I've had it. I'm leaving

[Occulus]

my past behind.

Does anyone know how to say goodbye to a parent you don't ever wish to speak to again?

[TrogL]

1. don't talk

walk.

Pisses them off no end.

[VelmaD]

2. Well, there's always...

what my best friend said when she quit her job at IBM..."Suck My Ass"

[Rowdyboy]

3. A subscription to GQ?

How about Bon Appetit?

[havocmom]

4. A question first

How old are you... just a ballpark figure.
Sometimes ties with a parent must be severed, but I would not suggest it under less than really serious conditions and then only well motivated and well thought out.

I did have to sever relationship with my dad. I was 24 at the time and saw him hurt my mom and my sister with his misogyny. When he started to turn that on me, I cut him off cold and perminate. I was icey cold about it, it was well considered and not done in anger or haste. Alchohol played a big part in his abusive behaviors and I learned from observation that one cannot deal rationally with a drunk who doesn't want to get better.

PM me if you want a more in depth chat. I will be nodding off to sleep soon (30minutes or so) but will be back online tomorrow morning. I care. Let me know how you are.

havocmom

[Feanorcurufinwe]

5. Don't say goodbye.

I obviously don't know the story but if it's come to that, I'm guessing that your attempt to say goodbye will just end up being more of the same stuff that makes you want to never speak in the first place.

[Booberdawg]

6. Are you the one whose parents kicked you out 9 or 10 years ago?

Think I've seen you post before....

[Booberdawg]

7. I just did a search - that was you I was thinking of in another thread

Sometimes some of us do have toxic parents that we have to let go of for our own well being. It isn't easy - because it's so counterintuitive.

I can tell you how I did it 5 1/2 years ago. I have a toxic mother who I knew for years I had to make a break from to save my sanity but always got pulled back in one way or another. My younger sister was smart enough to move 2 states away. I did manage to force "some" boundaries.

To make a long story short, 5 1/2 years ago, she did something particularly cruel as my son was lying in his deathbed because of a tragic accident. I'll not go into details, but it was stunning even to those of us who knew how unreasonable, irresponsible, and vindictive she could be.

I waited until after the visitation and the funeral were over and there were no visitors around, and when she called my home when it was just a few family members with me I very calmly and quietly cut her off at the knees, and told her she would never, ever, have a chance to do anything like that to me again. I never wanted to see or hear from her again. Ever. No scene. No ill will. Don't write to me. Don't call me. I don't even want to utter your name again. I just never wanted anything to do with her ever again.

A few family members overheard this, and didn't say a word when I hung up the phone. They just nodded in agreement. I had not told them what I was going to do. Incidentally, my younger sister ended up in therapy as the result of what she had done.

It was liberating. I never had any regrets

This lasted for 4 years. Unfortunately, I did relent to speak to her again a year and a half ago, partially in an effort to make things a little easier on my brother and sister, but I often have regrets relenting. I really have no desire to be around her.


When they are that toxic they just never get better. They are never going to change.

I wish you courage in your decision. And wish you the best for your future life.

[Rowdyboy]

8. I've lost two toxic sisters (within driving distance)

But I'm driving 4 hours tomorrow to see my brother, his wife and her family, because they are real family.

Haven't spoken to my dad since my niece's wedding last year. Don't intend to talk to himn until the next wedding/funeral.

[Cleita]

9. Although I'm not for burning bridges, you don't

need relatives in it that upset you until you learn to deal with them on a level where they don't upset you. Sometimes you have to go away for awhile until you can work these things out. Just say you are going away for awhile and won't be in touch until you return.

[dreissig]

10. Don't Say Good-Bye

Just forget about them. If you can't do that, you're still emotionally caught up with them. Liberate yourself! It will be a lot easier on both of you.

The passage of time changes perspective. Five years from now ... not a lot of time, really ... you may feel differently. Keep your options open.

[Cheswick2.0]

11. have you ever told that parent how you feel?

I mean really laid it all out? I wonder if saying goodbye is the best idea if you still have unresolved anger and are blaming them/her for decissions you are making in the present.

[bearfan454]

12. I had a major run in with my Dad about 5 years ago.

He knew I was going to come over his house and unload so when I walked in the door him and my Mom were sitting there. You could tell they had rehearsed what they were going to say to me. I fucking exploded. I won't say what about except it involved my son and my exwife and access to a CD of my son's. Anyways after we were done yelling and screaming fuck you at each other for a half hour I drove home. I called him up on the phone and said Hey dad, you know all those mean things I just said to you ? He said yes, I said I meant all of them and double. Fuck you again ! I hung up. We didn't speak for about 3 years. We have made ammends since then and I get along with him okay now. You can't take back what you said. I did mean it at the time. Sorry for the rant folks......Happy Thanksgiving.

[Skittles]

13. don't say goodbye

just let it go.

[havocmom]

14. That is best

If someone is really so damaging to be around that one seriously knows the bond needs to break, tyring to explain is useless. For 'talking it out' to work, both parites need to be somewhat rational and more interested in the relationship than in any particular view point, emmotional vestment and/or adgenda.

My dad was a hostile drunk who hated women and was very charming until he went for their hearts. When I came of an age that he considered me full grown and tipped his hand with one small remark, that was it. No intention of letting him hurt me like he had others, I went stone cold, finished his visit in my home calmly and NEVER, NEVER contacted him again.

He did call me, many years later and mumbled that he didn't know what he had done. It was so nice to be still calm in my heart and just tell him that no, he wouldn't ever understand it, "good bye", and I went about my day without anymore feeling on it. He simply no longer exsisted in my life. When he died, I did cry a bit, mostly cuz my mom was sad; he was the last person alive who knew her as a young person and I felt for her alone-ness tho they had been divorced over 20 years. The strong emmotion I felt personally was anger at what a waste his life had been, the potential he was blind to see and use to live a good live. There was no regret about cutting him out of my life.

[FlaGranny]

15. How sad this thread is.

I'm so sad that even families can't get along. No wonder the world can't do it.