What constitutes obsessive/excessive when it comes to playing video games?

[sbj405]

In recent weeks, my SO has started playing video games. He seems content to sit on his butt playing all day. He says that if we're not "doing something" then there is no problem. He also routinely stays up until 3 am playing. I've asked him not to because he wakes me up and then I have trouble getting back to sleep. He doesn't believe me.

:-(

[GOPisEvil]

1. If it's affecting you and your relationship, it's excessive.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but it might be time to set some limits.

[Systematic Chaos]

2. Even though I'm a game addict myself

I would say that you are right in demanding that he either cut back or give them up. I'm very fortunate in that my wife enjoys the same online game (EverQuest 2) that I do, so we alternate days playing. We're not able to get out and do a lot, but even so we allow ourselves plenty of time to do things together that don't involve the computer. If you're not into the games like he is, then it is perfectly okay for you to ask him to meet you halfway. If he isn't willing to do that then perhaps dismantling and hiding the computer while he's gone will get his attention.

[sbj405]

3. Not quite sure how to get him to meet me halfway

I guess that's the real problem. He doesn't think my asking him to not play is a valid request.

[threehensandacow]

4. one of the reasons for my upcoming divorce

really. my husband has been avoiding life with video games the way i used to with alcohol. however, having realized that i could no longer drink and be present in the lives of those around me, that and i'd die if i continued, i stopped drinking and got help. i did not get married to be ignored and left alone. and that's what it's been. sorry, didn't mean to go off on this tangent. i hate the damn things.

[sbj405]

9. Threehensandacrow . . .

:hug:

[the_real_38]

5. They make a shock device ...

... that goes off at irregular intervals through the controls. Little worse than a carpet shock, I hear. It's for addicts, I can't remember the name, but the sporadic charges make the gamer increasingly antsy, 'till he can't take the trade-off of pain and pleasure anymore. Try google.

[sbj405]

10. Or maybe I should use the dogs shock collar

:evilgrin:

[obxhead]

6. other than the sleep issue

what is it interrupting?

[sbj405]

11. ummm, everything

He does nothing to contribute to the household. Ignores me. Nearly burned the house down one night when he left the kettle on for hours.

[jobycom]

7. If you can find one person who's worse, then he isn't excessive.

Just kidding, if he's not responsive to you then it's not about the videogames, it's about the relationship. I have at least one friend who divorced her husband over just that.

I mean, if he's just substituting VG for TV, that's one thing, but if he's changing his habits and cutting off family, he's got a problem. The problem might not just be the video game, he may be bored with something else in life, and the VG is the only thing that makes him forget the boredom. Not saying it's you, more likely it's job, lack of hobby, forgotten ambition... Makes him feel inferior, so he plays at a game in which he can strive for and sometimes reach achievement. Maybe feels he's not good enough to be with you anyway.

Or maybe not, just one possibility. I'm not a psychiatrist, just a nosy person with a vivid imagination.

[sbj405]

12. He just finished up school

He was in an exec program at night. He's done now so all he has is 60 hours of work/week. ;-)

[jobycom]

18. Ah! I can personally relate to that.

Two things at work. One, in school you work all the time, even when you aren't working. The sudden release from that is overwhelmingly boring. I went through that after grad school. Wrote a novel and picked up bike riding about 200 miles a week as hobbies. That will just take a little time to let his priorities even out. You are so used to feeling guilty when you aren't doing something that you fill your time with stuff to alleviate the guilt of not working.

The second thing is something I said in the first post. In school you have a lot of goals, and feel like you are achieving things when you are working on them. The sudden loss of this short-term achievement leaves you a bit deflated. I almost thing it's chemical, and I think it's heightened in the types of people who go to exec programs in the evenings--that means he's already an achiever type. You get addicted to achievement. I've even heard rumors that cocaine reproduces that exact same chemical reaction in your brain, and there's a theory that the people who get most addicted to cocaine are that type of person.

Just my observations. Probably banal and obvious. Still, doesn't sound like a relationship problem, just a transition time for the SO. I'm sure it's been said, but the perfect solution is to find something to give him that feeling that he can do with you. Ballroom dancing, rock climbing, chess, whatever. Just a thought.

[WindRavenX]

8. what GOPisEvil said needs to be heeded:

Clearly, it is having a negative impact on your life AND the relationship.

Video games are fun--my SO and I like to play both together AND on our own time. But if one of us wants to do something together--say, cuddle or see a movie-- we stop. Video games are just fun.

I think you need to tell him that you feel like you are being placed second to his games and are having your sleep suffer as a result. Make a compromise: he can play X hours a day before X time. See if that works.

Good luck!

[Guy Fawkes]

13. If he wakes you up...

start playing video games with him- get better then him- then beat him all the time.

[Mutley]

14. When it's getting in the way of the other aspects of your life

such as relationships, friends, work, school, eating, sleeping, etc.

Tell him you don't want him to stop altogether. You're not asking him to give it up completely, but that you feel the amount of time he spends doing it is getting in the way of your relationship. If he doesn't want to listen, maybe find something of your own to do.

[MrSlayer]

15. When I get a good new game I go for 15 hours straight sometimes.

Grand Theft Auto or the like is very addicting and the time flies by before you know it. Tell him to keep playing until you wake up, this way you can sleep all night, he has his fun and everything is cool. A win/win situation.

[Ellen Forradalom]

16. My son's level.

We cut it off daily. He doesn't like it, but he's gotten to expect it.

I take comfort in knowing he'll make a fortune in the electronic exchanges some day.

[hobo_baggins]

17. Let the boy play!

If its what he enjoys, more power to him.

If it wakes you up at night...put it somewhere where you can't hear it.