A Personal Decision

[Temporary SockPuppet]

THis sockpuppet was created with explicit admin permission and will not be reused.


I am fear’s hostage.

Several years ago, I was wrongly and clandestinely accused of terrible things in two separate incidents. The action appears to have been motivated by petty maliciousness in one case and by fear and racism in the other. The rumors were discussed and believed by literally hundreds of people, including those in administrative and dominant social positions. I found out about both years or months later from people outside the organizations, as no one inside them bothered to confront, warn, or face up to me in person. Prior to this, I was one of the most universally respected persons, but since then I have been stained, and carry a legacy of disgrace. Upon visiting one organization after my direct involvement ended, I heard about the accusation there again from people much younger than me, indicating that when I and the others left, the story and the mark stayed.

Though the accusations were never brought to legal ends, I fear that they carry the effect of multiple felony convictions. I believe that should I ever apply for a job that requires a thorough background check, run for public office, or make an enemy of any person, these rumors will spring out of my history, and because they are believed by so many people and I have no means to disprove them, be taken as fact. This won’t ever go away, no matter how old I live to be. It will follow me all the way to my grave.
I’m in a different town now, but I remain surrounded by people involved in both incidents. At any time, should I be recognized publicly, or should someone have a grudge against me, some of the very accusers themselves can step forward and instantly destroy my career prospects, social relationships, and most other aspects of my life beyond hope of repair.

That this has happened and that I cannot escape it shames and angers me. I want to loosen its grip on me, and gain what measure of freedom from the terror and stigma I can.

To that end, I am considering open disclosure and discussion of the incidents with the majority of my friends, so that among them I can move among them without such shame or secrecy. I see no means to eliminate the root problem, as it would require all the accusers, some of whom were never identified to me, to openly confess their falsehood, and for thousands of people all across this state to hear and believe them. I expect that if they hear about this, several of my friends will break contact with me, lose their faith in me, or no longer be trusting and genuine, and that I will not be able to tell with certainty which do and which do not.

I post this here in search of friendly advice and support.

[Texasgal]

1. HUH?

:shrug:

[Ariana Celeste]

2. ?

context?

[supernova]

3. Are you somebody we know?

That might help. :shrug:

[qnr]

7. I think the whole point of the sockpuppet is to hide the identity :) n/t

[supernova]

8. Yes, I get that

but it sounds frankly egotistical, rather than advice-seeking.

[qnr]

9. Actually, it reminds me of someone, but I won't say who. n/t

edit: typo

[SofaKingLiberal]

4. Can you be a little more clear

as to the nature of the accusations?
Either way, if it is something that you know will come out eventuially, you are better off telling people your side of the story first.

[qnr]

5. I can't speak for you. However, if I were in your shoes, I would

discuss the matter with close friends first, and get their opinions on how widespread the disclosure should be. If nothing else (and disregarding any possible defections), you will have some independent backup should the stories start again.

[hickman1937]

6. This is just too vague.

Though the accusations were never brought to legal ends, I fear that they carry the effect of multiple felony convictions.

Living under this must be hell. Isn't there any way you could fight it?

[Redstone]

10. Bev? Is that you?

Or is it someone else with an extremely vague axe to grind?

And why whould the admnins grant permission for even a "temporary sockpuppet?"

If they did, I'd think they'd explain it to us.

This is just too strange and vaporous; I'll check back tomorrow (if there is a tomorrow for this thread), and see if there's any rational explanation.

Redstone

[supernova]

12. Now there's a thought...

[Redstone]

15. Vague accusations, claims of victimization, clarity of writing style

but not of thought, overwhelming paranoia...

Redstone

[jpgray]

24. Bev fits pretty well

But can a banned member have a sockpuppet? I don't know anyone else whose professional credentials have been sullied via DU. And I don't even know how "racism" fits with Bev since I have no idea what race she was.

[Redstone]

41. I didn't catch the "racism" in the OP; thanks for pointing it out.

That could shoot my theory full of holes, couldn't it?

Redstone

[LeftyMom]

42. Or it could be a red herring.

:shrug:

[jpgray]

47. This is better than Agatha Christie

I say it's GingerSnaps, in the I/P forum, with the logical fallacies and personal attacks.

[LeftyMom]

52. I don't think it's Bev or CubanLiberal, neither one would be welcomed back

nt

[greatauntoftriplets]

58. Agreed.

And the accusations against Bev were never made clandestinely.

Both Andy Stephenson and Kelvin_Mace posted their accusations. Andy had to stop when Bev threatened him with legal action...and then he was ill.

[Redstone]

57. By all means, it could. Hey, admins, are you awake? Talk to us!

This is getting fucking ridiculous.

Ah well, it'll probably disappear soon, and I for one won't worry about it. I'm outa this thread, because I thing we're being played like a harp here.

Redstone

[GOPisEvil]

59. See post 55.

[qnr]

66. Just doesn't sound like Bev to me. Sounds too "local" to the physical

location of the poster.

[JVS]

247. not cool. dude

[necso]

11. Using your real name? /nt

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

13. See a lawyer, be sure all statutes of limitations have run out

before you confess anything to anybody, if there are criminal accusations involved. Or maybe some other kind of help is necessary.

[DS1]

14. PADDY!!

:bounce:

No, I have no idea what this is all about, and I'm just gonna back away slowly.

[Redstone]

17. Then turn and run like hell after you've backed far enough away.

Sounds like a sound plan to me.

Redstone

[supernova]

20. LMAO!

:D

[jpgray]

21. Looks like someone screwed over his publishing deal

Probably while he was helping old ladies across the street whilst studying for law school and being a cop.

[Thtwudbeme]

25. And feeding the cat at the bookstore

please don't forget the imaginary kitty!

[jpgray]

34. Ah, the upwardly-mobile moderate Catholic philanthropic gay couple of DU

We miss you so. :cry:

[DS1]

35. upwardly-mobile moderate Catholic philanthropic gay chef couple of DU

;-)

[JanMichael]

39. upwardly mobile moderate Catholic philanthropic gay chef bookstore

owning cat loving couple of DU...with cool Halloween costumes!

Get it straight! ;)

[jpgray]

40. Or if not straight, uptight

:P

[Left Is Write]

45. upwardly mobile moderate Catholic philanthropic gay chef bookstore

owning cat loving impossibly good-looking couple of DU...

[ScreamingMeemie]

68. I wish I could laugh...but that one still really hurts. I admit I was

duped...and it hurt. :(

[bertha katzenengel]

181. A lot of us were, Mrs. G.

But: What goes around comes around.

[salin]

75. Clearly a reference

that sails right over my head... but at the same time makes me quite curious.

[bertha katzenengel]

184. here, salin

There was once a gay couple here on DU. The guys were terrific - warm, friendly, complex individuals who made a lot of friends.

I don't remember how the fraud was revealed, but we came to learn one day that this gay couple was one man who was nothing like either of his "boys."

AFAIC, he's a sick fuck who will get paid back tenfold for his fraud.

[salin]

253. thanks

during high peak work time - and I missed the drama - prior and of the event - thus the references. Thanks - now am clued in to what/who.

[SW FL Dem]

261. Thanks

I remember them, but missed all the drama.

[lumberingbear]

44. ...

PADDY!!

[baldguy]

16. I'm not a lawyer,

But I believe you can sue people for slander. Talk to a lawyer.

[MrScorpio]

18. Dude, those are some serious drugs that you're doing

Are they legal?

[supernova]

51. I want what the OP is having

:popcorn:

[Wapsie B]

19. What in the world are you talking about?

:shrug:

This is beyond weird.

[jpgray]

22. This just sounds like a lot of vague drama

Either that or Skinner has lost his marbles and is taking it out on the Lounge. :D

[Temporary SockPuppet]

Ha ha.

No, it's not like that.

[Thtwudbeme]

23. OK, going on ZERO information, my question to you

Mr/s.Sockpuppet is this:

What in the world could one possibly do that would incur these types of repercussions that could not be handled by a really good, meanassed lawyer?

I normally suggest fighting back; clearing one's name. However, this post doesn't give enough information for anyone on this thread to give you decent advice.

Robbed a bank? Accused of rape? What? How can you ask for advice by saying, "I was accused of something?"

[jpgray]

26. I've got another question

Why post this in the Lounge? That makes me think it isn't Bev, since she was a GD rat by nature.

[Thtwudbeme]

27. I have never seen Skinner allow something like this either

I haven't a clue in the world.

[flvegan]

28. Well, disclose it. Let truth be your defense.

That's all I can offer.

If you want to live as "fear's hostage" forever, then so be it.

Just offering a superficial fix, as I have no idea what in the hell you're talking about.

However, were it I, I'd blow it up, put it out there, and roll with the punches.

[proud2BlibKansan]

29. So have you asked the gang over at FR?

Or are they lurking here waiting to see what we would say? :scared:

:popcorn:

[flvegan]

30. Skinner...Can we get a ruling?

What's the deal?

[jpgray]

32. Yeah I'd like a temporary sockpuppet of my own

I need someone to agree with everything I say when flvegan and I argue the relative value of various forms of life. :D

[DS1]

37. I love steak

[jpgray]

49. I love cornflake fried chicken

This is your grain on clucks.

[eyepaddle]

173. I love lamp

(plus now I can check this easily tommorrow)

[flvegan]

63. We disagree???? YOU bastard!!!!!!!!!

I thought you loved me...

[jpgray]

71. It was deception that I loved

Sweet, nougat-filled deception. :cry:

[flvegan]

76. You and your tempting non-vegan nougat.

I'll never forgive you. Oh, oh how I loved the nougat we shared. The nougat that now we dare not speak it's nougaty name...

*tear*

[Left Is Write]

78. Please...stop fighting.

Remember, nougat is the glue in your relationship.

[flvegan]

82. But...but...it's a matter of respect...and noodly appendages.

I've not been touched by either...

I need a hug.

[Left Is Write]

86. ...

:hug:

[JVS]

248. How about a new section of GD called GD: anonymous chatter

[AngryAmish]

271. or GD: baseless slander

[johnnie]

31. It's a tough call

Without knowing all the information it is hard to give any kind of advice on what you should do. It also depends on to what extent the accusations against you were. You might think they are worse than they actually are. If it is something such as you stealing the money from the Boy scout troop at your church and 100s of people know about it, I doubt it will destroy your life. Or if you are the one who sold the brown acid at Woodstock, I'm sure people will get over it. Now, if you are Mark David Chapman or Charlie Manson, I have a feeling it might be a little harder to get people trusting you enough for you to make them a cheesecake.

Can it really be that bad?

[Temporary SockPuppet]

228. " Can it really be that bad?"

I think so, but I'm not certain.




I probably ought to be wearing a tinfoil helmet.

[GOPisEvil]

33. Would you rather your friends hear from you, or from someone else?

If your friends abandon you over these things, then were they really a friend to begin with?

[Blue-Jay]

36. deleted.

[LeftyMom]

38. If you don't tell your side nobody else will.

You know your situation well enough to know if it would be better to let the whole thing drop or stand up for yourself, we do not.

[rug]

43. I think this is a draft of Bush's resignation speech.

Somebody should move it to GDP.

[Wapsie B]

46. Here are Mr/Ms. T. S. posts

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=4583168#4583456

This is really strange.

[Left Is Write]

48. He or she apparently wanted to make enough posts...

to be able to start a thread.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

140. I had to put 10 there

Before I could start here.

[Left Is Write]

146. I understand.

[RevCheesehead]

54. Someone was spamming Retro's poetry thread today

in the same way. Not this person, though.

I sure would like confirmation from a mod on this story.

[GOPisEvil]

56. See post 55.

[GOPisEvil]

50. Asking for personal advice without any real information invites cynicism

and suspicion. For future reference.

[jpgray]

53. Yes--posting a vague bit of drama in the Lounge invites speculation

It was you! He who derides it surely supplied it.

x(

[GOPisEvil]

64. Oh HELL no...

...there's lots of deridin' going on here.

[Tab]

55. I will vouch that Skinner did approve it

Beyond that, Skinner provided no details, so presumably this is a very exceptional situation, and should be taken seriously and at face value.

- Tab

[Redstone]

69. What face value? That post is 95% gibberish.

Ah, screw it, I give up. I'm REALLY bowing out of this.

redstone

[Jamastiene]

283. I.am.just...

CONFRUSED. What's this all about? Was it something that happened to the person in real life or on DU? See what happens when I miss 5 days of DU. I get so far out of the loop, I get confused. It's bad to not be able to come on DU as much as I like to. *sigh*

[asthmaticeog]

60. *sniff sniff*

[FuzzySlippers]

62. Bullshit!!!

[MissB]

61. Honestly, I think it will be difficult to get friendly advice and support

while using a sock puppet. I'd be more inclined to provide those if I knew who I was talking to.

Don't take it personally if people give you a bad time in this post.

[jpgray]

65. He/she'll have to take it impersonally, since we've no idea who he/she is

I hope whoever's supposed to read the OP does. And yes, again we're just doing what Loungers do--the OP is too vague for me to even know what's going on with it.

[Name removed]

67. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[jpgray]

104. Hopefully my pearls of comedic genius are somewhere in the aether

:cry:

[ScreamingMeemie]

142. I'm a little angry. I had a valid beef with the allowance of a sockpuppet.

:( it's plain wrong.

[jpgray]

150. I ruin things for other people--it's what I do

I got my start ruining my parents' third date, for example. Took me nine months to do it. :D

[Temporary SockPuppet]

169. In retrospect, I'M surprised they allowed it.

It was a longshot. I think they took a while to discuss it.

[bertha katzenengel]

178. Maybe the mods are allowing this individual (if indeed it's one person)

to self-destruct. :shrug:

[jpgray]

195. That sounds a bit out of character for them

And incidentally, you could do worse for an adolescent fantasy than Marcia Brady. :thumbsup:

[bertha katzenengel]

202. heheh

that's awfully hard to imagine - i'd be embarrassed, if i weren't a child :blush:

you're sweet, jp :hug:

[AlienGirl]

70. The best advice I can give:

I have known people in similar situations: one chose to hide forever and has avoided seeking any publicity for some very interesting work he's been doing, instead giving his results to others to publish under their names; another decided to be open about it with his friends, and trust that the truth, and his actions since the time of the allegations, would eventually win out and clear his name.

Of the two, the one who chose to be open has been much more successful, and is generally a happier person. The one who has chosen to hide remains bitter and resentful that he can't get recognition he has earned; he turned down a relationship with a woman who would've made him happy because he feared her ex might bring it up in court; and he has pretty much shut his entire life down. The one who went with openness no longer lives in fear.

But YMMV, since I don't know what the accusations against you were.

Tucker

[Temporary SockPuppet]

179. Exactly the kind of thing I needed to know.

Thanks.

[uppityperson]

244. I agree here.

Do the right thing, take responsibility for your actions. It may be hard, it may be costly, but in the long run you can look at yourself in the mirror and be ok with it.

[ScreamingMeemie]

72. I would like to support you, but I don't know who you are. I lend support

to those who are straight with me. Wish I could help, but I've been drawn in before only to regret it. Best of luck.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

157. I might say the same.

I understand. Thank you for being civil.

[Redstone]

73. Colonel Mustard in the library, with the candlesticks.

Redstone

[Temporary SockPuppet]

187. Well, at least your cynicism is funny.

No hard feelings.

[Redstone]

240. Time to come clean. Or get the fuck out, and stop

annoying us with your vagueness and drama-queenzation.

Put up or shut up. It's time.

Redstone

[flvegan]

74. Okay, first you are only "fear's hostage" because you allow yourself to be

"Multiple felony convictions" seems extreme. However, since I'm unaware of the particulars, I'd say this...

Throw it out there. If you're right, then you're right. You want to live in the shame or shadow of these unfair accusations forever? You've got one life, Temporary Sockpuppet...live it.

I think that part of this issue is a big part of our problem as progressives...fear. Too many afraid to stand up. Too many afraid to fucking throw down. Well, dammit, fucking throw down.

Personally, I live with a VERY special checkmark next to my name on a number of lists, but I explain it away every time.

Stand up.

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

79. wow,

you really really really wanna know the backstory...

:hi:

[flvegan]

89. Hey

If you've got the backstory, I'd love to hear it.

BTW, didn't chime in before...I LOVE the new pic in the last thread. From the front, even...

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

94. I have no real idea

at first, I thought it was the Paddy/cuban liberal thing. But from his post below, he seems to be a member still...so I have no idea who it could be or what story this is :shrug: sorry

Thanks for the photo-love flvegan! and I thought you didn't like me anymore ;)

[flvegan]

102. I have NOTHING but big love for you MAHNY!

You are one of my faves here...

AND if/when the day comes that, well, you know, I'm calling you, buddy. You're hot!

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

108. ....

you've totally rendered me speechless

yea, the feelings are totally mutual (as if you couldn't tell :P) but damn...this made my '06 :bounce:

[flvegan]

116. Well, when I head back up north there

I hope I can stop by for a beer and a good time, okay?

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

118. door is always up

fuck yea...:D

[Left Is Write]

121. So does that mean I can stop by sometime too?

:evilgrin:

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

122. well duh! of course

the invitation is extended to you! :loveya:

Now the key is to time it so you both show up at the same time :evilgrin:

[flvegan]

137. Convince little miss

LeftyMom, who has obviously ruled "fun" out of my life now.
















hey, psst, mahny, our "secret" then, okay?

[flvegan]

125. Dear God...

as I kneel here before you, PLEASE allow me the opportunity to visit with MAHNY and Left Is Write in "that" way when I can. Please?

I mean...they're both...just...just...wow.

[LeftyMom]

127. no

-god

[Left Is Write]

130. ...

:rofl:

[flvegan]

132. Aw, c'mon...

It's MadAsHellNewYorker and Left Is Write.

Damn near family.

I never have any fun.

[LeftyMom]

134. Then invite me next time!

geez... :eyes:

[flvegan]

141. Okay, hold on...let's take a head count...

me, MadAsHellNewYorker, Left Is Write and LeftyMom?

Someone...please...send hydration. I'll need it.

Dear Penthouse Forum,

I never thought it would happen to me, but...

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

145. i am quite amiable to this situation

...very very very amiable to this...

:rofl:

[flvegan]

147. Someone, somewhere, wake me up!!!!!!

I'll be thinking about this all night.

[LeftyMom]

148. Well there go my evening plans

Thanks MAHNY, LIW. ;)

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

152. this made my evening

:D:D:D:D

[LeftyMom]

154. I'm gonna cry now. nt

[Temporary SockPuppet]

167. Sorry.

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

131. see response #122

:evilgrin:

[jpgray]

109. Yeah, well I have love and sherbert

Your move.

[flvegan]

120. First the nougat, then the sherbert...

Why...why do you ply me with such luxuries, then pull them back, like a 9th grader with a pass to www.nakedchicks.com?????

[jpgray]

124. I dated a vegan

I learned how to taunt early on in the relationship. :P

[Left Is Write]

126. Right below the previous line, I swore I thought that said

"I dated nougat."

[flvegan]

128. You minx!

[jpgray]

135. Are there male minxes?

I guess the species has to continue on somehow. But she was the real deal--since she read the same books I read, I knew she would get it when I marked the X-mas Jell-O I got from my Mom "Boxer." :D

[flvegan]

143. Was the jell-o gelatin free?

You had me at "books"...

[jpgray]

164. It was free of flavor and subtlety

But beyond that I couldn't say. x(

[Temporary SockPuppet]

98. Thank you.

It might be paranoia. I really hope I'm making far more of this than I actually should, but I've heard about it from so many people in so many places that I think it's spread all around the community and will come back to haunt me.

[Left Is Write]

103. Look at it this way...

If you've heard it from so many people in so many places, it can't come "back" to haunt you - it's there. It will haunt you if you let it - come clean with your friends about what happened. Your true friends will not abandon you.

As for business/career/political aspirations and slander of your name - talk to a lawyer. You might find it's much ado about nothing.

[flvegan]

112. Hey, look...maybe it is, but so what?

Kick it out there and deal with it. Would you rather try to stuff it into hiding, in the past, then have that shit come back and bite you?

Check the prophetic headlines if you need validation as to your answer.

Fear...the biggest problem in this country and with our politics. So afraid...so afraid of what someone else will say/show about "me" or my campaign. Fuck that. Grab it by it's handle, pull the damn pin, and lob it in the middle of discussion. Then, when they come at you, be ready. Smack 'em down if you can, take your medicine if you must.

[Blue Diadem]

77. I suspect that your situation had nothing to do with this MB

and since there is indication of seriousness to the rumors about you it's very hard to answer whether you should disclose them to your friends.

My suggestion is to talk this out with a therapist. They must keep your information confidential and perhaps can help you with the decision to tell your friends what you have been accused and found guilty of in the court of public/private gossip.

[supernova]

81. I think so too

And it makes me wonder why the OP wanted to post this in the first place, if we really aren't the intended audience. :shrug: Practicing for something?

[Radio_Lady]

107. To the OP -- I agree with the last two posters.

You may need to take it away from a message board and work with a third party (therapist, counselor, religious person or ???) to get some advice or help.

I wish you the best in this quest. I've been the subject of rumor and innuendo in a couple of very public positions I took. While I never physically assaulted anyone that I recall, I have been know to verbally assault persons in my younger years and as part of the "job description." Sometimes I don't even know I am doing it.

Forgive yourself and move on, would be my advice off the top of my head, unless there are some criminal or legal proceedings against you.

By the way, does this have to do with your own family? That's how I seem to see it. Families are very tough sometimes!

[Temporary SockPuppet]

215. My family doesn't know.

And I don't know whether or not they would believe me. We're not close.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

119. There are a lot of people here, and some have probably

Been in this situation themselves.

I don't personally know someone who is an expert on this, so I'm posting it here and seeing what the Lounge knows.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

80. Sorry, I stripped out too many details. More:

I was accused of physically assaulting vulnerable people.

Yes, I do post here, and no, I don't want you to know who I am. Come now, aren't Democrats just friendly people? ;)

In seriousness, I'm doing this because I'd like to draw from the experience of this community to see if I'm just being completely insane by thinking that it might help me to bring this up with people now.




EDIT: THAT'S ASSAULTING AND HARASSING vulnerable people.

[supernova]

84. Did you assault them?

Sorry, the OP is just too dense.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

91. No, but some apparently said I did.

Nothing was brought to me. I found out about it when other people confronted me, and some of the alleged victims were never identified to me.

[flvegan]

96. Have you been charged with a crime? Victims never identified...

sorta leaves a hole in it...

[supernova]

97. So what are you hoping to accomplish

with this thread? :shrug:

If you've been slandered, you should be talking to a lawyer.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

216. I'm here to ask people who have dealt with something similar

If trying to confront it at this point (years after the fact) is a bad idea and I should just let it drop.

[salin]

100. this would suggest

if this is a professional situation (as in, through the workplace), that complaints were lodged -and not pursued... as in - no foundation. If they were not raised - than they are just rumour (no documentation) - in which case there is probably cause for action on that point (per defamation, perhaps? not a lawyer)

[AlienGirl]

101. Do you still have contact with any of them?

[Temporary SockPuppet]

174. I live very near some of them, and moving isn't an option.

I pass them on the sidewalk sometimes.

[Ediacara]

246. speak with a lawyer

since you were never charged with anything, and the accusations are false. A lawyer can help you get a gag-order in place, and that can help the rumors stop at their source. I have had to deal with a similar work-related problem (though not as damaging as yours), and people generally stop lying when you start talking to lawyers. It won't stop all of the rumoring, but it will strike a blow.

And if people were to bring up the situation in a public venue, make note of the fact that had the supposed crimes actually taken place, you'd be in jail. Since no action was ever taken, it should be obvious that what they heard are rumors.

I know it's tough, and you will need the support of your friends. I would also urge you to see a therapist to help you "come out of the closet" as it were. It's hard, but you're not alone or helpless.

[AlienGirl]

85. Can the vulnerable people in question speak on your behalf?

If they can be witnesses to your innocence it may go a long way toward restoring your good name.

Tucker

[Temporary SockPuppet]

166. I don't think they would.

It would expose them as liars, and open them to defamation lawsuits.

[AlienGirl]

204. You might try to find out if they might, if you promised not to sue

Were they pressured into making the claims? If so, that can be pointed out to reduce the damage to their reputations.

Tucker

[Temporary SockPuppet]

I don't know if any of them were pressured.

I know that the most damaging one was not.

[salin]

254. any idea what the motivation was?

for this person to make the claim?

[flvegan]

87. Did you?

If so, why? If not, why are you being accused as such?

[Temporary SockPuppet]

225. No, I didn't.

Because I'm different, and because they can get away with it.

[jpgray]

88. I'm still mystified

And while my above comments aren't meant to be personal (they can't be; I don't know who you are), I think dropping this into a den of snarky asshats such as the Lounge might not have been the best way to get a read on how you should behave.

[NMDemDist2]

93. ROFL well, there is that........

:rofl:

[qnr]

105. Well, there are a lot of snarky asshats in real life too. We're all just

helping to provide a balanced picture of possible outcomes.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

214. Yup. n/t

[Temporary SockPuppet]

110. I know the lounge.

I'm pretty sure this is the place.

I knew it wouldn't go smoothly.

[jpgray]

168. Then why post this?

Just to stir up trouble and/or drama? Why not give us a chance rather than jerk us around?

[Temporary SockPuppet]

192. It's too easy to find me from my regular username.

And I know several DU'ers.

[jpgray]

197. Well I don't really know how to solve a real life whisper campaign

Especially when the accusations are as apparently severe as they are. If the charges are false and you have evidence of that, present it. If they're true, I can't help you. If they're false and you have no evidence, well--most people will judge you guilty without evidence depending on who they hear it from and what they think of that person. And that sucks, but I don't know how to fight it.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

208. It's my word against the alleged victims.

Guess who's winning?

[jpgray]

211. I'm still not sure what you're looking for in this thread

Advice? Support? A scene? I know if the admins approved this you must be in pretty good standing and you seem like a good sport to put up with all the nonsense so far in this thread, but I still am not seeing what you gain from this conversation.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

217. Some people here have dealt with similar situations,

And some have gone in both directions with it. I'm seeing what happened to them, and whether or not bringing this up with my friends is a bad idea.



How can I be a bad sport when I'm not even telling people who I am, and some of them are being really nice to me anyway?

[jpgray]

220. An anonymous bad sport is still a bad sport

So it's good for you that you aren't being one. Best of luck to you, and hopefully the people this thread was intended to net show up and offer their views.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

223. They have.

Thanks for the well-wishes.

[ScreamingMeemie]

199. You said this had nothing to do with DU. Do these people post on

DU as well? If not, then I cannot see where you would have anything to worry about. I read another post of yours that said you love to speak. Take this with you: Was Bill Clinton afraid to stand in front of those who accused him and open his mouth? Live your life. My father once told me. They can take everything from you but they cannot take your life.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

209. Well, some of them are pissed off liberals,

So maybe.

Chances are good that someone who knows them does.

[southlandshari]

258. It may be easier than you think to find you from your sock puppet name

As several people have pointed out, you have got to be pretty highly respected by the administrators of this board if they have allowed you to openly violate a rule that others have been warned and even banned for in order to post a very vague summary of a personal situation.

While vague, though, there are also details throughout this thread, not to mention your writing style, that make it easy to compare you to specific DUers under their regular user names. The thought that this would be a truly anonymous way to talk about yourself and your personal crisis may not have been grounded in reality.

I assume you don't want a public guessing game to begin over your "true" identity, though I have a good guess. That said, I respect our rules on civility here very much, so I don't post things that are intended to be malicious and hurtful to other DUers. Ever.

Again, good luck to you. It does seem clear that you have some difficult challenges ahead. I sincerely hope you are able to work through them with a positive outcome. Above all else, be strong. Take responsibility for whatever you have done and do not behave like a victim, or ask others to see you as one. A strong and positive offense is better than a weak and petulant defense every time.

:hug:

[JVS]

250. Hey, I'm not a snarky asshat. I'm a lovable rascal!

[hickman1937]

106. I wish I knew how to help.

I don't. I'm sorry.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

113. Thank you for your care. n/t

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

260. This doesn't make sense - how can we help you - seek a lawyer

The admins don't let people give medical advice so I'm surprised that they would allow this.

[Jamastiene]

288. I know. Michael Jackson.

Found innocent but permanently stained in some people's eyes. Don't worry about it. If you are innocent, you are innocent. If it comes up, stand up and say you are innocent in completely open terms. In other words, look whoever accuses you right in the eye and tell them you are innocent. Innocence usually does prevail in the end.

My situation is different but does involve reputation and how people view me in my hometown. I live in an area that is dominated by red voting types, the worst of the bunch too. I am out gay here and it really pisses some people off. I suffered for years with abuse and hate. Still do. I just live my life. I don't talk about it with hateful types. Only my therapist and some very compassionate DU'ers have a clue just how bad it has gotten for me over the years. I just live now. If it comes up, I just tell people my private life is none of their business.

Your situation sounds different, so in your case, maybe just try the direct and straight up approach of reiterating your innocence. Tell them to put up some evidence or shut up or else, lawyer time... That may help. Hope so.

I don't know who you are, but if you are Michael Jackson, please PM me. I have song lyrics you would sound great singing. I like your music a lot, genius, but maybe stay away from children so you can't be accused any more. Enjoy your life. I'm an adult who likes to play games and have fun too. I was never allowed to be a kid when I was a kid. I was always expected to be responsible and act right, whatever that means. Very strict upbringing. I can relate. Your music is great, btw. My favorite is still a toss up between Thriller and the Free Willy theme song. :hi: :D

If you are not Michael Jackson, well, the advice about keeping your innocence on the table, out in the open, and out in front of you still should work, I think. :shrug:

[swag]

83. Best wishes in all your endeavors.

[NMDemDist2]

90. with Tab and skinner backing you up I'll give this vague advice to your

vague post

Honestly is always better, fear breeds in the dark and shrivels in the light.

Fear is the mind numbing killer of all things good (just look at freepers for a vision of fear driven lives)

Courage is not the absence of fear, rather it is the action IN SPITE of the fear, so grab you ass and put it on the table, confront the rumors and (if necessary) hire an attorney

No other way to have any hope of a happy successful life. Period.

If you don't stand up for yourself who the hell will?

and finally, what would you do if this situation was happening to your best friend? your child? your spouse? I expect the answer is you'd come out fighting tooth and nail. So do the same for yourself and your reputation, you deserve it.


Just something to ponder, in the 12 step programs the ninth step tells you to make amends and admit your failings to others. What Alcoholics (and the many thousands of others who have practiced the 12 steps for one reason or another) mostly find is what they thought was a deep dark secret was known by their friends and families all along, only their fear had kept them in a prison of their own making.

Good luck.

[AlienGirl]

92. I'll second that

Attempting to cover up and hide it will only add to the perception that you have got something to hide.

Tell your story, before your enemies can be the ones to tell it...

Tucker

[NMDemDist2]

95. Hi AG!!!

:hi:

miss ya, miss me?

[AlienGirl]

99. I miss you too!

:hi: You should sign up next term again, the Mod Hot Tub just isn't the same without you!

[Temporary SockPuppet]

136. Thank you both.

[SOteric]

111. I know from my own personal experiences that gossip and rumour

can be incredibly destructive. I try not to judge people based on the things that others say about them. But I acknowledge that there are some folks whom, for whatever reason, I find it easier to trust; and others I find it easier to believe the worst about.

[jpgray]

115. I hope I don't make it too easy for you

But yeah, she's right--gossip and rumor always get blown way out of proportion in this place. It makes it disappointing when months later you hear what actually happened.

[johnnie]

133. Oh Oh

Now I'm going to be paranoid.

[jpgray]

144. If you're not the Nazi fugitive Borrman living in Peru

I'm going to be very disappointed

[johnnie]

149. Oh, well hell

If that is all that's been said... I'm good.

How did you know anyway :shrug:

[jpgray]

153. When I wanted to buy that microphone from you

Your sig on one of the PMs was "P.S. Death to the Jews." :D

(I still feel remotely bad that I didn't buy that from you. My bandmates are and were kind of assholes.)

[johnnie]

161. No problem

Don't feel bad about it. I'm glad now I didn't sell it. I got back on my feet a little bit and now I use it for all vocal recordings. I had another one, but it wasn't as good.

Don't worry about it. :thumbsup:

[caty]

114. 100 replies

and not one comment from Temporary SockPuppet. Just sayin'.....

[GOPisEvil]

117. Actually, there are several replies from him/her.

[caty]

210. You're right

missed them..

[NMDemDist2]

123. I count 7 plus the OP, what are you seeing? n/t

[MindLikeAParachute]

129. Some thoughts

Look, I don't know the specifics. I'm going to guess that you're accused of sexual assault, either against children or others who can't easily defend themselves (perhaps disabled, mentally or otherwise). I can't think of anything else that would carry such stigma.

Take $150 bucks and buy an hour with a lawyer. Ask them. They can tell you what your vulnerability is. When you hire them, you speak to them in confidence, and they can't tell anyone else. Maybe saying something opens you up to legal vulnerabilities. Maybe it doesn't.

Second, carrying secrets that eat at you can just devastate your life, sometimes more than if they were revealed. In such cases, I like to ask myself how I would feel if I went ahead and told people. Then I compare that to how I feel now (keeping it quiet). If you really would like to get it off your chest and you would feel relief, that's a big clue to what you would feel when you actually execute that decision.

Tactically, will it help to disclose early? I would say, ask your lawyer, but personally it would beat being afraid to run for office (or whatever) because of something in your past, and always having it hang over your head as "secret information someone might find out".

Secondly, if it's important for you to have a public image, then you will be limited in how far you go if you don't disclose, because you'll always be afraid some reporter will dig it up when you attempt to move further. If you DID commit those acts, you need to speak to a lawyer, and maybe you do want to keep it hushed, but if you did NOT, then you want to speak to a lawyer and see how to clear your name. Either way, I personally would not want to live the rest of my life with the spectre of that hanging over my head.

Beyond that, I'm not sure that I (or we) can help - we don't know the community you're in (city or small town), the extent of your public profile, if any, the public path you wish to pursue, the truth to the accusations, if any (I'll assume they're untrue, otherwise you wouldn't be posting anonymously, but who knows?), and the actual specific of the allegations.

MindLikeAParachute
(it only works if it's open)

[Temporary SockPuppet]

236. Thank you. n/t

[AlienGirl]

138. P.S. Are your initials M. J.? nt

[salin]

139. If this forum is any indication

per the quick decions to be suspicious despite the multiple statements that this post is approved by the admin., then I would suggest that many even who have not yet had any information - will be quick to assume the worst. In that case the only advice I can give is to consult with a lawyer about what you can do to defend yourself. Just talking, when a whispering campaign is going on in this age of cyncism, may not be enough.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

151. Assuming the worst seems to be what most people did.

My fear is everyone I know and everyone who might employ me assuming it's true because it's sordid.

[salin]

155. without knowing the situation

this would suggest all the more the importance of consulting with a lawyer to help you sort out your rights in light of such a situation; and in terms of protecting yourself. Good luck.

[jpgray]

156. Was this primarily a DU phenom? How did it spread into real life?

And if you want people to trust you and give you heartfelt advice, laying out your situation in vague terms under a pseudonym is definitely the hard way to go about it. To be honest, I still don't know enough about your situation to give you any advice.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

162. It had nothing to do with DU.

This thread has been helpful.

[AlienGirl]

158. I think they assumed the worst because you're hiding stuff

I think people here assumed the worst at least in part because you are hiding your identity. That, in many people's minds, makes you look like you think you're guilty, and that's exactly the psychological thing you'd be defusing with openness.

Tucker

[supernova]

171. Well, begging your pardon

Unless you're Bill Clinton or Michael Jackson, not everyone on the planet has heard of you.

I'm sure there are places where you could "start over." Otherwise, you're just going to have to bite the bullet and stare down your accusers where you live.

And again, consult a lawyer about slander or defamation of character. Those are legal terms, but I'm not a lawyer. You will have to take that up with them to see if you want to pursue that avenue to reclaim your good name.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

176. I'm outspoken.

This has scared me out of actually running for office by showing me how thin my skin is and how easily people will accept a juicy rumor about me.

[supernova]

180. Then don't run for office

there are plenty of ways to serve. Maybe elective office isn't for you. You probably have other talents that you could employ.


edti: Politics by it's very nature is dog eat dog. There isn't a country on the planet where this isn't so.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

186. I can't deal with it.

Speaking is one of my gifts, but I don't think it will be effective without reputation.




The whole "Bush is a good Christian man" thing shows that people will ignore a person's words and deeds if they don't match their perception.

[haele]

256. I had a less sordid similar situation...

Luckily, it could be solved with just doing my job, being aware of the rumor out there and if the indications that people were taking sides, eventually asking those who thought I had done what I was "accused of doing" why they would think I had done such a thing - if I still had my position and hadn't been kicked off the worksite jobs, how could this be true? I'd usually end up telling them my side (I had been accused of stealing tools the person lost because I figured out where he had left them, accused of being an unfair "racist and sexist" boss, and trying to get him fired when he couldn't finish the job he were tasked with) and that I had no idea why X (the person spreading rumors) had resorted to spreading rumors rather than taking up an HR case against me if I was as blatant as he claimed. The guy was eventually dug himself enough of a reputation as a screw-up pulling the same crap on other supervisors, so within a couple years, it became a joke and didn't matter.

However, this seems to be more serious. I'd check with a lawyer that specializes in workplace issues (especially slander and hostile workplaces) and find out what your rights and resources are. Especially if it's a matter of something you said to someone in the past who is now hostile to you that could be twisted and misconstrued against you.
It sounds to me that you might have a case for harassment, especially since you indicate that even if there may be a chance of a case against you, there is nothing that can be proven - but the rumor-mongers are still suggesting that you have committed a felony and have apparently got away with it.

The issue at hand is that the Law doesn't care if you're rumored to have committed and got away with a felony, you are still innocent until proven guilty, no matter what someone else wants to claim without evidence or even a paper-trail of abuse against you. If their rumor-mongering without evidence is affecting your ability to find and keep work, it might be something that requires adjudication should they continue this low-level harassment.

My two cents - hie thee to a lawyer. The lounge may be great for casual advise and snarkiness, but not for anything that can seriously affect your life.

And I hope you can get enough advise to retire your Sock Puppet before the end of the week.
(edited to clarify post, hard to type around two fat cats on one's lap)

Haele

[Wapsie B]

159. With Skinner vouching for you

you have my support but without actual hard facts and details I can only wish you well. The legal advice and counseling is one I would take if this is truly that serious.

[flvegan]

160. You, with admin's blessing, as a DUer, I STAND WITH YOU.

I've thought about it, and I stand with you.

Until such time as it's proven that you've done wrong, I stand with you.

Until such time as it's proven and that you've been convicted, I stand with you.

And until such time, that you can shake or loosen it's grip on you, I stand with you.

If/when you disclose the facts, I'll stand with you.

If you've done wrong, and standing accused, are found to be in the wrong, I'll ask for your redemption, BUT, until then...

I stand with you.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

172. That's generous.

Thank you.

[flvegan]

185. No, actually, it isn't. It's the attitude we should all put forth

Generous means going beyond what's asked and/or expected. To say that what I stated is generous is a testament to our problems.

I don't care who you are. If you have the blessing of those I respect, then you have mine, regardless. If Skinner, et al says you're cool here, then I got your back as much as I can.

Now, back into the fray with me. Time to throw down...

[Temporary SockPuppet]

206. No need to take up a fight for me here.

For one thing, the ribbing is funny, and I'll go back to my "secret identity" soon.

I'm getting some reasoned advice along with the jokes.

[flvegan]

212. I disagree.

I'll take up a fight for anyone that's on my side of the fence, as you are.

Like I said...I'll stand with you.

I'm all about the fight...

[ScreamingMeemie]

163. Why not open disclosure here? In thinking on this, not too many

people really know each other here, what would be the harm? My name in real life isn't REALLY MrsGrumpy...so therefore, when in trouble, I post about it here, as MrsGrumpy, when I am searching for advice. Just a thought. I'd feel freer to wade in if this wasn't so shrouded.

[jpgray]

165. So that's why my "Mrs. Grumpy c/o Wisconsin" letters were never answered

x(

[ScreamingMeemie]

203. Sorry. I should have been more clear about that.

My bad. :hi:

[Temporary SockPuppet]

170. It's very easy to find me from my real username.

[BlueIris]

175. I would have preferred to PM you with this, but get "no such user profile"

when I try to do so, so here goes: I'm sure it's an unpopular opinion for this thread so far, but if I were you, I wouldn't make an attempt to dispel the gossip. Especially if it is as widespread as you post, and flatly untrue. Attempting to "disprove" lies people have chosen to believe about you can actually (and in my experience, usually) make people more likely to believe those lies. Now, that doesn't mean I think you should let lies that could affect or are related to your employment record stand, but there may not be all that much you can do about that. If I were you, here's what I'd do: 1) thoroughly document your side of the story, describe how the gossip started and why it stuck, in your opinion, 2) speak with an attorney about what he or she thinks you can and should do if your would like to be gainfully employed in the future and 3) follow that attorney's advice about how to proceed. In my opinion, though, you simply shouldn't make an attempt to go around telling people you think or know believed the gossip that it "isn't true." That will likely make the situation worse. Which, if it is totally untrue, (and I'm not saying you're lying, I simply have no way of knowing if it is or not) means the people who believed it for absolutely no good reason aren't worth your time or energy to deal with anymore. Get away from them. Leave your state if you have to. Start your life over in a new field with more sane friends, neighbors and colleagues.

I don't mean for this to sound callous, but if this situation is about what I think it is--you are going to have to work in a different employment field in an entirely new state. I'm sorry you got so burned here, and it probably wasn't your fault at all, and there are ways for you to rebuild your life from this. If I were you, I would accept that soon, and get to work rebuilding. But legal professionals are the best people to advise you about how best to do that, not DU.

ETA: You can PM me about my response here if you want. It isn't meant to be unsupportive, just to encourage you to do what you can to lead a good life. Being "fear's hostage" is a terrible thing, but that doesn't mean you can necessarily stop being that hostage in the way that you want. Sometimes, our society just is that cruelly unfair.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

182. I hope it's not that way, but I fear it might be.

Liars suck.


This is exactly the kind of information I was looking for. Thank you.

[BlueIris]

193. Yeah. Racists suck, too. Again, you can PM me about this if you want.

I know you are not Bev Harris or any other banned former user of this website.

And as I forgot to emphasize above, don't despair until you've talked to at least one lawyer. I might be wrong about how severe the damage (unfortunately) is.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

198. Thank you. I'll get in touch with a lawyer on Tuesday.

As for PMing, I don't know how long this sockpuppet will be around, and I'm reluctant to use my regular username.

I'm either very sensible or extremely paranoid.

[BlueIris]

207. Well, for the record, I understand not wanting to identify yourself.

Getting accused of what you got accused of--especially if it occurred in the context I think it did for you--I can see how you would fear that users of this site would believe it, too.

ETA: Just saw post #174 about your not being able to move. That makes it even more important to get an attorney's advice about how to protect yourself and your employment history as best you can.

[NMMNG]

221. Definitely do all you can with your lawyer

And get the best one you can. I work with vulnerable populations myself and know how damaging a false accusation can be. Fortunately I've never fallen prey to one myself, but I have seen others lives put through hell because of them. You need to do everything you can to get your name cleared so the record shows the truth, and the lies do not follow you around your entire career.

[DS1]

177. Well poo

so much for bookmarking LeftyMom saying that I was exactly right :yoiks:

[southlandshari]

183. Do you have a brother-in-law?

:shrug:

This is a strange place to be asking advice about the circumstances you describe, which are hard to follow at best.

Best I can do is wish you good luck with whatever your problems are.

:)

[Temporary SockPuppet]

189. You wouldn't come here if you didn't know whether or not

You could talk about it with anyone who knows you?

[southlandshari]

194. If I was afraid to discuss it in private with my closest friends

I doubt I'd post it in the fun-n-games forum on a huge political message board, as an anonymous sock puppet, in vague terms, on Friday the 13th, and expect a whole hell of a lot of useful input.

But hey, it's your story, not mine. Again, I wish you luck with the issues and events that are haunting you.


:hi:

[Temporary SockPuppet]

201. Crap, I forgot what day it is.

I should have waited until tomorrow.

[southlandshari]

239. I think the date of this thread

is the least of the problems people are having with it.

I think NSMA has given excellent advice (several posts down) on some of the legal issues your choice to post this here could raise down the line.

I were you, I'd ask the admins who approved your sock puppet account and this thread itself to now ask mods to delete it. For your own good. It appears many here already have a good idea who you are, and your IP address can easily be matched to this account and your regular account, so I don't see the value in this whole faux subterfuge, anyway.

I hope you find the help you need, at any rate.

[Daisy Adair]

188. I am intrigued by this comment

"for thousands of people all across this state to hear and believe them"

:wtf: Literally thousands? Does that means thousands know about the accusations or thousands you'd have to disclose to?

[Temporary SockPuppet]

191. The rumors spread fast through big organizations

I think it's thousands, but in retrospect, there's about a 50% chance that I'm over blowing it.

Definitely upward of 400, and they're dispersed.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

190. Friend, Please Never Feel Disgrace At The Expense Of Others Wrongs

I can sense you are quite a decent person even from a short post. I am sorry this has been done to you but since it cannot be easily undone the best path is to first find the strength and conviction within yourself to look into your own eyes in the mirror and tell yourself that you know who you are, and no one can ever take that from you. Self-confidence, esteem and self-awareness are the foremost values you first need to have solidified before you tackle the rest. After that, you must trust that others who truly know you openly will only care about what they know and have seen from you, and will more than likely have sympathy for your situation rather than contempt towards you. You must trust in that. Those that turn and run, judge, or do not provide you with trust in your words are not too worthy of company to begin with. I acknowledge though that the risk of losing some of them may be hurtful, but time will heal that disappointment, as will the base of strength and conviction you built in yourself to always remind you that you are decent and worthy of respect. Never forget that.

As far as career goes, I think you are fearing it far more than necessary. There is no general reason why it would come up in initial employment procedures, and after being hired is doubtful you'd be dismissed on rumor alone upon which no charges were brought. I can understand your concern, but I would recommend applying where you can and working as hard as you can when there to make yourself valuable. I wouldn't sweat the rumors penetrating your employment, and if they day came when it did you can come back here for advice on crossing that bridge then.

Never let fear own you. Never let others intimidate you. Never lose pride in who and what you are for any reason. You will get through this. Remember, life is not possession nor count of friends and aquaintences. Life is merely breathing in and breathing out, and the rest is all perception. Perceive yourself as an incredible human being at all times and at all costs. One doesn't need hundreds of friends in life to attain happiness, they only need a handful. I would bet my bottom dollar that you already have that handful, that will be with you no matter what.

Fear not friend, things will work out. But do not torture your own existence by succumbing to the viciousness of others. Hold your head high, look into your own eyes and declare yourself honorable and incredible, and refuse to let anything stop you down your path.

And laugh. When anyone confronts you with the rumor as if it is real, simply laugh. You can follow it with a "oh that tired old rumor LOL I don't believe that's still around LOL" But just laugh. It is a more powerful weapon against deceit than you can ever imagine.

Be strong dear DU'er, always know that as long as the truth resides inside of you, you are all powerful.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

196. I'm learning to value myself.

And this situation is one of my biggest obstacles.

Thank you.

[flvegan]

200. Ch-ch-check it out...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=4584820&mesg_id=4585474

Value of oneself should never rest on the shoulders of another person.

[RevCheesehead]

205. If it's any help, I understand "rumor and innuendo."

I've had stuff dredged up from my previous appointments at churches, and learned - all too late - that the Bishop and Cabinet had already made up their minds about me, and my so-called "effectiveness for ministry."

I've made mistakes, and a few bad decisions (everyone does). But the whole damned thing did some major damage to my self-esteem, which wasn't that high to begin with.

About 2 years into my ministry, I began counseling to help me sort out my life, and to find better ways to deal with confrontation and downright nastiness that I encountered. I stayed with it for 5 years, until I finally decided I needed to make a break and start over in another conference.

But guess what? My profile was transferred to the new conference, and all those questions remained. And, I had someone maliciously use it against me ... someone I thought I could trust. I got placed on involuntary "spiritual leave," and was without an appointment for 3 months. During that time I was forced to have a psychological re-evaluation, and was expected to get counseling (and do some kind of "community service"). It was embarassing, humiliating, and awful.

That was three years ago. I still bear some of the scars; and I don't trust people in the administration of church business. But what I was able to do was to go about being the best pastor that I could, by loving people, by helping them heal from their pain - individual, and collective - and by openly sharing SOME of the details of what I've been through. But I didn't tell them right away... I needed to establish some level of trust first.

I would advise, first of all, that YOU need to come to terms with what has happened to you. No matter how offensively you've been treated, you need to be able to look at the situation objectively. Counseling is one of the best tools available. Please consider it.

Secondly, be sure to surround yourself with a community of love and support. A few close friends, relatives, people you know you can rely on. I suspect that you feel some affinity with DU - which is great - but it is no substitute for the kind of support you need in real life.

Finally, if you're a person of faith (and even if you're not), you need to find a way to work on forgiveness. That doesn't mean you approve of what was done to you... it means letting go of the power people have over you. A community of faith or clergyperson should be able to help you on that path.

Best of wishes to you, TSP. :hug:

[Temporary SockPuppet]

213. I've been burned by several of what I thought were loving communities

Before and after this.

What you describe happening to you is the kind of thing I'm afraid of.

I'm trying to do the best that I can, and I think that talking about this might make it easier to come to terms.

As for professional counseling, I don't trust a counselor to not assume that I'm guilty, break confidentiality, and try to play hero by turning me in. But then, some of my counselors have been insensitive pricks.

I brought it to DU because I figure that if there are this many people somewhere, some of them are bound to know something useful. The theory is holding.

I've always been very forgiving up to a point. Beyond that, I haven't really been tested.

Clergy have burned me too. It's a lot easier to maintain faith without a "faith community" full of some of the worst people I know.

[RevCheesehead]

218. It sounds to me like you don't trust anybody.

That's a tough way to go through life.

You can start over in a whole new place, yet your mistrust and suspicion is still going to follow you, until you decide to deal with the scars that you bear.

Look for a professionally credentialed counselor/therapist. Insist on confidentiality from the very beginning. If you don't like or trust the one assigned, find another. In all honesty, I don't see any other way of breaking free from the cycle.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

222. Honestly, I don't.

What I do is look at who's been good or loyal to me and then gamble that the best ones will continue.

[BlueIris]

219. Are you sure moving isn't an option?

I know it sounds extreme, but--frankly, there are some regions of the U.S. (of which my blue state happens to be one, in some ways) where people are just totally unreasonable, consumed by slavery to social stigma and predjudice toward "certain kinds of" (read: non-white, non-rich, non-straight) people and mean.

[AlienGirl]

224. For a counselor to do that would be illegal

There are some very specific instances where counselors must report their clients' illegal acts, but there has to be more to it than "someone is saying that I did this awful thing."

Tucker

[Temporary SockPuppet]

226. But if I make a confession, they're legally required to report it.

What if the counselor "mishears" me?

Or, has seen people lie about offenses, and in his/her professional opinion, I'm lying?

[AlienGirl]

229. Tape the sessions...also, see a lawyer first

I think that it would have to be a clear confession for a counselor to report it, but I'm not sure of the second possibility (the counselor thinking you're lying about your innocence). I think you probably need legal help first.

Tucker

[BlueIris]

230. Skip the counselor, go to the lawyer.

Protect yourself first.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

234. Lawyer Tuesday, Counselor Wednesday.

That's the plan.

[philosophie_en_rose]

238. I'm not sure that a report is required.

When you sign up with a professional counselor, he or she should tell you exactly what their confidentiality requirements are, as well as when they are compelled to disclose what you say.

If you want to speak with someone, just as if they must disclose past acts that might be considered criminal. Unless vulnerable people are currently in danger, they probably don't have a duty to disclose. In fact, they probably can't. But it depends.

Again, you can always call a legal advice line in your state for free to check.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

227. It isn't wise to post even anonymously about anything that can result

in multiple felony convictions.

There's a big difference between being motivated by fear and being motivated by sensibility. By your own admission it sounds as though the rumors against you are serious and whether true or untrue, you face multiple accusers.

By your own admission, you have two accounts on this site. One in which you post under your regular username and this one. Anything posted under either of those account names can be traced to your computer, your ISP, a work computer, and other computers to which you have access.

Anything you've posted under either user name can be brought into evidence in a criminal matter, whether those posts go to character, fact patterns in the case or frame of mind.

Anytime one has any possibility of charges pending, it is unwise to assume anonymity since you are really only anonymous to those of us who post here and not necessarily to law enforcement.

While you may not have posted anything specifically incriminating, your posts can and do speak to frame of mind and other relevant aspects of discovery in any criminal proceeding.

Beyond this, I really have nothing to offer you but felt you should take it into consideration.

It may not be a good thing to say to a person so enveloped with fear, but getting advice on issues where criminal charges CAN OR MAY be pending should really be pursued with legal professionals, not with people on the internet. Besides which, you do realize people can research your writing style and your posts under your other name (and as you said elsewhere) and can take that information and harass you further.

Frankly, this post was not a wise choice on your part not on the part of DU admin if criminal charges of a felony nature really are a possibility.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

232. I really don't know if there would be charges.

I think if there were going to be, there already would have been.

I knew the risk, but living with this over my head is killing me. This is my first step in getting out from under it.

I (foolishly) didn't realize it would cause such a stir.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

235. If the statute of limitations hasn't expired, you can't know

This isn't any step in getting out from under it. The only real step to getting out from under it is to detail WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, assess the damage done to you professionally in terms of dollars and cents as well as any diminuition of your character and take it to a lawyer.

[supernova]

268. I hope with you saying it, it'll stick NSMA

Several of us have told him/her to get a lawyer, but so far it's not registering.

Maybe you can persuade the OP.

[southlandshari]

237. Excellent info and insight, NSMA.

As usual.

:hug:

[philosophie_en_rose]

231. My advice: Don't spread their lies. If needed, tell your side.

Gossip is pernicious, especially in the workplace. One person can insinuate something to a second person, who spreads it as gospel. Some people like to waste time at work with mean-spirited gossip. It enables them to ignore that they aren't productive by displacing criticism.

I think that there is much more to your story that you're either able or willing to say. Are the nature of the allegations criminal? I can only imagine what kind of workplace gossip can lead your friends to leave you.

My advice is to consult an attorney. If someone lies about you and it hinders your ability to work, it might be cause for a lawsuit.

In addition, don't bother spreading their lies. Instead, I recommend telling your story. If you really need to tell your friends, let them know that former coworkers are lying about you. Explain the situation from your perspective. If it didn't happen, all you can do is explain whatever did happen from your perspective.

[Temporary SockPuppet]

233. Thank you. n/t

[Zenlitened]

241. Hmmm... is this username an anagram that offers us any clues?

O pecker pump strap toy?

A secret porky pump pot?

Smart pete puppy crook?

[Redneck Socialist]

242. OJ is that you?

Seriously WTF? You post anonymously about something or other that you where falsely accused of and you expect good advice. Ummmm, OK. :crazy:

[ForrestGump]

243. Are you George W Bush?

If not -- I confess to not really understanding what you are talking about (this is something you'd have in common with Georgie) -- i hope that you bring this to a better conclusion for yourself.

[swag]

245. Is this thread a MIHOP pretext for dismantling the Lounge?

Thought so.

[KitchenWitch]

249. ...

It's Osama bin Laden!

:eyes:

I have no patience for this. Sorry.

[In_The_Wind]

251. Your true friends will love you and support you in the future.

Finding peace within yourself is important.
Remember to be kind to yourself as you go gently forward causing no more harm than has already been done.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

252. You have nothing to explain...

In fact, an explanation would only help perpetuate the rumors.

You've done nothing wrong. You have neither been arrested nor convicted for the purported offenses. No real friend would pass judgement on you based on stories which may or may not be true.

If you take the time to figure out all the potential damage these rumors may or may not inflict on your personal and professional life, you will have wasted much precious present. Live NOW, and deal with whatever comes along as it comes along. It's what we all must do anyway, so there's no point in making the present miserable with these worries.

When you feel the fear creeping up on you again, take a deep breath, and get back into the moment. Please stop beating up on yourself...:hug:

[Midlodemocrat]

255. TS

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Gossip is a terrible thing and as you have demonstrated through your post, it can be ruinous.

I can't garner from your post how old you are, but at my advanced middle age, I wouldn't allow myself to be their victim any longer. Easier said than done, I recognize, especially if your life is just starting. Confronting the accusers might be your best bet, especially if their slander is having a negative effect. Slander IS illegal, they may need to be taught that.

Please stay strong and be well.

:hug: to you.

On edit: GOPisEvil says something very profound up thread. Your real friends will side with you. The others can get lost.

[CanuckAmok]

257. Yesterday I had my birthday, everyone wished me good luck...

...So I got up on the table

When I came back home
Everyone had left
Messages on my machine
I felt very clean
I felt very clean

I erased the messages on my machine
And the tape was clean
And the tape was clean

Then I made a telephone call
And I was mean
So I appologised
I felt obsene
I felt obsene

I brushed my teeth
The sink was dirty underneath
I could smell it
You could tell it
I saw my face in the mirror
I sprayed it and it was clearer
My expression showed smell
My expression showed smell

I went to the bedroom
And I fell asleep
In my dreams I was a creep
In my dreams I was a creep

And when I awoke
The first think I spoke was clean
I fired my assosiates and started anew

--- Crispin Glover

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

259. I have no idea what you're talkig about and thus have nothing to say other

than that this is the weirdest thing I've ever seen on DU.

[RandomKoolzip]

262. If by "weird," you mean hilariously stupid, then I'm in 100% agreement.

This person must be superpopular and cool to be able to get away with using a sockpuppet to elicit free legal advice with the sanction of the admins.

Is it Will Pitt, using an intentionally poor writing style?

[supernova]

264. Hmmm.

You gave me an idea, RKZ... :think:

[RandomKoolzip]

265. Which is?

[supernova]

267. Check your PM

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

269. I don't know but for the admins to waive the no sockpuppet rule for THIS

vaguery. It's beyond me.

[Capn Sunshine]

263. This has something to do with the animal A Schwarzenegger found

doesn't it.

[RandomKoolzip]

266. Oscar? Temporary Stinkpuppet abused and harrassed OSCAR?!

I will never stop being pissed off if that's the case. :bounce:

[radwriter0555]

274. OHMYGAWD HE'S the one who has *the* videotape of my WILD night

with Oscar! (I couldn't ________ right for a week).

I wondered where I'd left that.

oooooo there's gonna be trouble!!!!!

[NashVegas]

270. Alex Hamilton v Aaron Burr

A little historical reminder:

It's undisputed that Hamilton was talking smack about Burr at a dinner party, and that a newspaper report relayed this, and said that Hamilton's charges were so damaging that it couldn't be reprinted.

One of my history teachers told our class that Hamilton accused Burr of an incestuous relationship with his daughter, Theodesia, but I've never been able to find a source, or a replication of that rumor. I don't know if historians are aware of the rumor, and refrained from printing because they have no proof, I don't know if it never made it to print because it's so obsure and my teacher pulled it out of his ass.

I bring it up because I think it's a pretty good parallel. At least 20 kids (probably far more) were told that a former VP of the US was boinking his daughter, and no one's ever confirmed or refuted it, because no one ever directly addressed it.

Whatever it was that Hamilton said, he got away with it because, as historian Roger Kennedy wrote, Burr never tried to clear his name. In all of the things he was publicly accused of, Burr never left his own accounting or tried to get his side of the story out, and so people were left to come to their own conclusions. So the shit stuck.




The people who have falsely accused you have much more to fear from you than you have to fear from them.

Talk to a good lawyer about a defamation case. Unless the people involved are untouchable, eh. Gonna be tricky. One thing you can do is start talking to people and giving them your side of the story, and leave it to your accusers to do the challenging.

You can speak to your friends about the situation and be completely honest. Some may walk, some may be supportive. But if you aren't willing to fight to get your reputation back, you'll never get it. If you're content to stay on the sidelines for the rest of your life, this may be the route to go. If the only people whose opinion truly matters are those in your closer circle, it may be the way to go.

Best of luck.

[radwriter0555]

272. WRITE A BOOK! It's a great way to clear your name AND make a few

bucks!

Why not? Seriously, what do you have to lose?

An innocent person willingly and LOUDLY proclaims their innocence.

The guilty make excuses.

[I Have A Dream]

273. I had a similar situation happen in my family, and I personally never...

really knew what to think.

My sister married a man who seemed very nice. I met him at their wedding, and he seemed to be a nice, hard-working, normal man who loved my sister. My sister had 3 daughters at the time -- all were under 8 years old. Her husband had a 1-year old daughter and a 7-year old step-daughter. At the time that my sister and her new husband met, they were both married. After they both got divorced, they immediately got married. Immediately after that, her husband's ex-wife took him to court accusing him of sexually-abusing his step-daughter. The step-daughter was examined, and she had been sexually abused. However, she was around many men, including men who her mother was dating. After much money and time in court, my brother-in-law was found innocent of the charge. However, his ex-wife took her two daughters and went into hiding. (My sister said that the ex-wife really just wanted to move out of the state to be with another man.) I have no way of knowing what the abused child actually said, if anything, during the testimony.

However, I never really knew what to believe. With my whole heart, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I honestly had to admit to myself that I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving a young daughter (If I had one) alone with him.

My sister is no longer married to this man, and he never abused my nieces, but that could be because their father vowed that he would kill my sister's husband if he ever did anything to them, or it could be because he "learned his lesson" from what he went through in the first situation. Therefore, these things might have been strong deterrents to keep him from doing something to them that he might have otherwise. My ex-brother-in-law apparently was a changed man (not in a good way) after going through this situation. He couldn't hold a job, and really withdrew in many ways. The changes in him caused their marriage to fail.

I couldn't use my sister's trust in him to help me to believe in his innocence because I really didn't (and still don't) think that she has very good judgment. I know that she would not have put her daughters in any situation that she thought that they'd be harmed, but she has made many, many bad decisions in her life.

Therefore, I came out of this situation with a weak belief that he's innocent. However, if someone were to accuse him of something in the future, I'd be much more likely to believe that he did it than I would have if he had never been charged with the initial crime.

I'm not proud of the fact that this is what I feel. However, this IS the reality of what I feel, and I thought that it might be valuable to you. I've often felt really bad for my ex-brother-in-law, because, if he is indeed innocent, his life has been ruined.


I hope that you are able to find some way to truly, totally clear your good name. I can understand you living in fear. :hug:

[kittenwithmittens]

275. My advice

Is there a statute of limitations that may have expired?

My advice is to hold your head up high, and go confidently through life. If someone confronts you about it, tell them it's untrue, and that there is no proof, no prosecution, etc. If there are public records, see if you can get them expunged or ammended so that your side is represented. Talk to a lawyer about it.

When you run across the "bad" people on the street, don't show any weakness. Just nod at them in recognition in a neutral to slightly friendly way. Don't avert your eyes or shrink away with your head down. People who have prejudged you will be looking for any sign of guilty feelings on your part. Don't give them the satisfaction. If they show hostile looks or body language, just roll your eyes and keep on with your business. If they're too cowardly to confront you, screw them.

You don't sound like the type of personality who could handle the mudslinging of political campaigning.

[kittenwithmittens]

276. One more thing

Talk to your closest friends about it. You may lose some, but you'll find out who your real friends are. I was the object of a big drama once, and I lost nearly everyone who I thought was my friend. But those who did stand by me are dear friends for life. If you only have one or two dear close lifelong friends, you're doing OK.

[swag]

277. This thread is the absolute nadir of democraticunderground.com

in my experience.

I request a public explanation by the admins in an open thread.

Thanks.

[Call Me Wesley]

278. I've just finished reading the whole thread,

and yes, even I fully agree that this is the admins' board and they can do with it whatever they want, I'm not very fond of the idea that the rules aren't equal for everybody.

Pretty strange so far. :shrug:

[DS1]

279. I parse this as

"I don't trust you with knowing who I am or what my issues really are, but I might trust some of your advice. So be a good lounge tool and post it."

It's a fuck you/help me thread.

It stinks.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

280. EXACTLY - it's so disingenuous it makes me puke.

:puke:

[Call Me Wesley]

281. I agree.

If you have friends here, ask them via PM, call them, email them if you need to. Otherwise, hiding behind the 'I don't trust you with knowing who I am' is like being a stranger walking into a bar asking for free legal advice, etc.

It does stink and I think it distorts from the rules.

[DS1]

282. well stop right there because three people agreeing with me results in an

automatic subthread deletion. at least in this disaster

[Name removed]

285. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Call Me Wesley]

287. Thank you.

That's exactly what 'burned under my nails' (some German thing, I don't know if this translates) for the whole day since I saw this. Still, being a n00b somehow, I didn't post it. I saw the mods answers and the other mods answer, but the whole thing was never verified by an admin.

Like I said, it's the admins' board, but I'm not very fond if there are different rules for some for a reason we simple members can't understand. Still makes me :shrug:

Thank you! :hug: :hug: You rock!

[Spider Jerusalem]

284. Get plastic surgery, change your name, start a new career...

and move far, far away.

Seriously, from what you've said, it sounds as though you're either a) in the educational field, or b) a counsellor/therapist of some sort, and have been accused of sexual harassment and nonconsensual advances towards persons who are either juveniles or in some way emotionally damaged, with regards to whom you are in a position of implicit or explicit authority.

A few things you've said support this conclusion: stating you've been accused of harassing/traumatising 'vulnerable' people; stating that you have been traduced by the spread of rumours alleging same through some large organisation (a school district?); stating that these rumours had some currency among 'younger persons' at a 'former organisation'...a school you had formerly taught at before being moved on at your own request -- or, perhaps, by the school district? (As quite often the first instinct of schools faced with such a situation, true or not, is to limit liability and move a 'problem' teacher on to another school.) Even the fact that you say you're 'in another town' yet 'still have to deal with these people on a daily basis' supports this reading, as a large metropolitan school district may cover many municipalities.

If this is anywhere near the mark, then false accusations may carry as much weight with some people as any protestations of innocence on your part (people are generally ready to believe the worst. Remember the McMartin preschool case?). Any attempt to bring things into the open and confront your accusers, especially given the (vaguely stated) nature of the accusations, is necessarily going to lead to some people forming prejudicial opinions. Possibly even to you becoming radioactively tainted in your field and unable to get work. You have to be ready to accept that. It's a price you'll have to pay, and a weight you'll have to bear, regardless of how things turn out. You just have to ask yourself if the cost is less dear and the burden less heavy than what you currently have.

[WilliamPitt]

286. This is, bar none, the weirdest goddam thread I have ever seen

Puts Oscar in the shade.

[Jamastiene]

289. I just keep picturing someone who looks like that

little dog in the commercials who is really an actual sock puppet. I think sock puppet in computer-ese means something to do with a second screen name. I think it does anyhow. I wonder how it translates to DU though. The plot thickens. Wish I had BTVS's smiley for the suspenseful music playing.

[RevCheesehead]

293. woof.

[Thtwudbeme]

291. You're just jealous cause someone posted something more melodramatic

than you usually do.

;)

However, I was beginning to wonder if it was you.

Steph

[khashka]

290. Should you tell your friends? Yes.

They should hear it from you first and hear your side of the story first. Your honesty and willingness to be upfront with them will make them more likely to believe you than if they hear the accusations and you later deny it. It will show you have nothing to hide.

I know of a case among some friends of mine that is similar (although not as serious as yours apparently is). In this case, my friends believe the woman but feel betrayed that she hid it from them. It's put a serious strain on their friendship.

As for the rest of it, I don't know. But you should definitely consider consulting a lawyer to find out what recourse you have and how you can protect yourself.

Good luck :)

Khash.

[LaurenG]

292. If you are innocent

act like it. Stop hanging your head in fear and shame. If you were set up tell the world and name names. There are consequences to EVERYTHING in life. They are good sometimes and bad others. Don't be a coward. The world already has too many of those. For the love of pete, stand up for yourself and stop living a life of hell. eom

[terrya]

294. Locking

This thread has gotten a bit off track....