My ex, who dumped me bad, e-mailed me about her breakup. Wants sympathy.

[maveric]

She dumped me after 18 years of marriage, left me with 3 kids, mortgage, car payments and massive credit card debt, and left the country for an Internet "soul mate", while running up more CC charges ($12,000.00),that I was sued for. She would routinely e-mail me telling me how happy she is away from me and her new beau is a real prince... This was 9 years ago. She divorced me and married this soul mate, only to discover that he was an abusive, lying, drunk. All through the abandonment process she acted like I should just "suck it up" and be a man about it. "People get divorced all the time". I was told I was immature because of my despair over the person I loved and was in love with leaving me for a person on a screen. She would call and e-mail me for years telling me that I have to get over it and if I loved her then I should be glad that she is finally happy...

Now she is on the other side of that fence for the first time,(three failed marriages), and e-mailing me about how sad she is, why do people do these things to people, how bad it hurts, "am I really a bad person?",.... She is trolling for sympathy to ME, and I'm not going to give it to her!

I really want to throw it back in her face about "how it hurts", and tell her that now she knows how I felt. But I wont.
Damn its tempting!

[Maine-ah]

1. you're a much better person than me

I'd throw it in her face.

[maveric]

9. I'm still considering that.

For my own "closure", purposes.

[SeattleGirl]

2. Yikes!

I understand the temptation -- I'd want to do the same thing myself. It sounds like she is very self-centered, and without any empathy. If I were in that situation, I would tell her not to email anymore, but I'm not, so I'm certainly not going to tell you what you should do. Hope this passes soon. :hug:

[NewJeffCT]

3. It would depend on my mood

I would have no qualms telling her to "suck it up"... but, I'd likely just listen and try to show sympathy without gagging.

I don't think my ex-wife left the country for an internet soulmate, but, she did ring up thousands in credit card debt, too. But, that was in a very short time frame as she filed for divorce less than a year into our marriage. At least she got no alimony due to her spending.

[supernova]

4. Tell her you don't want

to hear it.

She can get counseling if she needs it.

I'm sorry you are having to be put through this again.

[undeterred]

5. I'd tell her she had it coming and there's probably more in store for her.

And I'd say, "yes, you are a really bad person and you deserve this". :evilgrin:

[Radical Activist]

6. Just send her the lyrics to Instant Karma.

Or better yet, burn it on a CD and mail it to her. Let John rub it in for you. She deserves it.

[Deja Q]

7. Don't give it to her.

She's hurt you. In many ways.

Drop her entirely.

She will only hurt you more.

Send her to a shrink. I know a damn good one; the only one I'd recommend to people because all the others act somewhat like your ex in their medical practices. (it's a funny ol' world...)

[maveric]

19. This is the same woman who told me that she only married me because she...

felt sorry for me, she never loved me, only wanted me around for procreation, financial support and to prove to her Mom that she could be a good and responsible wife/mother, she'd been waiting since our wedding day to find her true soul mate and leave me... and other cruel and unfeeling claims.

She's always been a little out of whack but I took care of her for all those years thinking that she was sincere and a true friend, lover, partner and soul mate.
She ended up losing a bunch of weight and putting herself in Diva status, thus referring to me as a "toad" and saying that she can do much better than me.

If she calls me I will speak my mind.

[salin]

24. Only reason to hold back, if it applies,

would be the kids. Don't know how old they are, or if they have (or still have) conflicted feelings about their mother as many kids of divorce have towards the one who leaves. If they still have any feelings of ties to her - then coming down hard/or even deserved I Told You So... Serves You Right... Yes you are a nasty person... comments could be perceived as "kicking Mom when she is down" - and might create more complicated dynamics with your kids. This might not be an issue - and is the only issue I can think of to hold back.

But certainly don't give in to her begging for sympathy.

[Auntie Bush]

84. Now that's the spirit. Tell her NEVER EVER contact you again even if

she were on her death bed.

[Gormy Cuss]

8. You have good self control, mav.

The temptation must be extraordinary, but she's still the mother of your kids and for their sake it's best to keep taking the high road. But think how frustrating it must be for her that good old reliable maveric isn't interested in lending his shoulder for her pity party.:thumbsup:

[democracyindanger]

10. You still have the old emails from her?

Give her the advice she gave you.

[LisaL]

11. Exactly. She should suck it up and be a woman about it.

[maveric]

15. I havent replied to her e-mails yet. And I may not.

But if she calls me or comes over (she lives on my block), then I will give her back what she gave me. I wont do it in a cruel manner, but in a calm demeanor like she gave it to me.

[pitohui]

23. SHE LIVES ON YOUR BLOCK! 9 yrs after the divorce?

crap, this gets better and better

restraining order for sure

if she calls, hang up, if she comes over, call the cops

kee-rist, if you engage w. this woman at all, you're just going to be sorry, she sounds like a psycho

[JVS]

81. Ohh. Good call!

[raccoon]

74. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't reply to her emails,

wouldn't give her sympathy, MAYBE would suggest she get some counseling.
That's it.

[Kali]

41. that was my thought - hit reply and send those old ones right back

but then I have a mean streak - especially if somebody treats me bad.

[Oeditpus Rex]

12. E-mail her a link to this thread

Which features the string section during this movement. :evilgrin:


:nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity:

[Daisy Adair]

14. EEK. And open up the chance that she'd register unbeknownst to him

and further fuck with him?! That happened to someone I know and I advise against it.

[Gold Metal Flake]

13. Man, she treated you like shit.

My opinion, she still is. This is just another way for her to put you through all that pain again. I don't think for one moment that she is not aware of that.

Ignore her. This just might be the worse thing you could do to her.

[BlueIris]

16. I know it's hard, but--leave it alone.

Mostly because...she's crazy. She's looking to start something here and my guess is, it's not a good something. If you showcase your hurt about the past, which she obviously doesn't give a goddamn about, she's just going to continue bitching about her pain. Let it go. Or, rather, don't communicate with her about her situation. Ever again. Do it all through your lawyers. She wants to keep emotionally abusing you. Don't let her.

[chookie]

51. I agree -- be noble.

You're smelling like a rose You look great. As tempting as it is to give her a piece of her own nastiness, stay calm. She Is trying to salvage some good feeling out of this -- if she makes you look bad by blowing up, she can feel satisfied that she dumped a jerk (not that you are, but she's nuts and that's what she wants to think). Stay noble, and she's going to feel like shit twice over, a loser twice over, for losing such a nice guy.

[Callalily]

17. ALWAYS take the

high road. Your self esteem will always stay intact. Although "sticking it to her" is tempting, it will not give you any self satisfaction.

[maveric]

20. Oh yes it will. n/t

[Sanity Claws]

18. Ignore her

Just because someone contacts you, does not mean you have to respond.
It sounds like you need her out of your life.
If you can't ignore her, let's say because of the children, just tell her that you don't want to hear it.
Giving in and saying nasty things will bring you down. Keep your own emotions up and don't let them be brought down by her.

[KittyWampus]

40. That'd be my advice. Ignore her completely. It'll bug her most.

[pitohui]

21. why don't you block her email?

9 years ago? NINE YEARS AGO? can't you get a restraining order to stop her from contacting you or is that out because of the kids

urgh

[maveric]

22. We have been "friendly" the past 5 years or so, for the kids sake.

She likes to tell her pals and family that we are "friends", but I dont feel that.
I'm not her friend!

[pitohui]

25. yikes how old are the kids?

what's wrong w. being cold and correct if you must have contact w. this person?

i would tell her and anyone who asks that you are not friends, the divorce was not friendly, and you don't wanna hear her personal crap

next thing you know you'll feel sorry for her, then she's staying over for the night for some ex sex, and then you're screwed all over again

oh and keep your hand on your wallet, dude

i just had a "friend" pop up after a decade, oh yeah, she wanted money, and some seems to be missing so...

in your shoes i'd prob. be putting a fraud alert on my credit report and checking my credit card bills online every day or so to be sure that strange charges weren't slipping in, living so close to your MAILBOX and having a reason (kids) to actually come to your house, that's really scary

[maveric]

37. Kids are 24, 20 and 15.

They love their Mom but are still pissed at how she threw our family away like she did.

[Redstone]

57. pitohui, I wondered about you for a while because of your , um,

"distinctive" writing style, but have learned to pay close attention to your posts and read them carefully, because I've found that there is at least one grain of wisdom in each of them, if I only take the time to find it.

This particular post is FULL of wisdom, and I hope the OP reads it carefully.

Hope you're doing OK down there in the Damage Zone. I know you haven't had it easy.

Redstone

[maveric]

32. She's never harrassed me. And it was coincidently she moved here.

She is just now feeling what it is to be dumped. She has always been the "dumper" and took pride in that. This is her first time in 52 years being dumped. And she wants me to feel sorry for her??? I dont think so!

[EstimatedProphet]

46. That makes a lot of sense

It sounds to me like she has a problem with men, for one reason or another, so she dumps them as a way of hurting them. Frankly, it makes no sense whatsoever to marry someone you despise just to have kids, just to be able to dump them later and laugh at how they are hurt. That's sick behavior. I retract what I said otherwise in this thread-tell her she's a sick piggy person, hang up the phone and change the number. Never talk to her again. She's never going to get it-she's not capable.

[pitohui]

65. yeah right coincidence

she runs off overseas and moves back...a block away from you

the world is bigger than that, dude

you're already buying her bullshit, no good can come of this

[Ikonoklast]

26. Sounds like that she is looking to go back

to a "safe harbor".

For some reason, the words "Fuck off" come to mind. Can't say why.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

27. I think you'd do well to stay the heck away from her......

Take the high road, or ignore her...

And stay calm...

You do not need or deserve this shit...

You are much better than she is, IMHO......

Just my 2 cents worth, my dear maveric.....



:hug:

[SoCalDem]

28. Change your e-mail, and tell the kids that you do not want

contact with her through them.. It sounds like she's trying to suck you into the vortex again.. resist !!

[WritingIsMyReligion]

29. It must be tempting to be cruel.

You're hanging in, though, and that's good. Don't give into her, but don't be unneccessarily cruel, either.

[khashka]

30. I'd say STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HER

It's time to say goodbye to that girl.

She's using you. Time to end it. Obviously, because of the kids, you have to have some contact with her. But limit it to that. No more phone calls, delete her emails unread, etc. Sounds like you are still a little in love with her and understandably angry and bitter over what she did to you. But for your own well-being, you need as little to do with her as possible.

Khash.

[XanaDUer]

31. Maveric, you sound like a nice and decent person

Don't diminish yourself by saying cruel things. You are better than that.

This lady sounds like a nut, btw. You may also "set her off" by saying or doing something. Protect yourself and your kids. As others have stated upthread-don't engage her more than is necessary for your kids' mental and physical health.

Stay away. She sounds like trouble with a capital "T".

PS-block her e-mails today.

[Rabrrrrrr]

33. LOL! Tell the immature bitch to suck it up!!

[Mutley]

34. I can see how it's tempting.

But be the bigger person. I don't know if I'd be able to take that advice, but still... there it is.

[maveric]

35. I wont rub her nose in it, but if she calls or comes over, I'll be blunt.

I refuse to show sympathy to her on this matter. If confronted I will tell her that I'm the wrong person that she should be talking to about this. If she pushes then I'll express how I felt at the time and expose all the shitty things she did to me and our kids.

I'm definately the wrong person to come to for sympathy and support on this issue.

[Mutley]

38. Good plan.

And you do seem to be the wrong person to come to about this. Without knowing her, the only reason I can think why anyone would do that is that she knows that YOU know exactly how it feels. :shrug: And she knows you're a good person who won't throw it in her face.

[salin]

39. Wise approach

state the obvious - not a good source for sympathy for her. Even suggest she not push it lest you point out the specifics of the irony. But if she keeps pushing - give her the parallels and let her deal with it.

However, as I said above - how blunt you go ought to depend a wee bit on the relationship your kids have with her, and whether or not being to blunt will create some complexity in your relationship with the kids (ala - a perception of kicking her when she is down) - she certainly doesn't deserve to become a reason to complicate your relationship with your kids.

[Karenina]

47. Yo, Mav...

Don't bother re-hashing the past. You'll just get hooked into more BULLSHIT. The kids are grown. Tell her you wish her all good things in her life, that her number is blocked and any letters will be stamped "RETURN TO SENDER
address unknown
no such number
no such zone."

[raccoon]

75. That's a GREAT response.

"If confronted I will tell her that I'm the wrong person that she should be talking to about this. "

[Guava Jelly]

36. one word Kharma

hope i spelt that right :O) as i mangle the english language

[ET Awful]

42. I say send her this with my regards . . .

HA HA

[EstimatedProphet]

43. Why not let her have it?

Maybe she will begin to see the world in a bigger way. A normal person would, if you sat her down and explained it. If she's not capable of understanding what she did, then maybe it wouldn't do any good other than to make her stay away from you afterwards. I don't see a downside to telling her your feelings.

[skygazer]

44. You are welcome to use this

"Dear Psycho Hosebeast,

Please be advised that counseling sessions start at $250 per hour and can only be engaged in by appointment. Please contact my receptionist to set up a time. Payment in full is expected at time of service.

Sincerely,

Etc."

[maveric]

45. LOL!! Love it!

But I'm just lying low. If she comes over or calls me looking for pity, I WILL tell her that her coming to me is innapropriate and then I'll calmly go off on her.

[fudge stripe cookays]

54. .

Psycho Hosebeast! :rofl:

I'm going to have to borrow that! :thumbsup:
fsc

[ContraBass Black]

48. Are you going to take this as a closure point and wash your hands of her?

I would.

[maveric]

49. Yes! n/t

[ContraBass Black]

69. Congratulations, friend.

You are free at last.

[Bullwinkle925]

50. I'm sorry maveric - but my first thought was.............

aside from having the 3 children in common - WHY OH WHY do you let this woman torment you?
Kick her to the curb! I hope you are getting on with your life with someone who appreciates you for your kindnesses and considerate nature.

You deserve much better.


bw925

[maveric]

61. I'm not letting her torment me.

The only time I communicate with her is on child-related issues. Now she is on the shit end of the stick and is feeling sorry for herself trying to squeeze sympathy out of me. There's no one else to listen to her. Its not going to be me.

[Bullwinkle925]

86. Good on you. Life is really way too short to be used up by being

involved with people who take advantage of others. You can either ignore her completely - with the exception of the child-related issues or flat-out tell her you're not interested on any level with her personal issues.

Good luck!

BW925

[RevCheesehead]

52. Put a spam block on her e-mail

That will communicate far more than any reply could.

[bliss_eternal]

53. Piss on her!

What a piece of work she is, to try to get sympathy from YOU! The audacity of some never ceases to amaze, does it?

I wouldn't blame you at all for reminding her she brought this shit on herself and exactly how. This may seem ludicrous, but honestly people with this little regard for other's feelings tend to forget. Seriously.

I was dating someone that decided it was his right in life, to invade my privacy and read my diary (w/out my permission of course). I felt violated and broke it off with him. Many years later, he in turn, dated someone that figured out the code for his answering machine and would listen to HIS messages. :rofl: When I reminded him about it, he seemed sincerely stunned--it had totally slipped his mind (or at least he acted like it had). He was kind of taken aback at the irony--I was probably a tad too tickled--oh well, I'm human.

:hug: Sorry that she's wearing her ass as a hat and bringing her troubles to you.

[raccoon]

76. I'm glad you did break it off with him.

"I was dating someone that decided it was his right in life, to invade my privacy and read my diary (w/out my permission of course). I felt violated and broke it off with him."

I had a boyfriend once who did that. I didn't break it off with him right then, but we did break up later.

If it happened now, I'd break it off right then.

[Ellen Forradalom]

55. It's definitively time

to break free emotionally. Try counselling. I am totally serious.

I am not winning any Spouse of the Year trophies, myself, but she sounds extreme, even by my standards.

[maveric]

62. I'm fine! I have no real emotional attachments to her.

I dont care to be her friend, as she tells people that we are. I just find it funny that after she breaks it off in my ass, throwing her marraige, family and home away on a whim, divorces me for a drunken wifebeater, divorces him and sleeps around till she finds someone to tolerate her self-centeredness, and when he dumps her, she comes to me for sympathy and support!
Funny aint it?

[Redstone]

56. Don't throw it in her face. Just don't reply. Ignore her.

There are times in life when you should be sympathetic and helpful, but this isn't one of them.

Do not, I repeat NOT, give in to any inclination to offer her any sympathy.

You know that I usually recommend giving people breaks and cutting them slack whenever possible, but I'll NOT recommend that now.

She made her bed...let her live with the bedbugs now. I salute you for not giving in to the urge to be nice.

Redstone

[Name removed]

58. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Systematic Chaos]

59. She sounds like so many women I knew before I found a good one.

I can't quite find the words to describe the deal with your ex, but I knew quite a number of pathological liars and teasers who seemed to enjoy hurting me because I loved them, or wouldn't have a thing to do with me but who would call me crying because other guys stood them up or whatever. I honestly don't know how you're holding yourself together, but I do know that everyone here who is advising you to forget she even exists is spot-on, no matter how hard that may seem to do. If your kids were still pre-teens then I would say you had a real problem, but they're old enough now that it should be possible for you to do what has to be done without it affecting them in any way. Hell, they may know enough about the situation to be thinking much along the lines I am.

At any rate, you have been through enough, and it sounds like you deserve better. I wish you the very best of luck finding it. :hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

60. people make mistakes....and i have noticed abusive, lying drunks

are VERY good at misleading people into believing they are in love etc...


still i can COMPLETELY understand why you are the wrong person for her to turn to for sympathy..maybe she realizes what she has lost and wants it back?

[maveric]

63. No Way!

No Fucking Way!

[GaYellowDawg]

64. If it was me...

I'd say something like, "You made the decision that your problems would not be mine a long time ago. I just can't see anything good coming of having any kind of contact with you now. I'd prefer that you left me alone."

[JI7]

66. she seems like a very selfish person

i can understand people falling for others and needing to divorce and all that. but her behavior with how she did it just seems very selfish based on the way you describe it.

as for what you should do i think you should seriously talk to her about how she did the same thing. but because of your kids you shouldn't do it in a revengeful way.

[struggle4progress]

67. I'd avoid this completely. But if she should happen to actually call ..

and you can't avoid some conversation, just tell her you know how she feels and how it hurts to be dumped. Tell her that life has taught you the best thing is to take a deep breath, forget the jerk, and move on. Don't over do it, and don't sound sarcastic or ironic: in particular, DON'T get into any discussion WHATSOEVER of your history with her. Then tell her that you're just really really busy right now and have to get off the phone. Do this nicely and keep it short. Let her figure it out, if she can ...

[kedrys]

68. Take a deep breath and put your game face on

I admire your inhuman restraint in not going off on her, and I know exactly how tempting it is. Hang in there. :hug:

[newportdadde]

70. She lives on your block again after 9 years????? Your just getting used.

Wow, I take it she is still very involved with the kids then?

Let me just say that if it was me I would pretend she was dead. I would just go as if she got killed somehow accidentally. In essense she did, the person you loved and fell in love with is gone, destroyed.

Do yourself a big favor and do not open this door even a crack less you will quickly find her back in your life and probably back in your bed trying to woo you and your credit cards back until she finds another option. I've seen my friends get so screwed up over someone who treated them horribly don't make their same mistake.

I think not even acknowledging her presence, even via email is a fitting punishment. Don't pull her out of her despair by giving comfort or by fueling any anger don't give her focus, let her sit there alone with nobody that is true punishment.

Do yourself a favor and move if you can, same block that is crazy.

Remember your just her crutch, if Mr. Perfect was still in the picture you would still be that Toad.

Legal advice - save those damn emails and don't send anything in writing back.

[maveric]

82. She's lived there for 6, 1/2 years.

She was married at the time she moved there. The kids were close by and the rent was cheap...
Back then we were'nt "friendly" at all. I truly beleive that she just wanted to be close to the kids.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

71. I see your fate in my future.

And I also see me not giving a flying fuck either. She can kiss my ass. Personally, I would just repeat her own shitty advice back to her in the most unemotional, non-descript tone you can muster.

[bertha katzenengel]

72. God, Maveric.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

I wish I could find you a good woman. And I wish I could run into this ex- of yours and tell her all the things you wish you could. Then I would smack her silly and go to jail happy.

:hug:

[maveric]

83. She's got serious psyche issues that kick in every now and then.

It may be just another episode.

Oh Bertha! Please dont go to jail for her. But thanks anyway! :loveya:

[Rambis]

73. Schaudenfruede!

gloating at somebody else's bad luck: malicious or smug pleasure taken in somebody else's misfortune

I am usually a sensitive human being but I could not resist being totally obnoxious about it.
Revel in her sadness!

[Race4Peace]

77. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

dude, exile her from your property, for starters!!make sure you have a home security system set in place, and block all communications. if she still gets through, be calm and diligent, seem preocupied(isert suject here). if she still doesn't get it, you can use any of the following:

<ON EDIT the following is to be toned to a present-day-rock style>

"yer a bimbo, yer a whore, yer a trollop, yer a slut!
yer a lyin', cheatin', skanky, hoochie, ignorant, dumb, selfish bitch!!...

i saw in you the greatest friend i could ever meet and love,
i thought that we were set to be together though our lives...BUT-I-WAS-WRONG!!

serves you right!
all the time, i trusted you, i put my heart in your hand, and now i lie dead! you commited yourself, to the masked man of deception, he promised something that was never there at all...then he used you as his sex-toy-punching-bag, and you accepted that sadanist, and all through the night!

but still you didn't see the truth,
you had to start again,
after all the strife,
that would change anyone's mind,
you let them knock you up like Babe Ruth!

and now your at my knees, begging for me back, as though i'd never remember what happened in that age of ev'rything goin' to shit!

you're the one who decided to end it, like i was just employed to be your man, 'till someone better came.
you decided to terminate our love, that was your mistake! well GUESS WHAT:
'YOU NEVER MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE, YER FIRED FOR IT THE FIRST TIME!!!!!'

you broke this all off, and as a noble man, if you won't enforce your own choice, then I WILL:
done!
finished!
complete!
no more!
read-my-lips...
GAME OVER!"

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

78. People Grow A Lot In 9 Years. I've always found it, as a rule of thumb,

to be always rewarding to treat even your worst enemies with the kindest and most gentle hand possible when called upon to do such.

Even my worst enemy, if sitting on a curb crying sincerely, would be given my full attention and psychological support to help them through.

Each time I've done things of that nature, the feeling of good that flows through my body is unrivaled by almost anything.

[Ellen Forradalom]

80. Thank you for saying that.

You never know what changes it might provoke--in yourself or the recipient.

[JVS]

79. Tell her to leave you alone

[NNadir]

85. Keep your dignity.

If you must see her for some reason, like the kids, I would simply make a slightly bored shrug at her complaints. Otherwise ignore her completely.