Wanted: Republican jokes to piss off lurking fundie relatives

[joefree1]

In my spare time I've got a wee little political humor web site that I post art and jokes on. Nothing fancy. Just for fun. However this year I suspect some of my fundie cousins have found out about the web site. We're having a e-mail war of Republican jokes versus Democrat jokes between the fundie and liberal relatives. Problem is I haven't heard any new good Liberal jokes (on repukes) recently.

My colletction of jokes can be found here:
http://www.ediablo.com/ediablojokes.html

Do you know any recent jokes going around? Here's a few of the latest I've collected:

JUST WHEN WE THINK THE WORST THREAT WE FACE IS THE AVIAN FLU,

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease.

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim and pronounced "gonna re-elect him."

Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past four years. Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include: anti-social personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept responsibility for own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado, uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography and history, tendencies towards evangelical theocracy, categorical all-or-nothing behavior.

Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.

****

Donald Rumsfield is giving the President his daily briefing on Iraq.

He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims, "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as
the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the president looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

***

Thanks for your help.
Joe

[JVS]

1. You are a bad person!

[joefree1]

2. Aunt Shirly, that you?

Really, I'm not the spawn of Satan. I just play one on TV.

[JVS]

3. Check out how I fooled some suckers

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=4602153&mesg_id=4602153

[Patiod]

7. This is exactly why I don't want to meet up w/you and tell you

who my slutty friends at Pitt are.

You'd probably tell them Bazillian jokes, you cad.

[JVS]

8. I would do no such thing. I would be a perfect gentleman...

until the time for being a gentleman was past and the time for rutting like dogs in heat had arrived.

[Patiod]

10. Oh, that's okay

just so you don't tell any bazillion jokes.
:thumbsup:

[Deep13]

4. Bush is stumped on a jigsaw puzzle and telephones Cheney for help.

"There are hundreds of pieces and none of them seem to fit together."

Cheney asks what the picture is suppose to be and Bush responds, "A rooster."

Cheney responds, "Put the corn flakes back in the box."

[Book Lover]

5. Bush, Cheney, Rummy and Scalia are in a leaking rowboat.

Who gets saved?






























The American people.

[Deep13]

6. Cool website, by the way.

What do you call a field of Republicans buried up to their necks?


Asshole Turf.

[joefree1]

13. Thanks

And funny! Where's my nine iron?

[DinahMoeHum]

9. OK, I've got one for you. . .

A guy dies and finds himself in a room with St. Peter.

After a short introduction, he noticed that all the walls in the room covered with clocks. He asks St. Peter, "What's up with the clocks?"

St. Peter says: "These are Lie clocks for all living people. When a person lies, the clock moves its hand."
"For instance, here's the clock for Mother Teresa. It didn't move at all."

The guy then asks' "Is there one for George W. Bush?"

St. Peter reponds: "No, we don't have it here. It's in the Jesus room. He's using it as a ceiling fan."


:evilgrin:

[catmandu57]

11. Okay a reworked blonde joke

bush, cheney, rummy, and condi walk into a bar and order a shot, they slam down the shot pound the table and shout FORTY FIVE DAYS! They repeat this several times, when finally the bartender asks what the forty five days means.
We just put a puzzle together and it only took forty five days they all say beaming their pride.
The bartender shakes his head and says oh is that all.
They look at him and say yeah, but it said four to five years on the box.
Bodda bing.

[SteppingRazor]

12. Here's another oldie but goodie...

An ethical question

You're a photojournalist in New Orleans, just after Katrina, snapping pictures of the devastation. Suddenly, you spy a man grasping a branch with one hand, his body being yanked toward certain doom by the current. His grasp is slipping. Just then, you realize -- it's President Bush!! You could reach out and save him, or you could snap a shot that will almost certainly get you the Pulitzer Prize and a lifetime of fame, awards, and high-end photo shoots. But you don't have time to do both. Now, the question:




























Do you use black-and-white or color film?

Hey-o!

[caty]

14. Here's the joke....

George W. Bush!!!:rofl: