Road Trip: Day 3. KitchenWitch and the Hummer.

[XemaSab]

Yesterday Buffy, KitchenWitch, Robeson, JVS, Faux pas, Oeditpus Rex, and XemaSab headed further east deep into the heart of Idaho. After a very greasy meal, they got back on the road only to find WindRavenX, who had misplaced her Mormon boyfriend. WindRavenX convinced our team to take a detour through Utah on the way to Washington DC, where they intended to find and speak with the Chimperor. Shortly after they began heading south, their pink 1968 VW bus burst into flames. The only thing salvaged from the wreckage was the spare tire filled with 34 pounds of sticky buds. KitchenWitch left the crew by the side of the freeway in the rain, only to return hours later with a Hummer limo.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x4586074#4586587

What was Oeditpus doing hitchhiking at the base of the Bitterroot Mountains?
Will WindRavenX ever find her Mormon boyfriend?
Where did Kitchen Witch get the Hummer from?
Will Buffy ever get satisfaction?
How did Xema manage to go unnoticed under a pile of stakes for the first 30 hours of the trip?
Will JVS ever replace the bottle of ether lost in the van fire?
Who was this shadowy figure known as Faux pas?
Will Robeson get car sick again?
And will our crew survive a trip in the Hummer with their liberalism and masculinity (where applicable)intact???

Find out TONIGHT!

(And if you want to join in the fun, just pull the Hummer over and get in!)

[Crazy Guggenheim]

1. ..........

:popcorn: :popcorn:

[DainBramaged]

2. Ok, I pulled it over, what should I do with it?

[JVS]

3. Paint STEELERS in across the doors in yellow!

[XemaSab]

4. As they crossed the border into Utah, the weather began to clear.

Soon, the sky was blue and cold and the desert hills stretched out endlessly to the horizon.

The Hummer rolled steadily south, crushing tumbleweeds and unlucky snakes in its path.

About 50 miles south of the border, all seemed copacetic. Everyone was smoking weed and eating newly purchased Funions and frozen Snickers bars. The CD player was blasting "Out of Time" by REM, and everything seemed perfect.

Then JVS, who was driving, said "Uhoh, we've got a problem." He deftly turned down the music and unrolled the windows to let out some of the marijuana smoke.

He pulled over to the side of the freeway, followed closely by a Utah state trooper. The policeman looked like a Village Person. His skin tight pants showed off quads like bridge cables. His uniform shirt unbuttoned at the neck revealed a gold chain nestled in thick chest hair. His face was chiseled, with a full handlebar mustache and eyes hidden behind mirror shades.

"I'm Officer DainBramaged," he said.

[JVS]

5. Cold sweat ran down JVS' neck. He knew that this could be the moment...

that Agent Mike finally got him in his clutches. He subtly slipped his left hand into his pocket and grasped the hand-grenade that he had been taught to keep for such emergencies ever since he had been a small child. He fingered the pin. "What seems to be the problem, sir?" he asked the policeman.

[XemaSab]

7. "Did you know that the lamp over your license plate is burned out?"

the officer said.

"N...no Sir, I wasn't aware of that," JVS gasped.

"You are aware that this is a crime punishable by execution by firing squad in the state of Utah?"

JVS's bowels loosened slightly. "No sir, I was not aware of that," he whimpered.

Officer DainBramaged stiffened perceptibly. His nostrils flared. He began sniffing the air like a wolf.

"Are you transporting any illicit subtances in this vehicle?" he snarled.

[JVS]

8. "Of course not. We're responsible people. I'll have KitchenWitch...

who's vehicle this is in the first place, take care of the light at the next gas station. Thanks for pointing this malfunction out to us before it got us all killed" JVS said.

[XemaSab]

12. Officer DainBramaged shifted uneasily in his shiny black leather boots.

"Do you mind if I search the vehicle?" he asked.

JVS quickly responded "We're American citizens and we know our..." but before he could finish the sentence, a very stoned Robeson said "We don't mind at all, officer!"

Officer DainBramaged gave a smirk of triumph. He asked everyone to step out of the vehicle. Once everyone was out of the vehicle, he zeroed right in on the tire containing the stash. "What's in here?" he asked with a knowing leer. Before anyone could respond, he reached his hand in and pulled out baggie after baggie of herb.

"You get HIGH with this stuff?" he asked, as his hand moved towards his radio.

Before he could call for backup, Buffy and WindRavenX jumped on him, quickly tied him up, and threw him in the back of the Hummer.

[Omphaloskepsis]

6. They found a skinny dehydrated guy that goes by omph..

He was drinking the salt water in the big lake. He mumbled something about The Temple (and screamed "Hayduke Lives"). And something about the kick ass mall right down the street from the Temple. He was fed babyfood for a few hours. He is now healthy thanks to the kindness of his founders. Now he has the strange urge to marry. Over and over again.

[XemaSab]

9. Buffy wanted to bring the newcomer along,

but XemaSab, who was still wearing the wrinkled Catholic school uniform she'd been wearing since the fire in the van, balked.

"Let's fight for it!" XemaSab said, gesturing towards Buffy with a hand motion that clearly said "bring it on!"

[madeline_con]

10. Where are the 34 lbs. of sticky buds? n/t

[XemaSab]

11. In the spare tire on the back seat next to Robeson.

But officer DainBramaged doesn't know that. :P