The rich really ARE different from you and me, Gatsby.

[Redstone]

For one thing, they're fucking idiots. For example, they'll pay in the five figures for a watch that is not only superlatively ugly, but that also deliberately makes it difficult to look at the fucking thing and be able to tell what time it is, thanks to its groundbreakingly stupid design.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to ruin your evening with the Ulysse Nardin Sonata:



I firmly believe that if there's anything that will make me go Communist some day, it'll be the expensive-watch ads in magazines like Esquire, Fortune, and Vanity Fair.

Redstone

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

1. How much do you think I could get from a rich person for this one?

[Redstone]

4. Well, call it a "Languedoc Millefiori," find an address in Switzerland,

then put an ad with a picture of some old fart peering at something through a loupe next to it, and text that says:

Snot Harbour • The Shoppes at Snotfields • Snot Galleria

at the very bottom, with no phone numbers, addresses, or a website, and you'll have it knocked. (I've figured out the formula for those disgusting watch ads, as you can tell.)

Redstone

[Dave Reynolds]

2. And I thought the Yema was bad,

even with instructions I was too stupid to figure it out. But only $450 used.

[Redstone]

5. I SINCERELY hope you're joking about the 450 bucks.

I really do.

Redstone

[Dave Reynolds]

6. Nope, I am not.

Luckily it was not me doing the purchasing, but a friend who wanted me to help him figure the thing out.

That POS cost $1500 in 1989.

[Redstone]

8. Fifteen HUNDRED BUCKS? For the love of God, WHY?

How is it that people who are THAT stupid, to pay THAT kind of money for THAT kind of junk, actually HAVE so much money?

I don't get it.

Redstone

[Dave Reynolds]

9. I fail to understand, myself.

The only true millionaires I have met in my life were the tightest-walleted people ever.

[Redstone]

10. OK, I give up. I even googled it. How do you tell time with that thing?

Redstone

[Dave Reynolds]

12. I have no idea,

I read the damn instructions twice, and they were in English...

[Redstone]

14. And yet, according to one web page I saw, people were supposed

to use those things while freezing their yockers off on Arctic / Antarctic expeditions? Go figure.

Redstone

[DS1]

3. It says "Neither time nor money is important to me"

for I am slave to neither.

/probably grammatical :nuke: in there somewhere

[Redstone]

7. And it adds, "I also have tons of bucks to burn to tell you those things,

and to make damn sure you know that I have NO taste."

Grammar, whatever - you got your point across just fine.

Redstone

[tarkus]

11. My friend's watch has a slide rule on it. It is awesome.

"Of course it is," you reply, "It has a slide rule on it."

[Redstone]

13. I bet I'd remember how to use a slide rule (I'm old) if I had one.

I know there's one down in the cellar somewhere...no, I am NOT going to go look for it.

Redstone

[ET Awful]

15. That's nowhere near as bad as the watch "Usher" bought.

Saw some blurb about this thing as I was flipping channels on TV the other night . . . a one million dollar watch with get this . . . his freakin' face in diamonds as the face of the watch:



:puke:

[NMMNG]

16. One of the joys of being uber-rich

Is that you can spend your money on stupid things, such as ugly watches that make it difficult to even tell the time.

And jewel encrusted bras that are nothing more than conversation pieces.

Or jewel encrusted hubcaps for a car that will never leave your twelve-car garage.


:puke: