From around the world - the lighter side of the news

[papau]

- In MVP Colony, India, a group of fishermen managed to snag a 4-foot
long projectile while trawling - - - they brought it back to land, and
sold it to a scrap shop owner there - - - who subsequently engaged the
services of engaged welders Mutyala Rao and Syamala Rao to cut it open
- - - but, unable to saw it open, the welders (being welders) turned
to what they knew best - - - applying a welding cutter to the device -
- - apparently not knowing that the combination of a gas cutter and an
explosive device could be - - - explosive - - - -

- - - In Wichita, Kansas, an unnamed 24-year-old heard gunshots about
3 in the morning - - - went outside to check things out - - - then
realized that he had been shot in the chest - - - then tried to remove
the bullet with the pointy end of a meat thermometer - - - he was
unsuccessful - - - but managed to walk to the hospital in time for
treatment - - -

- - - In Lexington, Kentucky, Casey Sorrell was pulled over by police
there for driving erratically - - - even though it was passenger
Marilyn Catlett who was intoxicated - - - you could hardly fault Casey
for her driving skills - - after all, Casey, who is just 11, had to
sit on pillows just to see over the steering wheel - - - - Marilyn,
who is Casey’s aunt, says she is sorry – but says it's yet to be
proven that alcohol was involved - - -

- - - In Williamsport, Pennsylvania, Michael L. Deeter, 44, broke into
an apartment there belonging to James Erb - - - he allegedly got away
with $100 and a camcorder - - - but Deeter, who had apparently been
drinking, also “escaped” with bite and blood marks from Sunshine - - -
James’ blue and gold macaw hybrid - - - it must have been quite a
battle - - - the noise alerted neighbors to the break-in - - - and
apparently all but one of Sunshine’s large tail feathers had been
pulled out- - - -

- - - In Santa Cruz, California, Johnny Chavarria, 57, recently
completed the Big Sur Marathon - - - and has reportedly run at least
one other marathon, as well as several 10K running races - - - while
receiving thousands of dollars in funds from workers' compensation
after injuring his back while driving a bus for the Santa Cruz
Metropolitan Transit District, and being found to be "temporary total
disabled” - - -

- - - In Grand Island, New York, an unnamed Burger King cashier turned
around and saw Adam Ruiz, 29, who was going through training - - -
however, he was also the person who robbed that very same restaurant
just a week earlier - - - (guess he won’t keep that new job)- - -

- - - In Horatio, Arkansas, Joyce Brewer, 61, who relies on an oxygen
tank, decided to remove the nasal tubes briefly so that she could
smoke - - - in bed - - - ultimately dropping said cigarette near the
aforementioned oxygen tank - - - and nasal tubes - - - with what may
best be characterized as “predictable results” - - -

- - - In Bluffton, South Carolina, Anthony Tyrone Baker, 20, and a
co-burglar donned ski masks and, armed with handguns, came into
Palomas Restaurant & Cantina there and took $170 as employees were
cleaning up- - - gunshots and a scream alerted a man at an adjacent
bar - - - and after the robbers left, the man, the owner of the
restaurant, employees, and customers followed - - -some carrying pool
cues - - - which, along with tree branches, they used to beat Anthony
into submission - - -while others hailed police conducting a traffic
stop nearby - - - most of the stolen money had been dropped on the
restaurant floor and in the woods - - -

- - - In New York, New York, Jose Dones, 36, of Orlando, Florida, was
driving through the Midtown Tunnel when Metropolitan Transportation
Authority cop David Rivera spotted an expired temporary registration
tag on the car's rear window - - - Dones had no proof of ownership, so
the car was impounded - - - and police found in the trunk 38 kilos of
coc.aine, with an estimated street value of $6 million - - -

- - - In Headingley, Leeds, UK, Chris Taylor, 30, thought it was
suspicious that his girlfriend’s cell phone rang and their pet African
grey parrot Ziggy would say, as if on queue, “Hi ya, Gary” - - - but
his suspicions were fully aroused when he was cuddling with Suzy
Collins, 25, on the couch in their apartment and Ziggy leaned over and
whispered in Suzy’s ear (and apparently in a perfect imitation of
Suzy’s voice), “I love you, Gary.” - - - Suzy has been kicked out, and
Ziggy, who Chris acquired eight years ago as a chick – but who
continued uttering Gary’s name in what sounded like Suzy’s voice --
has a new home as well - - -

- - - In Rockland, New York, Jamie Bass, 32, held up the Union state
Bank there - - - passing a note to a bank teller saying, “Don't be
stupid. Give me 800 dollars in 20s and 50s” - - - then Jamie made his
getaway - - - by, in sight of bank customers and employees, climbing
into a cab - - - police caught up to him just a quarter mile away (the
cabbie didn’t realize his vehicle had been “transformed” into a
getaway car) - - - and when police arrested Jamie in the cab, he had
$780 in cash - - - and the robbery note - - -

- - - In Clermont, Florida, Richard Sibila, III, pulled into a
drive-through window at the Wendy’s there in the wee hours of the
morning - - - and, while waiting for someone to take his order - - -
fell asleep - - - when officers arrived to investigate, they proceeded
to administer a sobriety test - - - and Richard responded that he
wanted "five double cheeseburgers and a frosty” - - - and when police
searched his car, they found coca.ine and marij.uana - - -

- - - Near Southhampton, New York, Stephen Nielsen, 38, managed to
drive his Ford Expedition from Exit 62 to Exit 67 on the Long Island
Expressway - - - while asleep with his head “back, his mouth was
agape, his eyes were closed,” according to Highway Patrol Officer
Matthew Nilan - - - police finally stopped the vehicle, forced the
door open - - and found a cra.ck coc.aine pipe on Nielsen's lap - - -
in November 2002, Nielsen drove a 1999 Nissan sedan onto the lawn of
the Second Precinct in Huntington - - - after which police also found
a cra.ck coc.aine pipe on him - - -

- - - And finally, near Gillingham, Kent, UK, Christine Ryder, 53, met
Kevin Reeves, 40, when both were being treated for mental health
problems at Medway Maritime Hospital there in 2003- - - Christine had
been admitted after attempting to end her life - - - but the
treatments were apparently insufficient to alter that depression - - -
so she asked her new friend Kevin if he could locate a hitman to do
the job for her - - - Kevin made a call - - - and told Christine that
he could get someone to do it for £2,500 - - - she wrote the check - -
- nothing happened - - - after they both left the hospital, Christine
repeated her request - - - and Kevin told her it now would cost £5,000
- - - - she wrote him a check, and he cashed it, telling her that she
would be killed in a drive-by shooting on June 11, 2003 - - - she
wasn’t - - - later to be told by Kevin that he had had to kill the
hitman himself - - - and pay the money to the hitman’s widow - - -
Christine, still focused on her desire to end it all, asked if Kevin
could do it himself - - - he said yes, but that it would cost her
another £10,000 - - - another check was written - - - and time passed
with no action - - - until Kevin called to tell her that the £10,000
had been seized by his bank because he was bankrupt - - - but for
another £10,000, he could do the job - - - Christine negotiated him
down to £5,000, and Kevin said it would happen on November 28 - - -
then, on November 27, Christine got a letter from Kevin saying that
the situation had changed, but “things are still on, so don’t panic” -
- - but come November 29 Christine was still in the land of the living
- - - so she called Kevin’s wife - - - who claimed that Kevin had told
her that the money came from a lottery win, a cashed in insurance
policy, and an individual savings account - - - Christine finally took
Kevin to court for breach of contract - - - and won, despite the
obvious illegality of the arrangement - - - -