Best standup comic

[Initech]

Not really a parody thread - so who do you think is the best from this list?

[bicentennial_baby]

1. Hicks

:thumbsup:

[Beware the Beast Man]

2. Patton Oswalt!

Great observational humor from a guy who's watched way too much TV and film.

[Initech]

3. Does he have any albums out?

[Beware the Beast Man]

4. Yes- "Feelin' Kinda Patton."

It's comic gold:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0002BO0WG/qid=1137447100/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/102-7937080-1947318?s=music&v=glance&n=5174

[djeseru]

5. ESPN - Robert Evans.

I literally screamed with laughter.

I love Bill Hicks, but he doesn't do it for me like Patton does, with his "flagon of chuckles."

[Beware the Beast Man]

7. "Loretta Swit had a bush you could hide a VCR in."

"Are we still taping?"

:rofl:

[djeseru]

12. "Quit your bellyachin', Buck Rogers..."

"...it's only a diver's watch."

:rofl:

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

9. He gets my nom too...

I'm completely addicted.

"Stella Doro Breakfast Treats. Snacktime anytime."

I love Bill Hicks too but honestly I find myself laughing at Oswalt more....

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

10. Downloadable on iTunes too...(nt)

[Initech]

16. Sweet, that's going on my list of albums to buy!

I love good standup.

[eyepaddle]

8. I'm with you on Patton! nt

[Richard Steele]

21. PATTON!

My Patton Oswalt thread from yesterday got deleted...
why anyone could possibly object to a thread titled
"THE HUMAN RECTUM IS ALMOST NIGHTMARISHLY ELASTIC!!!"
is beyond me!
I guess some people don't like Rubix Cube jokes?
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Patton is almost NIGHTMARISHLY funny!

[Moochy]

24. Kick for Patton!

He just made another few dollars off my Itunes purchase!!

That album was the perfect antidote to my mood today :) thanks!

His routine on the PAAS Easter-Egg kit monopoly had my in tears.

[RandomKoolzip]

45. FUCK YEAH!

Best comic out there today, hands fucking DOWN. Funniest man alive.

[Submariner]

51. Okay you Patton freaks...your pulling my thingy..right?

To this day I do not understand how he ends up on any broadcast. I've seen his standup on HBO or somewhere and to put it bluntly..he SUX! Chapelle blows this guy away.

[Moochy]

60. These guys dont like him either :)

http://www.capalert.com/capreports/pattonoswalt12897.htm

This analysis was a special request analysis of a Home Box Office(tm) presentation of Patton Oswalt, December 8, 1997. A family's 16 year old child was developing a strong interest in Patton Oswalt. They asked that I prepare a CAP analysis of this example of his work provided by them. Following is what I found.

Oswalt opens the skit with how he is dissatisfied with his dress comparing it to the dress of a lesbian, "dyke" as he put it. Then Oswalt moves into likewise insulting commentary about midgets, about how he would like to stomp them when drunk <1Cor. 6:9-10>.

After some material about where he likes to live and where he hates to live Oswalt begins several sentences about vulgar references to male demon anatomy and demon body fluids. Oswalt then carries on about how his previous job as a TV writer with insults to mentally disabled persons.

Soon, Oswalt begins insulting law enforcement personnel "attacking" police management of children and homosexual practitioners, including intensely vulgar sexual references. Then Oswalt speaks to masturbating to *Zena: The Warrior Princess* and adds watching pornography <**>. Oswalt somehow enters into a monologue about a magazine about people who like to urinate in the faces and mouths of others, adding to it comments about necrophilia and sexual behavior with whiffle balls .

After a session of wanting Nick Nolte to play the part of Han Solo(tm) and of Nicholas Cage being the new Superman(tm), Oswalt talks to suicide and how he would to do it "with style." The Tom Carvell (ice cream, east coast) becomes Oswalt's next victim ... with vulgarity. There is more of the same caliber of "entertainment. And ALL of it is saturated with foul language and vulgar "humor" . As usual, the Findings/Scoring section provides a complete listing of programming ignominy found and is much more inclusive than can be this Summary/Commentary.

[Submariner]

67. That's certainly a different take on it....CAP needs to chill out

I don't find this guy funny, but, hey...who am I to criticize what people like. At least they don't get off on Hanni ty.

[Moochy]

81. I'm sure they laughed while taking notes

Yeah, I didnt mean to imply that all people that don't like him think this way :) I just found their' critque funny. :evilgrin:

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

73. I've never really found Chapelle's standup to be that funny.

Loved his show though.

But wow, you thought Oswalt sucked? Now, that's something I haven't heard said about him. Eh, to each his own.

[RandomKoolzip]

87. Um...no.

Seriously, Patton Oswalt makes me fucking hemmorrage from laughing so hard. Chappelle is funny (hilariously funny), but Oswalt has more imagination and a sicker mind, as well as a kind of delivery that combines the best aspects of the Kinison/Hicks "scream" school with the more erudite/absurd strains of early Steve Martin. Plus, unlike Chappelle, he has a broader range of topics (Chappelle mainly just discusses race). Don't get me wrong, I love Chappelle. (I don't understand why we're discussing Oswalt and Chappelle as if they're opposite sides of a dialectic, however.)

His album, "Feelin' Kinda Patton," is the best standup comedy album released since Bill Hick's "Rant in E-Minor," IMO.

[enigmatic]

54. You guys have me interested

I've never heard of him, but after reading this I'm going to check him out and put some of his bits on the show..

[enigmatic]

55. Dead? Bill Hicks- Alive? Eddie Izzard

Hicks is a God, while Eddie Izzard is hysterical, and his IQ emabrrasses Dennis Miller's..

[flvegan]

6. Personally, I like Paula Poundstone a lot.

Hil-frikkin-larious AND a dem.

[DanCa]

11. Stephen Wright

I am a peripheral visionry I see into the future but only on it's fringe.
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore and looking like an idiot.

[robbedvoter]

27. Another vote for Stephen!

"Someone broke into my apartment, stole all my stuff and replaced it with identical replicas"
"I have a switch in my home - dunno what it does. Sometimes i just flick it for no reason. One day I got a call from Germany: "Stop that!"

[EstimatedProphet]

32. Yes! Steven is a genius!

"I bought some powdered water. I don't know what to add."

[DanCa]

44. I was in a book store

I was in a book store i saw a globe. The clerk asked how can I help you. I showed him the globe and asked "where am I"

[OrwellwasRight]

42. Seconded. I love him. nt.

[Common Sense Party]

59. I'll vote for Steven Wright, too.

Hilarious. Weird. But I haven't seen him do standup in years.

[OrwellwasRight]

94. I looked these up to post to you and laughed so hard I cried.

I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

What's another word for "thesaurus"?
When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15." I said, "The middle of August? Cool!"

My school colors were clear.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wakeup letter.

I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add.

More here: http://www.notso.com/wright.htm

:rofl:

On edit: laughing makes it hard to type.

[Common Sense Party]

96. The thinking man's comic. I love it. Existentialism beats

the "f-bomb" any old day.

Bucky Goldstein was his most risque joke.

[shawmut]

63. He's my vote too

"I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier, they wouldn't have to go so fast."

"One day I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."

[kwassa]

88. It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

[fishwax]

13. i've gotta go with Carlin

Damn, maybe I should've gone with Richard Pryor.

[Metta]

14. Lenny Bruce. He paved the way for everyone who wasn't doing just shtick.

In addition, there are others I really like. Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Margaret Cho, Steven Wright.

[Patiod]

15. DL Hughley and Ron White

are my current favorites. Ron got us through a long drive through AZ, and DL helped us with some of our drive through Wyoming.

"We took off for our flight to Phoenix from the Flagstaff Airport, Hair Care and Tire Center"

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

74. I like Ron White too

"How far do you think this engine will take us?"

"All the way to the scene of the crash!"

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

17. Patton Oswalt - Where my 'pockys at? Hi five 'pockys!!!

I know it was said before but I don't care. The man's a genius

[Moochy]

25. SQUIBBLYFLAPPITYDOO

Thank you night ranger!!

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

30. HAHAHAHAHA!!!

:rofl:

[bertha katzenengel]

18. More votes for Carlin? Over Hicks, Pryor, Hedberg & Black?!

George Carlin was funny. But lately he's taken to vile rants about people who should be killed. I don't find that funny.

[Initech]

22. "People Who Ought to be Killed" was one of his better bits lately!

I personally didnt really care for his new special "Life Is Worth Losing", but I still laugh my ass off listening to "Complaints And Grievances". I especially love his bit where he takes the ten commandments and narrows it down to two!

[Oeditpus Rex]

19. Eddie Izzard

And Engelbert Humperdinck! Yes, he was the man. That's not his real name; he's from Britain, but that's not his name. There's very few Humperdincks in Britain. He was born Gerry Dorsey, not Engelbert Humperdinck. His parents were not Mr. and Mrs. Humperdinck. They never said, "What shall we call our son so he does not get the shit kicked out of him at school?"

“We shall call him Engelbert!"

"Good, that'll work!"

No, his name was Gerry Dorsey, and he released songs as Gerry Dorsey, songs such as ( mumbles ) which didn't work ‘cause nobody could hear what he was saying. And then his managers, obviously, said, "We're going to change your name, Gerry! It's the name that's the problem." And his name changed from Gerry Dorsey to Engelbert Humperdinck. I mean, I just wanted to be in the room when they were working that one through.

"Zingelbert Bembledack! Yingybert Dambleban! Zangelbert Bingledack! Wingelbert Humptyback! Slut Bunwalla!"

"What?!"

"All right, Kringelbert Fishtybuns! Steviebuns Bottrittrundle..."

"No, Gerry Dorsey! I like Gerry Dorsey!"

"No, we can't do it... Who we got? Zingelbert Bembledack, Tringelbert Wangledack, Slut Bunwalla, Klingybun Fistelvase, Dindlebert Zindledack, Gerry Dorsey, Engelbert Humptyback, Zengelbert Bingledack, Engelbert Humperdinck, Vingelbert Wingledanck…"

"No, no, go back one! Go back one! 'Engelbert Humperdinck.' That's it!"

[Ryano42]

50. Did I leave the gas on???

[Frozen Hamster]

62. Definetly Izzard

I think his recoveries are often better than the jokes that work

[Roon]

20. Standup comedy?

Sorry, it's just not that funny anymore.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

31. Bullshit - Patton Oswalt

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0002BO0WG/sr=1-1/qid=1137467271/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-4365573-0478406?%5Fencoding=UTF8

[Moochy]

34. We should start a patton oswalt DU group

and then we oswalt backers could start a rumble with the KOEB members and call them all dirty patchouli-oil soaked hippies!!

Patchouli oil smells like dirt that was fucked by a hippie!

[RandomKoolzip]

47. Dirt that's been fucked by a HOBO.

Hippies wear it and go get laid at "bumbershoot."

BTW, every time you eat a staek, a hippie's hackeysack falls into the gutter.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

64. Every time you eat a stake a hippy's hackey-sack goes in the gutter

:thumbsup:

[Monkey see Monkey Do]

23. Currently Richard Pryor

but that's partly because I got the 9-CD "... And It's Deep Too" boxset and am rediscovering his genius.

As an aside, I must recommend the CD of Robert Newman's last set - "Apocalypso Now: (Or From P45 To AK47, How To Grow The Economy With The Use Of War)".

Review of the show here:
http://www.thelondonline.co.uk/theline/article.php?articleID=235

Disc: 1
1. Survival Guide
2. Tour Of The USA
3. From P45 To AK47
4. 1st World War
5. Iraq Wars/Question Time
6. Euro/Dollar Theory
7. Dali
8. Magic Cheque Book
9. US Gangster
10. China
11. Mexican Survival Guide
12. Gentrification Song

Disc: 2
1. Wordsworth
2. Troubadour Song
3. French Plot
4. Police State/Spies
5. Thelwell
6. Walking Fantasy
7. Watching Wordsworth
8. Alienation Song
9. Thelwell/Coleridge
10. ID Cards/Corporations
11. Peak Oil
12. Apocalypse Song
13. WW2/Churchill
14. Phone In
15. Landlord

You can import it direct from his website, or alternatively use Amazon.

http://www.robnewman.com/robertshop.html
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000BYVJU0/

[LynzM]

26. Robin Williams?

Laughed 'til tears, many times...

[Guitarman]

100. Gets My Vote!

The master of improv!

[ghostsofgiants]

28. Had to vote for Hicks.

A lot of great ones on taht list though.

Honourable mention: Dylan Moran.

[EstimatedProphet]

29. Jerry Seinfeld's not on the list! What's Up? With THAT?

[Initech]

78. That's what the "other" option is for

I should have put Seinfeld on there, but I ran out of room!

[dorktv]

33. What no Carrot Top?

[sendero]

35. Your forgot..

... your smilie :)

[Initech]

36. Carrot Top? Ewwwwwwww...

:puke:

[Roon]

95. Carrot top is a hottie

He works out a lot. :-)

[tuvor]

37. Since it looks like you're going for "meatier" comics: Richard Belzer.

He was VICIOUS when he went after the government, especially the Reagan years. And then he went on to that cop show. :cry: I wish there were something on DVD.

Otherwise, I'd have to choose Emo Philips:

I caught my girlfriend in bed with another man. I was crushed. I said, "Get off me, you two."

"My brother says hello. So, hooray for speech therapy."

[ChickMagic]

99. Oh man! Emo rocks!

I went to see him about a year ago at the Improv. I rarely laugh at
standups (although I like them) but I could barely breathe.

"Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps." - Emo

"I was in San Fransisco once, walking along the Golden Gate Bridge, and I saw this guy on the bridge about to jump. So I thought I'd try to stall and detain him, long enough for me to put the film in. I said, "Don't jump!" and he turns... You've heard of the elephant man. He was kind of like that, he had a, well, you could say he had the head of a horse. And my heart went out to him. I said, "Why the long face?"
He said, "'Cause all my life people have called me mean names like horses-head or Flicka or chess-piece or Trigger..."
I said, "Well, don't worry about it, Ed. It can't be that bad."
He said, "My girlfriend's suing me!"
I said, "For palomino?"
He said, "Why was I put on this Earth?"
I said, "My friend, anywhere else you wouldn't stand a chance."
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you, you silly ninny."
He said, "How do you know there's a God?"
I said, "Of course there's a God. Do you think that billions of years ago a bunch of molecules floating around at random could someday have had the sense of humor to make you look like that?"
He said, "I do believe in God."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me too. Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! What franchise?"
He says, "Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He says, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He says, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I say, "Me too! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist or Northern Conservative Reform Baptist?"
He says, "Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist."
I say, "Me too! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Eastern Region?"
He says, "Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region."
I say, "Me too! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879 or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"
He says, "Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over!"
-- Emo Phillips

[Patiod]

104. I saw Emo once and thought he was great

His bit about being told never to open the basement door is too funny.

[Fleshdancer]

38. I'm a HUGE Margaret Cho fan

she kicks ass!

[MrSlayer]

39. Richard Pryor fucking invented the modern format.

And he was the best at it. Everyone on the list borrowed something from Pryor.

[Oeditpus Rex]

49. What exactly is

the "modern format"? :shrug:

[derby378]

40. Mister. Sam. Kinison.

I'm surprised he doesn't have his own slot in the poll.

[BurgherHoldtheLies]

71. I NEVER, EVER laughed so hard as the 1st time I saw him on HBO

Such a shame his time was so short. There are many greats but nobody made me laugh harder.

[OrwellwasRight]

41. Drake Sather and Eddie Murphy -- yes Eddie (pre-Bowfinger)

used to be really funny and I actually saw him live. Chris Rock though is the only who makes me laugh so hard I pee my pants.

Of your list, I choose George Carlin.

[HEyHEY]

43. Norm MacDonald

[Patiod]

105. We watched him tank one night

He was about two hours late -- the opening comic tried to cover, but ran out of material. Norm showed up and completely died - it was excruciating. The worse it got, the more he cursed. It was like watching a car wreck.

[Yollam]

46. I can't believe Pryor isn't way ahead on this one.

DU this Poll!

[Fox Mulder]

48. Bob Saget

:rofl:

I'm kidding...

I like Carlin.

[tuvor]

52. You know who I forgot? Billy Connolly!

If you don't know what you're missing, rent/buy one of his DVDs.

[hiaasenrocks]

53. Jim Gaffigan

http://www.jimgaffigan.com/

[jobycom]

56. I'd have included Andy Kaufman and Buddy Hacket, but that's just me.

Then again, I wouldn't have voted for them. Just included them.

[Blue_Roses]

57. Ellen!

nt

[Common Sense Party]

58. Bill Cosby. Bob Newhart. Shelly Berman.

I'm old school. Nobody has done it better since.

I'd also add the Smothers Brothers, even though they were a music-comedy duo act.

[Moochy]

61. Bob Newhart !!

Best comedic timing ever! :D

[Mojambo]

65. His stuff really is amazing

Kind of underrated, IMO.

[Common Sense Party]

75. Agreed. Just amazing.

And one of the reasons I love those "old" comics is that they could be side-splitting hilarious without feeling the need to use the f-word in every sentence.

So-called comics today could learn a thing or two.

[Monkey see Monkey Do]

77. Berman had a 30-minute gig on the Beeb in December

Wonderful, wonderful stuff. Others in the series of were Stan Freberg, Mort Sahl and The Firesign Theatre.

After the Berman show aired, some kindly bloke on another forum uploaded an mp3 capture of it here:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=WFPQED06

but I'm having trouble getting it to work. You may have better luck if you fancy giving it a go.

[Common Sense Party]

89. Firesign Theatre. Those guys were hilarious.

I grew up listening to just one Shelley Berman Lp that my mom had. That guy could carry out a story for 15 minutes and have you roaring the whole time.

I'll try that link. Thanks.

[RebelOne]

66. Rita Rudner is the funniest I have ever seen.

[Miss Marmelstein]

92. I agree with you.

Rita is great!

[Mutley]

68. Lewis Black.

All the ones you listed are great, but no one makes my stomach hurt from laughing like Lewis Black. :rofl:

[tarkus]

69. Yeah, the lack of Jerry Seinfeld is sad

What a champion, that Seinfeld.

[Initech]

79. If I could edit, I'd replace Dave Attell with Seinfeld.

[NaturalHigh]

70. Chapelle gets this one, hands down.

[calico1]

72. Of the ones on the list I would pick Carlin

but currently Lewis Black is my favorite. I just love him.

[Maggie_May]

76. Robin Williams

I can't think of the last comic video I saw but I laughed till I was crying.

[Dinger]

80. Eddie Murphy

I wish he'd so another tour and movie.

[malmapus]

82. Sinbad

Almost went with Lewis Black, but I have a soft spot for Sinbad standup routines. Always gets me in tears heh.

[no name no slogan]

83. Gallagher

:hide:

[snooper2]

84. Carlin is God

All others bow before him..

[chrisau214]

85. Other

It's hard not to vote for Carlin, Hicks, or Pryor but in all honesty I've never laughed harder than the first time I saw Eddie Izzard perform. I swear I almost died.


Chris

[Monkey see Monkey Do]

101. "Are you happy with your wash?"

He's lost some of the magic in recent years IMO, but "Unrepeatable", "The Definite Article" and "Glorious" are genius. I watched/listened to them sooo many times. I got to meet him once - lovely bloke.

[WeRQ4U]

86. Mitch Hedberg

I know not many people like him, but I thought he was so originally and DAMN funny.

R.I.P.

[Sugar Smack]

90. Wanda Sykes. I LOVE HER!!!!!

She's made me laugh my ass off at some of the recent worst times of my life, made me forget everything. She really kicks ass.

:loveya:

[Susang]

98. I got drunk with her a couple of years ago

She and Lance Crouther (Pootie Tang) came into the bar I worked at just as I was getting off. I got them a couple cocktails and a table and they asked me to join them. It was a blast!

As a sidenote, Wanda has the most perfect skin I've ever seen in my entire life. Not a pore to bee seen and I don't think she was even wearing makeup. She and Lance were in town shooting sketches for HBO's Real Sports show with Bryant Gumbel.

[Sugar Smack]

108. NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! *dying here*

OK, about her skin & everything, and her looks, she looks EXACTLY like Pam Grier. She's so much of a presence, and her confidence & lit-up eyes make her one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. Was she like that in person? Only 10 times more?

You must have felt GREAT! If I were tired after a long night, my feet hurt, I wanted to get home, and THAT happened to me? I'd be in heaven! Since that woman can't help but be funny, I imagine you had the time of your life. I really admire women as fearless as she is, who aren't afraid to be funny and laugh at everything, including themselves.

[PittPoliSci]

91. Rodney Dangerfield

[Kingofalldems]

93. Jonathan Winters

in his heyday.

[I Have A Dream]

97. Margaret Cho n/t

[Merrick]

102. Funny, I'm going to see her for $10 this weekend...

and I'm not even going for her. apparently she's showing up at this underground burlesque show in LA at the museum of the abnormal. contortionists, play writing robots, strip teasers, and gothic goldilocks and margaret cho all performing acts related to the central theme of providing valuable awareness of what to do in the event of a poisoning emergency.

[Merrick]

103. Hicks, Hedberg, Izzard, Carlin in that order

[cfield]

106. I've gotta go with Lew!

In fact, on facebook, I'm a member of the Lewis Black Fucking Hates All of You group. KSU chapter, of couse!


My favorite was when he was talking about meeting/seeing Dick Cheney and he said "I've never been so close to Evil" and someone in the crowed booed. Lew shouted "Oh Fuck You! Fuck you and your Repubican bullshit nonsense!" Ah, that was so awesome!

And also his "There's no such thing as soy milk. You know how I know there's no such thing as soy milk? Because there's no soy TITTIE!"

:rofl:

[npincus]

107. does Bill Maher count?

LOVE him.

[stlsaxman]

109. WHERE THE HELL IS CHRIS ROCK!?!?!?!?

Sorry to scream but jeeeeezuuuu Chahrist!