Laws Concerning Food and Drink: Lamentations of the Father

[Rabrrrrrr]

I first knew of this when the author read it on Prairie Home Companion a few years ago, and I revisist every now and again because it's so wonderful. Enjoy!!

http://www.theatlantic.com/issues/97feb/frazier/frazier.htm

Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room. Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.

But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.

[SOteric]

1. Only if it's clear broth. Tomatoes stain the furniture when you yark.

Thus sayeth the Mum.

[Rabrrrrrr]

2. Aye, those tomatoes be stainy

beets, too!

But if we were sick enough that we might upchuck, we couldn't be in the living room (or the family room) - bed rest only, and mom always put a washtub next to the bed for us to throw into *IF* we couldn't make it to the bathroom.

Which is a weird condition, becuase it meant we had to go for it if we thought we could make it, and often, you know, we didn't, so it ended up on the floor anyway. And the bathroom was carpeted! Our rooms were not. (when we moved into the house in 1970 the bathroom had - you're gonna love this SOteric and everyone else - shag pink, white, and black carpeting. The entire bathroom floor was that.)