Funny Pet Story

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

My dog, Kaya, is a very sweet animal but sometimes she plays a little too rough. Often times, playful wrestling can get a little out of hand, leading to biting. Being that Kaya is half pit bull, I decided it's my responsibility to train her out of that habit--teach her that biting it unacceptable. So, here's what I did: The next day I came home from work with a new chew toy and engaged her in some play fighting. Before long, wouldn't you know it....Kaya started biting again. I gently scolded her and then put her on the leash. We walked out of the house and I put her in the back seat of my car where I removed her collar and tags. I drove down to the pound, signed her in as a stray and told to woman, "Careful, this one likes to bite!" Lesson learned, huh Kaya?

I'd love to hear your funny pet stories!

[XNASA]

1. I applaud your method.

It about time that pet owners draw a line in the sand.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

2. Yup, you have to show them who's boss

Bruce Springsteen

[asthmaticeog]

3. You should meet my mom. nt

[RebelOne]

4. And what's funny about that?

You just condemned her to death.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

5. I DID!?!?!

[RebelOne]

8. Well, if you took her to the pound and left her, you did.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

11. Ha, now that's comedy.

You, sir, are a card.

[RebelOne]

44. I am not a sir and I still fail to see any humor in your story.

And you, sir or madam, are a cad.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

97. Actually he's my best friend and furthest from a cad - sir.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

105. Actually, I was about thank him.

I like being called a cad. Makes me feel like Jay Gatsby.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

120. I see you more as a rube

[Village Idiot]

6. One of my cats is a RePIGlican...

Please help save my kitty from the clutches of Karl Rove and the other evildoers!!! As I was feeding them this morning, I suddenly realized that one of my meow-meows is a RePIGlican!

I have two six month olds, and they are just starting to show their political colours...

They both eat out of a double bowl and my fat orange male tabby, Temujin, eats much faster than my diminutive female calico, Zoe. Once Temujin has finished his food, he uses his head to push Zoe's out of her dish and proceeds to eat her food, too!

It is becoming quite apparent to me that he is displaying RePIGlican tendencies, so I now watch them eat and push him away from the bowl when he has finished eating whenever he exhibits this type of vile, selfish behaviour.

I'm pretty sure this wouldn't be happening if Gore was president and we had a majority in Congress!

[hyphenate]

34. When my Kira and Dax were babies

they were orphaned with their sister at a week old, when their mother was killed by a car. The middle sister died, but we kept Kira and Dax alive, beating the odds for orphaned kittens. Dax, the male, was always eating everything. Kira, who had been the runt, ate sparingly. Their growth was constantly compared--Dax grew so much faster than his sister. By the time they were full grown, Dax weighed in at 17 lbs, and his dimunitive little sister only weighed 7 lbs at her largest. Boys just seem to pack more pounds on, and they will eat often up to twice what the girls will.

[seemunkee]

7. My Luna has ADD

She couldn't pay attention in obedience class so we had her tested. I thought she was just a typical hyper small breed dog, but no she has ADD. The Ritalin really helps and now she can sit for the entire class. Hell, she can sit in one place for the entire day now.

[jpgray]

9. That sounds like a "Deep Thoughts"

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

12. Friggin brilliant. -nt

[jpgray]

15. I love 'em

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

16. ...

:rofl:

[Kali]

19. one of my faves...

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

[myrna minx]

23. Another one...

When I die, I would like to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandfather did. Not screaming and yelling like the passenger in his car.

[uppityperson]

87. very good.

:rofl:
I love you people.

[MsUSA]

10. *scratching head* I don't get it.......are you just going to leave

her there?? how is leaving her at the pound going to change her behavior?? I don't get it.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

13. I'm putting her up for adoption

to teach her not to bite!


Edit: At least, I think she's going up for adoption.

[tatertop]

14. I am slow today. You didn't actually do this, did you?

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

17. Boy, you gotta work on your timing.

That wasn't funny at all.

[MissB]

18. Sarcasm in the Lounge

is a tough nut to crack sometimes.

[philosophie_en_rose]

21. Of course, shelters have non-biting programs.

They don't just kill the "hopeless" dogs.

:eyes:

You really show your training abilities right there; and your sense of responsibility for an otherwise happy dog that you provoke into biting.

[tatertop]

26. No, not a non-biting program; a biting program.

Paul is a lover of fine eats.
He plans to bite the dog, not train it.

[RebelOne]

27. Unless an animal rescue group steps in,

the dog is euthanized, especially if it is a pit bull or pit bull mix. In fact, most animal shelters will not adopt out pit bulls. They will only release them to rescue groups.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

93. You don't know what you're talking about. But that's ok

Carry on

[Name removed]

78. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

94. Ah a not so subtle way to call SouthoftheBorderPaul an asshole. How

kind of you. :thumbsup:

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

126. I thought he said his cousin was an asshole...

:shrug:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

131. Like it isn't implied.

[Name removed]

129. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

130. Now you're talking about the Klan?

Holy shit!

And what do you know about how kind I am?

[tatertop]

20. Not the dog pound, the sausage factory

The sausage factory in Paul's town is called
The Dog Pound. They process pets and things into their
signature 16 oz sausages and serve them up fresh daily.
He plans to eat these dogs with mustard, onions,
and butter on the bun. (Free Root Beer on 'Free Root Beet Tuesdays.')

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

22. Hot dogs made with my OWN DOG?!?!?!

I love this country!

:patriot:

[tatertop]

25. With the root beer! Man o' man that is good.

How often can one buy hot dogs that for sure contain meat?
:toast:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

30. Shiny!!!

[DS1]

72. I'm holding in such laughter at work

:rofl: <- but much more still

[RandomKoolzip]

24. Stupid bitch.

Not the dog; you.

[RebelOne]

28. If what she did is true, I agree with you.

And I still don't get what's so funny about it.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

29. Don't you see? It's a switch-a-roo.

In other words: comedic gold. It don't get no better than that!

[driver8]

31. Wow -- tough crowd tonight!!!

Let me know how those Kaya hot dogs turn out.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

32. They were really yum.

Got a dog that bites? Bite back with Real Dog Hot Dogs!

Edit: improved phrasing for fictional hot dog company slogan.

[driver8]

35. You just might have something there!! "Real Dog Hot Dogs"!

Sure beats "Real Rat excrement Hot Dogs"!

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

37. Well, it just doesn't have that ring, ya know?

[Maine Mary]

33. Why is the fact your dog was euthanized funny?

:wtf:

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

36. If I have to explain it, it will cease to be funny.

You know how that goes.

[LisaL]

38. It's not funny either way.

I fail to find the humor in it. I presume you don't actually have a dog?

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

39. Bah, I grow weary of this...

[CanuckAmok]

40. C'mon, guys, he's kidding... In reality, he shot it.

n/t

[RandomKoolzip]

41. And we wonder why people think liberals are humorless scolds.

:eyes:

[LisaL]

42. Tell funny jokes, and people will laugh.

I don't see any humor in that joke. But if you get it-pat yourself on the back-people should not think that you are a "humorless scold", WTF that means.

[driver8]

43. Lizzy, I absolutely love dogs and would never harm one in any

way. It is the absurdity of what the OP wrote that is funny.

I agree, having your pooch euthanized as punishment is not a joke. To me, the joke was how far fetched it was.

[China_cat]

45. You evidently haven't had to deal with people

who WOULD do this...for the same reasons. Or the ones who think it's funny to squirt their pets with lighter fluid and set a match to them. Or throw boiling water on them for barking too much.

Work with animals coming out of situations like that and no, what the OP wrote is neither funny nor absurd.

[LisaL]

46. It's not that far fetched.

Sadly, some people will kill their pets at a drop of a hat.

[RebelOne]

50. Not far-fetched at all.

People have taken their dogs to pounds for less. Such as a new baby or the dog didn't match the carpet, etc.

[driver8]

74. Oh I know...my Aunt volunteers at a Humane Society in Florida.

Some of the stories she tells me make me sick.

I know that people get rid of pets for stupid reasons -- I just didn't get the feeling that the OP was one of them.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

96. I cracked up!

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

92. Wow - are you freiking serious?

Wow :wow:

[Clintmax]

47. Hmmm...Paul, I'll have to think on this one.

"Lesson learned, huh Kaya?" I think you went a little far with Kaya.

[bertha katzenengel]

48. That's funny?

:wtf:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

98. Hilarious in fact. Such timing in written comedy is hard to master.

[AtomicKitten]

49. if you engaged her in some "play-fighting"

you sir/madam are to blame. Perhaps she should have dropped you off at the pound.

Don't get another pet. You don't deserve to have one.

[RandomKoolzip]

51. Paul...I'm so sorry your thread ended up like this.

I thought it was hilarious. It's as if Michael O'Donoghue never existed! Christ, people, it's the 21st Century...grow a fuckin' sense of humor, will ya?

Paul DIDN'T Kill his dog. Paul has owned at least three dogs since I've known him. He loved his dog Marley (a beautiful black lab) more than he loved his friends (sure, I was jealous for a time.). He doted on that dog like you wouldn't believe. The man loves animals, especially his dogs.

But he posts a hyperbolically absurd thread, a little piece of dark humor, and all of a sudden, he's a fuckin' Nazi. Gimme a godddamn break, people. If you took his post seriously, you need to lighten up. The joke here was not in the act of killing the dog, but the contrast in content and tone: A light-hearted pet story turns horrible and dark. It sucks that the fucking LOUNGE needs to be lectured on the mechanics of comedy, but so be it.

PS. No animals were harmed in the writing of this post OR the OP.

BTW: I just fed my goldfish....TO THE KITTY!





If that last joke offended you, there is no hope.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

54. I thought my enthusiasm

for consuming my own dog in sausage form was a dead giveaway that I was joking.

PS: KoolZip, I used to work at an aquarium. Your goldfish joke is out of line. I'm alerting.

[RebelOne]

57. When someone jokes about dumping a dog at the pound

to be euthanized, of course, we animal lovers are going to up in arms. And it appears as though not too many found it funny.

[RandomKoolzip]

58. I'm not an "animal lover?"

Jeez, I wish someone would alert my cats before I turn them into mincemeat! I had no idea one had to deadly earnest about "loving animals" in order to own them.

After all, Since I can joke about this stuff, it obviously means I'm a dangerous psychopath who doesn't know the difference between reality and imagination, right?

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

60. Sometimes humor offends.

Some people get my humor; some people don't. Let's just drop it.

[SOteric]

64. Sure, sure, that's one way to look at it;

we're all feebs and he's a comic genius. Alternatively, it is a sad but true fact that there are some twisted people on this here internet thingamie. Some of them even seem relatively harmless and somewhat liberal. All by itself, the statement's qualities do not assure anyone who is a stranger to Paul.

Such comic devices when employed in a an environment where body posture, facial features and tone can be easily read are quite humourous. However, a text only delivery requires superior writing skills. I would submit that rather than us all being humourless (though certainly we can be) the delivery on this one was greatly lacking.

[RandomKoolzip]

66. Next time, I'll make DAMN sure he posts a "SARCASM" emoticon

In enormous BLOODY RED letters.

Paul, how dare you use hyperbole without a disclaimer!

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

67. Well, even if you didn't find it funny...

and I can certainly accept that, you have to admit the following posts made it plainly evident I was joking...and others understood that and were joking too. Again, I'll bring up my post about consuming my own dog in sausage form. I mean, sure there are sickos in the world and on DU, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that it was MEANT to be funny even if you didn't appreciate the humor.

[SOteric]

68. You miss my point.

I'm not saying it wasn't funny. I'm not implying that I had no idea from the context of the whole thread.

What I am saying is that: rather than that we're humourless feebs, I think your joke was inexpertly written.

Sarcasm tags shouldn't be necessary to convey the message, but in plain text, devoid of any personal knowledge of you, most readers need a small, subtle clue. It needn't be blatant. It needn't give away the humourous element. You failed to consider your audience/reader and that is the greatest failing of any comic or writer.

