A Hello Before Life Slumbers

[Schema Thing]

>A Hello Before Life Slumbers
>>
>> I felt I wanted to write a letter to you
>> Before I turn the light-switch off on this silly old Tuesday
>> Rest my limbs inside warm arms cotton and thread. And
>> deathly white pillows help to cushion my head.
>>
>> Today I showed bravery and fearlessness that you would not usually find in a living breathing human
>> Made of real molecules and atoms, not the fake atoms that are written of in every novel and tome.
>> Yes, I reached my hand deep into the dark cavernous seldom-disturbed cupboard
>> And when I was done, the ominous cupboard was no longer ominous, or revered, or feared at all
>> Because I had taken away all of its power when it was not looking,
>> When it had let down its guard and taken a nap or a coffee break or anything usual
>> That is when my real molecule fingers snuck themselves in and
>> Made the cupboard void of its chocolate products.
>>
>> Firstly came the thin package that appeared to be absolutely and wholely and completely and wonderfully
>> Nothing.
>> Then came the realisation that the package did in fact contain
>> Mori-Nu Silken Tofu Chocolate Pudding Powder. ("100% Vegan".)
>> Wonderful.
>> I threw my hands in the air figuratively
>> Because I was too lazy to do so realitively, and
>> I threw tofu into the blender with water and with the pudding powder, and made that for myself.
>> While it was blending, I continued my search through the cupboard.
>> (Poor cupboard, it was rather immasculated today by me.)
>> That is when I found what would ultimately bring down the short-lived reign
>> Of my once-mighty Tofu Pudding King. It was
>> A package of vegan fat-free brownie mix.
>> I stuffed my blender of forlorn pudding into the refrigerator
>> And let it feel thrown aside as much as it wanted to,
>> Because I didn't really care.
>> Who would,
>> When they had vegan fat-free brownie mix?
>>
>> "Pre-heat oven to three hundred-fifty degrees. Grease pan. Pour brownie mix into bow, mix well with half a cup of water. Cook twenty to twenty-five minutes."
>> All-righty.
>> "Serve."
>> All-righty.
>>
>> That is the story of what the brave hated-by-cupboards ruler of vegblah teddicus
>> Was fed this Tuesday.
>>
>> O, tho', brownie mix may have had else-ful things in mind,
>> For at seven-ish PM,
>> My tummy was emptied. This made my heart investigatory,
>> And so I went to re-read the ingredients of the brownie mix.
>> I had been fooled,
>> Trickery afoot,
>> The cupboard must have had something to do with this.
>> For there were egg whites in the mix.
>> I don't know if that had anything to do with it,
>> But if it did,
>> Someone
>> Is going
>> To pay.
>> (I shall most likely cut out the cupboard's right eye, then its left,
>> And I will not stop cutting
>> Until it gives me some answers.)
>>
>> I was also fed a bowl of angry shit pasta.
>> Not only whenst Cillian Murphy and Breakfast On Pluto as a whole was snubbed,
>> But when the major networks did not do the smart thing
>> And make some sort of online poll
>> Asking if everyone actually wanted to watch The State Of The Union Address.
>> Because I, for one, would've appreciated some regularly scheduled programming.
>>
>> But that is all for the now,
>> Because my spine is putting all its heart into growing vocal chords and saying,
>> "Ow, my back" to me.
>> If I don't listen now,
>> Then some arthritis/osteoporosis vengeance will be in the works for me later.
>>
>> Time to resign to gravity, to evening
>> and to the gentle swaying of my mind that so dearly wishes to sit in an armchair with a pipe beside the toasty fire of my frontal lobe, and watch the motion photographs that play in the real world like bad sci-fi.
>>
>> I pooped a hammer.
>>
>> .teddee-gee.
>>


Thought you might enjoy this bit o' prose from my daughter. About that last line... well, she <i>is</I> only 14.