Use of the words "Darlin'" and "Sweetie"

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

I was standing in line today at CompUSA waiting to be rung up when I overheard the guy in front of me call the female cashier "Sweetie." Of course my ears perked up because, let's face it, you'd have to be living under a rock to not know this is pretty passe and certainly impolite in certain company. But I figured "Hey, maybe he's a hell of a guy...no biggie." Then, seconds later as the cashier completes the transaction, I hear him call her "Darlin'." At that point, I really started thinking this guy is pretty damn clueless. But it occurred to me: Here in Nashville, you can patronize any of a number of rather old fashioned, southern restaurants ("Meat an' threes," as we call them here) and, if you get a female server, they will almost invariably call the male patrons "Sweetie" or "Darlin'" or some other similar term of endearment. Of course, we have a long tradition of sexism in the US so a man calling a woman "Sweetie" carries a different connotation or is at least likely to gain a different response but there's an obvious double standard there. Anyone care to weigh in on this?

[Beer Snob-50]

1. I get called "honey", "darlin", et al

from the cashier at my local dunkin donuts and i am not fond of it. I will not say anything about it, but I still don't care for it.

[Sugar Smack]

2. Waitresses who call me "honey" & "sweetie"

always get more of a tip from me. I am such a sucker for that, I don't know why, and then I have this zombified reaction when I pull out my wallet.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

4. Same effect if it's a waiter?

Or is that creepy?

[Sugar Smack]

7. That's funny, because I don't know.

I've never had a waiter call me those names before.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

9. Well, what about any male stranger?

[Sugar Smack]

15. If it's a much older man,

I'm used to "Darlin'", given the context of my living in the south. It bothers me not a whit. My gay male friends call me "Sweetie" and it's all very affectionate. Now, I think under other most other circumstances I may bristle with other male strangers.

[HEyHEY]

35. It makes me angry when they do that

[anarch]

3. I just call everyone, male or female or whatever, "baby"

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

8. My standby names for strange women are "Hootchie Mama"

or "Lawdy Mama." They eat it up!

[Sugar Smack]

17. "Lawdy Mama."

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

31. Yeah, it's like living in a Steppenwolf song.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pay a visit to the Pusha' man.

[jpgray]

5. It's more likely to be offensive to women

Just like if a cop calls two grown men "boy," if one is black it has more of a potential impact. That doesn't mean that the intent was racist, or that the intent in your situation above was sexist, but the context those remarks have can easily lead them to be interpreted as racist or sexist, respectively, depending on the race/gender of the person they are directed towards.

[HEyHEY]

37. Yeah, cause they're so fucking sensitive

:hide:

[miss_american_pie]

6. It's all in how a person says it

to me, anyway. Some men have a very passive-aggressive way of using those terms.

And I have a horrible time not calling people by terms of endearment on message boards, because I forget I don't really "know" people online well enough to talk to them like I do family and friends.

[RevCheesehead]

10. I picked up that habit while living in NC.

However, I ONLY use it within a context where I know the person, and have developed a close enough relationship with them that they are NOT offended by it. I would never dream of calling a complete stranger "sweetie" or "darlin'."

[redqueen]

11. I say it a lot, and only take offense if it's said the wrong way.

Down here it's pretty common for both sexes to say to people of either gender, and most don't mean anything by it. It's only when people are nasty about it that I would be offended, though. And even then, I think I feel more pity towards them than offense at their dumbassery.

[SteppingRazor]

12. I occasionally catch myself calling even women "man" or "dude"...

You can take the boy out of the SoCal surfer, but you can't take the SoCal surfer out of the boy.

Thankfully, I do that a lot less than I used to.

[Ariana Celeste]

25. I do that all the time.

it's like a reflex. And I'm a chick! :hi:

Although I've cut down on doing that on messageboards considering it irritates some people. As far as people I know in person, they all are used to it. And my mom gets a kick out of it. ;).

[SteppingRazor]

28. Thanks, Ariana, I feel better already...

Nice sigline, by the way... check out my hobbies in my profile :evilgrin:

[Ariana Celeste]

41. LOL

Right on! If you're ever in the Indiana area.... hit me up. ;)

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

33. My roommate calls all his female friends and his dad "dude."

He also calls his dad "slap nuts" so maybe he's an anomaly.

[SteppingRazor]

38. I used to call this one bartender "slapnuts"...

He got real angry every time, which was funny -- but then he eventually got all sad over it, so we shortened it to "slappy." But then the friend of mine whose neighborhood that bar was in moved away to the City, so I stopped going there.

[anarch]

40. dude, I totally do that all the time.

totally.

[JVS]

13. the customer is always right

Even if the customer is a total asshole

life sucks that way

[Mojambo]

14. I sometimes call people "Tiger"

I don't know why.

[jpgray]

16. That, "sport," and "big shooter" should be stripped of their currency

[Sugar Smack]

18. "Old boy"

:rofl:

[Sugar Smack]

20. "Chief"

:rofl:

[jpgray]

22. "Jack," "Sam," and "pard."

[Sugar Smack]

24. "Man". All the time, "Man".

[Sugar Smack]

43. "Boss"

:scared:

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

36. I like calling people "Ace" or "Wild man"

especially in a condescending way.

[jpgray]

44. "Ace!" How the fuck could I forget "Ace?"

[Left Is Write]

19. Well, listen, darlin'...

I don't think you should worry your head about it, sweetie. ;)

Seriously, I believe it depends on context, culture, and relationship...but for the most part, I admit I would be more annoyed at a male server calling me by such terms of endearment than I would be by a female server doing the same. Especially if the female server were a motherly type. Still, I would probably feel differently if I knew the server or had been a regular customer for some time.

[MissMillie]

21. OK... here's where I get really weird

When a stranger uses those words, I tend not to mind too much because I figure if they're calling me "sweetie" or "darlin'" they are probably calling everybody that.

I can't stand it, however, when someone I'm dating calls me "baby". I can live w/ sweetie and darlin', but "baby" just bugs me.

[Sugar Smack]

23. "You don't have to call me darlin'...darlin'

You never even call me,
Well I wonder why you don't call me,
Why don't you ever call me by my name?"

good song
:thumbsup:

[MissMillie]

27. Is that George Jones?

I think I remember hearing that one years ago, when I dated a country music fan.

[SteppingRazor]

30. Naaahh..... That's David Allen Coe n/t

[Sugar Smack]

32. I think so! True story:

I got "babied" to death once in a year-long relationship. I asked six months later (hands on hips), "What's my name?" He said (stalling to try and remember) "Why are you asking me your name?"

ACK!!!!

[izzybeans]

26. I have a bad habit resembling Sloth from "The Goonies"

I use the universal "Hey YOU Guys!" way too often.

I've got to stop that.

[lukasahero]

29. You can infer a lot by the tone

Personally, as a rule, people don't call me sweetie (I think it's something in my charming demeanor :) ) but when they do, I know full well whether they are being cute/sweet themselves or if it's meant as a put down. In the first instance, I smile, in the latter, well, let's just say very few have ever tried it twice. :)

And I think, outside of the south maybe, women calling men "sweetie" and "darlin" is rather uncommon. Again, I think, that the intent is probably obvious in the tone.

[HEyHEY]

34. Darlin' is the worst - total dirty old man expression

[Ariana Celeste]

39. I love it!

As long as I know they aren't hitting on me, I love it. My SO has a buddy that calls me "baby" as well as "Ms. <insert my SO's last name>". It's sweet, I think. :). Me and my girlfriends all call eachother "sweetie" and "hun", I affectionately refer to my SO and his buddies as "you boys".
And all of us say "dude" and "man" excessively.

As far as strangers, I don't mind at all, because once in awhile it slips out of my mouth, too. As long as I know they don't mean it in a bad way (and I can usually tell) it never bothers me.

[SteppingRazor]

42. I like Ace, Jack and, most of all, Cat...

As in "Be cool, cats." But I'm not nearly cool enough to get away with using any of them.

[izzybeans]

45. I always feel like the person who calls me Ace is being sarcastic

and is actually treating me as a Joker. Same goes when my boss walks by and says "Hey boss, what's up?" Or "What's going on Cheif?"

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

46. You're probably right about that one.

It's tough to think of a time when I called someone "Ace" and actually meant it in a flattering way.

[VaYallaDawg]

47. It's just part of the culture in the south - heard it all my life.

IMO, generally speaking it's viewed as OK for a female to refer to a customer as "sweetie" or "darlin" - sometimes even if she doesn't know him/her. I think a reversal of the role could easily be taken as presumptuous.

It's kinda like "Bless your heart" - that can mean anything from "Oh, I really do empathize with you" to "You're full of shit and don't even know it."

[Xithras]

52. Not just a southern thing.

It's probably more prevalent there, but I just got called sweetie by the server at the deli when I picked up lunch today. "Honey" is another one that gets used a lot out here.

[Arkansas Granny]

53. And we all know, in the South, that once you've said

"Bless his/her heart" about someone that you can say anything you want to without meaning any offense.

[GalleryGod]

48. These guys are the problem.......

It's all in the delivery, eye contact, and the tone. I picked-up Sweetie from Carrie Bradshaw...have used it for 8 years and have never had a problem. of course I'm over 50 and No Threat Whatsoever.

Sometimes it we would behoove us to grab:hangover: some DEcaf.

[dryan]

49. Better than what....

I heard the other day at Dillards. The cashier called a very distinguished older African-American lady "mama". The lady said my name is Dr. ---------- and I'm not your mama.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

50. Wholy shit!

I would never in a million years call someone mama. (Despite what I said in my earlier post.)

[Shell Beau]

51. I get called that but usually it is my other females. It would

be a little odd I guess if a strange man said it but I don't know why. They are common terms in some areas and I live in one of those areas. My husband calls me sweetie all of the time. :)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

54. My dad used to call young women in his office "Princess"

One of them commented on it at his funeral. She said it made her feel like a princess.

Me? I don't care if someone wants to call me "honey" or "sweetie". Beats the hell out of "bitch"!

[wackadoo wabbit]

55. When I read the headline, I thought this was an AbFab thread (n/t)

[hiaasenrocks]

56. I HATE that.

There's a female I see at work several times a week. She's always got the "Hi, sweetie" thing going. HATE IT. Sometimes I just nod and don't even acknowledge her verbally. Oh, and the most we've ever conversed is: "Hi, sweetie," with me saying, "Hello" back to her. That's it. We don't even know each other. She's probably about five years my senior, too, so it's not like she's some grandmother-wannabe.

[ronnykmarshall]

57. and your point Sweetie Darling?