Any AMAC or other abuse survivors awake? Ask me anything!

[Booberdawg]

I can't sleep. You think you have these issues put to rest and they crop up time and again when you least expect it.

Several years ago I worked through the book "The Courage to Heal" I lent the book out to someone in need and never got it back. I could sure use it tonight.

[AlienGirl]

1. What's AMAC stand for? eom

[Booberdawg]

3. That was intentional for those who know what it means ;-)

Check your PM

It basically means abuse issues

[Paul Hood]

2. I was going to ask what AMAC meant

but I found it on Google. I never had that happen to me but I was smacked around pretty good by my father. I hope you feel better. That sounds stupid as I read it, but I don't Know what else to say.

[Booberdawg]

4. Well, it's not so much the "MAC" that keeps me awake - I've worked

through that - ad nauseum. Like - hundreds of times. It's the "other" abuse issues that smack me in the face now and again.

[Paul Hood]

5. Do you remember

anything from the book you lent out?

[Booberdawg]

8. Oh God Yes!

I had to go to weekly classes for that! For like a year! And I had to fight tooth and nail to GO to those classes while fighting those that had reason to PREVENT me from going to them!

But that's not why I want the book for now. I was looking again tonight for the things that I recalled in the book like scapegoating who they perceive as an easy target, or denial, and how people manipulate, and basically what is the definition of emotional or mentally abusive behavior, and I'm pretty sure I know what it is anyway without looking it up.

(Sorry it took me so long to respond- I got a phone call:))

[foreigncorrespondent]

16. Maybe...

...BPD (Borderline personality disorder?)

[Booberdawg]

19. ??????

huh?:shrug:

[Hillsey]

26. D'oh!

:)

[Booberdawg]

28. Okay, I was a bit slow on the uptake

[AlienGirl]

6. I'm not one..

But I'm in a hellish emotional state myself, and would be willing to talk/commiserate.

Tucker

[Booberdawg]

10. Thanks for your response and the PM

Perhaps my emphasis on AMAC was misleading in my original post, and I was looking for those who could appreciate abuse issues. . But I admit, not necessaricly "MAC" issues.

Many of the issue overlap, and I did not want to get specific. And I won't.

[scarlet_owl]

7. I'm not an AMAC, but I was abused by an ex boyfriend

for years until I wised up and left. I was sexually and physically tortured for three years. In retrospect, I should have left sooner, but at the time I thought I loved him. I have had horrible things happen to me and I was only a very young lady at the time (still a young lady ;)). Years later, I am still dealing with these things and still fighting PTSD. I am very sorry for what you are going through. This is one of those times where I wish I had some magic words to make everything better. All I can do is :hug: and hope that you're able to sleep well again soon.

[Booberdawg]

32. I cannot imagine the concept of torture

and god almighty, it makes me blink and chill to even type and think about you going through this at the same time I type.

I was treated for what they told me at the time was “concentration camp syndrome”, which I think in todays terms is the same thing as as PTSD, but I don't believe I was ever in any way *tortured*. ????

Well, I guess everything is relative.

But I feel a bit guilty even mentioning any of that in the same breath as what you have gone through as it has nothing to do with the feelings I have been considering in the last couple days. Not even close!

In fact, I'm pretty lucky - I outta be counting my blessings instead:D

[drfemoe]

9. Another good book

The Emotionally Abused Woman : Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself
by Beverly Engel

[Booberdawg]

14. Another good book, not so much for AMAC but for any dysfunctional family

The Dance of Anger

How you dance the dance, and how you might step out of the dance.

Or, more appropriately, how you do not step in to the dance in the first place.

[Dogmudgeon]

11. Still don't know what AMAC means

My parents used to hide stuff from me by using incomprehensible words and acronyms, too.

--bkl
MPUTHSFMBUIWAAT

[Booberdawg]

12. I was looking for those who knew what it meant - AMAC means

AMAC stands for - Adults Molested as Children

I was really looking for the "other" abuse survivors more than the AMACS, so maybe I phrased the original post poorly. The issues overlay to a great degree.

[georgiann]

13. Never heard of AMAC...

But I could write my own book on my personal survival of sexual abuse...the alcohol abuse, self-mutilation, unhealthy relationships, suicide attempts, hospitalizations in the looney bin, years of therapy, jumping from one psychiatric drug to another. What would yo like to talk about???

I can tell you the turning point for me in my recovery...confront the motherfucker: yell, scream, call him all the names you've wanted to call him for the past thirty years. Tell all your family and everyone else you've wanted to tell. Expose the bastard (my father) and the bitch (my mother) who let it all happen to my older sister and me.

And find a good therapist. I'm finally getting myself off all psych drugs so I can reclaim my brain. Anyway, good luck.

[Booberdawg]

17. Welcome to DU georgiann!!

:toast:

I get the drill! Been there, done that! Many moons ago!

I don't mean to make light of your statements, but you do make me laugh. :D You seem to make sarcasm of things that you have already taken care of, and that by the way, I have too! :D

I've even been though the turning point - it's just that once in a great while the demon rears his ugly head, and raises these issues once again. If it has not happened to you yet, it will.

I am surprised that you have gone through all you have and have never heard of AMAC. Especially considering it happenened to both you and your older sister, while your bitch mother allowed it to happen around your bastard father. That's not exactly code language.

[foreigncorrespondent]

15. Courage to heal is a great book.

That is one Sappho talked with me about, when I opened up to her about my past.

There are some great Web sites out there for times like this, when you are really down. (The one I love is an Australian site called DepressionNet (http://www.depressionet.com.au/) They do have a great community on their forums. In the past when I have been suicidal, I have headed over there, and they have helped me through it. Check it out. :)

As for the healing process of past abuses, it is something you will never "get over", and is something that will crop up in your life at the most inopportune moments.

Hope this helps, hon.

FC

[Booberdawg]

20. You just made my day ;-)

I always feel like a kid again cuz you call me "hon" I still love ya, BTW :loveya:

I don't think I have left such an impression, but just in case there is any question, I am not suicidal. I checked over this thread again and if I left that impression anywhere I apologize. But I'm not of any mind to harm myself. To be honest, if i had any such thing in mind, I would just fucking do it and this would be the last place I'd have in mind anyway.

I do think the past abuses can be put to rest, and I have done the work and put them behind me for the most part. It does get better. But just once in a while something can trigger it all again, and I had the tools to deal with it this time, and it will pass, again. You cannot predict life or people.

[foreigncorrespondent]

31. I'm sorry, hon.

I didn't mean to imply that you were suicidal. I was actually reffering to a time when I was, found the site, and they helped me through it. I have been going there ever since.

I was meaning it more, that it is a great place to drop by when one is really down, don't have to be in the state of mind where you are going to off yourself, just down. They are a great bunch of folks there.

FC

[NashVegas]

18. I Hope You Find Your Peace

In the meantime, Yoga can be a very good friend.

[Booberdawg]

22. LOL!

Well, I think you were serious but I thought the Yoga wish was kinda funny. Thanks anyway.;-)

[NashVegas]

29. Oh, I'm Entirely Serious

Best stress relief in the world.

[flamingyouth]

21. I could tell you stories

Weird - I was just going through bad memories last night, feeling very down and worthless. Part of it is the holiday season, which I hate, and part of it is just probably winter blahs.

I had to buy 2 copies of the Courage to Heal for the same reason - loaned it and never got it back. Well, that person probably needed it too, I figure.

Anyway, you're among friends here, but you already knew that!

:grouphug:

[Booberdawg]

24. Hey Lisa!

:hi:

I sorta had that feeling that we had some kinda connection in common. After so many years, it's like it's not an event anymore. You just start to recognize other people, even if they do not recognize themselves.

The El Coyote was my ULTIMATE time out there! - I just felt like I connected with EVERYONE that night! All 30+ people! For like **** hours! (What time did they close??? I got there at 6:00 and I couldn't find my ass with both hands when I left??)

I know who I gave my copy of The Courage to Heal to. She was ripe and ready for it at the time, and I don't regret giving it to her.

There was a chapter on certain abusive behaviors that I wanted to read again last night but I already know what they are. They were the pretty much the typical I treat you like shit because you make me do it. Lots or stuff on manipulation that I really don't need a book to recognize.

We gotta get together on our pics Lisa! Give me a couple days and shoot me a PM. I still have to resize them and upload to my webpage.

:hi:

[amazona]

23. i experienced violent abuse as a child

...and it does get better with time. I'll tell you what has worked for me, but with a caveat that many people don't agree with me. But it has brought me peace.

I don't necessarily agree with working through issues. I think what works is just not worrying about it any more. It's over. In the past. As far as I'm concerned, it happened to someone else. Well, easy to say, not easy to do. Giving away the books, losing the books, whatever...maybe it's time to stop reading the books that reinforce your memories. I needed those books years ago, to understand that others had been where I was, and I wasn't crazy or freakish. But there came a point where reading such books and bringing back old memories was anti-productive.

I don't accept that my mind is broken forever because of someone else's actions. I don't accept that an abused child is "damaged for life," and I get a bit aggrieved when I hear people make that claim, because they are basically telling me to my face that they think I am damaged, which is sort of rude, when you stop and think about it. I would challenge the concept of I'm forever more fragile and at a disadvantage because of my past.

It might not work for you, but it works for me.

I hope you finally got a good night's sleep. Does it help to point out that even people who are not abused frequently suffer insomnia? It helps me...I don't give the abusers that much power to credit them with disturbing my sleep so many years afterward.

[Booberdawg]

25. I can sign on with about 95% of what you have said in your post

Thank you for your comments. I especially agree with "I don't give the abusers that much power to credit them with disturbing my sleep so many years afterward. LOL! Well, thank you. :)

That is a profound statement that one does not have to be a survivor of abuse to live by. I learned many years ago that I need not give others from past or present rent-free space inside my head. A very astute observation, amazona. :thumbsup:

My initial post is misleading as I look back on it now as it seems to indicate all the initial recognition, discovery, working through, books, counseling, and all that….. shit and stuff. *yawn* (Not that this isn’t important if you have not done this)

My feeling last night was better described as a "flashback" kind of thing, like the old abuses and demons rearing their ugly heads again. I just did not want to go into any specifics. I was just trying to reconcile an experience that had been particularly abusive.

I think I particularly like your comments because I recall you mentioning Asperger's syndrome in another thread.

[Lindacooks]

27. Here's a good web site

My dh runs it - there are four forums and four chat rooms (some password protected), where survivors help each other. Everything is open 24 hours/day, so check it out.

http://incestabuse.about.com

[Booberdawg]

30. Thanks

I'll kick it in case it is useful for someone.