.

It's certainly not the biggest of deals.

[Strong Atheist]

9. Let's start a new trend,

both of the parents keep their own last name, and the boys get the fathers last name and the girls get the mothers last name ...

[Book Lover]

89. Already in practice :-)

And doing quite well, thank you.

[Strong Atheist]

90. Cool! nt.

[Jade Fox]

108. I always thought that made sense. n/t

[Strong Atheist]

115. We agree! nt.

[kitkatrose]

10. I say whatever works for you personally.

Me, I'm either hyphenating or going to try to make a new one so me and my husband can both change. Heck, if I have to deal with it, then so does he. :D Unless I have my Ph.D. before then; I may have to reevaluate my decision. But fortunately, that's a long way off for me, so I have time to think it out better. :)

[prolesunited]

15. I'm 42

so I've had time to get established. And, I have so many legal documents, accounts, etc. in my name, going through all of those hoops just seems like too much time and trouble. But, I like your idea of making him change as well. That seems fair enough.

[Blue-Jay]

18. Great. Let's just pick a new last name.

How about "Smith" or "DeJesus" or "Banana" or "MacBrickRock" or "Trump"?

That would be an equal amount of hassle for both of us.

[prolesunited]

21. How 'bout Trump?

Maybe he'll get confused and include us in his will.

[I Have A Dream]

84. I did this, and it worked out really well. However, I only did it in...

my first marriage. I was so attached to my self-created name that I kept it when I married the second time.

[Karenina]

16. I took my ex-husband's name upon marriage

and kept it after divorce as it made life easier for the kids and me.

[prolesunited]

23. That's one reason I would consider it

But, we won't be having any children so it's not an issue.

[Robb]

19. My ex didn't take my name

...and look how that ended up. :D

[prolesunited]

20. Oh no!

We're doomed.

[supernova]

22. Whatever you want

but I don't want to change my name anymore. It's too much of a hassle.

If I ever set up house with another person again, it'll be because I want to, and not because I want to display to the world that he has some sort of ownership over me.

[Arugula Latte]

25. I hyphenated, but I should have just kept my name.

I did it so our future (now flesh and blood) kids would have a name at least partially the same as mine. But, again, it would have been easier and more dignified for me just to keep my own.

[flamingyouth]

26. I didn't the first time I married.

But I will when I get married again.

[Blue-Jay]

28. flamingris? That's just dumb.

;)

[flamingyouth]

32. Do you prefer flamingrits?

He is Southern, after all. :D

[Blue-Jay]

34. "Flamingrits" kicks ass!

I would prefer that you guys come visit us in Chicago instead. Call yourselves "Mr & Mrs AssButt" for all I care.

Heeeyyyyy....Mr and Mrs AssButt........

I call "dibs"!

[flamingyouth]

38. ROFL

We'd love to come to Chicago. Neil's never been there and I love it. The restaurants, the architecture, the scenery, it's all good in my book.

You guys are an added bonus. ;)

Hopefully we'll make it there one of these years. :D

[distantearlywarning]

27. The truly modern solution:

Both of us picked a new one to share. It took us 6 months to decide on one we both could live with, but it was a good solution in the end. Now we get to share a last name and nobody had to feel like their wishes came second to those of the other person.

I haven't regretted the decision yet, as the new last name is much, much better than my old last name. I think he's happy too. His mom was/is a little mad but my parents got a kick out of it.

[Blue-Jay]

31. I know a couple who did that.

She didn't want to be "Mrs Fish", and he didn't want to be "Mr Fish-unpronounceable Polish Name with too few Vowels", so they decided on "Mr & Mrs DRAGON"!

They were both D&D geeks, so "Dragon" seemed pretty cool to them.

Oh, how we all laughed and laughed at them....

[prolesunited]

35. How about Monkey?

Cause everthing is more fun with monkeys. And, when we arrive at a party, people could say, "Hey, hey, it's the Monkeys!"

[greatauntoftriplets]

37. How about....

The Monkees???

Or is that too it's been done?

:shrug:

[Blue-Jay]

43. Done!

No Take-sie Back-sies!

HAHAHA! You are now "Mrs Monkey"!

Can I get an "ook" from my Home Apes?

[prolesunited]

51. It was a JOKE!

No ooks here.

[Blue-Jay]

54. Too late. I've ordered business cards.

"Jay Monkey
Destroyer of Worlds"

Call for price quotes.

[Hugin]

111. Oh, is that so?

Ook!

[Hugin]

110. Seconded.

:thumbsup:

[distantearlywarning]

36. We didn't choose "Dragon"

Or anything else too weird or pretentious or anything. I think.

If our friends laughed at us about it, they didn't do it in front of us. :-)

[graywarrior]

42. Kept mine. Took me too long to learn how to spell it.

I'm me. He's him. Neither one of us wants to be the other.

[Kali]

47. Not sure why I did it

maybe since I was doing the whole wedding tradition I followed with the taking the husbands name tradition too. I frankly never saw myself doing ANY of these things - kids either, but there it all is!

What is it about traditions? - not a Christian either, but do xmas AND Easter.

[prolesunited]

49. Both our parents

were kind of tacken aback that I'm not changing my name. But, we're adults. My dad dropped it pretty quickly.

[Blue-Jay]

52. Just wait until they hear that we're Mr & Mrs Monkey!

I'll have the paddles ready.

CLEAR!

[prolesunited]

59. Yes, I'm sure that will make them happy.

I dare you to tell your mom that when you visit and convince her it's true.

[xmas74]

56. If his last name sounds better than mine I'll take it.

Otherwise, I'll probably hyphenate since I have a child from a previous relationship.
Then again, if I married a man who adopted my child I'd probably take his last name so that the entire family has the same name.

[Ivan Sputnik]

60. My wife didn't change hers

which was fine with me. But it has created some confusion, and we have had to prove that we are married at times by producing our marriage license. I get called by my wife's name quite frequently, which I find more amusing than annoying, but some guys would probably hate that. Our son has a hyphenated last name, which has also caused some confusion. We had to get his birth certificate corrected because the hospital clerk got confused, and he ended up with two social-security numbers for a while. And his last name often gets alphabetized under the wrong letter. Just some things to keep in mind when deciding. (And no, my wife doesn't regret her decision and I'm still fine with it.)

[riderinthestorm]

61. I kept my name

The primary factors were:
1. At the time I was a broker and I just had too many clients, industry contacts, business cards, acronyms for trading etc. and it just seemed like such a hassle to change everything.
2. He's a Polack (his word, not mine), with the huge long name with too few vowels - there was no way to hyphenate that mess with my own.
3. It felt like some kind of feminist "stand". I was my own woman and not property (since the historical origins of this practice are patriarchal and proprietorial).

20 years later, I'm no longer a broker, (now I'm a farmer), but it feels right to have kept my own last name. My kids are forever amused by it at school. My husband never fails to get a laugh out of getting referred to as Mr. Riderinthestorm. I'm glad I stood fast on it.

I like my name. It's me. I think the perception is that people will find it confusing (or offensive?) but in reality it doesn't work that way. I live in an extremely conservative area, I never wear a wedding ring (too dangerous with farm machinery), everyone knows I don't use my husband's last name yet it's no big deal.

As a funny aside, my grandmother was aghast when she heard I wasn't changing my name. At my wedding, when I broke the news to her she actually said, "well then you aren't married honey!"

[Maine Mary]

63. Depends on the name

If his name is John Buttlick, I'll stick with my own. :-)

[Blue-Jay]

67. Perhaps a compromise is in order.

Merry Buttlicker.

[sbj405]

70. Three letters. . .

D
M
V

The thought of all the paperwork involved in changing my name makes me definitely want to keep it. That and I have years in a career and publications with my name. Adding husband's name unofficially to the end seems to be the way to go. Maiden name for business and legal matters. Married name socially.

That being said, my longtime bf is keen on the name changing thing. ehhh. We'll see.

Up to the individual though. I don't begrudge anyone one way or the other.

[Thtwudbeme]

71. I think it's fine for women that want to do that; however, I was always

Stephanie ******* for 38 years.....it seemed to odd to me to quit having my same name.

I kept mine. It's not really an issue for us...but, we are in the South, and it does seem to annoy the hell out of people.

I think whatever people are comfortable with. Also, you can wait, and do it later!

[BamaGirl]

72. Whatever they want

I changed mine when we got married, and since I was in the Army then it was a major pita. But, I figured we were planning on having kids and it would be easier in the long run to all have the same last name. I write under my maiden though.

[gollygee]

75. I took my husband's name

but I considered keeping mine. Sadly, the only name I have is still a paternal name. I'd love to know what the name my maternal line originally had was.

Anyway, I was very angry with my dad at the time and his name didn't seem like an improvement upon my husband's.

[Telly Savalas]

76. It's OK so long as she doesn't change her name to a cryptic symbol

and then asked to be referred to as "the woman previously known as _______".

[Ellen Forradalom]

77. Eh, I shouldn't have done it.

I don't mind my name the way it is now. But it was a hassle to change, and since I face an uncertain marital future, I wonder if I should have done it. Plus my maiden name was sorta cool.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

82. While of course it would be up to my wife to choose

I actually wouldn't feel comfortable with her taking on my name -I'm so used to my mother being Mrs ___________ that I think I would feel uneasy hearing my wife being referred to by the same title. I'm partial to taking on her name but I'd have to give it some prior consideration

[I Have A Dream]

83. I was just yesterday thinking about posting the same thing. :o>

When I got married the first time, I hyphenated my name. However, I never felt comfortable with this because I always felt as though I was still following a tradition that I didn't like or understand (even if it was not the standard way of following it since I hyphenated my name.) After several years, I legally changed my name to be a name which was a combination of both of our names (taking part of my husband's name and part of my name) with the understanding that this would be the name that our children would use if we would have children, which we didn't. My husband didn't change his name, but he encouraged me to change mine and strongly recommended that I use a female lawyer to handle it.

When I got married to my current husband, I kept the name that I created during my first marriage. (I am very attached to this name because it is my own made-up name that probably nobody else has.) He's very supportive of my decision. Children were not an issue for us.

The main factor that went into the decision to not take my husbands' names was how I hoped that the world would be in the future and wanting to contribute towards that change. The combining of the names seems like a good solution to the patriarchal system that we currently have.

[swag]

85. It's great that women do what they want to do.

[conflictgirl]

87. What I would do vs. what I did do

I like the idea of women keeping their own names after marriage. I support hyphenated names, but it tends to be a mouthful and kind of complicated. But I had a 10-letter Polish last name before marriage that nobody could ever pronounce. My husband's last name was 4 letters. If I hadn't felt like my name from birth was a pain in the ass (due to its constant mispronunciations) I would've kept it, but ultimately I took my husband's name for simplicity.

[benny05]

88. I did not

But in the near future I am going to hyphenate my last name with his because I have a common last name, for reasons I'd rather not get into at the the moment.

[raptor_rider]

91. It was alright for me

I exchanged from my maiden name to my husbands, both quite hard to pronounce if reading them and spell if told. After we were married I changed my license, my SS card, bank account, insurance, and one credit card. After almost a year and a half, I still have to change my vehicle reg., vehicle, and a few credit cards. My daughter's last name is still my maiden name, however that will change once we do the adoption. (Have to be married for 2 years before that can happen in the state where I live.) However, I am still debating on doing the hyphen thing with her name, since she is the last one to carry on the maiden name. (My parents had 3 girls and my dad only has a sister)
To me, I see not problem. I am my own individual self, my husband does not "own" me and I do not "own" him. If there are still doubting thoughts, see if he would take your name instead???

[Callalily]

92. I'm keeping my last name,

had it all my life and I don't see any reason to change it. And yes, it's still a sexist world. Many times I'll sign correspondence with J. Simply_Fugue and when I get return mail it's addressed to Mr. J. Simply_Fugue. Don't understand that, not in this day and age. Be glad that I'm not going to rant about phone solicitors (non-profits can still solicit even if you're on the no-call list).

[scarlet_owl]

93. I changed my name when I got married.

I already had a hyphenated name to begin with. It's good to have just one last name now.

[eyesroll]

94. I did the first time, but won't the next.

(I guess that's the opposite of how flamingyouth did/does it?)

The first time, I did it purely for aesthetic reasons -- my maiden/currnet name is long, and hard to spell. Still, I took it back when I got divorced.

I'm not standing in line at that flippin' DMV again.

Also, I'll be going to law school (hopefully), and may or may not marry before graduation, and I frankly don't want to have to change everything at school or with the bar and so forth. I had this last name for 23 years; it's amazing how quickly I got used to it again.

I won't have a problem being Stacie HisLast socially. (Or, at least, I'll pick my battles.) My mom is kind of annoyed -- "How will you register your kids in school?!?!" -- as if the city of Milwaukee (or wherever I end up) has never seen parents with two different last names before. She also says she'll list me as "Stacie MyLast-Hislast" in any birth announcement (because the strangers reading it will think I'm unmarried otherwise :eyes:).

[July]

100. I would have a problem with your mother's plan, if she were my mother.

I've kept my name, and I understand when people mistakenly use my husband's name rather than mine (he understands when it happens to him, too). But once I've told them what my name is, I expect them to use it. I really don't give a damn what they think I should be called, and when someone intentionally continues to use the wrong name, I set them straight. To me, it's pretty rude to tell someone that you will publicly use a name for another person that you know is not correct.

[eyesroll]

101. It just seems like it's that one instance --in a newspaper birth

announcement (which, presumably, she'd pay to put in the newspaper where she lives, and I used to live, but I don't anymore). "But look at the announcement -- there's NEVER two last names. Single mothers just don't put announcements in. I bet a lot of those hyphens are from women who don't have their husband's last name." (The kids can have his last name -- that I'm not concerned about either way, and if my current SO and I should ever reproduce, his name is four letters, one syllable, simple, so, hey.)

It's all hypothetical anyway. I suspect she won't actually be that obnoxious if/when the situation presents itself, at the very least, because my dad would talk her out of it.

[prolesunited]

102. God forbid perfect strangers

would think anything badly about you (and by association her). My mom was like that, too. I think it's just the way they were brought up.

[eyesroll]

95. I did the first time, but won't the next.

(I guess that's the opposite of how flamingyouth did/does it?)

The first time, I did it purely for aesthetic reasons -- my maiden/currnet name is long, and hard to spell. Still, I took it back when I got divorced.

I'm not standing in line at that flippin' DMV again.

Also, I'll be going to law school (hopefully), and may or may not marry before graduation, and I frankly don't want to have to change everything at school or with the bar and so forth. I had this last name for 23 years; it's amazing how quickly I got used to it again.

I won't have a problem being Stacie HisLast socially. (Or, at least, I'll pick my battles.) My mom is kind of annoyed -- "How will you register your kids in school?!?!" -- as if the city of Milwaukee (or wherever I end up) has never seen parents with two different last names before. She also says she'll list me as "Stacie MyLast-Hislast" in any birth announcement (because the strangers reading it will think I'm unmarried otherwise :eyes:).

[Burma Jones]

97. My Wife kept her last name

The only time it irritates me is when people call me by her last name, but that's a small irritation. The kids have my last name and she uses my last name in matters pertaining to the kids.

[prolesunited]

103. Well, think how much it would irritate her

to be called by YOUR last name -- permanently. Why does it bother you? Might she not feel the same way?

[Burma Jones]

109. Well, it doesn't irritate her

And she gives out my last name as hers when appropriate and it is her choice, anyway, she kinda prefers my family to her own....However, she has no brothers and no male cousins, so the name will die out and she felt bad about that.
I did say it was a little irritating, I was brought up in a blue collar atmosphere, and keeping up manly appearances has been drummed into me since birth, the key has been not to let that impetus provide more than a momentary twinge - and move on.

[ScreamingMeemie]

104. It made no difference to me...I have bigger fish to fry. I took his becaus

I wanted to. And his was a nicer, rolls off the tongue, more generic type name. I do identify myself as part of his life. Hey, he identifies himself as part of my life, as do our kids. It's just made into more of a big deal than it should be. After all, your name doesn't define who you are as a person, it just gives you a label to be identified by in the doctor's office. :hi:

[kskiska]

105. Anyone doing genealogy in the future

will have a hell of a time tracing their roots.

[Heidi]

106. I feel that it's none of my business what other women do.

My legal name, though, is my first name plus my "maiden" name hyphenated with my married name. Heidi Maiden-Married. Like that. :shrug:

[China_cat]

107. I just took my husband's

it was better than what I was sporting. But my in-laws look at me funny for using just HIS last name because in Holland a woman hyphenates her last name after marriage with her maiden name coming last. If she was Lucy Jones before and married John Smith, she'd then be Lucy Smith-Jones.

[NMDemDist2]

112. first two hubby's no name change

when I found the 'keeper' I changed it

:shrug: third time's a charm yanno?

[Burma Jones]

113. I knew a woman that took her Husbands last name ONLY because

her last name meant Pig Mountain in German........

[Left Is Write]

116. I changed my name to my husband's.

My general feeling is that I think each couple needs to do what works for them and makes them happy. Names are a rather personal thing, and it's not for me to say that what someone else did is wrong.

I had my first child when I was unmarried. I gave her my last name (much to the consternation of her father, but that's another story). I married when she was ten, and my husband and I planned to have more children. I had a choice - change my name, and share a name with my husband and subsequent children, but not my first child, OR keep my name and share it with my daughter, but not my husband and subsequent children. Ultimately, I chose to change my name.

I love my family name. It's a strong part of my identity. Sometimes I wish I had kept it as my middle name, but because my middle name has strong sentimental value to me also, I didn't really want to drop it. Besides, my family name would have been somewhat unwieldy as a middle name.

My daughter does not mind that I changed my name. At one point, she considered changing her last name to her father's, but ended up deciding she prefers the name she has.

I find ways to work my family name into other things - my email address combines both names, we had a cat given a form of my family name as his name, things like that. I tell my younger two children that even though we use Daddy's last name, they are just as much members of the Mommy'sLastName family as well. (And my husband does not share a last name with his parents, so that might wind up being confusing for my kids.)

Two of my sisters changed their names and one sister kept our family name.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

117. I told my wife in no unclear terms that I wanted NO change

I like her name the way it is. And yes, in general, it is a leftover from an age of submission. If you ask me, the way things SHOULD be is:

João Pereira Nunes marries Maria Soares Fonseca.

Male kids get the surname "Nunes Fonseca." Female kids get the surname "Fonseca Nunes." Or the other way around. Maybe do a coin toss before the first kid get named and stick to the outcome for other kids.

If that was the norm, there would be perfect symmetry among the genders and no unwieldy surname clutter.

[suzbaby]

118. Just do what I did and it will eliminate all last name problems!

I married a man with the EXACT same last name as me. So I went from Ms."Smith" to Mrs. "Smith"
Nothing changed! We often argue over who took who's last name. Of course when you do that, suddenly everyone you know becomes a comedian and suggests that you hyphenate your last name to Mrs. Smith-Smith.

Hardy har har. :P

[SW FL Dem]

120. I was terribly torn 20 years ago.

I married at 28 and had a career and a law license in my maiden name. I wasn't going to take hubby's name at all and that was ok with him. After addressing wedding invitations to my friends, I realized that it can be a PITA to deal with different names so I started wavering for convenience sake. A few days before the wedding, hubby called from the jewelers, he needed to know what initials to engrave on my wedding band. At that point I decided to follow the lead of one of my best friends and use both my maiden and married names as my last name. I generally don't hypenate, but will stick one in if I have to. I have an unusual maiden name and I didn't want to lose it. I agreed to take hubby's name for the sake of our children, it's just easier for them.

I still cringe when people call me Mrs. Married Name, that's not me, it's my MIL. I put up with it when my son was younger because it made his life easier at school. Now that he is older, I ask his friends to call me by my first name (when their parents allow it), if that doesn't work they call me Ms. Susan. After I first got married, my traditional mom started sending me birthday cards and checks using Mrs. Hubby's first and last name. She knew my choice but chose to ignore it, so I sent her cards back "addressee unknown" She eventually got the message. After 20 years, I sometimes drop my maiden name when introducing or referring to myself, but I insist that any written reference include my full name.

It isn't an easy decision, at least today, most computer programs allow up to 20-25 characters in the last name field to allow for hypenated last names. They didn't use to do that and it made for some fun times with emails, bank accounts etc when I first married.

[Beausoir]

121. I kept mine..many years ago.

My husband didn't care. His parents were mortified.

My dad was thrilled! I love my dad!

[WritingIsMyReligion]

122. I personally think it's ridiculous.

It's MY fucking name. I'm not changing it to anything else, no matter who the guy is. He'll take me and my name or he won't take me at all. My mother kept hers, as well, and sure, it's annoying to explain to people that YES, she is my mother, only she kept her name. But I'd rather explain that and respect my mother's independence than lie and say she changed her name when she didn't. We'll all live. Besides, why is it the WOMEN who change their names?? Why don't men change their names?? It harkens back to the whole "my wife = my property" nonsense.

However, some people feel differently, so if you have a carnal desire to change your name...go right ahead. I've nothing really against other people doing that. But I personally will NOT EVER change it.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

123. Well, It was a requirement for my wife and she was fine with it.

I wouldn't have married a woman who wouldn't change to my last name. I would've been okay with her last name being before mine with no hyphens, but the last name had to be mine.

That's just my preference though, and doesn't bother me the slightest how other couples handle it. To each their own. If both parties agree than they could do whatever they want right? :)

[eyesroll]

127. Can I ask why it was a "requirement?"

I'm glad you found someone who accepted that requirement, but if I was TOLD by someone I HAD to change my name (which for many people can be a huge part of who they are, and can be an important thing professionally) I'd be running in the other direction because I'd wonder what other "requirements" might pop up next.

[prolesunited]

129. Make that two of us

Whatever a couple decides what to do is fine, but a man REQUIRING it... no way. But, chances are either one of us would have fled *long* before that subject would have even arisen.

[RandomKoolzip]

124. I asked my wife what she preferred.

She preferred to keep her last name, so that's what we went with. Like abortion, this stuff should be left up to the woman.

[Orsino]

126. delete n/t

[Tikki]

128. I have a cutesy name because I took....

...my husband's last name.

My name is, also, a celebrity name....at least three famous or celebrity people have this name....you would recognize.
Also, taking his last name and using my given first and middle names....all three of my initials are the same.

I'm still me, though.



Tikki

[KamaAina]

130. My mom just did it a couple of years ago

this after she'd gone to court to go back to her birth name which she used for over twenty years.

Yes, her husband is a repuke. How'd ya know? :eyes: