Ok You're In Hell! What Poetry are you forced to read?

[RetroLounge]

I'd say Rod McKuen...

or Jewel.

RL

[Moochy]

1. Lyrics to "Praise" Rock songs

Seems appropriate. No offense to my good open-minded non-proselytizing christian DU'ers whom are legion. But as for you starry eyed jesus zombies praise music groupies.. :puke:

"Now is the time to woooooorship"

Come, now is the time to worship
Come, now is the time to give your heart
Come, just as you are to worship
Come, just as you are before your God, come

One day every tongue will confess you are God
One day every knew will bow
Still the greatest treasure remains for those
Who gladly choose you now

[WritingIsMyReligion]

7. ...

:eyes:

Ridiculous music...

:puke:

[deadparrot]

42. My brother and I go into hysterics anytime we see one of the commercials.

You know, the people swaying, arms aloft, eyes closed, in some kind of rapture. It's probably really rude, but I can't help it. It gives me the giggles.

[Deja Q]

2. Vogon poetry...

Or Jessica Simpson 'music'

[MiniMandaRuth]

3. Teenage angst poetry.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

4. Rosie O'Donnell

[miss_american_pie]

5. Emily Dickinson

[tigereye]

6. that's just so wrong

[LeftyMom]

8. vogon. nt

[Legolassie]

78. lol! nt

[unsavedtrash]

9. Beowulf nt. not exactly poetry but still applies

[sarge43]

28. Beowulf

Check out Seamus Heaney's translation; you might be pleasantly surprised.

[tigereye]

53. I keep meaning to get that

:hi:

I love Heaney in all his manifestations...

[sarge43]

77. It's a superb translation, tigereye.

Reads almost like a novel, but keeps the spirit.

:thumbsup:

[sarge43]

29. Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Jeez man, some people died; it happens. Get a grip.

[miss_american_pie]

30. ...

:rofl:

[bridgit]

10. The Stain

Frustrated I touch that spot, so dry and wet
I rub it until I'm satisfied
But I hunger for more
It still remains the obsession
It won't be complete until erased
I rub vigourously until it's gone
Ohhh...perfect all gone
I get out the vacum hoover and suck that shit till nothing is left
Clean as a whistle I run my fingers through the moist bristles
The grape juice stain is gone

http://www.coffeeshoptimes.com/badpoet.html

[philosophie_en_rose]

11. Romantic Lump Poetry by George W. Bush

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Oh my lump in the bed,
How I've missed you.

Roses are redder,
Bluer am I,
Seeing you kissed by that charming French guy.

The dogs and the cat, they missed you too;
Barney's still mad you dropped him, he ate your shoe.
The distance, my dear, has been such a barrier;
Next time you want an adventure, just land on a carrier.

********************************************************

:rofl:

[Monkey see Monkey Do]

12. The Faerie Queen by Edmund bloody Spencer

[yellowdogintexas]

15. AGREED and I was an English major, I am supposed to know

about that stuff and the Faerie Bloody Queen made me insane!!!

[mitchum]

40. I'm another English major who also despised Spenser's "masterpiece"

[sarge43]

43. Having to read The Faerie Queen and Tristram Shandy

may explain why we English majors tend to be twitchy, bad tempered moon bats.

:crazy:

[Cats Against Frist]

64. Tristam Shandy is brilliant.

Thomas Jefferson read it to his wife, as she lay on her death bed. One of the earliest examples of innovative fiction.

[sarge43]

44. Having to read The Faerie Queen and Tristram Shandy

may explain why we English majors tend to be twitchy, bad tempered moon bats.

:crazy:

[Bridget Burke]

45. Spenser only finished half of the Faerie Queen

Irish rebels burned down his castle & he went back to England, to die a dispappointed man.

...An early Irish contribution to English Literature.

[TheBaldyMan]

13. William McGonagle

n/t

[cassandra uprising]

14. Ooooo Jewel that's good

However this woman who I've come across in slam scene in Connecticut makes Jewel look like Aristotle. Her name is Eileen Albrizio and she is the most God awful poet I've ever come across. She writes strictly in form which is great, but she thinks just because she's writing in form that the content of what she is writing is good. It's the most trite and assuming psychobabble ever. She used to be a host for WNPR's all things considered in CT and listening to her on the air was torture. She has a couple of published books and has probably won a bunch of awards, as I said she writes in form so that makes her work really profound :eyes:

To make her work even more hideous, she has a book in which she has taken pictures of cemetery angels and written poems inspired by the photos.

:puke:

I could go on an on about this woman. She has a few pieces that I have come across that I thought were good but most of it is self indulgent self pity and crap.

-Mind you, I'm a complete douche for not writing my own poetry in far too long and at least she's out there doing her thing, bla bla bla you get my point.

:rant:

Eileen Albrizio is the MC of the open mic night in my personal hell.




EXPOSED
an English Sonnet

I watched you as you peeled away my skin
and felt the rush of air across each nerve.
You started slowly underneath my chin.
The angle made it awkward to observe
Then with a sudden wrench betrayed my chest,
and blood spurt up into my mouth and eyes.
Through stinging tears I saw my blurry breast,
the tissue ripped. My heart heaved in surprise
from its ubrupt encounter with the world,
unable to conceal its frantic beat.
The fluid in my veins raced through and swirled
into my brain then dropped into my feet.
Repulsed, you left me in my vertigo
exposing what I did not want to show.

A friend of mine who worked with her at the station asked her if she was going to the annual Wallace Stevens poetry extravaganza a couple of years ago and she didn't know who he was, or cared to be turned onto his work because he didn't write in form.

I love me a sestina but come on.

Oh I forgot I turned the rant off. I'm sorry....

[aclog]

21. "MAN thats bad!"

I remember one time at a restaurant I was trying to impress my friend JRs gf and I kept trying to stand this choaclate candy they put out at all the tables on its end...it looked kinda like an elongated tootsie roll

After a couple of minutes of looking like an idiot she said "what the hell are you doing?". the candy was called an ovation so I told her I was trying to make a standing ovation

So JR shouts out "MAN, thats bad!" It was the funniest thing ever, and as I was reading that shit his voice flashed through my head right there

This is the same guy who wore a Seattle Seahawks necktie to a Haunted House in Kansas City...not THAT's poetic :D

[cassandra uprising]

23. Very funny and welcome to DU!

I tried to find one piece that she wrote that was even more ridiculous but she didn't have it posted on the internets.

What makes it even worse is that most people who she would perform for would go nuts over her work because of the novelty of hearing original work in a structured form. It was mind boggling.

[aclog]

25. I'm no poetry critic

but I did major in English in college (for 2 semesters) and to me that is the most contrived "verse" I've ever seen

And I've been known to find punk rock lyrics deep and moving so...

thanks for the welcome after another thread tonite I was feeling a tad gunshy lol

[tigereye]

55. I love Stevens

how could any poet not know who he is? But you really have to work hard to get underneath his meanings.

Is it that she is trying to ape an older style? But I see what you mean.

[Arkham House]

16. William Carlos Williams

Rain...butterflies...wheelbarrows...forever!!! Arrggghhhh!!!!!!!!

[cassandra uprising]

20. But, but, but

This is Just to Say is one of my fav's

:hide:

on edit:

Welcome to DU!!! and from Stay-ven no less

I grew up in Middletown.

[Arkham House]

35. Thanks

WCW wrote a few lovely lyrics...and a lot of silly stuff that doesn't quite work, or so it seems to me...but at least he's better than Pound, if that doesn't get me into worse trouble...:-(...and greetings from Staven...love Middletown--always thought it'd make a great setting for an HP Lovecraft story...

[hyphenate]

17. Less read

than listen to:

Leonard Nimoy trying to read aloud or William Shatner trying the same thing. Many years ago, I bought both their albums, listened once, almost vomited, and put them away, never to be heard again.

[jobycom]

18. Amateur Christian poetry

http://www.netpoets.com/poems/christian/

Nothing Compares To You
by WhtDove
I'm sitting here filled with wonder
At the amazing things you do
How the waters stay in the oceans
And the vast beauty of the view

How the stars are hung in the sky
Within them is written your word
How we are the following sheep
And you are the only Shepherd


etc.

[Cats Against Frist]

32. ooooo I forgot that one, will add

[ET Awful]

52. LMFAO . . .

:rofl: :spray:

That's just painful. BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[wildhorses]

19. yoko ono or Bjork or the

throw me into shallow water before I get too deep crap

[smoogatz]

22. Undergraduate workshop poetry...

Oh, shit--that's what I do for a living!!

[Whoa_Nelly]

24. Something I plagiarized and had printed

in the school Poetry book when I was 8.

Umbrellas are the things these days
In every shape and size
They keep you from the April rains
'Til May brings sunny skies

Stole it from the front of my Humpty Dumpty magazine

[aclog]

26. haha I once did that

and lifted obscure verse from The Wizard of Oz (or one of the books in the Oz series)

For some reason the stupid ditty is still in my head

To eat is sweet
When hungers seat
Demands a treat
Of savory meat

Whats funny is my grandpa thought I wrote it myself and then condescendingly sat down to help me "improve" it. I could never separate the guilt I felt from the "what a schmuck!" feeling. However, he was a schmuck overall, not just when it came to penning pretentious, shitty poetry

[nemo137]

27. Byron, any Romantic, most Enlightenment poetry

or, the demons would just hold the complete John Donne just out of reach.

[tigereye]

56. oh

you don't like Donne? :cry: Or do you. Can't tell. ;)

Donne's writing is a beautiful gem.

[Cats Against Frist]

31. OK

Here's my list:

Anyone remotely associated with confessionalism, school of quietude, beat poetry, slam poetry on paper, pre-neo-romanticism, poetry written from kitchen windows, poems about birds, snow and dogs, poems that try too hard to be avant-garde, poetry published on individual homepages, Poetry.com, dark teen poetry, poetry by rock stars (except Captain Beefheart), Billy Collins, Rod McKuen, a book of anthologized love sonnets, Bob Dylan lyrics passed off as poetry, Swineburn, Wordsworth (except "We are Seven,"), any of those yogi people, haiku written by white people, Motherhood anthology poems, I-am-an-old-lady-or-man anthology poems, patriotic poems and religious poetry.

And I'm sure that I can think of more.

[tigereye]

58. not sure how the Beats got in there

read some John O'Hara....

[Cats Against Frist]

67. Do you mean "Frank O'Hara?"

I googled "John O'Hara," and it seems like he wrote mostly fiction, which I wasn't really considering. Though I'm not really big on beat fiction, either. Frank O'Hara, on the other hand, was part of the NY School, though he is commonly, if not mistakenly (open to interpretation), lumped in with the beat movement. I like the NY School to a point, but they don't really do that much for me, O'Hara included, though, I wouldn't say that his poems would be widely distributed in Hell.

[tigereye]

73. whoops!

so much for my alleged poetry knowledge! Although you should read some John O'Hara too! I just love the Beats in all their messy wordy Howling glory!

"I wouldn't say that his poems would be widely distributed in Hell." well, that's damning with faint praise! ;)

[RandomKoolzip]

60. So no Gary Snyder or Philip Larkin?

Huh. Those are two of my favorites.

[Cats Against Frist]

68. Gary Snyder hits two no-no categories on my list

He's lumped in with the beats AND he writes a lot about nature.

Larkin can turn a good phrase, and I like the fact that he's pretty brutal -- and he's pretty funny -- but, overall, his work doesn't do anything for me that an episode of "The Surreal Life," wouldn't do. I can sit through it, it's very entertaining, but it doesn't make me marvel at the artistry. Though, sometimes, I have to admit, his prosody is pretty tight.

**edited to add "a lot"

[ContraBass Black]

33. My own, from junior high school.

Oh no.

[kedrys]

34. Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in my Armpit

One Midsummer Morning, by Vogon Poet Master Grunthos the Flatulent.

:puke:

:P

[MrSlayer]

38. Yes, you might survive if you gnaw off your own leg.

As had been done during the recitation of that poem.


Have you seen the Vogon Poetry generator?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/vogonpoetry/lettergen.shtml

[realisticphish]

57. Luckily

his own spine, attempting to save the audience, leaped up and killed him

[Redstone]

36. Any. I detest poetry.

Except for archy & mehitabel.

Redstone

[DanCa]

37. Bobcat Goldwight readding the illyiad to you.

Night after night after night.

[elshiva]

39. Rod McKuen is a Vogon.

[mitchum]

41. Any of the Fugitive or Agrarian poets...

"Here, take your stand on THIS, you elegaic old maids!"

[jane_pippin]

46. It would have to be my *own* teen angst poetry from back in the day.

If it was hell, then only this would bring the kind of pain I assume Satan is shooting for.

[LaraMN]

47. That was EXACTLY my first thought!

MY teen angst poetry-not yours, I mean.:rofl: Dear God, talk about self-indulgent pity parties. I should burn them all. I wince when I happen across those golden nuggets.

[jane_pippin]

49. Oh I know! I've always tended to rip pages out and destroy them

a few months later when I decide what I wrote was lame. However, I think there are still some scraps in some drawers at my parents house. I've told them I was going to come back to clean up all my old crap soon but I'm dreading it because I know some of that stuff is buried in there somewhere. :shudder:

I guess I should get it over with because god forbid something happens to me and someone else would have to suffer through it after I'm gone. That might be worse.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

48. Any "poetry" (and I use the term lightly) that is free verse.

Free verse, if used more than a few times here and there, is just another term for "I have no fucking talent".

[Cats Against Frist]

66. That's a bold statment

The neocons at the New Criterion think that anything that's not written in form is only suitable for leftist totalitarian societies.

In some ways, though, I agree. I almost always write in tetrameter, which doesn't win me a lot of friends in the post-avant community, until they understand what I'm doing with it. When I'm not writing in tetrameter, I write prose poems. I can get into some free verse poems, particulary if they at least work with sound, but, mostly, if it's not metered, or the stylization of the poem doesn't rely on enjambment for specific visual, tonal, rhetorical, aural or metric purposes, I don't really see the point of putting poetry in to free verse kind of lines. Of course, many of the free verse proponents will tell you that there's much more to it. In some ways, there is -- WCW and Eliot wrote, fairly extensively, on this topic, and, obviously, free verse rules the day. I prefer form. That said, I'm not going to separate poems into those which are metered, and those which are free verse, and use that as my primary criterion on which to judge poems. I think that would be a mistake.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

71. I don't think it's a mistake at all.

If an author does not demonstrate that he/she is capable of writing poetry in meter and rhyme, then are they not only rambling in poorly crafted prose?

Free verse IS a very suitable method for poetry, but there must be a purposeful reason for it, just as there is typically a purpose for using any other poetic style, such as a villanelle or sonnet. Format is every bit a part of the meaning of a poem as the words itself. For example, I wrote a poem about conformity using unmetered end-line rhyme, except for the final line of the poem. The format of that poem itself was symbolic. THAT is acceptable free verse, especially since the vast majority of my poetry was written in strict forms.

Simply put, writing in free verse should be a demonstrated choice and NOT a limitation. If you are not good enough to write effectively with rhyme and/or meter, you are not a poet - you're a bad prose writer.

[Cats Against Frist]

76. Well, no

they're not "only rambling in poorly crafted prose." Therein, lies your mistake. For certain, there is a ton of awfully bad free verse going 'round, and there has been for a century -- but that doesn't mean that all of it is, simply, bad prose. Some of it is beautiful prose, with no discernable reason for non-metered lines. Most of it sucks, I agree -- but to say that the only measure of a poet is to the extent he or she has mastered, or prefers, formal craft is ludicrous.

I'm not often keen on getting into the political implications of form, because I neither agree with your position, nor do I agree with the schools of poetry that cast form as oppression. I lean toward experimental, or what's called "innovative," writing, but, unlike many of my contemporaries, I do not believe that this places form or metrics "off limits." As I said, I like tetrameter, and have mad affection for the dactyl -- but I think the art has gone beyond it, a little.

I agree that free verse should have to back up its use of the line, but not simply because I think poetry should be "in form," only because I have an affinity for the stylization and sound of poems, over content, and I consider a free verse poem that does not earn its line breaks, as you, to reflect neglect and poor skill on the part of the poet. That said, WCW made it "cool for everyone," to use "breath" as the measure of their lines, which is highly arbitrary, and often misunderstood -- if there's really anything to understand, in the first place.

Poor attempts at form, however, are much more disturbing than bad "free verse" poems -- and I'm not one to give the amateur brownie points for trying. But with the inclusion of forms of music, such as jazz improv, into the poetic imagination, it is quite plausible for there to be much rhythm and music in poems, where there is no regular meter, and creative enjambment is a means to express that music. In addition, there are other forms that rely on syllabics, which make recognizing the form difficult for the untrained poet. In addition, all of these musical forms, meter included, are open to variation and experimentation. Also, elliptical poetries and fragmentation, even if you technically don't agree with their inspiration, incorporate variations of rhetorical structure or phanopoeia that warrant or demand a free-verse structure. However, this is not always true, as form and meter can accomodate the most disjoined, dislocated and fragmented composition of subject. It is actually this area which particularly fascinates me.

So, I think we're in agreement on one point: that free verse must earn its freedom, albeit, for different reasons, and I think that rigid adherence to form casts a narrow view of the art. Likewise, I think that there are many people who are highly skillful free verse poets, but the preponderance of pointless free verse drowns them out, or makes the argument irrelevant.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

79. I think we're actually on the same page.

I didn't say all free verse was bad, but simply that if that's all you can do, you're not a very good poet. Free verse definitely has its uses, but like you said, the preponderence of bad free verse drowns out the skilled poets that use it.

However, I won't back off my assertion that one should be skilled at formatic poetry first. You can draw a parallel to visual art. Many modern artists will try to make color theory art and will make pieces where there is nothing more to it than a few symmetrical boxes of different colors. However, only the masters are truly recognized for this accomplishment because they've proven they DO know what that means through their other works. No piece of any form of artwork stands alone, and that goes for poetry as well. If all you ever write in is free verse, then you haven't shown an understanding of what the style means. Amateurs don't know the difference, professionals do. And finally, it's not debate at all as to the implications of form - there are specific reasons that go far beyond how the poem reads in choosing what kind of form a poem is written. For example, a villanelle is an extremely difficult form of poetry to write and it's one that is used to reinforce particular themes throughout the poem, as two lines are repeated throughout the piece. Dylan Thomas' "Do Not Go Gently into That Good Night" is a perfect example, because he uses the form as a way of expressing how difficult it can be to truly fight against the inevitability of death, and the repetition of lines is symbolic of how possessed a person can be in doing so. The great poets throughout history have all chosen the forms of their poems for a specific reason, not just on a whim.

[ET Awful]

50. Any of the numerous Bush tribute "poems" that appear on

FR regularly courtesy of folks like Doug from Upland :puke:

[no name no slogan]

51. Billy Corgan

Yes, Mr. Punkee Smasher has answered the question nobody is asking: "when are you going to publish your poetry?"



:puke: :puke: :puke:

[RetroLounge]

62. Truly frightening

RL

[Cats Against Frist]

69. Puke is right

"Fool enough to almost be it
Cool enough to not quite see it
Doomed
Pick you pockets full of sorrow
And run away with me tomorrow
June"

--BC

This not only makes a statement about why all rock star poetry books suck, but also reminds me why I hate lyrics. This shit is no less pointless, when set to music. Perhaps Smashing Pumpkins had me for about 30 seconds with their bass guitar playing, but I know HUNDREDS of writers who can't get a book published, or are just starting out, and will have a hard time, when Corgan gets to publish this wasteful, stupid, banal bullshit. It's sad, sad, sad.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

70. the upside

we don't have to hear him whining.

of course if he reads this he'll probably whine out a book-on-tape just to annoy everybody.

[Squatch]

54. The Divine Comedy (Particularly "Inferno")

more as a "how do I get out of here" guide.

[tigereye]

59. Retro

you need to have a poetry seminar around here ( well, I guess you already are, more than anyone else)... look at all the great stuff listed here that is despised!

:cry:

[swag]

63. The philistine is always right.

He only errs in his suppositions.

[tigereye]

65. aw thanks Swag

I feel better now. :)

[RandomKoolzip]

61. Jim "Fuckin'" Morrison.

THEE worst poet since the invention of paper. Fuck him twice, sideways. No one would give a fuck about his sophomoric doodles if he weren't good-looking.

Oh, and the Doors blew dead goats too.

[RetroLounge]

74. What do you really think

don't hold back...

RL

[MsAnthropy]

72. The junk I wrote when I was 15

GAWD that's embarrassing

:blush:

[khashka]

75. Dennis Cooper

My personal hell will be hearing about geeky boys slicing each other up.

Pity he's such a good writer.

Khash.

[mikeytherat]

80. The Dr. Phil Poetry Reading-palooza

mikey_the_rat

[Magrittes Pipe]

81. Robert Service

Especially "The Quitter."

[eyesroll]

82. It's the hell-served-for-breakfast that's hard.

I wonder what Paul P's up to these days...