How will you know you're gone to hell or heaven after you've died?

[Patiod]

(Please don't argue with the construct here, the actual existance of an afterlife, just play along...) :hi:

I was saying in another thread that I'll know I'm in heaven if I see the Italian or Australian men's swim team --- if I see Dick Cheney, I'll know things didn't go so well.

Your tip-offs as to where you are?

[LaraMN]

1. Heaven: the welcome mat's covered with knee boots,

Hell; tube socks and republicans.

[EstimatedProphet]

3. The welcome mat would be covered with Republicans?

IF they were in peices it would be heaven!

[leftofthedial]

2. if you see lots of republicans

and fundies

you're in hell

[LeftyMom]

4. Hell will have all the really good bands.

:headbang:

[TK421]

5. If you see me, that would be Hell

[Arkansas Granny]

6. Check for smoke?

[lizziegrace]

7. If you're greeted by California Peggy

You'll be in heaven. She'll know where all the cool sunsets are. O8)

Hell? I'll have to think on that one.

[tjwmason]

15. Gets my vote as the best one.

:thumbsup:

[EstimatedProphet]

8. Heaven: The furniture is chocolate, there's a beer tap every 5 feet

and peel&eat shrimp cocktails served by a topless Janene Garofalo

Hell:Jam-packed full of stupid repubs, and when you try to argue with them, they scratch their heads and go back to scratching their asses. Also, all the beer taps serve borcht.

[lizziegrace]

10. And no weight gain

or beer gut from it!

[Oeditpus Rex]

19. Any place is heaven

if Janeane is there. :loveya: :loveya: :loveya:

[eyepaddle]

9. Heaven: lots of

wooded hillsides and whitewater kick-ass waves right next to shore. Taylor guitars everytime you turn around and it's always Friday afternoon (although the lighting levels change!)

Hell: None of the above.

[ismnotwasm]

11. Hell is easy

bush is president for eternity in hell

Heaven--hmm, my favorite sci-fi scenes obtain reality. I travel the stars and see distant galaxies full of sentient life.

[tjwmason]

12. I know this isn't a terribly serious question - but I heard an interesting

answer once in a sermon.

The Priest suggested the hypothesis that heaven and hell are the same place - but that in the one case one is ready for heaven and thus finds it endlessly wonderful, in the other case one isn't ready and find the perfection endlessly frustrating.

Getting back to the real point - there's two simple tests, first go to the nearest pub if they have beer it's heaven - lager it's hell. Then to the nearest off-licence, if there's Tanquary, Bombay and Plymouth on the gin shelf it's heaven; other brands it's hell.

Edit typo

[EstimatedProphet]

20. Oh, not all other brands of gin!

It would have Damrak and Citadelle too!

[Patiod]

21. Sorry, in my heaven only Tanqueray will do

Bombay tastes medicinal to me, where Tanqueray going by on a tray sometimes smells so good it makes my mouth water and prompts me order a gin & tonic.

[KitchenWitch]

13. Heaven

I am hearing Led Zeppelin

Hell I am hearing John A$hcroft singing

[AllegroRondo]

14. Heaven joke

A man dies and goes to heaven.

St Peter gives him the grand tour. They see beautiful parks and buildings, and meet people from every country and culture on earth.

At the end, Peter asks him if he has any questions.

"Just one" he says "what that big fenced in area?"

"Oh, that." says Peter. "Thats where we keep the protestants. They think they're the only ones here."

[huskerlaw]

16. Heaven

a lot like California, but without the traffic, smog, earthquakes (or other assorted natural disasters), or Governator AustrianMotorcycleLicense.

Hell: BushCo and all of their minions, constantly praising Our Fearless Leader while he leads the country, nay, the world into complete ruin. In other words, the United States as it is now, but concentrated and for eternity.

[DS1]

17. Easy.

Heaven.


Hell.

[rbnyc]

18. I'll be in hell if I have to fill out any paperwork.

I'll be in heaven if I'm no longer allergic to chocolate.

:)

[liberalpress]

22. Top Ten Signs You've Gone To Hell

10. President Condoleeza Rice

[sarge43]

23. Where you at?

Heaven: The music is awesome.

Hell: The company is entertaining.