Road Trip: Day 2

[XemaSab]

Yesterday Buffy, KitchenWitch, Robeson, JVS, and Faux pas embarked on their road trip in a pink 1968 VW bus from Spokane, WA to Washington DC to go talk to Resident Bush.

The first part of the trip was a bit tense, with much bickering over the paint color of the van, but after Oeditpus was picked up hitchhiking along the side of the freeway outside Couer D'Alene, the trip began to improve. Once the discovery was made of 35 pounds of sticky bud inside the spare tire, JVS got incredibly baked and settled down in the front passenger seat, while Robeson, Buffy, and Kitchen Witch started a three-way snog-fest on the back seat.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x4581619

(And if you'd like to join our merry crew, just pull the van over and get on board!)

The clear weather of day one of the trip was just a memory. Halfway across Idaho, the rain started in earnest. The van was like a submarine, plumbing the depths of what seemed an ocean of water outside. Our merry crew had a hearty breakfast of slim jims and cheetos, but by lunch the group consesus was that a hot meal was needed. JVS was feeling the after-affects from Oeditpus' bottle of ether, and Robeson's food poisoning had entirely cleared up, leaving him with the appetite of a young polar bear.

In a small town in rural Idaho, the crew found a diner that looked like the set from a wanna-be-David Lynch student film. The waitress had the largest teeth of any woman Buffy had ever seen, and the whole place smelled strongly of goats. Once our merry crew was settled snugly into a booth:

(you decide what comes next!)

[NMMNG]

1. "Would you like to hear about our specials?"

Asked the waitress, whose nametag read 'Irene'. "We don't have any" she immediately followed with a cackle which reverberated throughout the restaurant.




The group surveyed the battered menus hoping to find something remotely edible in this increasingly frightening eatery. KitchenWitch and JVS settled on the Two-egg Breakfast, Robeson the Lumberjack Plate and Faux pas the Meat Eaters Delight. Buffy ordered a side of hash browns and some toast. Once the coffee was poured and Irene left to put their orders in, everyone began to discuss the odd little diner.

[XemaSab]

5. The whole diner was decorated in avocado green, harvest gold,

and brown. The formica tabletop was sticky with the residue of generations of syrup-related accidents. The sugar packets in the small ceramic holder were all stuck together, and the water tasted like sulphur.

When their meals came, they all fell to with gusto, until JVS found something strangely chewy in his eggs. Upon inspection, the chewy item turned out to be a fragment from a "Offroaders for Bush" sticker. After that, the meals were eaten with much less enthusiasm, with each bite carefully inspected first.

As Faux pas was calling Irene over for a 4th coffee refill,

[NMMNG]

6. Their meal finished, they paid the check

Everyone visited the restrooms before leaving, and the experience left their stomachs churning. x( It was obvious those places had not seen a cleaning crew for months, if not years.

Once back on the road XemaSab, while driving, educated the group on the variety of birds native to the area they were driving through. While she was talking, the others passed around the Audubon Society bird guide XemaSab always had handy. Whenever they saw a bird XemaSab would tell them what it was so they'd be able to recognize it in the future. This kept everyone entertained for a while.

Then JVS rolled another joint and passed it around to Buffy, Faux pas and Robeson, who partook with great gusto. :smoke: This induced a munchie attack and the resulting death of yet another bag of Cheetos.

While still under the influence, the gang engaged in a game of truth-or-dare. Needless to say this led to many laughs, and many shocking confessions. :o

[XemaSab]

7. During the game, it emerged that KitchenWitch

has once had a torrid affair with a Bosnian army officer, and Robeson once spent a week in the hospital in Guatemala after an ill-fated toad-licking experiment.

When it was Oeditpus's turn, he turned to XemaSab (who had been asleep under the pile of stakes the whole time), and said "Truth or Dare."

XemaSab responded:

[JVS]

9. XemaSab responded "Dare"

Oeditpus dared her to post her senior picture in the DU lounge

[XemaSab]

12. XemaSab agreed that she would post her senior picture

at the very first cyber cafe or wifi hotspot in Utah.

It was then XemaSab's turn to ask the question. She looked around the group with a rapacious gaze.

"Robeson!" she stated in a commanding voice. "Truth or dare?"

Robeson gulped, clearly frightened. Finally he gasped "Truth!" taking care not to meet the eye of anyone in the bus.

[WindRavenX]

8. A few hours on the road, the crew came across a woman trying to hitchhike

She was short and had spikey tawny hair, with a grin that glinted sharp teeth. Yet there was an air of friendliness about her, they could see.
That and the trail of pot smoke that seemed to trail behind her steps.
"Word" she said as she accepted a ride (and a draw from the passed joint). "Where are you guys headed? I'm a long way from home...I'm supposed to be in NYC."

Puzzled, XemaSab looked the newcomer over.
"Why the hell are you so far from the city?"

The stranger looked up from the cloud of smoke. "Well, to be honest, I'm looking for someone."

"Who?" JVS inquired as he shifted.

"My boyfriend. We got so high...well, I think I lost him."

"No cell phone?" Asked Buffy.

"No cell phone." The stranger replied.

"Well...that's a bit weird. What's your name?" Xema asked.

"WindRavenX."

"Hmm...well, stick with us. Maybe we'll find him."

"I hope so," WindRavenX said. "Coz hell if I know where he is."

"Yeah coz, we're like 2 thousand miles away."

"Yeah, and there's a problem," WRX said.

"Waht's that?"

"My boyfriend...he's Mormon."

The car skidded to a halt as the brakes were stepped on.

"He's a WHAT?"

[XemaSab]

10. "Mormon, eh?" said JVS, as the rest of the crew stared blankly into the

abyss of their souls.

"Yeah," said WindRavenX. "Would you be cool with going to Utah to look for him? You know, it's the reddest of the red states, but I bet we could cause a stir there."

After a hurried consultation of the map, it was decided that the group would go to Utah on the way east, on one condition: that the remainder of the cash be spent on hard liquor before leaving Idaho.

[NMMNG]

11. Suddenly Buffy's eybrows shot up

"Well, he's welcome here on one condition."

"What's that?" WRX asked.

"If he begins proselytizing" Buffy said, .

[EstimatedProphet]

2. I called their cell phone to remind them

to pick me up when they get to Ohio.

[XemaSab]

3. Word

(but there's no reason why you shouldn't be in a diner in Idaho. Why was Oeditpus hitchhiking in Couer D'Alene? The world may never know.)

[EstimatedProphet]

4. Good point, but I'm wrapped up right now-gotta finish my novel

I'll wait until they get to Ohio, and check in with them occasionally by cell phone.

[Oeditpus Rex]

13. It *was* something of a mystery

Quizzical looks had been exchanged in the cramped Microbus since Kellogg. Who was this guy, anyway?

Tall. Thin. Hair to his shoulders and a beard to match, punctuated with slivers of gray. Wire-rimmed, tortoise-shell glasses. He didn't seem the type to be hitchhiking in Marin County, much less on the edge of the Bitterroot Mountains.

Buffy's curiosity finally got the best of her...

[JVS]

14. She asked if he would remove his pants so she could get a better...

look at him.

[XemaSab]

15. Oeditpus screamed and hastily shifted seats with XemaSab,

but from the looks on the faces of some of our travellers, they wished that they'd been the ones asked.

But before the tears began, there came a loud knocking sound from the engine of the van.

[JVS]

16. Flames shot from the overburdened small engine in the back of the van...

and our travelers scrambled out of the vehicle.

[XemaSab]

17. They stood there in stunned dismay as the once gay pink van

became a charred husk by the side of the freeway. Before the vehicle succumbed to the flames, Faux pas screamed "Wait!" and quickly detached the spare tire containing all the weed from the front of the van. She was heartily congratulated for this deft act by one and all.

"Stay here," KitchenWitch said, as she attempted to flag down a passing motorist. Finally she got into the car of some passing jazz musicians. Our crew found shelter from the rain under a stand of conifers, and regaled themselves with more of the weed. The jar of ether, alas, was no more.

"We'll never get to Utah now!" moaned WindRavenX between frantic puffs on the pipe, which had gone out in the rain.

KitchenWitch was gone for what seemed like hours. When she finally arrived it was late in the day, and she was driving a gleaming black:

[JVS]

18. Hummer Limo!

[XemaSab]

19. And what a Hummer Limo it was!

It even had a gun rack with a giant BB gun in it. "For varmints!" KitchenWitch said authoritatively.

Oeditpus looked doubtful, but everyone else piled in eagerly. "What's wrong, Oeditpus?" asked Faux pas.

"Well," said Oeditpus, "I'm afraid that any women who see me even riding in this thing will think... poorly of me."

Buffy's eyes widened, but KitchenWitch looked thoughtful. "I suppose you're right," she said. "How can we modify the Hummer to show the world we are people who are secure in their sexuality?"

[wildhorses]

20. this is hilarious

and I have a half a mind to recommend it for greatest