I am now OFFICIALLY DIVORCED

[no name no slogan]

:toast:

I got a voicemail from my attorney telling me that he got the certified copy of the divorce decree back from the judge today: as of yesterday, my first marriage is officially over.

Moving on has not been nearly as difficult as I thought it would be. The last few years had been particularly loveless in my marriage, and we were not communicating. We led separate lives. Our house was literally falling apart. She began drinking heavily, and staying out late partying. My depression got worse and worse: eventually, all I could do was go to work every day. Even though we'd been together for ten years, It's for the best that we are apart.

I always thought that the worst thing that could happen to me would be for my marriage to end. I've since learned that not only can survive a split, but that I can thrive when I'm out of a dysfunctional marriage and surrounded by people who care about me.

Yeah, I'm still a little resentful at her for how she handled things (and how her bottom-feeding attorney tried to take advantage of me), but I don't harbor any strong hatred toward her. OTOH, I won't shed a tear if I don't see her again, either.

I've moved on. And I've never been this happy before. :D

[RetroLounge]

1. Thanks for walking that path ahead of me...

I'll let you know someday how mine ends up...

RL

[no name no slogan]

3. You're a strong guy, you'll do okay

the first couple months really suck, but it definitely gets better. Thankfully you and the ex are still friends-- that makes a big difference. :hug:

[Wapsie B]

2. Party! Party! Party!

:toast:

[no name no slogan]

6. Tonight, even!

Two of my best friends are headed over right now for "band practice". We're having some beers, eating pizza, and watching bad movies. We may even go to the bar later on, if we're ambitious!

:thumbsup:

[Elidor]

4. congratulations

It sounds like the healing process is almost complete. There's nothing like self-esteem to put the bounce back in your step.

[no name no slogan]

12. Thanks! Self-esteem is a huge part of it

It's amazing how much better you feel when you get out of an emotionally abusive relationship. Ten years of constant criticism is not good for one's feelings of self-worth. :hi:

[Shine]

5. Good for you!! Onward and upward....

did you have kids together??

[no name no slogan]

7. no kids, thankfully (just two cats)

so the divorce was pretty straightforward. We sold off our marital house, and we had some other stuff to haggle over (pensions, IRAs, some savings, etc) so it still cost me $4,000 for a lawyer.

I'm glad she's out of my life. I've noticed I'm a lot happier and a lot nicer when she's not around! :D

[Shine]

11. Well, NOT having had kids together is a huge gift. That's a can

of worms that would've made it much much harder. Like you said, it was pretty straightforward.

Cheers, to you! :toast:

[SeattleGirl]

8. Sounds like you did the right thing, and

thigs are definitely looking up for you! Getting out of a toxic relationship is a very healthy thing to do.

Party on! :party:

[philosophie_en_rose]

9. Congratulations!

:bounce:

[In_The_Wind]

10. Whew! Hurray ~ no name no slogan!!!

I took myself out to supper and then on vacation to celebrate my second divorce.

I honestly felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Congratulations on being wise enough to know it's alright to start over again!

[no name no slogan]

32. Thanks Joani!

I don't believe in fate, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Adversity brings wisdom. :hug:

[Floogeldy]

13. I'm happy for you.

:)

[libodem]

14. good on you

My brother was divorced by his wife of 26 years, rather out of the blue. God, I felt sorry for him. It is wrenching to watch someone, tall, strong and smart, cry and be depressed. He is doing okay, now. Has a girlfriend and moved his mobil home to a nice lot out in the country. I'm so happy that you are doing well. Sometimes I think men almost take divorce harder than women. But then again that could depend on who is the dumper and who is the dumpee. I'm just glad for you that you aren't down in the 'dumps'. Best of luck on your new journey. BTW I just paid off my, Firebird, today and I feel pretty free, too. Got rid of an unpleasant burdensome payment.

[no name no slogan]

31. Thanks!

Truth be told, the day she announced the marriage was over, I went into the depression/psych ward for a week. Her 'bombshell' was the straw that finally broke the camel's back with my most recent go-round with depression-- something I've fought with for 20+ years.

However, that week in the ward really saved my life. I got my act together, got on some better meds, learned a lot about myself, and was ready to make a clean break with the past. I also lost 20 lbs too!

When I got out, I moved out of our house and moved in with my mother, who lived 100 miles away in another town, and commuted to work (last summer, during the gas crisis). It was expensive, but making the clean break really speeded up the recovery process. I was able to end the relationship and get on with my life.

And I've done that pretty successfully. I have my own place now, some new friends, plenty of my old friends, and a new woman in my life who is not only wonderful, but very understanding and isn't emotionally abusive. Life is very very good right now, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[fudge stripe cookays]

36. And you got to meet ME!

:D

Congrats, dude. I know this is a heavy weight off your shoulders, and you are now free to enjoy life and love with one of my favorite DUers!

Lots more happy karma is headed your way. :hi:
fsc

[no name no slogan]

39. well yeah...

Yeah, the future looks very bright indeed! I just got a copy of the court receipt from the lawyer in the mail today-- I'm ordering the certified copy for myself tomorrow.

Maybe I should frame it? :evilgrin:

[miss_american_pie]

15. Cheers

To new beginnings.

[Robb]

16. A DU divorce?

And you're not even moderating! :D

:toast: you.

[JitterbugPerfume]

17. I have been

both divorced and widowed from the same man

LONG BORING STORY

but I think I will spend my remaining days on this earth living alone

[GreenPartyVoter]

18. Hey! Glad to hear you are doing so well!

:hug:

[liberaltrucker]

19. FREEEEEDOMMMMM!!!!!

:party: :toast: :beer:

[bigwillq]

20. Good for you!

It's good to see you moving on! Best of luck! :hi:

[flamingyouth]

21. Congrats!

:toast:

[asthmaticeog]

22. Congratulations.

*respect knuckles*

Getting out of a drag situation to which one has become accustomed is both difficult and important to do. I salute you, and toast your newfound freedom.

:toast: :patriot:

[u4ic]

23. Congratulations, nnns!!

Considering the hell you went through, it must feel like such a relief!!

WOO HOO! :bounce: :toast: :bounce:

[no name no slogan]

33. Thanks u4ic!

Yeah, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! Now I just wish they'd send me the check from the settlement-- I'll feel better once the $$ is in my account and not her lawyers' escrow account! :thumbsup:

[flvegan]

24. Congrats on (hopefully) the both of you moving on to happier

times.

The key word in your post is "thrive" IMO. Keep that mindset, and keep those good folks close.

Cheers!

[XOKCowboy]

25. Congratulations and Condolences

I feel for ya dude. Even though you SAY you're happy I'm pretty sure deep down you're hurting pretty bad. After all at one time you loved her enough to marry her. Don't worry it's perfectly normal and it will subside after a while. I went through the same thing with my ex-wife (and a few girlfriends). You truly are better off out of a loveless marriage. That's about as painful an existence there is.

Good luck to ya my friend and get back out there. Don't let it burn you out on love.

[SofaKingLiberal]

26. Congratulations and I hope you've learned your lesson. Marriage is evil!

:evilgrin:

[Redstone]

27. My staff was surprised when I showed up at the office after my divorce

hearing; they'd thought I would want to take the rest of the day off to recover.

But I felt good, and I was ready to get some work done. It was like getting let out of jail.

Congratulations to you, and my best wishes for good fortune in your new life.

Redstone

[Left Is Write]

28. Congratulations!

[Dangerously Amused]

29. A toast to your new beginning.

:toast:

[sendero]

30. A divorce is nothing less..

... than a second (or third, or fourth, you get the picture) chance at happiness. There is some temporary pain, and frankly it is a great time to take stock of yourself, and "grow" (not a word I like but I don't know of a better one).

Maybe you'll like being on your own, or maybe you'll meet someone else. And this time you know a lot more about relationships, and you won't make the same mistake twice.

Been there, and it all turned out great. I'm betting it does for you too.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

34. Yes, it's been rough, but it's all worked out in the end

hasn't it?

One chapter over, another beginning. :-)

[no name no slogan]

38. exactly!

my life is pretty good these days :hi:

[swag]

35. Good for you, nnns.

I applaud you.

You have always been a pleasure to read on-line, so I'm glad you are creating good circumstances for yourself.

[no name no slogan]

37. Thanks swag

coming from you that means a lot! :hi:

[leftofthedial]

40. good luck!

I divorced last September (after thirty years together, the last 10 loveless and painful).

It's for the best. I can't believe I put up with what I did for as long as I did. But really moving on has been much more difficult than I expected. In many ways, I was more functional as a "single" person before the divorce than I have been since.

Congratulations.