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Any one have any wild tales from the road? I got more than my share, and i thought i might share one. If you have one of your own feel free to share.
The year was 1993, i was 27yrs old. Things were pretty hairy for me at the time. I have always more or less had a fuck it attitude, and it tended to keep me in hot water. Well at this time i do believe i was facing about 15 years incarceration for 3 charges. The charges were auto theft, assault on a government official, and narcotics possesion, oop's it may have been 4 as i think i had a probation violation too. I had been out on bail for sometime and my court date was fast approaching. I knew i was going to go away for a while, and i was not quite ready yet.
What to do? I wondered. Do i run? Do i stay and go to prison? I decided i would go on a road trip and party along the way till i decided to come back and turn myself in. I scoured all the papers at the local library pin pointing day labor places along my intended route. I had a nice path worked down thru South Carolina, on to Florida and back home. I figured a month or longer may do it. 30 days to work some of the demons out of my mind and get things straight.
So after carefully planning my route i needed supplies. I was pretty broke so i jacked a car, made $3,000 off the ordeal. With cash in hand i set out getting drugs of various sorts, food for the trip, preferred music, some extra clothes so i could look nice for the ladies when i stopped.
After rounding up my wants i went and visited my kids, and told them i was off for a while and i would see them in a month or 2. I packed my car and found a few friends in crime who also wanted to come along. So my company and i crack open a few and head down the highway into the night, destination Charleston S.C..
I did not want to drink much due to the fact i was going to drive. So instead i indulged in cocaine and marijuana for the most part. My partners laid into the beer with zest. It was a great memory styling down the highway stoned careless to the cares of the world, wind whipping through my once long hair. Rock music blasting, lewd conversation, alcohol and drugs flowing like a mountain stream, and total disrespect for those around us. IT WAS GREAT!
The mood got the best of me, and i decided to kick it up a bit with a hit of acid. I holler at my boy Jamie ridin' shotgun to give me a hit of acid. He proceeds to dig around in his pockets, retrieves a piece of blotter acid. I grab it and shove it in my mouth and began to chew whole heatedly. He's like wait! wait! I ask him whats up brutha? He said don't eat that it's 2 pieces stuck together! I looked at him and laughed saying fuck it it's too late now.
Much time went by and i felt no effect from the lsd i took. I was begining to think it was bunk, or had been handled too much. I had taken it over an hour and a half ago and nothing. I was begining to get disappointed. Grooving to Metallica's Orion i began to notince small tracers. I turned looked at my boy and busted out laughing! It was uncontrolable. I could not stop and was weaving all over the road. I had to kinda pull over and get my shit together for a minute
When we pulled into the Pantry store that night in S.C. we musta looked a sight. I could not drive in very well and was still giggling like a silly kid. Tracers and blue clouds every where. My boy shot gun side was in a laughing fit of his own dogging me out lol! My boy John(lizard lips lol!) had been kinda quiet for sometime and i had really paid him no mind.
Upon stopping the car Jamie gets out with John trying to follow from the back seat. He's sooo wasted he can't really get it done. Dude trips over the seat belt on his way out, and simultaneously starts puking on his way down. At this point i was getting out of the car myself. Jamie hollers, hey son check this muthafucker out. Johns flat out on the concrete beside the car puking his guts out! With every heave he would mumble i can't drink blububub wieser bububd wieser i can only drink, HEAVE! OOOOhhhh milllll wauke oh Milwaukee ol' Milwaukee. That did it for me i was almost in hysterics again laughing. Just beating the hood of the car with my fists. Jamie's looking paranoid knowing this could draw some heat.
He goes to try and get John up, but dudes covered in vomit, dry heaving like a cat with a hair ball. He's also not being very cooperative, and i aint no help cause i can't stop laughing. Jamie gets mad and starts kicking the shit outta him on the ground hollering get up get up muthafucker you are gonna get the cops called on us. He then turns to me and looks all wild, eyes big as half dollars and lookin' like 2 piss holes in the snow. He says "you aint helpin neither damn it!"
I managed to get it together for a few seconds.....for the most part. "Well what we gonna do with him"? "I mean he's covered in puke bro". Jamie looks like his head might melt off. Then it was almost like an epiphany. You could see it in his face, almost akin to when a cartoon character gets an idea and the light bulb shows above his head. "I...I..I got it". "What, i ask"? Over there, and he points across the parking lot.
I looked across and what did i see but a car wash. What do you mean i ask. "Lets wash him!" "Clean him up". Well i didn't want his vomit covered carcass in my car, so being totally fried i agreed it was a grand idea. So we more or less drag John to the car wash. We kinda prop him up along side the wall. I then leave to walk back and get the car. Which was not an easy task. I kept getting distracted by pretty lights, and my own fingers as it appeared i had at least 8-9 on each hand. I managed to get the car and cruise the 75yrds or so to the car wash.
When i got there Jamie was already washing John full force. He looked like he was enjoying it as well. John was pretty out of it, and could only offer token resistance. Basically mumbling and hopelessly flailing his arms. Then i had the grandest idea! We had washed him now he needed a WAX! So gritting and grinding my teeth as only a coke fiend on acid can, i sneak over and turn the dial to wax. In mere moments this bubbly white wax begins to spray, and poor John gets whiter and whiter! He looked like a drunk snowman! I could not take it and fell into another fit of raucous laughter.
Jamie looked at me and wanted to know what the hells going on. I said "dude we waxed him"! Jamie found this extremely funny and joins me in the hellish revelry of laughter that won't stop.
Some maybe 10-15min later we got it somewhat together again. We decided it might be best to find a place to go for the night. The question left was what to do with John. Jamie though we should put him in the trunk. I said "nah we can't put the dude in the trunk man it ain't right".
So we load him in the car, and head down the road to where we saw a hotel some 15 miles or so back. Johns leaning over the seat poking Jamie in the chest and being a general pest. Jamie keeps saying "Man we got to put dude in the trunk". I keep telling him just push him off it'll be fine we don't have far to go. It goes on like that for a few minutes, till Johns leaning over poking on me. I grab him to shove him off. Next think i know YACK! I have Johns gastric juices running all over me. I jerk the wheel and pull right over. Jamie's like "what going on man". I reply "man we got to put the dude in the trunk"!
So we get out of the car, drag John pathetically drunk ass out of the back seat and place him in the trunk. We then finish the trip to the hotel, by the grace of some great spirit in one piece.
We get checked in and i take a hand full of valiums, as does Jamie so we can try and take the edge off the drugs keeping us awake. Since Jamie had taken no acid he was out in 30 minutes, while i sat content too watch the walls melt in front of my eyes. It was all i could do as nothing mad sense anymore. I could watch Tv, and hear the words but could not comprehend them . I was on the 1000 mic Twilight Zone. I sat like that for several hours untill merciful sleep finally had it's way with me.
Waking in the morning i'm still in the chair, Jamie's in one bed but no John. I get up and look around the room, no John. I go out to the car, still no John. I kinda get worried and wonder did we leave him. I go in and wake Jamie, "wheres John" i ask. He came back "i dunno" Maybe he went to get some grub. Good idea i said. So i keep on Jamie's ass till he awakens fully. I told him he may be right because there is a Waffle House just in front of the Hotel.
Then Jamie and i proceed to Waffle House, and consume mass amounts of coffee and good greasy food. We see John no where. Maybe he took off with a hooker? Did we leave him? Is he in jail? We were perplexed.
After spending about an hour or so eating we decide to head back to the hotel and make some kinda plan to search for John. As we got to the room i heard a noise, thump hmmmm, thump, thump..hmmmmmph. What the fuck is that? I turned around and noticed the sound was coming from the back of my car. Then it hit me ike a ton of bricks, we had left John in the trunk!
Thats just one night of about a 2 week trip where that kind of thing was common place. We made it to Charleston, down to Florida, up to Virginia, and then back home. All in all in was a wild time, and there were many adventures on the way. I just hope someone gets a chuckle from the idiocy of my more careless days.
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