Falling in love with someone you can never have.

[Ladyhawk]

I'm sure a lot of you have experienced this. It's taken me fifteen years but I think I've fallen in love with a person I can never, ever have. Falling in love is really rare for me. I just don't do it and the only reason I think I have this time is because this someone has proven himself to be reliable and good over a very long period of time. Due to past experiences, I don't trust easily.

Mostly, I've been stuffing it. Any other ideas? And no, I can't pursue it. It's against my personal moral code.

[XemaSab]

1. Is it your freeper physical therapist?

:popcorn:

[Ladyhawk]

3. LOL...no. THANK GOD!

I mean, thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster. :D

[XemaSab]

6. Oh, and if his name is Tristan

run away, he's a jerk.

[LynzM]

2. That sucks, dude.

I think probably everyone has been there, at some point. Lots of hugs to you. :hug:

[GumboYaYa]

4. This isn't tied to the post about your bird, is it?

If so, stuffing it is not the way to go.

[Ladyhawk]

5. ROTFLMAO!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Although I think Gabby has the same problem I do. He loves someone he can never fully "have"...hehe.

[Sugar Smack]

7. That happens, and it feels cruel.

Especially if you WANT someone so much. Watching movies & reading books doesn't help at all, either, unless it's non-fiction. I like cheap distractions, sometimes. Silly movies, political books, and my own work.

I wish you well. :-)

[Ladyhawk]

9. Thanks. I will probably just try to ignore it and hope it will go away.

There's really nothing else I can do. :shrug:

Maybe if I get really affected I can watch Holy Grail for the millionth time. :D

[Sugar Smack]

16. Yes! I tune in to old movies

like "Double Indemnity" or "Breakfast at Tiffany's" for the spark of history. I love being taken back to a time I never lived in for escape. My favorite was "The Count of Monte Cristo" (Old book, new movie). I really enjoy the days of hats & manners!

Go with Holy Grail!!!!!!!

[Ladyhawk]

22. Hehe...Monty Python ALWAYS makes me laugh. :)

I loved their skit on not being seen...LOL! The dead parrot skit is funny as hell, but it makes me uncomfortable for personal reasons. I can only watch the version with the obviously fake parrot. The dead blue-and-gold macaw version makes me wince. :)

[matcom]

8. ask her!

Mrs Matcom might agree to share! :D

[Ladyhawk]

11. Note to self: matcom has healthy self-esteem.

;)

[graywarrior]

10. Ignoring it doesn't work. Grovel in it til you puke it out.

[Strong Atheist]

12. "It's against my personal moral code."

I understand 100%. There really is nothing TO do, given that constraint. You will have to find some one else, or wait for (fill in the blank), which is a bad idea. I have known people to wait for 30+ years without resolution ...

[Ladyhawk]

13. Yeah, that's me. I really wasn't looking for someone.

The problem is I only tend to spend time around men I can't have because they're safe. Maybe I can request a stronger dose of antidepressants to get rid of that last vestige of hormonal surge?

[Strong Atheist]

15. No, just start thinking well enough of

yourself to look for men who ARE available. They are out there, if you try hard enough ...

[Ladyhawk]

18. I'm sure they are. I have...um...issues. :)

It's really quite complicated. :shrug: But you are 100% correct that thinking well of myself is both the key to happiness and a relationship. All I can say is that there are issues that keep getting in the way. I work on them constantly, but I think I might just have to learn to be happy as a single person. :shrug:

In a nutshell: I was raised fundy, raised to think sex is bad, then a fundy sexually molested me. The whole thing has created a PTSD barrier to sexuality. It sucks, but hey, I'm dealing with it. I've about reached the conclusion that it may just be something I have to learn to live with and be happy anyway.

[Strong Atheist]

20. I'm sorry. That was terrible! You need to find

the right type of therapy. It may take time, sometimes these types of problems do ...:hug:

[Ladyhawk]

21. I'm getting old...ack!

I thought I'd be over it a long time ago, but it just didn't happen. :shrug: I am trying to be philosophical about it, but yeah, it still hurts.

[Strong Atheist]

29. Sorry!

:hug:

[evlbstrd]

14. It feels wonderful and awful at the same time.

And there's nothing to be done about it.

[Straight Shooter]

17. Every day, write down on a piece of paper, "I love (name)" 100 times.

Then burn the paper. Do this until you get so tired of the ritual that you become tired of being in love with the person. Not to say that you stop loving the person, you just don't want to be "in love."

For some reason, having to go through a ritual of admitting your love for someone, writing it down 100 times, and then burning the confession, seems to get rid of the passion that goes along with wanting something or someone you cannot have. Also, burning is a well-recognized form of finalization.

Good luck.

edit: If you want to, you could write, instead, "I love (name) as a friend, only as a friend."

[Fleshdancer]

19. Question for you....

and keep in mind I know absolutely nothing about you so please don't be offended...

Are you truly in love or are you allowing yourself to feel lust for this person because deep down you know he can't hurt you emotionally? In other words, to have feelings for someone who you know you can not have, you don't have to put yourself out there and risk true rejection. Is this a self-defense mechanism to ultimately protect your heart from getting broken?

on edit: I finally read the entire thread (must remember to do that before posting!) and you've explained your situation in more detail down thread. I wish I was wise enough to give you some kick ass advice. It must be frustrating and difficult for you and for that, I'm sorry. You deserve to be happy and I wish that for you.

:hug:

[Ellen Forradalom]

23. It happens to a lot of us

no matter what our issues are. It's a universally-known, human experience. It hurts, but it gets better over time.

[Ramsey]

24. Be good friends

I've taken this approach. I believe you can love more than one person, even at the same time.
I also believe in fulfilling my commitments.

So be good friends and still have that person in your life, but resist the temptation to take it into dangerous territory.

[taterguy]

25. Loud music, beer

That was my medication for the love I could never have. I no longer need those crutches since I've found the love of my life but I still enjoy them just for the hell of it.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

26. Remind yourself that the love is more important than

the type of relationship you have with this person. Love by itself is a wondrously uplifting experience. It's the baggage that goes along with a relationship...the wanting, the clinging, the desire to control...that makes love seem to suck. But it doesn't, really.

Just love and enjoy. :hug:

[Demonaut]

27. only if digging up Marilyns corpse annoys her family

or under the age of 26....thats the only morality I need worry about.

[Blue_Tires]

28. i've fallen in love with many things i can never have

most of them have "Ferrari" in the name