DO NOT BUY PEOPLE CLOTHING AS A GIFT-rant!!!!!!!!

[Wcross]

My dear old Mom must think I dress like a slob because she always buys me clothing for a Christmas gift. I have politely asked her to refrain from that type of gift because she always buys something that I will NEVER wear. She did it again this year- a blue button down dress shirt from Sears. I never wear button down dress shirts. I am a tee-shirt, sweatshirt type of guy. She knows it. My Father wears that type of shirt only because Mom dresses him.
Here is the big problem. The closest Sears is 40 miles from my house at a mall. I now have to drive 80 miles and go to a freaking mall (I hate malls). I then have to go to the return counter and get store credit and then pick out something else I want.
What kind of "gift" is that? It sounds like an awful lot of work to me.

Thank you for allowing me to rant!

[matcom]

1. everybody needs at least ONE button-down shirt

hang it up. save yourself the gas :shrug:

[underpants]

2. I agree (the White boys uniform)

oh and a haircut wouldn't kill you there ABBIE

[TheBaldyMan]

3. couldn't you donate it to a thrift shop?

your unworn gift could become anothers inexpensive shirt

[theboss]

4. I assume you have been to a wedding or funeral in your life

Keep the shirt.

[Wcross]

5. I have a suit and white shirt for such occasions. n/t

[madeline_con]

29. You might have a function where a suit is too much...

and a t-shirt and jeans not enough. :shrug:

[LynneSin]

6. Keep the shirt and save it for when mom visits

it'll make her happy.

But I agree - do NOT buy clothing for other people. Spend 2006 working with mom about what you would and would not like for Xmas. I usually give my family a list of things that I appreciate (for kids it's candles and school pictures in new frames) and for family it's usually just giftcards for various places I enjoy shopping.

I am the only person allowed to buy my mother clothing because I know exactly what she likes. And this year I could not find one cotton cardigan sweater that didn't have a ton of crap all over it and was washable. So I got her a goodies bag from Yankee Candle (she loves that stuff too).

As a joke every year my mother always gives me underwear and socks. I'm a little disappointed if she doesn't

[madeline_con]

30. That could backfire.

She might get more, thinking he liked that one so much...

[pitohui]

52. yes definite backfire

why encourage the woman to waste more time and money next year?

[LaraMN]

7. My MIL bought me workout clothes, which was nice,

because she knows I'll use them, but my husband told her NOT to buy me pants because they WILL be too short. Not the end of the world though, I'll just pretend they're capris.

[Patiod]

25. I can totally relate to the pants issue, Lara

I'm 5'11" and LOVED visiting Minneapolis for work. I went into a boutique in the Galleria Mall in Edina, and tried on some longer skirts and pants and they FIT.

I asked the proprietor why they fit, and she said, in a heavy Minnesota accent "Oh, honey, you're not that tall, for out here!" All those big, lovely, Nordics made me feel so wonderfully average!!!!

[Wcross]

27. I can't hardly find any jeans that fit.

I am 6'6" and it seems as if most of the retailers around here don't carry any clothes with an inseam over 32 inches. I even looked in (China-mart) and they were the worst of the bunch. They have tons of pants for fat folks but nothing for tall people. Who wears 50 x 28 jeans anyhow?????

[madeline_con]

31. Who wears 50 x 28 jeans anyhow?????

Wally World seems to think most of their customers do.

[mykpart]

42. Hey! My hubby wears 46 x 27 jeans!

And I think he's cute.

[leftofthedial]

8. Why do you hate America

what are you, some sort of commie, button-down-blue-shit-hating commie?

quit whining and go get yourself some dockers. Get with the program, or the neighbors will start talking and then the NSA will start listening.

[hfojvt]

15. really he should get some white pants

and red underwear and be totally patriotic. :patriot:

[Wcross]

18. Me in white pants? BWAAAAAAAAAAA

I am a dirt magnet. I can go to work and be filthy in about 15 minutes. If there is any grease or dirt anywhere I will find it.

[madeline_con]

32. Add white shoes, and it's retro time! n/t

[Orangepeel]

9. I'd just give it to Goodwill

if it was that hard to exchange.

It seems passive-agressive for your Mom to give you a gift that she knows you won't like, so I understand why you are annoyed. But, she wasn't obligated to get you anything (even if she is your Mom), so just pretend like she didn't and give the shirt away.

Anyway, that's how I deal with shit like that. Just let it roll off your back.

[Patiod]

10. I second the donation suggestion

although I reveal what kind of East Coast Big City elitist cocoon that I live in when I say I can't imagine a life that someone can live in only tee shirts and sweat shirts. No job interviews, client/supplier meetings, loan/mortgage application meetings or visits to nice restaurants? Do you wear tee shirts or sweats when you go see a play or other performance or go to a museum? No nice parties where the hostess would like people to wear something other than tee shirts and jeans? Do you have a girlfriend? Doesn't she ever want to go anywhere that requires something other than a tee shirts and sweats? I am SO not trying to insult you, just trying to broaden my own horizons to understand how you get through life with one suit and one dress shirt...

[Wcross]

16. I ain't that kind of guy.

I like the simple things in life. I live in rural Tennessee and my idea of a nice restaurant is a meat and three. I have been with the same company for over 15 years so no interviews. I apply for mortgages and loans online.
I am capable of buying nice clothing if forced to but I just don't find much occasion to wear them.
I value my comfort over style and would rather work in my garden than go to a play.

[Patiod]

23. WCross & Julie - I hear you in F.M. (or should we say satellite)

As you know from my avatar, I'm in Philadelphia, where things are still pretty formal - just wanted input from elsewhere, wanted to see what kind of life was relaxed enough that dress clothes are never required. Sounds very low-pressure and pretty damned appealing!

My brother lives in rural North Carolina, and my parents went to visit and wanted to take him and his wife "somewhere nice" but there weren't ANY restaurants in the area which required jacket and tie or had tablecloths. My brother is SO much happier with the more relaxed way of life there than he ever was here (although even in NC he he had to wear a collared shirt & tie to work every day....)

Just to give you a taste from the Northeast City perspective--my friends envy me because my company is "casual", which in this area means NO JEANS OR SWEATS ever but you don't need to wear suits every day (but I feel undressed with some sort of jackety-thing). Suits are needed only for on-site presentations. Many of my friends still need to wear jackets and ties to work (pantsuits for women are acceptable), pantyhose are required. Even if your company or business is totally casual (I'm thinking of friends who are in plumbing supply, construction, computers) in Philadelphia, you still need some dress shirts and ties for things like engagement parties, cocktail parties, reunions, dinner parties, etc. And this applies to all classes of people - my S.O. is from a Teamster family, and he is more likely to wear a tie to functions than my friends who were raised upper-middle class. And folks of all sorts still dress for church (it took a while for me to get used to the Quakers wearing jeans to Meeting - I still can't bring myself to do that!)

Now here's something to totally blow your mind -- for 12 years I belonged to an amateur opera company that held two black-tie events every year - the first thing we told new members was if they didn't own a dinner jacket (and most did) that they'd save enough money on tuxedo rentals to make it pay for itself after only one year. So the few guys who didn't own one trekked over to Syms where for about $250 they could get a dinner jacket, matching pants, cumberbund and cufflinks. In order to make it more affordable for people, we reduced it to one black-tie event a year.

So at least you don't need to own a tux!

[Wcross]

26. What a small world- I was born in Philadelphia.

Is chestnut hill hospital still open? Thats where I was born and I spent 2 wonderful months living in Philly before my parents took me elsewhere. All I remember about the city is the wonderful milk thingy I got to suck on every couple of hours!

[Patiod]

33. Chestnut Hill Hospital is alive and well

I think there's a plaque there commemorating your birth (but it's a very informal plaque, as you would want).

My parents are in their 80's so they're in and out of there for various non-life-threatening things, and it's where I go every year to get my breasts squished between cold metal plates....

[Missy Vixen]

39. Patiod, you must move here!

;-) Imagine how much you'd save on dress clothes! :hug:

>pantyhose are required<

Pantyhose. Hate. Them.
HATE.
We had to go to DH's office party last month, which necessitated dressing up and the damn pantyhose. (I know pantyhose were invented by a man. Women would never be so ill-advised as to invent a product that doesn't even make it out of the wrapping before disintegration.) It's not too bad to dress up once in awhile, but I hate. HATE. Pantyhose.

>engagement parties, cocktail parties, reunions, dinner parties, etc.<

People on the East Coast seem to entertain a lot more than people out here, too. I know that I've read in the local paper on several occasions that it's hard for singles to meet each other in the Seattle area as a result. On the East Coast, they'd get invited for dinner at someone's house, etcetera. We have had people over for dinner, but usually, we all go to a restaurant. The last cocktail party we had was still fairly casual.

I didn't know that you like opera! Which one is your favorite? I don't know much about it, but I would really like to see "The Ring" cycle in Seattle someday, just to have the experience ;-0. It's supposed to be fabulous.

Julie

[Patiod]

46. I don't know a damned thing about opera!

I was in a Gilbert & Sullivan reperatory company for 12 years, and did props for all 12 G&S operettsa, enough for casts of about 65 people. We never used to have storage space, so they used to trash everything after a show, or give it away. The year I started, we got free warehouse space, so after my last year, we had collected props and major set pieces for all 12 operettas.

A year after that, I was sitting outside my polling place, handing out literature for Democratic candidates, and noticed a column of black smoke the next town over. Pulled out the cell phone and called the Stage Manager.

"Please tell me that's not Bridgeport. That's not the warehouse, is it?"

"I saw the smoke too, and drove over here, and all the warehouses are on fire - ours was one of the first."

I went back to the polls, and just sat there watching the flames and crying - 12 years of work, gone. We salvaged NOTHING. Later, it turned out that there were small businesses (one of the best makers of Ginger Snap Cookies in the whole US, a small doll factory, a few design studies) that burnt, and took a number of jobs with them, which quickly put losing some silly props for a goofy amateur theater group in its proper perspective.

But anyway, that's a long way of saying I know these obscure songs from operettas like "Iolanthe" or "The Gondoliers" but as for the opera greats - Verdi, Puccini, Wagner, etc. -- absolutely clueless.

[Missy Vixen]

19. Let's talk about the West Coast

Patiod, I have to respond. ;-)

>I can't imagine a life that someone can live in only tee shirts and sweat shirts.<

We live ten miles from the world corporate headquarters of Microsoft. Until just a few years ago, the only building on Microsoft's campus that required shoes be worn was the building Bill Gates and his group were in. Just after DH and I got married, I was a contract employee there. For instance, I saw people more than once in the cafeteria in their pajamas. Wearing jeans, t-shirt and running shoes to work was encouraged. DH still works in the software industry. For the past ten years, it was perceived as a serious etiquette breach to even wear a TIE to a client meeting, interview or other corporate function. He now meets with clients, so we invested in a new wardrobe for him. For the most part, the ties don't come out unless he's meeting with some of their East Coast clients.

The restaurants and entertainment venues here changed their dress codes because of the sheer number of Microsoft VP's that kept getting kicked out of nicer restaurants because of their "business casual" attire. I can only think of a couple of restaurants here with a dress code.

I own my own business. I am very casually dressed every day, mostly because I'm more comfortable that way. I have dress clothes; they just don't get worn very often. (Weddings, funerals, JulieFest :evilgrin:.) Most of the people I deal with daily are casually dressed, too.

Patiod, it's good to see you! I hope that it's a great New Year for you and your DH!

Julie

[Patiod]

24. Yikes! No wonder you're all sliding into the sea!

"the ties don't come out unless he's meeting with East Coast clients" -- ha ha ha!!!

My Dad thinks *I* dress too casually for work, and he may be right - my boss wears a suit every day (and pantyhose!!!!!!!) and the owner wears Chanel. Fortunately, my own role is a little more "artsy" -- focus group moderator -- so I can get away with less structured stuff (my policy - no pantyhose unless it's an onsite presentation) Our company party was only suit-and-tie for the guys - we lades were expected to go whole hog -- sparkly cocktail dresses, pantyhose (arrrggh!) and heels. Restaurants here may not require jackets and tie, but most men do NOT wear tee-shirts or sweatshirts out to dinner, and since many people are coming straight from work, they're wearing a jacket anyway, if not a tie. Jeans, maybe, but usually with a nice sweater or a jacket.

I saw how people dressed out West in Arizona and Wyoming, and I could get used to that. Sadly, jeans, boots, denim jackets and cowboy hats just don't cut it in a Philadelphia skyscraper.....

Hope you are all bearing up with the weather out there -- you guys are used to rain, but this has got to be ridiculous!!!

[northzax]

38. you think that's bad?

try the most formal city in the country, the home of the blue suit! Yes, that would be the District of Columbia. I only wear black suits in the winter, and people look at me funny sometimes for not being in uniform. amusing, for someone who used to wear flip flops and shorts to work (hey, why dress up when you spend all your time on the phone anyway?)

[Patiod]

47. Went to a party in D.C. years ago

And was WAY underdressed. I was using Philadelphia standards, but a friend explained that D.C. takes everything even one notch above that.

[madeline_con]

34. "... loan/mortgage application meetings ..."

They're gonna see my financial situation. Putting on airs by dressing up is futile. ;)

I wear jeans to work, BTW, and have what's considered a "good job" (off the Cape) for the Space Coast.

[CatWoman]

11. on another note

how's your beautiful animal family?

:hi:

[Wcross]

14. They are getting along fine CatWoman.

Thanks for asking. I am taking the three longhaired dogs for a haircut this month. Without going into graphic detail, it has become obvious that the fur around their hindquarters is more of a burden than not (even though its winter). I have cut the two younger dogs but Angel bites (not hard but she grasps my hand in her mouth) whenever I try to do any trimming.


Angel.

[CatWoman]

17. that's ok -- I have the exact same problem with Female

but I don't want to trim her fur until the spring.

P.S. -- Angel is just a sweetheart.

what an angel :D

[richmwill]

12. Reminds me of one of my Grandmothers...

...who EVERY year, got me a sweater that was two sizes too small.

[Rabrrrrrr]

13. Your mother sounds passive aggressive and controlling.

Give the shirt away, and come to an understanding that she will likely never stop trying to control you this way. That's all I can say.

[skygazer]

20. I understand your irritation but

A gift is just that - a gift. Though you can (and have) express(ed) what you do or don't want, in the end people are going to buy what they want to give.

You don't have to return or exchange it - you can give it away, sell it in a yard sale or toss it in the garbage can. It's not a loss to you - you didn't buy it. It was free. It was a gift.

Your mother should be more understanding about your desires but obviously this is about how she'd like you to dress. Rather than turn it into something that's going to bother you, shrug your shoulders, thank her and forget it. Life's too short to get irritated about gifts that you don't particularly like.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

21. Wear the shirt, dear.

heheheheheheh

sorry, couldn't resist.

tg

[SlavesandBulldozers]

22. my mom's the same way.

every year a shirt i will never wear. Ya try to tell em, ya try. At some point you just have to accept it, you're going to get a really bad shirt for Christmas.

[madeline_con]

28. That's weird...

I have this friend who thinks the worst insult is to buy a gift card for someone. I always get them for the hard to shop for types.

She got bent because her mother-in-law didn't like a pantsuit she got her.

I told my Mom years ago not to buy me clothes any more. So now, she'll get me a pair of fuzzy slippers or something practical, and a wad of cash. Always a perfect fit. :)

[Patiod]

35. I told everyone "no sweaters - I have too many sweaters"

So I got two sweaters.

But they were both cute and toasty, so all is forgiven!!!

Here's one:

[Missy Vixen]

37. Cuuuuute!

I like your new sweater!

This is the first year I didn't get a sweater :mad:. I did get two boxes of Frangos, though, so I suppose I'll live!

Julie

[madeline_con]

40. I like the sweater you got. n/t

[Strawman]

36. Amen

[Heddi]

41. A-FUCKING-MEN

I have to agree with you 100%.

Thankfully, the only people who routinely buy clothes for me and my husband is my husband's dad and his wife. I appreciate the gesture--I reallly do---but honestly, these people are in their late 50's/early 60's, they don't know my husband and I, they cannot get sizes right, and they really do NOT understand our taste.

Example:

Every year my husband gets slacks that are too tight around his waist, and that are pleated in the front. That wouldn't be SO bad except that the pants are never black or khaki--they're dark blue, or dark green, or some funky burgandy colour.

Also, when they buy him shirts, they get him "large"--which would be fine--he's a skinny guy--but he has very long arms. He MUST get extra larges so that he doesn't look like fucking Herman Munster when he moves his arms above waist level. But they don't get it. He tells them that if they're buying him clothes, get him a 32/32 in pants, and XL shirts. Preferably not 100% cotton b/c he doesn't like to iron.

What do they get him? Pants that are either 28/32 or 30/32...too tight. And 100% cotton. And they get him L shirts that are 100% cotton. They say they don't get him anything bigger because he's "so tiny"...SMALLER CLOTHES DON'T FIT.

Then, on top of that, for some reason my father in law and his wife are under the impression that we're the Country Club types, so the shirts they get him are the most ultra preppy shirts. And EXPENSIVE..polo, etc. WE are *SO* not that style of people, and they should know this based on the fact that they've know my husband for the 33 years he's been on this planet. Also, our jobs (medical/nursing) are not such that he would ever have the need to wear a button-down starchy plaid green and yellow and brown polo shirt with burgandy front-pleated slacks.

He has nice clothes that he wears when he needs to. I really think that he'd have to be naked and freezing before he squeezed himself into those clothes. Also, because they get him pants that are too small, they squeeze his nuts and give him male-version camel toe. Oh so becomming :not:

For me, they don't understand that I"m a busty girl. I can't get into anything button-up that is smaller than a XXL, and even that is pushing it, as some styles are cut small and I need a 3XL just so my tits don't pop out.

They, for some reason, think I'm some hip-hop urban girl mixed with the country club set. So I get the most HIDEOUS clothing. All lacy and frilly and, most importantly, ALL TOO SMALL. And, like my husband, they spend inordinate amounts of money on ugly, ill fitting clothing that is so completely against my style that I cannot bear to wear it. I'm not a Laura Ashley girl. They think I am. I am not a person to wear a puffy shiny vest. They seem to think that I am.

We're both very casual people, and really polite even when we get really wretched gifts because hey! it's a gift.

But after last Christmas (when I got a mint green sweater in a L--like wearing a bathing suit it was so tight) (and he got an ugly plaid shirt that was too small and pants that were disgustingly too small and made his balls suck into his body cavity), he had to tell them VERY politely that we had enough clothes (pure lie) and that we didn't need any more. That seemed to satisfy them..this year, at least.

Oh! And when I told them my pants size last year (16), the wife said "Oh, I don't think you're that big" and bought me pants in a size 12. Couldn't even get my leg into them. No, your'e right. I lie about being fatter than I am. I find it glamourous :eyes:

[Patiod]

45. I make a point to buy my brother clothes for that very reason

He's an XXLT - 6'6" and heavy. He lives in rural North Carolina, where XXL isn't difficult to find, but XXLT is. So because I live in a city, I can usually find these odd sizes. I shop on the day before Thanksgiving, when things are first on sale, and they still the best selection. He never thanks me for the items per se, but has mentioned several times over the years that that XXLT is hard to find, and it's the only size that fits. Plus I know he's like my S.O., and would never buy anything for himself over the internet. I used to get books, but they were never quite right, I got a Barnes & Noble gift card one year, but I suspect he never got to the nearest town with a Barnes and Noble, so I feel like getting him XXLT stuff is the best bet.

His wife - I have no idea about her size (1x? 2x?) so rather than risk that it's the wrong size and she can't return it, I get her books or jewelry (I make jewelry).

My S.O.'s family is amazing - they treat him like crap, call him all the time to move stuff and then no word of thanks, but they buy him absolutely perfect clothes every year. He's a fussy dresser (only long sleeves, only collared shirts, only certain patterns, only solid dark sweaters, very odd sized pants) and except for those awful pleated khakis (which we both hate), they're right on the money. As he's putting something on, he'll often ask me "did you buy this, or did my sister buy me this?" A good 75% of his wardrobe is supplied by his sisters.

[Popol Vuh]

43. I give

Cash!

:)

[mykpart]

44. As the mother of grown sons, I must

say that it is difficult to get them gifts now that I see them so seldom. And my 81-year old mother buys me clothes that I never wear either. I think it's just a mom thing. If you can just lose the expectation that she will ever give you anything you really want, you will deal with her gifts a lot better.

[bumblebee1]

48. I don't buy clothes for adults.

The adults in my family appreciate gift cards, especially to restaurants and stores like Lowes. In fact, my sister commented to me that we travel in the same circles. I got her a "Peanuts" book and a $25 gift card to The Old Country Buffet. She got us a gift card to the Olive Garden.

The only person I got clothes for Christmas is my four month old grand niece.

[Wcross]

49. Old country buffet- Yuck!

I ate there once and I will never go back. I almost lost it watching some very large people get plate after plate of food. I felt like standing on my table and yelling STOP EATING, YOUR GOING TO EXPLODE!
Also the food was so generic tasting. I was with a couple of buddies and one guy wanted to "get his money's worth" and he paid the price later......

That being said, if your sister likes the place maybe I just went on a bad night.
I did like the fact I could wear my jeans and a tee wardrobe!

[YellowRubberDuckie]

50. My mom bought me the ugliest shirt for Christmas...

And earlier last month, she asked me if I wanted some Silk Pajamas. I told her no. I can't wear them to bed because they aren't stretchy and I won't be able to sleep. What does she do? Buys me silk pajamas. They were pretty, but they didn't fit, and I'd never wear them. Plus, she bought them from walmart. Easy to exchange, so I bought a ton of underwear. Anyway, YEARS ago, I told her to stop buying me clothes of any kind. Apparently she forgot. Next year, I will remind her to not buy me clothes. Of course she will ignore me, but such is her. She tends to disrespect me in everyway....SIGH...
Duckie

[pitohui]

51. life's too short

tell your mom (even if it's a fib) that sears won't take the exchange w/out the receipt and could she please exchange it for you for something you can actually use, like a set of allen wrenches or something

assuming you've told her in the past that self-improvement gifts like clothes you don't wear is a shitty gift then she was being passive aggressive and you might as well aggress back, that's what puts the fun in dysfunctional families