I suspect you and RKZ are so wrapped up in your defense of what has obviously become a public lashing that you've incorrectly assumed I'm just jumping on the pile. Please don't attribute a point of view to me that I'm not adopting.

Maybe we're all humourless. Maybe your delivery was lacking. Maybe some of both.

Have a cold one and lets all move on.

[Susang]

76. I disagree

I think it was exceedingly well written and quite clever. Hence the fact that so many DUers took Paul seriously and thought he left his dog at the pound.

Perhaps this will help, the second paragraph in particular:

"Satire is a mode of challenging accepted notions by making them seem ridiculous. It usually occurs only in an age of crisis, when there exists no absolute uniformity but rather two sets of beliefs. Of the two sets of beliefs, one holds sufficient power to suppress open attacks on the established order, but not enough to suppress a veiled attack.

"Further, satire is intimately connected with urbanity and cosmopolitanism, and assumes a civilized opponent who is sufficiently sensitive to feel the barbs of wit leveled at him. To hold something up to ridicule presupposes a certain respect for reason, on both sides, to which one can appeal. An Age of Reason, in which everyone accepts the notion that conduct must be reasonable, is, therefore, a general prerequisite for satire."

--Jacob Bronowski & Bruce Mazlish, The Western Intellectual Tradition From Leonardo to Hegel, p. 252 (1960; as repub. in 1993 Barnes & Noble ed.).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire

[SOteric]

77. We'll have to agree to disagree then,

and with all due respect to the quotes you cite, I teach this for a living.

Satire is a fine form of comedy, I simply put forth that for it to succeed in anonymous text-only fora is a vastly different set of criteria than it's success as a night-club act.

This isn't the Onion, it's a message board. So there's no reasonable expectation that all bizarre, unusual or inflamatory postings are intended as satire. And short of a personal acquaintance with Paul, most of us wouldn't be inclined to know whether he was being sardonic or suffers from some sociopathic disorder. The only tool for distinguishing that for the reader is in one's writing skills. I stand by my opinion that his delivery failed, and consider the ensuing kerfluffle to be verification of that fact.

[Kali]

82. Line from one of the greatest movies of all time (Dark Star)

Pinback recording in his (8-track) diary: "....and he didn't get it... snork!"

[Name removed]

83. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Susang]

88. I'm sorry to hear that

Please allow me to introduce my husband, BatBoy. He teaches comedy writing for a living, among other things.

[Bat Boy]

90. Ahem....

Humor is contigent on an unspoken agreeement with the audience that what is being discussed has humorous merit.

Gullibility on the part of the audience is key in a joke like this. The audience must follow until, at the last minute, the writer pulls the magician's misdirection trick. The laugh comes from the gap between what the audience expects and the reality the humorist presents.

The flaw here is that Paul underestimated the gullibility of his audience. They were so willing to follow that they continued past the laugh, straight over the cliff into self righteous indignation.

I laughed. The joke works because it's funny. Any more is gonna cost you. Feel free to PM me for my rates.

I ain't cheap.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

91. I recommend this reply to all the humorless people in the Lounge

:thumbsup:

[Susang]

102. That's my BatBoy

A true professional! :D

[DS1]

125. And you still missed the point

Congratulations

[Susang]

133. What point was that?

[Bat Boy]

137. Oh, I got the point.

You missed mine.

Comedy relies on an agreement. This has less to do with writing style than it does with people's willingness to sign on to the agreement.

Some people would rather risk having to say, "He's a psychotic dog killer? I thought he was joking!"

Then there's the group that would rather say, "He was joking? I thought he was a psychotic dog killer!"

Which group is more reactionary? And, in my mind, more dangerous.

[SOteric]

140. Pardon my great big fonts,

but it seems as though y'all are having some trouble reading what I've actually written.

I didn't say that it wasn't funny. I do not contend that it wasn't funny. I have no argument with the notion that SouthoftheBorderPaul's post was intended as a joke. And I took it as the same.

Heck dude, I'm involved with DS1 and if you've ever read his posts (before the mods jack those puppies into the T-Zone) you'd realise that if I can laugh at him, it's not much of a leap to think I'd laugh about the dog-pound bit.

Now that that's out of the way, you'll hopefully stop referring to me as humourless and quit your posturing about what it is that you think humour consists of and how I might develop some.

What I have been saying, what I say now, -what I do contend: is that his delivery was weak and that he failed to consider his audience.

RandomKoolZip put forth a fairly black and white postulate stating that we either love the joke or we're humourless gits. I'm simply posing some grey area. It's possible to laugh, still not think the joke was 'all that,' and not necessarily be a humourless git.

And as I've said previously in this thread, I teach this for a living. If you'd like to PM me for my rates and the out of state tuition costs of the university, you know where to find me.

:hi:

[Bat Boy]

146. Right...

His consideration of the audience would be a valid issue, if he were a professional trying to connect with a specific audience. He's not. He's a guy on a message board trying to crack a joke.

The critique of humor is an tricky thing. Everyone is an expert on the subject and everyone attempting a joke is held to "professional" standards. Hardly fair for the layman.

Check your PM's.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

99. Lighten up. God damn!

How pathetic.

[AtomicKitten]

89. I can see how the anonymity of message boards lends

credence to your claim that this was merely sarcasm and we dolts have no sense of humor.

Oh, wait. That was sarcasm.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

95. Well I know him and the dog personally so..um..you're wrong

:hi:

[AtomicKitten]

101. so, um, no, I'm right.

If you know him, he's not anonymous to you, right?

Others who do not know him do not don't have the luxury of knowing he was attempting to be whatever he was attempting to be other than serious.

I'm sure animal rescue types would find his OP hysterical having to deal with all the people who consider pets disposable.

There I go being sarcastic again. (You see, it only works if know the author.)

[Susang]

103. See post #90

That's the ticket. ;-)

[AtomicKitten]

106. right.

And those of us who deal with people who are easily influenced by such careless "humor" and its repercussions don't find it amusing in the least regardless of its intent: sarcasm or irony. It just isn't funny.

(Perhaps you might find the animals abandoned in Katrina hysterical too if written with what you consider clever prose.)

Apparently some of you folks consider yourselves upper-crust literary types. pg wodehouse wrote what this guy attempted, except he did it exquisitely, my favorite "Farewell to All Cats." This guy is no pg wodehouse.

There is such a thing as responsibility and good taste.

[Susang]

111. Funny post, good job!

I'll be sure to tell the guys at the Harley shop I work at that I'm an "upper-crust literary type". They'll find it hysterical. :eyes:

There's an old cliche that humor = tragedy + time. It's actually pretty true. Guess what? They're already making Katrina jokes. Black humor serves a valuable purpose. I'm guessing that if you search your soul, you'll find that you've even indulged in it once or twice. Think about it. What have you laughed at lately? What shows have made you giggle recently? Can you honestly say that you're completely innocent of what you're accusing us of? I doubt it.

There is no such thing as responsibility or good taste in comedy. If there was, nobody would ever laugh again. There would be too many people like you, of varying strengths and forms, trying desperately to shut it down. Just ask Lenny Bruce. Or George Carlin. Or Richard Pryor. Or Dave Chappelle. Or Stone and Parker. Comedy doesn't care if a small minority of it's audience doesn't find it funny. If you didn't get it, you probably weren't meant to anyway.

[AtomicKitten]

124. Sorry, careless disregard for animals isn't funny

and sadly abandoned and neglected pets is a hell of a lot better than some of the cruel circumstances some meet, and knucklehead, easily impressionable people get twisted ideas from similar "jokes." I've seen it a million times in my work.

Spare me your lectures on comedy, folks. They're just lame excuses. Subject matter for satire and so-called black comedy can be chosen from a plethora of material that doesn incite what I've seen as mimicking bad behavior.

[Susang]

134. No, but confusing fiction with reality is

The post wasn't real. Haven't you realized that yet?

[GirlinContempt]

143. So, black comedy is ok as long as it doesn't fit in to

one of the niches you find offensive?

[Susang]

147. I rarely, if ever, find anything offensive

Not if it's funny. You're mileage obviously varies.

[GirlinContempt]

148. I can't actually think of anything

I wouldn't joke about (Theres GOTTA be something, I just can't think of it). I'm just trying to figure out this idea that black comedy is ok, as long as it isn't about puppies :shrug:
Sorta like the people who visit t-shirt hell and then send letters to the owner saying "Man all your shirts are REALLY funny, except this one about my own personal hot button issue, please remove it, its nasty and offensive"

On edit, my original reply was to the other person

[Susang]

151. That's okay

I understood. I'm just glad you do. :loveya:

[Bat Boy]

115. I've just re-evaluated my entire life. I've been so wrong.

I had no idea the power I wielded with a simple joke.

When I was a kid a made a joke about a guy in my social studies class meeting a particularly gruesome demise. I hope he died quickly when my classmates mistook my joke for instructions.

I am sincerely sorry about all of the goat abuse I caused with a joke I made onstage in 1997. I made a simple comment about sexual relations with a goat and I'm almost positive over a hundred people heard it. If even five percent of that audience heard it and took me seriously...well that would be bad enough.

But what if that audience told others? If one hundred people each told ten people, that's a thousand people. And if they told ten people....my God, it never ends. I can never apologize enough for the horrific amount of goat fucking I've caused. I'd be willing to bet there's not a goat in the US that hasn't been diddled because of me.

I can't even think about the monkey brain eating joke I told in 1987. That was a big audience, too. I'm probably responsible for the fact that there are no monkeys left. They're extinct now, right?

It's probably Lenny Bruce's fault. I listened to a lot of Bruce during a very formative stage in my life. And Carlin. In fact Carlin's probably directly responsible for that goat fucking joke.

I'll never joke again.

Okay, for those of you that may have detected a note of sarcasm in this, you're wrong.

It's a whole fucking symphony.

If comedy were that dangerous then the world would never have survived Looney Tunes or The Three Stooges. We'd all have had our eyes poked out and anvils dropped on our heads long ago.

[Kali]

107. I don't know him, I rescue animals all the time, I thought it was funny.

I can see how some might not, but my experience is people who work in tramatic situations tend to apreciate warped and dark humor just fine....

[Susang]

112. That's been mine, too

;-)

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

108. Well I've never met Driver8

in fact I've never even interacted with him on DU....and he/she got it! Maybe I have limited appeal as a comedic writer. I can handle that.

[Susang]

113. You're a niche comic!

A cult sensation! :D

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

116. I fuckin love cults!

Sweet.

[fudge stripe cookays]

141. That's cuz

driver8 is a helluva cool bloke!

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

121. It's a joke and a very obvious one.

Amazing.

[Ariana Celeste]

52. LOL.

You and I could hang out. Agree with above, sounds like Deep Thoughts! Too bad everyone took you too seriously. :hi:

[pointblank]

53. I know what you mean Paul

I had that same sort of problem with both of my Beagles.

So what I did was humanely euthanize the older one, Annie, with some rat poison and then had her stuffed...You see, so the other younger Beagle, Gus, learned his lesson. Hell, he hasnt bitten my hand or shit in the house in over 3 weeks!

Look, you can see both of them in my signature pic. Annie, the stuffed one, is on the right. Note Gus' docile demeanor.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

55. Holy shit...

I laughed so hard I projected something from my nose. Nice work.

[pointblank]

56. Thank You, Thank You.

I enjoyed your post as well, and I especially enjoyed the conversations it spawned!


WOW!

[RandomKoolzip]

61. You projected something? An ANIMAL, perhaps?!

You monster! Everything you touch you destroy! :cry:

[uppityperson]

144. That's how to teach them.

Too funny.

[swag]

59. At long last, a Democrat with backbone.

You show her, Paul!

[RandomKoolzip]

62. You show her paw!

I guess the republicans were right about something: 9/11 killed irony forever.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

63. I don't even like youn joking about killing irony! -nt

[RandomKoolzip]

65. Some of us are irony lovers!

Stupid 9/11! :cry:

[imperialismispasse]

69. Havent any of the people on this thread ever seen Sarah Silverman?

Weird that nobody has encountered this particular type of black humor. I never thought this was serious.

