Ever been to a cheesy Hawaiian luau?

[trof]

On our first trip to Honolulu in the mid 80s a guy was handing out coupons on the corner.
"AUTHENTIC HAWAIIAN LUAU! 50% OFF!"

Well, gee whiz. You couldn't come all the way out here and NOT go to an AUTHENTIC HAWAIIAN LUAU, now could you? We bought the tickets at a booth down the street.
Be at the Bumpty-Bump Hotel at 5:30 that evening.

At 5:30 we were in front of the hotel where we boarded a big Greyhound-type bus and surrendered our tickets. The bus was full. Already I was a little uneasy.
I hate cheesy touristy stuff.

Our "Luau Host" regaled us with stale corny jokes during the 30 minute ride out to some beach.
We arrived, along with a FLEET of busses. There were hundreds of us.

We were herded out into a huge clearing and seated at l-o-o-o-o-o-n-g tables.
We each got a plastic lei. Now we're havin' fun.
Whoopee.

The cocktail "hour" consisted of something called "Blue Hawaiis" in minuscule plastic cups poured from gallon jugs. They were about as stingy on booze as the Hurricanes at Pat O'Brien's in New Orleans.
My 16 year old daughter asked me if she could try one.
"Honey, I don't think there's anything in this that will hurt you."

At this point, if I'd had the car, I would have left.
But we are a captive audience.
I don't remember much about the food, except that it was unremarkable.

At one point we were invited to the shore for a commemorative photo. $10 extra.
Then there was a stage show with lots of whirling torches and flashing machetes or whatever the Hawaiian equivalent is. Lots of hip shaking and wooma wooma songs.

Around 10 o'clock we were all rounded up and put on the busses for the trip back to town.
Our "Luau Host" did not make the return trip with us.
Guess there was only one act to his show.
I don't think I've ever been more disappointed in a tourist experience.
:-(

[kay1864]

1. Well, yes and no...

The first luau I went to was the "Old Lahaina luau" (or something like that) and it was quite enjoyable, and not at all cheesy. Took place on the beach in the early evening, they recreated the Polynesians coming to Hawaii, nice historical show about the original Hawaiians and their dances, a real roast pig, authentic Hawaiian food. If you go to Maui it is worth it.

The second one was not as cheesy as yours, but close. It was outdoors at a Marriott, and had a lame MC, touristy hula lessons, and so-so food. Only reason we went was it got us discounts on a lot of other things on Maui, so it was almost free.

[spinbaby]

2. Mine was cheesier

It was a Disney cheesy Hawaiian luau.

[Heidi]

3. Yes. It was in Oklahoma. (nt)

[blindpig]

4. Did they have Martin Denny playing in the background?

That's cheezy, but I still like it.:silly:

[JVS]

5. That's it, I'm throwing a cheesy luau this summer!

I'm also going to the Medieval Times restaurant in Schaumburg