Why I am a lesbian.

[bertha katzenengel]

I was born in 1963, and when "The Brady Bunch" hit (like shit on a fan) I was six years old. We watched the show every Friday night. In fact, it was the nearest thing to a tradition we ever had in the houses where I grew up: girls on the floor with bowls of popcorn or Jello 1-2-3, ready for "Friday night TV" -- which at one point was

The Brady Bunch
The Partridge Family
The Odd Couple
Room 222
Love, American Style

I don't know whether it's a blessing or a curse, knowing I'll never forget those Friday nights. But such introspection has nothing to do with the tale of why I'm a lesbian.

Remember the three episodes where the Bradys went to Hawaii? Now call to mind the surfing episode, that centered on the evil little tiki.

Poor Greg. He didn't know the tiki was evil. He thought it was cool so he hung it around his neck and went surfing.

Jan & Marcia knew. They saw him out there on the waves, and saw the tiki, and were worried sick.

But Greg was a big strong guy. Virile and handsome. Look at that manly chest, and he's all wet, out there hanging ten...

And then there were Marcia and Jan, long blonde hair perfect out there on the hot beach, cute little bathing suits, jumping up and down shrieking for their big brother to be careful...

I was completely wrapped up in the danger, watching these good looking people, active, athletic, half dressed....

Cut back to Greg, oblivious of the danger, knowing only that the chicks are digging him.

Back to his sisters on the beach, in their cute bathing suits, nervous and crazed with worry!

Greg, so hot on that board...

Marcia & Jan... cool bathing suits...

ZZZT!! The power went out! I heard voices around -- my sisters dazed for a second, wondering what happened, my mother bitching, my stepfather bitching louder, getting up to see after the circuit breaker --

and all I saw was this image burned into my head, of two blonde older girls, in their bathing suits... and being aware of this very strong, strange feeling the whole scene had given me, a kinda tickly weird feeling in my stomach. And when the power went back on, and through the rest of the TV night, and laying awake in bed, and when I woke up... it was all I could think about. Those two girls.

So that's why I am a lesbian. Because the power went out during an episode of "The Brady Bunch."

[britpopper]

1. That;s hot...

I can't stand up...

[GOPisEvil]

2. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia

Come on, you knew it was coming. ;)

I might be straight because of the same episode. Who knows? :D

[bigwillq]

3. Sorry but that's not why you're a lesbian.

You were born this way. Me too! :hi:

[Daisy Adair]

4. But what a WONDERFUL story beautifully written!

[bertha katzenengel]

8. why, thank you, Daisy...

:blush:

[bigwillq]

11. It was a very good story!

I rather enjoyed it! :hi:

[Left Is Write]

5. You were born a lesbian?

:D

[LeftyMom]

6. You're a lesbian?

I had no idea. :rofl:

[bertha katzenengel]

7. Oh, Big Will...

when I tell that tale IRL it gets howls... maybe I told it too seriously here. ;)

:hi:

[Left Is Write]

10. I liked it!

I believe I read it in the spirit in which it was intended. :)

(I remember that Friday night lineup myself, though I wasn't allowed to stay up and watch Love American Style.)

[bertha katzenengel]

21. I'm so glad.

...and I always figured you were younger than me. Or maybe you just had better parents. ;)

[Left Is Write]

24. I was born in 1966...

I was definitely not old enough for Love American Style. :) (Nor The Odd Couple or Room 222, come to think of it...) I remember Mary Tyler Moore and Bob Newhart on Saturday nights too.

[bertha katzenengel]

26. I never watched those except in re-runs.

Did you ever see the final episode of "Newhart" - the one that was set in Vermont? :rofl:

[Left Is Write]

28. Yep!

I thought it was pretty funny.

My dad used to have a little crush on Suzanne Pleshette.

[bertha katzenengel]

29. i love her voice

:bounce:

[bigwillq]

14. I thought it was a great story!

Really. I liked it. But come on, you know that that's not why you are a lesbian. It is though probably the first time you "discovered" that you were one! :hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

23. Of COURSE I know it's not why I'm a lesbian, silly!

I'm a lesbian because I love cats, hate to dress in really fancy "girl" clothes, refuse to wear makeup, like my hair very short, wear baseball caps, and play ball better than any man who ever called me a dyke. :bounce:

[sundog]

9. ((((bigwillq))))

i was also born a lesbian :grouphug:

[bigwillq]

15. LOL!

:hug:

[struggle4progress]

12. Yeah, I've always wanted to try that line. Let me know if it works.

[bigwillq]

16. What line?

:shrug:

[Misunderestimator]

39. I knew it... you're one of those soft butches, aren't you, will?

[bigwillq]

40. LOL!

:)

I consider my self to be butch and yeah I'm a softie! :hi:

[BigMcLargehuge]

13. Bertha, baby, this one is for you :)

"Jan Brady" (available at the iTunes music store!)
by The Lunachicks

I am Jan Brady,
and you must believe that
or forever perish in your doubt
I am the soul embodiment of Jan,
and I exist to serve the Brady alter
for I have become one with another soul,
and I have no need for others!

(Chorus)

Jan Brady has returned
took over my soul and body
then the hairstyle flew up all by itself
never to be changed
I am Jan, Jan I am
I like to eat green eggs and ham

so now you must believe and worship me
or else a lost soul you will be
I pick up my lunch from Alice our house keeper
I go to school with my Brady brothers
we live in the same house
but we come from different mothers!

(Chorus)

I know I cracked the family picture with my bike
I was'nt wearing my glasses
but I fixed everything with a bat of my eye lashes
with my wig, I'll be a smash
polyester plaid bell bottoms,
I ain't no TRASH!!!!

(Chorus)


This was one of the all time best concerts I ever attended.

[bertha katzenengel]

19. that photo is extremely disturbing -

dig the lyrics, though! Thanks, Big :hi:

[hobo_baggins]

17. The Tabu Tabu idol

I have a coffee mug with it on there.

[Blue-Jay]

18. That's weird.

I'm a hetero because of an episode of Sigmund & The Sea Monsters. Johnny Whitaker caused me to think that boys are icky.

[bertha katzenengel]

20. I'm sure he had that effect on a lot of people.

:shudder:

[Blue-Jay]

22. Probably.

Burp & Slurp were strangely attractive, however.


:shrug:

[Oeditpus Rex]

25. THAT'S IT!!!

That's who LIW reminds me of!

No, not Johnny Whitaker. Kathy Garver, his older sister, Cissy, on "Family Affair."

Man, this has been buggin' me for months!

Exhibit A:



Exhibit B:

[eyepaddle]

27. Whoa.

should we send a PM? Alert the Media?

That is a bit of a resemblance isn't it?

[Oeditpus Rex]

33. Wonder if I should post it in its own thread

The whole Lounge oughta see this. It's HUGH!!!!111

[bettyellen]

30. This is a lesbian urban legend.....

i read this same story in penthouse letters, except it
it was not the brady bunch, and jan brady, it was Room 222, and karen valentine.
or the boy version, with batman, and adam west.

[bertha katzenengel]

31. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

:cry: Oh, I know you meant to be funny, but :cry: this is a true story.

:cry: Don't believe bettyellen, folks! Lies, all lies! :cry:

:hi:

[bettyellen]

35. i fixed the photo bertha, now tell me you didn't love karen valentine.

don't worry i won't tell marsha.
:hi:

[ScreamingMeemie]

32. Oh My! As simple as that...

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[bertha katzenengel]

34. Yep!

Thank you, thank you... feel free to forward to the New Yorker...

[NMMNG]

36. I'm a lesbian because I was born that way

I started noticing I was "different" from the norm well before I knew what gay/lesbian was because I always had interests in female stars rather than male stars. Two of my favorite shows were Little House on the Prarie and repeats of Lost in Space. I found Angela Cartwright, "Penny", and Melissa Sue Anderson, "Mary" of particular interest. In my teenage years I would have a crush on Justine Bateman of Family Ties.





Now I've graduated to lovelies like Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sheryl Lee and Kate Winslet.









That's not to say I don't have "real life" interests, of course. :evilgrin:

[Richard Steele]

37. That's a new one. All my lesbian friends (our age) credit Lynda Carter.

The Brady Bunch?
You must have had a VERY independent outlook, right from the day you were born.

I have never met anyone who even MENTIONED the Brady Bunch
in regards to their 'sexual awakening'.

[bertha katzenengel]

38. You know what I love about Lynda Carter in that costume?

You can tell that she did not wear a push-up bra. Now, maybe she's too gifted -- maybe a push-up bra would've been a bad idea. But it's nice to see a woman with a lovely body in a costume like that, and that her parts are just allowed to be. She's thin, but not "model perfect" :eyes:, and it seems that if a woman with that same body type were cast in that same part with the same costume today, you'd better believe four or five make-up & costume people would be screaming "we can't just let her GO like that! Look at that SAG! Oh, my god, get over here...."

I'm rambling and don't know how to make my point. Do you see it?

[YellowRubberDuckie]

41. Bertha, you tell the best stories...

And I love you. That's the best reason I've ever heard as to why someone was a lesbian. EVER!
Duckie