[LisaL]

84. I never thought it was serious either. I still don't appreciate

the joke. To sadistic for me.

[redqueen]

70. Well, *I* thought it was funny.

:shrug:

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

71. Hey YOU!

:hi:

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

[kick-ass-bob]

73. I weep for the future of humor.

If no one gets a joke - is it still comedy?

:scared:

:D

[RandomKoolzip]

75. If it's expertly written, yes.

[redqueen]

142. Hey, funny is funny.

:hi:

[Mutley]

79. This story reminds of that asshole brother

in Weird Science.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

80. Chet?

"You're stewed, buttwad."

"You two doggie dicks couldn't get laid in a morgue."

[Mutley]

81. Yeah, thats the one!

:rofl:

[uppityperson]

85. I was building a house and dreading pulling wires through conduit

so I picked up one of those free kittens from the store and brought it home. I put it into a tube about 1 inch across and 2 inches long and started feeding it and watering it and petting it and cuddling it even though the tube made it a little hard. As it grew I changed it into a longer and longer tube and played every day chase the string, letting it scamper here and there and enjoy itself. When it finally got old enough, I took it out of its tube, tied the wire to its tail and sent it scampering through the pvc conduit and viola! I could not only speak french, but I had my wire pulled! What a good kitty.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

100. Ha!

Badoom tis!

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

86. Jesus H on a popsicle! The lack of irony in the Lounge can be staggering

:wow:

[Susang]

104. Paul, that story gets fucking funnier every time I read it

You should submit it to The National Lampoon. :thumbsup:

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

110. Thanks, Susan.

If I knew it was gonna get this much attention, I would have made Kaya a kitten...a blind one.

[Briarius]

109. This is hilarious!

I don't know which is funnier, the OP or the bent out of shape replies :evilgrin:

[Susang]

114. It's running about 50/50 in my estimation

:D

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

117. No friggin way--you said I was a cult sensation.

*I'm* funnier!

[Susang]

135. You can't have 100%

Cult sensations have to be somewhat underground, you know. If everyone loved you, then you'd be <gasp!> mainstream! :o

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

122. Yeah. It's separating the wheat from the chaff, as it were

[Briarius]

145. Ah yes, In the old country we used ferrets for this

by beating the wheat with the ferrets, we separated it :evilgrin:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

154. I thought it was kittens

But then I was from the western Old Country

:D

[amitten]

118. May Kaya die a horrible, painful death.

Dogs suck.































:popcorn: :popcorn:

[RebelOne]

123. I hope you are not serious.

[DS1]

127. I think he is

:eyes:

[imperialismispasse]

128. Now see, heres an example of a post thats not funny

Just stupid.

[Susang]

136. True

Highlights the difference between the expertly written satire and ineffectual. ;-)

[sundog]

119. and you call yourself a liberal

:nuke:

[China_cat]

132. What would you have said or done

if you'd seen this same thing on a freeper site or coming from Limbaugh or O'Reilly?

Would you have thought it was funny then?

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

138. I would. See there's a classic build up which makes the last line ironic

In a very unexpected way. It's a classic bit.

[Flying Dream Blues]

139. For the record, I knew you were joking and I thought it was funny.

In a sick way, of course. Which I love.

[Dave Reynolds]

149. I like it!

Very funny. I had this one freeze-dried, note the life-like eyes. Now he serves as both an ashcan and a can-opener!

[Beausoir]

150. Am I the only one who is not smoking crack in this thread?

WTF? I "get" that he didn't really put the dog on death row...but WTF are you people smoking that you consider THIS some sort of groundbreaking satire?

It's a jumbled mish-mash of a post with a bunch of people jumping in to slap each other on the back and lecture us all on how fucking HILARIOUS it is.


Whatevs you all are smoking, I'd really like some.

[GirlinContempt]

152. It was hardly a jumbled mishmash

More of a hilarity mash-up. Kinda like The Killers vs Corey Heart, but with Irony & Satire.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

153. And why are you not smoking cracK?

You better have a good reason.

[Susang]

155. I think he is

He's just lying about it. ;-)