Top 10 Reasons You Might Be Too Old to Gig

[XNASA]

10 - During the second set, you scream for the drummer to please stop hitting those annoying cymbals.
9 - All you want from groupies is a foot massage.
8 - Prepping for the gig involves plucking hair from your chin or nose.
7 - You need your glasses to see your amp settings.
6 - You no longer use a tip jar.
5 - You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 p.m. instead of 9:30 p.m.
4 - You need a nap before the gig.
3 - During the breaks, you now go to your van to lie down.
2 - You don't recover until Tuesday afternoon.
1 - The waitress is your daughter.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

1. amendment to #5:

5 - You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 p.m. instead of 9:30 p.m. so you can rush home to catch Touched by an Angel.

[XNASA]

5. I've been using #10 since I started.

Goddam drummers.

[Susang]

6. I've used #4 since I can remember

Naps are good. :D

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

7. Change #2 to "toe sucking" and I've used it at every gig I've played

including the Elk's Club Annual Galas.

[Susang]

8. How disturbing

Even the one I was at? :scared:

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

10. Shit yeah, hot lips.

[Lochloosa]

2. Your never to old for giggin'

[donheld]

3. Oh God not another Rolling Stones thread

:evilgrin:

[SlavesandBulldozers]

4. alternate entry

You play a Gretsch Centrum-Silver-Jet.

ok. that was bad.

[RandomKoolzip]

9. #11- Your fans throw bottles of prune juice at you instead of beer.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

11. ...or Ensure.

[Oeditpus Rex]

12. Drumming is good cardio

Just sayin'.

[johnnie]

13. A few more

Your rider states that the band would like:
1 Box of Depends

3 Cases of prune juice (chilled)

1 Jar of Metamucil (With chilled spoon)

A 19" TV with VHS machine, Various VHS tapes consisting of classic comedy programming (M.A.S.H., Three's Company, Happy Days, Welcome Back Kotter ect...)

Selected hair coloring dyes

All lamps shall have 25 watt bulbs as to not to hurt artist's eyes

4 pair of reading glasses (125X). Very important! NO TORTOISE SHELL FRAMES! The thinner the frames the better. The band still wants to look hip, even when trying to see their autographs they are signing.

No one in the dressing room is to be allowed entrance under the age of 25. (Musician's grandchildren will be allowed access). Artists have accidentally been mistaken as "boring old farts" and this should reduce that assumption.

1 bottle of Viagra shall be provided but labeled as "Percodan". DO NOT PLACE NEAR METAMUCIL!

4 oxygen tanks shall be set up and made to look like balloon machines. Tie balloons to tanks and one (1)clown is to be provided to round out deception.

Catering shall consist of 3 boxes of Special K cereal, 2 gallons of 2% milk, 2 boxes of TUMS, 3 peaches, 4 bananas (smashed and chilled) and a toaster with one (1) loaf of wheat bread and butter (NOT SPREAD! REAL BUTTER DAG-NABBIT)

OK, I am out of ideas..lol. Actually, I am gonna go have a few drinks at the corner.

[KitchenWitch]

17. And

A portable defibrillator must be less than 20 feet from the band at ALL TIMES. This is NOT NEGOTIABLE.

[asthmaticeog]

14. NO BROWN GERITOLS

[Ellen Forradalom]

15. HA HA HA

Those are GREAT, XNASA.

[leftofthedial]

16. I've been fighting with my bifocals on stage ever since I got 'em

can't see amps, lyric sheets, keyboard settings, the rack on the babe in the front row . . . all the important stuff

most of the time, I need a nap *during* the gig

[prolesunited]

18. I enjoyed your list

But does Cate know you have a daughter?

[ET Awful]

19. 11 - They give you and your family a show on MTV

:P