TV/Movie producers: A Foul-mouthed Rant by an Insider Peon.

[CanuckAmok]

Jesus H Christ on a bagel, how often do I have to do this bullshit negociation dance, every time I get called-up to do a show.

It's not as if I'm Callista Freakin' Flockhart. Wait... bad example. It's not as if I'm Sarah Jessica Freakin' Parker. I'm not looking for some seven figure deal or anything.

No, I'm a crew member. All I want is a living wage, for the extremely demanding and highly-skilled work I do.

But, no. Every goddamned week, I have to exchange emails or phnonecalls with some "producer", who invariably is working on some fantastic new, revolutionary project for some faceless multi-billion dollar network.

And this producer invariably says "we're on a real shoestring budget...I can't afford to match scale."

And you've somehow successfully convinced my union that you're one payment away from having to live in an abandoned refrigerator down on the pier, and they've actually agreed to give you a "low-budget deferral" and 35% (or more) below scale.

And, of course, you don't expect the crew to work 35% less, for that rate. Oh, no. You actually need us to work 35% (or more) HARDER, because you "can't afford" the daily equipment rentals required to shoot, so we have to shoot a 30 thirty day schedule in 20 days. That means longer days. Thjat means working faster, usualy with a crew not quite large enough to do things as safely as they could be done. That means people get hurt.

Some die.

TO SHOOT YOUR FUCKING MOVIE!

Okay, let me put this plainly: "FUCK OFF!"

Don't call me from the handsfree bluetooth attachment to your brand new M5's carphone and tell me you can't afford to pay me what I'm worth.

Here's a newsflash for you: That five million dollar home you have? The luxury on-location accommodations for your manufactured wife and your precocious children (the latter invariably named "Madison" and "Cody")? That six-figure monstrosity you drive? The $1000/hour escorts you bang behind your wife's back? Unless you pay people what they're worth, you don't fucking deserve them.

Sell your fucking H2 or your BMW, and drive a Geo to work every day. Defer your paycheque. Take out a loan against your house. If you have to do that, and if I think you're sincere, I'll not only give you my usual 110%, I'll do it on weekends and evenings, without charging you an extra dime.

Because I'm a professional, and I love my craft. Except for having to deal with cheap, greedy motherfuckers like you.

The crew are not your enemy; we're your tools. And we have the same objective you haver: get the movie done. Because the more successful movies you make with us, the more we'll work in the future. And that alone makes us bend over backwards to get your movie "in the can" on time, and on budget. But make that budget realistic, and don't fuck us over.

I am in no position to further subsidise your wealth. If you can't afford to pay people a living age to shoot shows which are going to make you even richer, then perhaps you shouldn't be making movies. Maybe you should stand on your ambiently heated master bathroom tiles, look at your loufa'd face in the mirror and say to yourself "I can't afford to make movies without exploiting people. I'm worse than a corporate welfare recipinet."

Because that's what you are. Every time you short me on my expenses. Every time you ask the crew to put in fifteen minutes more just to get the last shot of the day (what the industry calls "grace", not that you'd understand the term). Every time you expect someone in the production office to look after little Cody and Madison while their mom and the nanny are out getting fake-tans (comped, of course), you're not producing, you're stealing.

Every time I or my counterparts give something away to you, we're producing your fucking shitty movie. You couldn't do it without us.

So pay us fairly, and don't rip us off.

So fuck you, Mister Producer-No-More. Go work at CostCo until you can afford to be a movie mogul.

[WeRQ4U]

1. Preach on preacher.

Preach on.

"I can't afford to make movies without exploiting people. I'm worse than a corporate welfare recipinet."

Because that's what you are. Every time you short me on my expenses. Every time you ask the crew to put in fifteen minutes more just to get the last shot of the day (what the industry calls "grace", not that you'd understand the term). Every time you expect someone in the production office to look after little Cody and Madison while their mom and the nanny are out getting fake-tans (comped, of course), you're not producing, you're stealing.

Applicable to many.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

2. The same is true in many professions

Translation clients try to get "volume discounts" out of translators.

"Say, I want 15,000 words done in three days. Can you reduce your normal rates by 25% because it's such a big job?"

Uh, 5,000 words (20 pages) per day is a rush job, Sweetie. I'll be going full throttle for eight to twelve hours each day, depending on the difficulty of the material, and by the end of the second day I'll have eyestrain and the beginnings of carpal tunnel syndrome.

The best translation agencies don't do this, but private clients, especially the wealthy ones, try this all the time.

Even if I haven't had any new jobs in two weeks, I tell such people that I'm "too busy."

[NashVegas]

10. It's Rampant in the Entertainment Industry

Management gets away with it all the time, because they can. It's such a cool, groovy, glamourous job that so many would love to have, that you can and will be undercut by someone, somewhere.

You know that phrase, "no one is irreplaceable?" In showbiz, it's absolutely true.

I wish to high heaven I was born with the genetic makeup to be an accountant.

[Blue-Jay]

3. "paycheque'...hahaha!

fuckin' Canadians.


Well ranted, my friend. I hate to see you having to take so much shit in order to do your job.

[hickman1937]

4. This is the new world.

He affords his lifestyle on your back and laughs at you all the way to the bank. It's all about that survival of the fittest Darwin thing that the US was built on. He probably also gives good money to orgs that teach creationism.

[datasuspect]

5. there's nothing new about it

it's just more in your face now. or they have less shame in exploitation, can't figure which.

[CanuckAmok]

6. oh, that's where you're wrong.

Most of these people consider themselves "liberals".

[Lydia Leftcoast]

7. ...when they actually libertarians, because they believe in

all the behavioral aspects of liberalism (abortion rights, gay rights, decriminalization of drugs, etc.) but not the political-economic aspects (unions, fair wages, using taxes to benefit the whole community).

[CanuckAmok]

12. Ah, that's like our (capital "L") Liberal Party.

Now I understand what a Libertarian is.

[GirlinContempt]

8. Dinosaurs are pretty awesome

Maybe it's time for a new job?

[NashVegas]

9. Welcome to SHOWBIZ!

But it's a cool gig, you'll love it!

[CanuckAmok]

13. See, that's the hook.

I've been doing this for 12 years, and there's no limit to the number of greehorns who are happy to do anything to "get a chance" to work in film. Peole even volunteer.

So it really is a buyers' market.

But, being in production management, I see the false economy in action: you get to a point where you refuse to pay experienced crew the rates they command (or, more likely, you've alienated the "good" crews where you shoot). You end up with a green crew who cost less up-front. But if you get 13 set-ups (shots) in a day when an experienced, cohesive crew could have given you 20, you're no longer saving money.

Example: I did a movie in November, and every Key Grip in the area refused to work for the producer. The only qualified Key Grip he could find was a known alcoholic (and basically unemployable), and, sure enough, about ten days out of a twenty day shoot, this guy was late for work... three hours late, on one particular day. No Key Grip means no dolly, no grip gear, and, essentially, a massive delay.

But the way budgets are built, and scrutinised, at the studio level, low rates plus overtime is fine, but high rates and no overtime isn't, even if it ends up being the same amount.

:shrug:

[skygazer]

11. Nice rant

I see the same crap in my job - the corporate office keeps adding more shit to what they want us to do but they give us no more employees, no more hours and no more compensation to do it.

One of our old assistant managers asked us one day to just grab a couple of carts out of the parking lot when we arrive at work and put them in the corrals. Sounds reasonable on the surface but when you realize that you're asking perhaps 150 people to do this when they're not on the clock, you realize that the company is trying to get a fair amount of work out of people that they don't get compensated for. And though I have no fear of hard work and have been working hard all my life, I don't see why I, who make about $40,000 a year, should work for free to help out a multi-billion dollar corporation who can afford to pay their help.