This is hilarious, I can not stop laughing.

[texas1928]

"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to Little Johnny. (When anyone was late for school, it usually was Little Johnny.)

"It ain't my fault." Miss Crabtree, "You can blame this on my Dad. The reason I'm three hours late? Dad sleeps nights in the raw!"

Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. So she asked Little Johnny what he meant by that, despite her mounting fears.

Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, Little Johnny and Trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth.

"You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here lowdown coyote. The last few nights done et six hens And killed Ma's best milk goat. And last night when Dad heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and said to Ma, "That coyote's back again, I'm agonna git him!"

"Stay back, he yelled to all us kids, I wouldn't want ya hurt!"

He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the henhouse he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then he stuck that double barrel through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old hound dog Zeke had done woke up and come asneakin' up behind Dad. Then we all looked on plumb helpless as Dad was cold-nosed without warnin'.

"Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin'!"

[Dave Reynolds]

1. ..

:rofl:

[SeattleGirl]

2. HAHAHAHA!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[GrpCaptMandrake]

3. So little Vito's sitting on a park bench

eating one candy bar after another.

An older gentleman says to him, "Young man, eating all that candy isn't good for you."

Little Vito looks at the man and says, between bites, "Mister, my grandfather lived to be 97 years old."

To which the gentleman replies "And did he eat as much candy as you?"

And Little Vito gives him a baleful look and says "No. He minded his own damned business."

[texas1928]

6. I have wanted to say that to older people before.

but the whole respect your elders thing came up. Damn values.

[A HERETIC I AM]

4. Little Johnny gets invited to a birthday party......

and his father, knowing he has a dirty mouth warns him "I've called little Sally's mom, Mrs. Johnson and if you say ANYTHING naughty...if a SINGLE BAD WORD comes out of your mouth at that party she is to send you straight home. If you come home early i'll know you swore and i'm gonna tan your hide"

Johnny gets dressed, gets his gift and heads off to the party. 15 minutes later he comes walking back, head hanging low, shaking like a leaf.

His father sees him coming and runs down the walk about to thrash him yelling "I TOLD YOU NOT TO SWEAR, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?"

Johnny says...


THE FUCKING PARTY ISNT 'TIL NEXT WEEK!

[texas1928]

5. Good one.

:rofl: