Do you ever feel like you're little more than an afterthought?

[GoddessOfGuinness]

I've been feeling that way lately. I'm the one who calls my friends...they never call me. I'm the person who gets called to play the gig that someone else couldn't do. Or I'll make a suggestion that gets poo-pooed until someone else suggests the same thing...then it's suddenly a great idea.

I never wanted to see myself as utterly forgettable; but I guess I am...

[SeattleGirl]

1. I don't think you're fogettable at all, GofG

But I do know what you're saying. Sometimes I feel that way too. It sucks.

Here, have one of these: :hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

3. Aww thanks, SeattleGirl!

Hugs help, definitely! :hug:

[Shine]

2. No, you are a Goddess. don't EVER forget that.

:hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

5. Namaste, Shine...

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. I've had days like that, my dear GoddessofGuinness.....

I think those unfortunately happen to all of us, at one time or another...

I think also that your friends are making a big mistake in treating you that way.....

You are a lovely, and special lady!

:toast: :loveya: :hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

7. Probably just one of the drawbacks of being too available

People rarely appreciate the air they breathe until it's no longer there.

[ghostsofgiants]

6. Constantly.

I've stopped giving a shit though.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

9. Well at least have a beer

and wallow with me in self pity for a brief moment. :toast: Cheers! :D

[ghostsofgiants]

17. I don't drink, but I'll have a root beer, haha.

And wallowing, I can do. :P

[GoddessOfGuinness]

20. Cheers!

Root beer ~~~~~~~>:beer:

[momophile]

8. I doubt you are forgettable...

but I know how you feel. Sux. Other than my sister and mom, my phone hasn't rung in weeks...

[GoddessOfGuinness]

10. I could break the cycle

by calling them; but I'm starting to wonder if they're worth it, y'know?
More than half the time they don't return phone messages I've left, let alone taking any sort of initiative to call.

[momophile]

12. my gut reaction is to say screw them...

but we all need friends, I guess. Can you find new ones? I'm in the process of trying to find new ones since all my old friends in town are slipping away.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

19. Being a freelancer is weird...

The people I've always thought of as friends are folks I make music with. We rarely do anything other than work together; but if I haven't seen someone for awhile, I usually call to make sure they're ok.

Maybe I need to redefine my friendships...

[Omphaloskepsis]

11. Yes..

I would say that out of the last hundred times I have hung out with my friends. I have been the first to call 95 times. That is why I feel no shame for puking dorito paste on your carpet or having oral sex with your girlfriend when you do call.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

14. You're having oral sex with my girlfriend?

I didn't even know I had a girlfriend! ;-)

[Omphaloskepsis]

18. Well, you called..

so my lips are on the bottle.

[Alexander]

13. Hell yes, I feel that way ALL THE FREAKING TIME!

I know EXACTLY what you are talking about.

Not only do I have to call my friends constantly, they'll go out of their way to promise to call me back...and then never do. Over and over. Or I'll invite them to go to a concert with me, and they promise to show up..."I'll see you there later tonight"...and I never see them.

They'll invite me over to their place for something, and then go off somewhere else before I can show up. Of course, they couldn't be bothered to call me first, or leave a note, or anything. I have to call them after I get there, and they wonder why I sound slightly annoyed on the phone.

One time this guy invited me over, and when I got there, he was...let's say...*busy* in his room with his girlfriend. I'm like "to hell with this" and left immediately.

This guy I know in a jazz band asked me to work the door for him once, only because the other guy couldn't do it. By the way, I've been in bands myself, and of course none of my friends can be bothered to show up, and none of them want to practice with me (even though I know I'm better at my instruments than some of them)

I went to go see his band a week later, and some people I hadn't seen in a while show up. I talk to each one of them, and I remember that yes, I have to put some effort in to being social; so I ask questions like "How's your semester going?", "How did the holidays treat you?", "Do you still play an instrument?" and so on.
It's almost like when my parents asked me about school - one or two-word responses, and they of course don't ask me anything at all, and while I'm terrible with facial expressions (I may have AS, don't know yet), it looked like they were just aching to get away from me, like I had the plague. They each get bored with the "conversation" and go talk amongst themselves at the opposite end of the bar while getting hammered.

These other friends of mine had an idea for a website, which I worked on with them, contributing some ideas (which they used, and never credited me with). We were trying to think of a name for a website, and I proposed this one that EVERYONE liked, except this one guy...he didn't even really offer a reason, just said "I don't like it", and shot the whole thing down. Now I'm pretty much cut out of the process, which I hope will fail, if they can't be bothered to either discuss my suggestions or tell me to fuck off.

It got to the point where I told some people, "Treat me with some damned respect or tell me to fuck off, but PICK ONE."

Couldn't be bothered.

And now they are all confused as to why I don't want to hang out with them any more.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

23. So maybe the problem would be solved

if we all hung out with each other and just flipped the bird to these ungrateful wretches, eh?

Have you been tested for AS?

[Alexander]

38. Sometimes I feel that way...

I feel kind of torn about it, because these guys are supposed to be my friends (so they say), and on the rare occasion that they really do live up to their own promises, it makes me ecstatic.

On the other hand - the occasions are rare (maybe 1 time out of 20), and if they were half as nice to me as I am to them, that would also make me ecstatic.

Your screen name is interesting to me, given the subject matter - I go to a well-known "party school" (Arizona State), and frequently the parties here are lame, with a bunch of fools getting wasted on cheap beer and talking about nothing (meaning other people's lives, or getting wasted, or other people getting wasted), almost as if it's a formula.

So if I want to enjoy myself, I frequently bring my own pack of Guinness (my favorite beer) and try to find some people who want to talk about literature or philosophy. I have to weed out the 24-hour party people, but at least I have a somewhat better time, and a much better conversation.

I've never been tested for Asperger's Syndrome by a professional - in fact the only professional I asked about it confessed that she was unfamiliar with it. I would like to, though, because if I do have it, it would explain a lot of things.

If you are interested, I suspect I may have it (I don't self-diagnose) because, among other things...

-If I'm interested in something, I have an almost photographic memory. I can rattle off on every single detail about my favorite bands, historical periods, presidents, movies, places in the world, scientists, or whatever. When I was 3 or 4 I could recite the entire alphabet backwards and forwards at the same speed. At 14 I randomly decided to memorize the old Soviet national anthem in one night, to see if I could do it (I did). Unfortunately sometimes I can get long-winded (like my posts) and people lose interest (so sometimes I cut myself off). The "little professor" remark that Hans Asperger made about his patients describes me perfectly as a child.

-I can't get sarcasm. If you gave me a nickel for every time I asked someone "Are you being sarcastic?", Skinner and EarlG wouldn't ever need to raise funds again. It's like I need that sarcasm icon from DU when people speak, or I'm hopeless.

-Partly because of this, I have difficulty with making or maintaining healthy relationships of any kind. Sometimes I'm lucky and I meet nice people, other times I'm not, and the people I meet really are out to hurt and torment me. I've been told I'm "too nice" or "weak" because of this.

-I have a very formal way of speaking and writing - it works well for papers, but I'm sure lots of people see me as a pompous ass in person. But it's the only way I can communicate; slang sometimes confuses me.

-I hate being alone and I love having good friends around me (which only happens on occasion), and I get frustrated, angry, depressed, etc. at my repeated failed attempts.

-I have difficulty with eye contact, either looking away unconsciously even when greeting someone, or staring them down until they feel intimidated.

-I have what others have said is almost a monotone, I am naturally clumsy, and I have a funny way of walking and carrying myself.

-IQ tests have put me within the 130-150 range, even though I frequently feel like an absent-minded fool. (I don't much care for IQ tests anyway)

There are some other things I noticed, and when I first learned about AS, I was struck by how similar it sounded to my experiences.

I know it's misunderstood as a "Geek syndrome" and lots of people self-diagnose when they shouldn't, so I'm going to see a knowledgable professional for a real answer. But it wouldn't surprise me.

[Wapsie B]

15. Yes I know the feeling all too well.

I like the solitude but a friendly phone call would be nice.
But we're both better than that. You're aces in my book GOG! :thumbsup:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

24. Cheers to you, Bushwentawol!

:beer::hug::beer:
Thanks for the lift!

[Wapsie B]

37. Skol GoddessOfGuinness!!

:toast::toast: :beer::beer:

:hug:

[merh]

16. You are not forgettable to me.

Not now, not evah!

I do know how you feel, certain members of my family and I go round and round about this. They only call when they "need" me, they don't just call to say hey and see how I am and I'm always calling them just to check on them. Same with my friends.

I just think there are some of us in this world that reach out more than others. If you are like me, your arms get tired from doing all the reaching. When they get tired, put them down and let them rest.
At least, that is what I do.

:hug: :loveya:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

26. What great advice!

Thanks, Merh! :hug: You're the best!

[Kathleen04]

21. I feel ya

I've even thought about what would happen if I stopped contacting everyone..who would call me first? and who would never call me again? It only happens when I get in one of those moods but I understand what you mean!

:hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

27. I know it will pass...

But each time it does, there are people that I consider just not bothering with anymore. Thanks for sharing your feeling. It helps to know I'm not just being selfish...

[CanuckAmok]

22. Me too. But here's comfort:

Whenever life get you down, Mrs. Brown,
And things seem hard or tough.
And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft,
And you feel that you've had quite enu-hu-hu-huuuuff!
Just -
re-
member that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
and revolving at 900 miles an hour,
It's orbiting at 19 miles a second, so it's reckoned,
a sun that is the source of all our power.
The Sun and you and me, and all the stars that we can see,
are moving at a million miles a day,
In the outer spiral arm, at 40,000 miles an hour,
of the Galaxy we call the Milky Way.
Our Galaxy itself contains 100 billion stars,
it's 100,000 light-years side-to-side,
It bulges in the middle, 16,000 light-years thick,
but out by us it's just 3000 light-years wide.
We're 30,000 light-years from galactic central point,
we go round every 200 million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
in this amazing and expanding universe.
The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding,
in all of the directions it can whizz,
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light you know,
twelve million miles a minute,
and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
how amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
because there's bugger all down here on Earth.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

28. My dear CanuckAmok!

This is the most amazing poem! I want to tell you that I am going to bookmark this thread.....

And that's because of your poem!

Who wrote this? It is just wonderful!

I thank you.......

:loveya: :hug: :yourock:

[CanuckAmok]

30. I wish I was that brilliant...

That's "The Galaxy Song" by Monty Python's Flying Circus.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

32. Maybe you're not brilliant, my dear CanuckAmok.......

Although I think you are.....Still, if you hadn't posted that poem, I would NEVER have seen it.....

Thank you.....:loveya: :hug: :yourock:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

29. LOL

Thanks Canuck! I needed that! :beer:

[auntAgonist]

25. yes, sad but true.

If it weren't for me calling my family, sending flowers for different occasions etc, I know I'd never hear from them.

:cry:

I am thankful for close friends and a husband who loves me. Makes the world go round. I guess you can choose your friends, but family is family.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

31. It takes 3 phone messages for my sister to ever call me back...

...and the third one has to really sound annoyed.

Your family is lucky to have you, AuntAgonist. I hope they realize that soon... :hug::beer::hug:

[auntAgonist]

33. thank you GoddessOfGuinness!

Both my brother and sister have email, icq etc, they don't return messages. I have lived here in MI now for 6 years, my sister came to see me once and stayed for lunch. That was it, she was busy visiting friends in Windsor Ontario and didn't have much time. Oh they do both own condo's in Florida, and they love to ski in Quebec, travelling across the ocean is no biggie, .. a 4 hour drive .. unheard of.

I don't get down about it much, but I am tired of being the one to make all the contact and travel.

You are a special person too GoG!! thanks for the hugs.

:hug: :hug:

[Benfea]

34. It's because you touch yourself at night.

PS — never take me seriously when I get snarky like that.

Hugs!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

35. Mebbe I should wear gloves?

Like these?

[Benfea]

36. With the right dress, an apron and those gloves...

…you'd look like Dexter's mom!

Pardon my Cartoon Network referece. ;)