How come other people find love so easily?

[Deja Q]

Why am I a toad?

[GoddessOfGuinness]

1. Because you're a national treasure

:hug:

[purr]

2. Because you havent met someone good enough for you yet..

:hug: Your not a toad..

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

3. i ask myself that every day.

nt

[DemNoir]

4. Is this you?

I spent a lifetime lookin' for you
Single bars and good time lovers were never true
Playing a fools game, hopin' to win
Tellin' those sweet lies and losin' again.

Chorus

I was lookin' for love in all the wrong places
Lookin' for love in too many places
Searchin' her eyes, lookin' for traces
Of what I'm dreamin' of
Hoping to find a friend and a lover
I'll bless the day I discover,
You - lookin' for love.

I was alone then, no love in site
I did every thing I could to get me through the night
Don''t know where it started or where it might end
I'd turn to a stranger just like a friend.


Just askin!

[StellaBlue]

5. In my experience...

because they are one or a combination of the following:

1 - immature

2 - not picky

3 - lustful

and, therefore, not really in *love*, per se. $0.02.

[DemNoir]

6. So...

Are you saying that mature, picky, and impotent is better? Do I have a guy for you!

[StellaBlue]

19. I was just thinking of my colleagues

who tend to be engaged before each divorce is final. They seem to think that having an ex husband and kids makes them mature, when actually they are quite immature. They are all Rethuglicans, though. haha

[La Lioness Priyanka]

13. open, happy, sex positive people are easier to love

my 0.02 cents

[ForrestGump]

7. I often wondered the same thing

even though I knew that:

(a) a lot of what you see may not be 'love,' or the kind of love you'd be wanting

(b) they say that when it's right, you'll know it, and it might just take time for that to happen. They say there is someone out there for everyone. I've doubted all of that, and it's small comfort to believe the truth of it when for so long you are alone in that respect, but it's true. You've just got to hang in there and be open to it, because when it comes it may come like a runaway freight train. Or perhaps it'll come like the rustling of leaves in a Zen garden -- we're all different and every relationship is different -- but it's out there and ready to be claimed when the time is right, no matter how un-right or late it may seem.

(c) some of us seem cursed in this respect...I thought I was, given how almost-humorous was my almost lifelong ability to remain alone and unloved (in that way), but I didn't know the meaning of the word 'cursed' until I somehow ended up married to the wrong person. :D And then I really knew the curse of (sometimes to a great extent, anyway) being alone and unloved and shackled. There are things on heaven and Earth, Horatio, worse than being alone.

[Ellen Forradalom]

8. I find guys

Love is a bit trickier.

[Ellen Forradalom]

64. Well, let me clarify.

I have a little boy of my own, and let me tell you, there's love there, though not of the type I think you're referring to, Hypno.

As for spouse and I. Welllllll. If something catastrophic were to happen to him, without a doubt I'd take care of him. And I'd entrust my life to him. But the day-to-day companionship business has been extremely tricky to negotiate. That, I fear, may eventually be the deal-breaker. The dilemma is, we're not a couple, but we're family.

[flvegan]

9. Define love

Both for yourself and for those "other people" and then maybe there's a reconsideration of your question...

[Deja Q]

10. Other people = anybody who isn't single.

My own definition? Well, this little tadpole needs to keep some things a secret.

I lied. Regarding me, it is not looking for "the one". That's a philosophical absurdity. I am looking for one who wants to work in tandem to make a relationship work. Unfortunately, too many are looking for "the one" which means they're too immature for a relationship. Again, philosophical absurdity. And not on my part.

And since love is about doing things for the other person, homosexuality can not apply.

[flvegan]

18. Some folks settle.

That's why I wonder about the definition of "love" in the first place. Love should be overwhelming, all-encompassing...

[Deja Q]

Then I will never find love.

And it's one less reason...

[flvegan]

28. Why so finite?

Isn't anything possible?

One less reason...? Reason for what?

[Deja Q]

32. Anything is possible in the confines of this universe and its laws within.

That answers both questions.

[flvegan]

37. Then "never" isn't appropriate, nor should it be

accepted by someone that realizes that.

[SeattleGirl]

11. Maybe they met the right person, and you just haven't yet.

I am absolutely convinced that it doesn't come when you are actively looking for love, but when you least expect it. Not saying you shouldn't go out, meet people, etc. But I think if you approach it with the attitude of, "Is this the one?" it can be off-puttng, and actually get in the way of you being able to recognize the right person when they come along. See if you can let go of that longing you feel -- not give it up. I think loving and being loved by the right person is what most of us desire. But I mean letting it go in a way that frees you to be more receptive to that right person. Those are my words of wisdom for the day.

And you are NOT a toad! :hug:

[Deja Q]

15. And what if I run out of time?

There are many evil things I have felt in my life.

I've yet to really feel the good ones.

[SeattleGirl]

31. The clock does keep ticking, doesn't it?

I hope what I wrote previously didn't seem flip or anything, because I certainly didn't mean it that way. And your question is certainly valid, but I'm afraid I don't have an answer, other than to reiterate my words: try to let go, even a little bit, of your fear that you will never find love. By doing that, you really can open yourself up to finding someone, the right one. Your fear is a shield, a barrier. And yes, it's easier said than done, but you can let go some, I'm sure. :hug:

[ForrestGump]

29. Yes, wookin' pa nub is a losing game. It'll find you.

Be ready for it, but don't be waiting for it like it was a bus.

It's an old Zen truism, that applies to almost everything in life and in nature: "if you seek it, you will not find it."

[SeattleGirl]

34. That is quite true, FG

"If you seek it, you will not find it." Because the seeking, especially if done in a state of fear or anxiety, will repel rather than attract that which we desire.

[ForrestGump]

40. "Desperately Seeking SeattleGirl"

:D

Yep, that's not how we should go about it. :hug:

Like anything, it so often seems the case that when you finally let go of something, it just works out for you all by itself. I pretty much resigned myself to be a Solitary Man forever, or trying not to be too upset and too often melancholy if that turned out to be my lot and -- boom -- there it was... :D

[SeattleGirl]

44. Exactly!!!!

And I think by also "trying" to find someone, we can make the mistake of trying to make them fit into being the person we are looking for, rather than seeing them for who they really are. Or, we just see that in our minds, and again, don't see the person for who they are, and then one day, we might wake up and realize that we made a mistake.

(And I felt that desperation, and boy howdy, I did run the other way fast!!!! Just kidding, you know! :hug: )

[ForrestGump]

46. Yep...when you're looking, you've got a search image

But the one you don't know you're looking for may not conform to that cookie-cutter pattern. And then it's our loss.

:hug:

[SeattleGirl]

48. Isn't that the truth?

I've had friends who have had such detailed pictures of what they were looking for, and then think they have found the person, when in fact all they've found is a walking, talking "shopping list". I say, turn off "Google" and be open to what might be. :hug:

[ForrestGump]

49. Someone I know very well is auditioning a succession of men for the job

of groom. She's got the date and place picked out already. I may not be an expert on matrimony, but I know that's not how it's done. Sick. A recipe for disaster. :P

[SeattleGirl]

53. Yikes!!!!

That is SCARY! And a very definite receipe for disaster. I hope whatever guys she meets run as fast as they can in the opposite direction.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

12. we dont always find permanent love

we find people we think we may grow to love...and sometime we do or dont...

but i think a lot of people also lack resilience...they get hurt ...then bitter...and no one wants to be with a bitter person (not saying you are..)....

[bridgit]

14. ser·en·dip·i·ty (srn-dp-t)

1. The faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident.
2. The fact or occurrence of such discoveries.
3. An instance of making such a discovery.

:shrug:

[LeftyMom]

16. I think you're looking for some overarching meaning or master plan where

there isn't one. Love will find you or it won't and it will last or it won't. That other people have or haven't found love shouldn't change the way your perceive your own life and experience. Just work on being ready for when you find the right person instead of worrying about when that day will be.

[Oeditpus Rex]

17. I'd guess it's because you're looking

Love has to find you, and it always seems to when you don't expect it.

[Deja Q]

20. And then you need to recognize and do something about it.

The few times I recognized it, it was far too late.

Everyone else is married, and I sure as hell won't interfere with things like that. No matter how strong the physical attraction. And I've been attracted to both sexes in that respect.

[ForrestGump]

38. My timing sucks, too

Not only was I -- and I probably still am to a significant degree -- the most stunningly oblivious male on the face of the planet, the kind who failed to recognize female interest even when every other person around me saw the unequivocal signals and even when one young lady ended up sleeping with me (but only sleeping, because I didn't get the message that she might be interested in me -- please, don't ask: its painful enough to admit that much), but I had for such a long time an incredible knack for not responding to overtures until after they'd grown cold. I found out somethign interestinmg about the women in question: they did not take kindly to my delayed reaction, at all, no matter how 'hot to trot' they were during my oblivious/afraid-to-approach-or-assume phase...it's kind of a variant of the "a woman scorned" thing in which it was pretty much "don't expect a woman rejected, albeit innocently, to be all over you when you finally buy a clue." Yea, I was verily an ace of bad timing, so I know how you feel.

BUT, and this is a big but...



Oops...excuse me: not that kind. Where was I?

Oh, yes:

BUT, this whole 'true love' thing, and allied associations and feelings that may fall a little short of True Love™ but that are still Pretty Darned Good, will come along and get you no matter how clueless or timing-impaired you might be. Trust me on this. That is very good news for people like you and I, and we are far from alone in our failure to recognize Love Or Something Like It. Love will truly find a way. Really.

[Whoa_Nelly]

26. Hmmm...have been NOT looking for 5 years

Where is love?
Does it fall from skies above?
Is it underneath the willow tree
That I've been dreaming of?
Where is she
Who I close my eyes to see?
Will I ever know the sweet "hello"
That's meant for only me?

So please tell me, OR....Will love ever find me?

[Oeditpus Rex]

36. Eros, Cupid or whoever

is a tricky bastard. If he knows you're waiting, he considers that "looking."

It's kinda like karma, in a way: If you do something for the karma you think it'll bring, it won't.

:shrug:

[Whoa_Nelly]

39. All I know is

the older I get the slimmer the pickin's

And am not waiting...actually, am happy to be on my own, living alone at this stage of life. If love happens again before I die, will enjoy every moment :)

[johnnie]

21. Most "love" isn't love

Some of us are meant to not be shackled by the chains of "love". Some of us try too hard. Some of us wouldn't know love if it hit us upside the head. Some of us are "luckier" thank others, but it depends on what you would consider luck.

[rbnyc]

22. Reminds me of aa old song...

...

All the people who hold hands
Are either older or younger than me.
It is my age then and a natural cause.
No, it's my mind that lies by noting things in order.

No, it's my mind that lies by noting things in order.
It is my age then and a natural cause.
Are either older or younger than me,
All the people who hold hands.

Before forsaking my addictions,
I would kill,
Before forsaking my addictions.
Who will know anything closer to true love?
All the people who hold hands.

Before forsaking my addictions,
I would kill
All the people who hold hands
In order.

[Chemical Bill]

23. It doesn't matter who else you love...

What matters is that you love yourself.

Bill

[SOteric]

24. We're not hiding it from anyone else; just you.

[Deja Q]

33. I like the size of your lizard!

:rofl:

[neweurope]

25. Who says they do?

I was 45 when I finally met the man I wanted to stay with. You have to kiuss a hellof a lot of frogs before you meet the prince/princess:)

--------------

Remember Fallujah

Bush to The Hague!

[Deja Q]

35. Does our society have even 12 years left?

[neweurope]

68. Maybe, maybe not. But you might meet the prince/princess

to-morrow, or year after next. Love isn't about duration, but about intensity, I think.

--------------

Remember Fallujah

Bush to The Hague!

[pitohui]

27. who says they do?

the theme of all plays, movies, even teevee sitcoms is the impossibility of finding love and the further impossibility of getting along w. yr mate

it seems to be a universal truth that damn few people find lasting love


jinx to neweurope, it's funny we posted the same subject title at the same time

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

30. People find entanglements easy. Love happens over time

Get out there...don't trust an online relationship...you never know who they'll be online with all day next

[Redstone]

41. 1) Because we don't spend all of our time navel-gazing;

we just let it happen.

2) I have no idea.

Hey, you asked, so I'm being honest.

Redstone

[La Lioness Priyanka]

42. whats navel gazing?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

43. staring real hard at oranges

[ForrestGump]

54. I thought it was watching

battleships and carriers come into port... :P

[Redstone]

45. Excessive self-analysis.

Redstone

[Oeditpus Rex]

58. Omphaloskepsis

:evilgrin:

[El Fuego]

47. You won't find it while you're looking so hard

Only after you've stopped looking, and you are happy with yourself and your life, love will find you.

I know it sounds trite, but I believe that.

[Deja Q]

50. In which case I've already lost. It's a mobius strip.

I am happy with my life except that I am alone.

I have the social awareness of a paranoid skunk.

I have Asperger's Syndrome.

The more I try the more I fail.

When I don't try, my base awkwardness and eccentricity still freaks people out. Even my "friends".

There is no love for me and those like me.

[ForrestGump]

56. "There is no love for me and those like me"

Bull patties, dude. The only way this is true is if you allow it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. And you know this or you wouldn't have given it a try and a try again.

[El Fuego]

57. Toad! That can't be true.

You always sell yourself short...

[Deja Q]

60. Show me a DUer who'll date me

in a thread not of my own making and I'll drive to the corners of the globe and show 'em the best time ever. Or at least try. :)

That situation never happens either. :7

The truth is, I am a realist.

[Redstone]

61. No. The truth is, you enjoy feeling sorry for yourself. You must,

or you would not go to such lengths to find excuses why you can't follow the perfectly good advice that people are giving you.

Just the impression I get from your posts.

Redstone

[El Fuego]

63. Me! But I'm the wrong gender!

:D

[Redstone]

52. You're right. The old horse-race-betting saying was, "Scared money

never wins."

In other words, desperation guarantees loss. Works for this situation as well.

Redstone

[supernova]

51. My biggest problem

is that it takes me a while to decide if I like someone or not. And by the time I do, well, they move on to someone else.

I just can't seem to find someone willing to go at my pace.

edit: And for all of you "stop thinking so much" types, the times when I have sped up to suit the other, I have wound up being supremely uncomfortable and regretting it. So, I am who I am.

[the_spectator]

55. Because they're hot. Or rich. Or rich and hot. /nt

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

59. They don't. It's mostly an illusion.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

62. or delusion

[La Lioness Priyanka]

65. or they learn to cherish whatever small love they do find

you will only meet your soulmate once...doesnt make every other relationship invalid...

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

67. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

71. whats so funny about that?

have been meaning to ask....i am confused....seriously not being sarcastic

[Left Is Write]

66. Meeting the right person for me took a long time...

Someone is out there for you. You'll find him. :hug:

[last_texas_dem]

69. I think it's a combination of a few things

Most, if not all, of which have been mentioned by other posters on this thread, but I'll try not to plagiarize too badly.

To begin with, (1) almost everyone has their own different, individual definition of what love is. This would make the search for it almost impossible, but it only makes it excessively complicated because (2) a lot of people give up on finding their own "true" love and settle. Rather than saying whether this is good or bad, I'll just say that it's up to the individual to decide what they want.

I'm cynical enough to have my doubts that everyone will find true love at some point in their life but I believe that almost everyone will have the opportunity at some point to be with someone that they would find happiness with. What people do with the opportunities they are given is what complicates the situation. And it makes it tougher to deal with for people who are really looking for that person who really makes everything wonderful for them, to see others finding people who could conceivably be their "soul mate" while it seems like they themselves are forever striking out. The truth is, everyone has their own standards of what they think love is and what they think the purpose of finding someone else to "be" with is. And yeah, some people have personalities or looks, etc. that more people are more likely to be attractive to and think they could potentially "love." And some people just seem to be more lucky than others.

But really, I think it's mostly just a complex mess of a situation. I don't think anyone is better than anyone else at finding true love other than out of pure chance and, to an extent, having some sort of idea of what they are looking for. There are definitely some people who are better at getting into relationships than others; this seems to be because of a variety of factors, based on some things we have control over as individuals and others we do not. But, and I know I'm reiterating, finding true love seems to be mostly something that happens at random and that we have very little control over.

That's why I think you are definitely being too hard on yourself. Something that has so much to do with chance doesn't have all that much to do with who you are as a person. And, to the extent I know you from reading your posts, I don't consider you a toad at all. Your posts show you to be a very interesting person.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

70. All good points..and some people are better at getting in relationships

with others because that's what they do. They are pros. They are serial monogamists.

[leftofthedial]

72. but you're a HYPNO toad.

I have to fight women off constantly. They just throw themselves at me. They offer me sex, money, cars, houses, vacation homes, long trips, buy me drinks, offer to clean my house . . . it's just embarassing.

But I'm nowhere near as cool as HypnoToad, I can tell you that.

[struggle4progress]

73. Many people tell me that being sleazy and not too picky works